What to do with this oneitis

[kingw]

OK a while ago I met this girl, she is a HB8 and LTR material.

At first we k-closed and #-closed, she slept with me but I was going AFC on her and she was freaked out.

Two weeks later she called again and came over with a gf of her, we f-closed.
After that I texted her if she wanted to go drink on sunday, no response...

On sunday (six days later) she responded that she wasnt able to come if we could do it another time...

The next day we were dating ending up kissing and cuddling in my place, she told me some things in thrust about her youth so I didnt think it was a good plan to fvck her.

The day after our date I was a bit ill so i didnt go to my studentbar. You have to be invited by someone to get in so her gf had invited her. (we talked about her coming over once at the bar in our date) But i wasnt there, no probs. Remarkable is she didnt text me or something about being there but she came for me. i suppose

Thursday I went to the bar and invited a friend of mine, then outside her gf calls my target and immediatly she is in front of the bar. We went out in the city drinking and stuff, had a great time and arranged a date that friday. Ppl were asking if we were in a relationship: we both didnt answer, and I said: not yet. Think thats no problem.

It was late that thursday and she had to get up early for work, after that she cancels the date.

"kingw, Sorry I really think its a pitty but I dont think its a good idea to meet up tonight... you will get your sweater back asap. Kiss"

Ok no probs, I didnt respond and went out with my brother saturday.
Went to some bar, and she was there too. We hung out all evening and ended up in my brothers bed sleeping, not fvcking because he was with us all time. Again some ppl were asking if we were in a relationship.

After a few hours I said I had to go, and if she wants to come with me. Since she lives at her parents home that was nog really an option anymore (it was 6am)
She begged me to text her when I came home. I did.

The next day I texted her "Hi baby, did you recover the hangover? Got time doing something fun this week? Kiss."

Maybe a bit AFC but i think after all what happened it shouldnt be a problem. No response.

The problem is what to do next...

I know this is oneitis. I force myself not to contact her till saturday.
The problem is that she called me with an unknown callerid once. And I missed two unknown numbers since monday.

No way Im going to call or text the target asking if she called, that would be fvcking stupid.

But the problem is that I have exams this and next week and I can't get this **** out of my head. Go do other **** you think, but thats the problem. Im in university and have to study much. This isnt going to go faster with this oneitis concentrationmind****.

Tonight Im going to a friend of mine to drink some beer and just ****chat because sitting here alone wont help.

I already have some advice that if she wants me she will find me. But it could otherwise be that she doesnt know she calls with unknown callerid because she pranked someone or something. Then she thinks im not calling back.

Any advise on this thing? Doing good going NC till saturday? Should I contact first or just wait till she texts me?

Pff going crazy on this ****...

edit:
She told me I was her first ****partner after her two boyfriends. What should I think from that. She only fvcks with her boyfriend... Wtf

Next her or wait till saturday

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Hey man, you should trust yourself a little bit more. You've got a really good sense for both what to do, and the mistakes you made.

There were some AFC red flags that I see. That text that you sent her, that you admitted was AFC... that one made me cringe a little bit. Also, answering "not yet" when asked if you two were in a relationship: did you consider the possibility that you guys are after different things? Maybe she wanted you to be more discrete! It actually sounds like you're trying to gently guide this interaction with this girl down the courtship road, whereas she's looking for something less serious. When you said "not yet" those times, it might have really weirded her out. I wasn't there, so I can't tell you for sure, but that might not have been what she wanted to hear, as it implies that a traditional relationship is an eventuality (it also takes a lot of the mystery out of your interactions).

Obviously you're doing a lot of things very right - you've banged her multiple times. I used to fall into this trap myself, EVERY freakin' time. I would successfully attract and close the girl, then suddenly it was like every DJ teaching I had ever focused on was out the window.

There's not a lot of info on what to do once you've actually gotten/closed the girl, is there?!

MY ADVICE (based on real world experience/similar situations): Freeze-out time. You don't have to go completely no-contact, as that could make you look a little too bitter or like she's gotten to you.

Start to cultivate an "abundance mentality". Get other girls warming up in your bullpen, so to speak. When you're spinning plates, you're not going to (consciously OR unconsciously) put the utmost importance on any one girl.

But, I think you should freeze out a little bit. If she texts/calls, be totally smooth and unfazed by any of this. But do not be the one to initiate contact right now. Right now, the balance of power has shifted wayyy in her favor, and she knows that. The only way to restore the balance is to prove that you don't NEED your interactions with her. The key is coming off as low-pressure and calm. You've got other girls interested in you (at least, as far as she knows). You've got a strong social life. You are unfazed by her games or indecision. Give her the gift of missing you for a while.

Then, if she does come back and you do successfully re-kindle her interest, understand that this girl might just want to bang you, man. You're a college kid. If the options are A) Come on too strong and scare the girl away, or B) Accept that your relationship is going to be built on sex and sex alone, I recommend going with option B, at least for a while.

Good luck!

 

[kingw]

Thank you!

Will follow your advice!

For as far as the closing tips. I don't really know what I do, I just dont have the mindset to get the girl but just doing the basic without thinking.

I have closed a lot, and this is not really a problem.

Since i've never been in a relationship with a girl I dont know how to handle this. AFC scares her away, but the "let her chase me" just doesnt feel good yet.

Btw I made some more AFC errors what scared her off before she told me. I went to her best gf and asked what I should do and how to change to get the girl. Yeah i was drunk and very lost in AFCworld. But I think she forgave me, maybe my last text was the last drop...

The strangest thing was that she borrowed a sweater of mine, and her bestgf came to pick a roommate up at my place and gave me the sweater.

I didnt respond on that one by text or call. Yesterday the gf who is in my studentcommunity asked if I got the sweater: I said: yes, thanks for that one! and moved on...

Isnt it strange she brings the sweater when my target could have dropped it off?

Her gloves are still here, why dont take those with her also?

 

[kingw]

Of course as always today on NC day 4 she texted me about my sweater.

Kingw! Are you happy you've got your sweater back? Kiss

Ok i new this was going to happen and stepped out of emotion for an hour.

Then I texted:

Couldnt you have washed it?! We are going downtown in a moment, you? Kiss

Hmm did <insert big fat ugly ****blocking gf who brought my sweater> make it dirty? Im downtown right now but im thinking to go home in a minute... Kiss

No she didnt but it would have saved me work Its a shame you are going home that early, well drink something another time. Kiss

And then again: still downtown?

she: ....... no response.

No problem but ok, how to take it from here. I know a bit what to do and the best thing is to keep silince for now. At least till my head is back together. (although its better then before!)

I can understand she doesnt answer when lying in bed because that would give me free space to go with whoever i want to

But what to do now?

Tomorrow Im going downtown with a friend of mine to party and thnking about meeting her by accident. Ok I know where she goes and where she is at certain times out of experience, but how to text her to be sure?

DOnt wanna come over too needy, so just like: going to ... tonight, wanna join? Kiss

Don't know if that is AFC again, I dont think so...

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Dude, wtf is with this "kiss" stuff?

 

[tafakna]

It's my first post on this forum, so don't take me the wrong way (been there, done that); but it's a lost game.

By your messages it's clear that you're constantly fishing for a feedback, which is a huge NO NO if you want a woman to respect you.

You might be keeping your texting short, but that is not making it less obvious that you're desperate after the girl.

Your messages always end with a question, an obvious sign that you're looking for feedback. The problem is that it also screams that you're available...

I notice you can see your mistakes, but it doesn't help...

You'll hate me for saying this, but this one is a goner... It will be painful and hard to accept.

But to be successful there's no single trick such as NC, you need to have a proper mindset BEFORE getting into a relationship.

Anyway, I will be following your posts and hoping you get over it soon...

Take care...