What to do when you think a girl is avoiding you?

[LuckyBob]

Excuse me if I'm wrong, but isn't the most important rule NOT to get oneitus?

 

[Maxtro]

How can you believe that high post count has any relation to knowledge or experience. What the hell is pity going to give me? I would like nothing more than to never post a negative thing here again.

Honestly I'm looking for the "magic answer" that is probably not going to come.

Yes oneitis is a bad thing. But it's more complicated than that. This thread is basically me freaking out about my past and future...

 

[LuckyBob]

Honestly I'm looking for the "magic answer" that is probably not going to come.

Don't let self-fulfilling prophecies rule your life. The whole point to all this reading material is to get you to stop thinking that way. Everyone eventually runs into the problem your facing, but you need to see the bigger picture--what that is, only you can know.

 

[reset]

I don't think those terms have any use until you start seeing them on a personal level.

Then start practicing this stuff! That's why I suggested ignoring her. You need to SEE what happens when a girl who is used to your attention stops getting your attention. You need to experience this stuff. Here is an opportunity. It's an experiment. I don't think it's gonna happen with this chick. So, WATCH what she does. Start paying more attention to what her behavior is, other than what you WISH it would BE.

That's easy. But I'm 99% sure that if I did that I would never get anywhere with her. I know that I haven't gone far enough with her for her to notice that I'm ignoring her but I must have made some impression with her if she is acting differently towards me.

I agree that girls do not pursue men.

Not true. They just do it---in a covert way. The fact that she's not hanging around you, means she's not pursuing. If she was bumping into you accidentally, asking you stupid questions about the class.... then she may be pursuing. Or at least trying to get your attention.

You've got it backwards. The more you try to convince her you're worthy, the more she wants to run away.

Give up on this one. Let this be the first girl you learn to not care if you don't get.

 

[Andromax]

"How can you believe that high post count has any relation to knowledge or experience. What the hell is pity going to give me? I would like nothing more than to never post a negative thing here again."

Well, you are speaking as though you are a first time poster. What kind of advice would you give someone to whom had posted what you wrote? Read the bible? Read the book of Pook? Read double your dating?

Why did you not escalate with this girl if you liked her? It should not take more than a few weeks in a class if you are interested in her to find out if she is interested in you or not.

I guaruntee that she knows you like her, and that you are too nervous to ask her out. She is avoiding you because like another poster pointed out, she is getting attention from other guys whom she hopes has the balls to seduce her. And you clinging to her is only going to server as a c0ckblock... she nexted you bro, forget about her and focus your energies elsewhere.

 

[Last Man Standing]

I feel that if I don't play the friend game first then I'd never get anywhere with a girl. How to pursue a girl romantically is something I haven't learned yet.

AHA!!! This here is your problem!!!

 

[Maxtro]

Don't let self-fulfilling prophecies rule your life. The whole point to all this reading material is to get you to stop thinking that way. Everyone eventually runs into the problem your facing, but you need to see the bigger picture--what that is, only you can know.

I don't want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I want to find out what I'm doing wrong, how to fix it, and how to make sure it never happens again.

Then start practicing this stuff! That's why I suggested ignoring her. You need to SEE what happens when a girl who is used to your attention stops getting your attention. You need to experience this stuff. Here is an opportunity. It's an experiment. I don't think it's gonna happen with this chick. So, WATCH what she does. Start paying more attention to what her behavior is, other than what you WISH it would BE.

Ah, but I do not think that she is used to my attention or even wanted it or if she even realizes that it is gone. If I never gave her attention again she has about 4 other guys sitting around her who would. I doubt I have left enough of a mark on her for her to notice that something is missing.

Not true. They just do it---in a covert way. The fact that she's not hanging around you, means she's not pursuing. If she was bumping into you accidentally, asking you stupid questions about the class.... then she may be pursuing. Or at least trying to get your attention.

You've got it backwards. The more you try to convince her you're worthy, the more she wants to run away.

Give up on this one. Let this be the first girl you learn to not care if you don't get.

The more I read the more I get confused. I need to do something to show her that I am the prize. My head is a mess. She was doing some of the things you mentioned last semester. She did seem happier to see me back then.

"Why did you not escalate with this girl if you liked her? It should not take more than a few weeks in a class if you are interested in her to find out if she is interested in you or not.

"Pook, I cannot. You see… I am insecure. I don’t have that confidence!”

“You are confusing CAUSE and EFFECT. The CAUSE of your hesitant nature is not because of your insecurity. You have not gotten what you’ve wanted, what you’ve desired. THAT is the cause of your hesitant nature.”

“What?”

“You are caught in the vicious cycle. You are hesitant because you are not used for things going your way. And things will never go your way because you remain hesitant. You see what you want, become hesitant, and the door of opportunity closes. It happens again. And again. And again. With each choice towards Inaction, you reject yourself a little bit more.”

Pook continued. “This is where that cycle of hesitation leads. In your world of Hesitation, you shred off more and more of your manliness until you turn into a full-fledged Nice Guy. Then you seek to remove hesitation by making the approach risk free. Then you start giving gifts, poetry, flowers, and declarations of love. You start to examine and re-examine non-existent signals until they read the way you want them to read. In the end, you place her on the pedestal and throw yourself to her worship.

That pretty much sums it up. I was waiting for a risk free opportunity. And I realize how stupid it is. I haven't given her any gifts or declarations of love. I've pretty much done the opposite, not wanting her to know my affection.

I guaruntee that she knows you like her, and that you are too nervous to ask her out. She is avoiding you because like another poster pointed out, she is getting attention from other guys whom she hopes has the balls to seduce her. And you clinging to her is only going to server as a c0ckblock... she nexted you bro, forget about her and focus your energies elsewhere.

Makes sense. Didn't know that you could be nexted before you even made a move. There is so little I know about women.

I figured that with this girl I would have better odds at success because I've known her longer. I thought that we would become friends then one day we're having sex...

I guess with the next girls I can not be hesitant.

 

[reset]

The more I read the more I get confused. I need to do something to show her that I am the prize. My head is a mess.

Backwards. Guys that see themselves as the prize, don't try to do "something special" to show a chick ANYTHING. At this point you want to learn to adopt that mindset. You don't have it yet, that's fine.

But you need to learn what the prize mentality IS. Don't worry if you don't feel it yet. I'm still working on it. But you need a clear picture of what "the prize" is. And he does not get bent out of shape trying to EARN a chick's attention. Whether or not you feel right now you can be that man... that has to become your GOAL. Your GOAL needs to be that of becoming a man who isn't bent out of shape over a chick, and who does not try to PROVE himself.

Look, the chick probably knows you're into her. You're most likely showing it in the things you do, subconsciously. You can't fool girls. You can fake it for awhile and confuse them... but they have all sorts of insane things they do to find out if you're faking or not. They will figure it out eventually.

So, you need to brush up on your reading at the very least. You've been here a long time. You should understand the concept of challenge and what pushes a woman's buttons. Doesn't matter if you actually believe you can do this. What matters is that you understand the ins and outs of this stuff.

Here's a link:doc love

Go through the archives, and read all the articles with the word "challenge" in them.

 

[ChapStick]

That actually makes since. I might have become too obvious and I was really trying to not show anything because I did not want this to happen. I have sub-consciously training myself to not show any interest in girls because I have been rejected by every girl I've ever liked. I guess somewhere in me I believed that I was better off becoming their friend then maybe we could get some benefits. And now I wasn't able to ever become friends.

But would they be interested or would my fun little cycle keep repeating?

Man, I see you are pretty hit by this ****. I feel for you.

Do you think there is something about you that might be scaring them off? I hate to bring up the looks subject, but how do you dress? Are you overweight? Women judge on appearance just as much as men. Are YOU genuinely happy with who you are? Is there room for improvement that you know of? (there always will be.. This is what makes life great!) Think about these things.

Another thing is, do you annoy the girl? I'm not saying you are lacking in any of these physical areas or in social skills, but I'm just basing it on the way I reject women I meet in the classroom.

You have to create interest if they are not initially attracted to you. You won't grab her interest by trying to be her friend. If you are a genuinely interesting guy, then the women will see that. If you are boring, spice up your life. If you don't feel like doing that, then I dunno.. Lie or something lol

 

[DonGorgon]

Based on my life experiences girls do not peruse guys and they just live their lives accepting and rejecting men who are perusing them.

Exactly and that is the reason women have sooo much power over men.

 

[Maxtro]

Thanks for the replies guys. I know that I have a lot more reading to do. There are so many things in my life that I need to work on.