What to do when a girl you just met is approaced by other lower value men?

[Styr]

I have an issue I have been falling into a few times recently. The pattern is generally like this:

I am either organizing or managing an event. Let's say I am the most equal of the equals for the evening. I can sense a girl (usually a girl I just met or have known only for a short period of time) becoming interested, attached to me to various degrees, either by initiating physical contact herself, or showing interest by eye-contact, and with other signs. I then do banter with the girl, etc, but I can not focus my attention on her, as I have other responsibilities to take care of,so I just leave the girls for the better part of the evening to socialize and talk to other people.

While I am doing other things, I see other men hitting on the girl. In general they are men who I know have virtually 0% probability of getting the girl to like them, so I do not pay any attention to it whatsoever. Then occasionally there are men (usually people I am friends with at least on some degree) who in certain situations have a pretty high percentage of getting a girl, but by then I know both the girl and the men in question and I am pretty sure that he is not her type, and that I am in most aspects higher level than they are, or I can just see that the girl does not like the guy enough anyway.

If I see such things happening, however, should I intervene? On one occasion the friend of a girl who was really hitting on me touching, etc, came to me and said that another guy was talking to her friend (the girl in question) and that she felt annoyed by him. I saw this happening, and did not see the guy as serious and the conversation between those two was relatively polite and normal, so I did not step in. (I did realize the mistake shortly after though, and believe I should have stepped in to save her from a pest that she likely found annoying). Needless to say, I lost that girl.

On another occasion I there was this very shy an conservative girl, who showed a lot of interest. We talked and bantered a bit, but again, I could not focus all my time on her. Later in the evening when the event was over, it was just me, the girl, and a friend of mine. He is a guy who gets laid regularly, but not one I would consider as a serious guy and he was quite the opposite of the shy conservative girl (he is basically almost a serial alcoholic and phucks everything he can get his hands on, and the girl in question is very shy, conservative, and does drink very little). The three of us talked, me and the girl had again good eye contact the whole time. But when we were about to leave, the guy asked where the girl lived, and upon learning that they would be going in the same direction offered to walk with her. I myself lived basically next to the place we were, so I could not offer to do the same without seeming needy (or so I assume). In any case, my friend then implied that we should go our separate ways, etc, but instead I chose to make a short detour and ignored - what were basically demands from my friend - that I should take this or that way to my home. I was at this stage a bit of a loss what to do, as if I did nothing, I might look weak. But again, if I called my friend out on his actions I might seem jealous. Also, I was about 80% certain that the girl would not reduce herself to such a low level as to follow this guy to his place, etc. And indeed, the next day I found out (from other people) that indeed he had gone home alone. In any case, when we were in a location from where I simply had to go home, we stopped, and out of the sudden the guy asked me if he could come sailing with me (I have a yacht and we had gone sailing a few weeks before), and in general talking in front of the girl of various interesting and value raising things about me, but which I had never told about to the girl, and she had no idea about any of that. So he basically raised my value in front of her, without me having to do anything. In any case, when we were about to leave in our separate ways, the girl reached out to me and gave me a hug with a very weak physical contact.

I was quite furious about my friend after that, but have not done anything about it yet. In any case, I saw the girl again the next morning before university, and she was very responsive to me and my banter.

But the question is: How should I deal in situations where I know the girl is attracted to me, but is approached by other guys who either have no chance with her, or logically are nowhere close to her type? Should I spend more time with the girl and less time on my other responsibilities when I see another guys is trying to hit on her? Or should I not bother, because I know my value (It is a somewhat arrogant positon to take, I know) over the guys trying to hit on her. Would it make me seem confident enough as not to care? Obviously I would step in if I can see that a guy is really harrassing her. (I once did that, and it really impressed the girl).

I know it has been a long post, but I would appreciate any opinions, advice and comments.

 

[Bearnest]

Didn’t make sense from the beginning..

 

[zekko]

Ooh, a yacht. That's interesting, this is a case where your being a leader is getting in the way of spending time with these women you apparently find appealing. Because you are organizing and running these events (whatever they are), which takes you away from simply being there enjoying them.

As for guys approaching girls, I wouldn't usually see it as being my place to run interference for a girl. Most women know how to communicate disinterest to a guy. In fact, a lot of women would likely get angry if you insert yourself into their business like that. On the other hand, I just heard a girl on a podcast say that she (and her friends) have sometimes put out just because they wanted to get through the situation, and they feared what the guy might do if they didn't cooperate. That was an interesting take. But I guess I would just stay out of it, unless it was a situation where the guy was really getting out of hand, and was clearly bothering her.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I have an issue I have been falling into a few times recently. The pattern is generally like this:

I am either organizing or managing an event. Let's say I am the most equal of the equals for the evening. I can sense a girl (usually a girl I just met or have known only for a short period of time) becoming interested, attached to me to various degrees, either by initiating physical contact herself, or showing interest by eye-contact, and with other signs. I then do banter with the girl, etc, but I can not focus my attention on her, as I have other responsibilities to take care of,so I just leave the girls for the better part of the evening to socialize and talk to other people.

While I am doing other things, I see other men hitting on the girl. In general they are men who I know have virtually 0% probability of getting the girl to like them, so I do not pay any attention to it whatsoever. Then occasionally there are men (usually people I am friends with at least on some degree) who in certain situations have a pretty high percentage of getting a girl, but by then I know both the girl and the men in question and I am pretty sure that he is not her type, and that I am in most aspects higher level than they are, or I can just see that the girl does not like the guy enough anyway.

If I see such things happening, however, should I intervene? On one occasion the friend of a girl who was really hitting on me touching, etc, came to me and said that another guy was talking to her friend (the girl in question) and that she felt annoyed by him. I saw this happening, and did not see the guy as serious and the conversation between those two was relatively polite and normal, so I did not step in. (I did realize the mistake shortly after though, and believe I should have stepped in to save her from a pest that she likely found annoying). Needless to say, I lost that girl.

On another occasion I there was this very shy an conservative girl, who showed a lot of interest. We talked and bantered a bit, but again, I could not focus all my time on her. Later in the evening when the event was over, it was just me, the girl, and a friend of mine. He is a guy who gets laid regularly, but not one I would consider as a serious guy and he was quite the opposite of the shy conservative girl (he is basically almost a serial alcoholic and phucks everything he can get his hands on, and the girl in question is very shy, conservative, and does drink very little). The three of us talked, me and the girl had again good eye contact the whole time. But when we were about to leave, the guy asked where the girl lived, and upon learning that they would be going in the same direction offered to walk with her. I myself lived basically next to the place we were, so I could not offer to do the same without seeming needy (or so I assume). In any case, my friend then implied that we should go our separate ways, etc, but instead I chose to make a short detour and ignored - what were basically demands from my friend - that I should take this or that way to my home. I was at this stage a bit of a loss what to do, as if I did nothing, I might look weak. But again, if I called my friend out on his actions I might seem jealous. Also, I was about 80% certain that the girl would not reduce herself to such a low level as to follow this guy to his place, etc. And indeed, the next day I found out (from other people) that indeed he had gone home alone. In any case, when we were in a location from where I simply had to go home, we stopped, and out of the sudden the guy asked me if he could come sailing with me (I have a yacht and we had gone sailing a few weeks before), and in general talking in front of the girl of various interesting and value raising things about me, but which I had never told about to the girl, and she had no idea about any of that. So he basically raised my value in front of her, without me having to do anything. In any case, when we were about to leave in our separate ways, the girl reached out to me and gave me a hug with a very weak physical contact.

I was quite furious about my friend after that, but have not done anything about it yet. In any case, I saw the girl again the next morning before university, and she was very responsive to me and my banter.

But the question is: How should I deal in situations where I know the girl is attracted to me, but is approached by other guys who either have no chance with her, or logically are nowhere close to her type? Should I spend more time with the girl and less time on my other responsibilities when I see another guys is trying to hit on her? Or should I not bother, because I know my value (It is a somewhat arrogant positon to take, I know) over the guys trying to hit on her. Would it make me seem confident enough as not to care? Obviously I would step in if I can see that a guy is really harrassing her. (I once did that, and it really impressed the girl).

I know it has been a long post, but I would appreciate any opinions, advice and comments.

These women are not yours.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Doing a job is high value. You’re they’re to work. You’re going to diminish your value stepping out of your role at the wrong time to see these women. Think about the status you’re placing on her to do that. When it works, slide in there, do your thing and get the number. Meanwhile be a boss at your job and display value. Anything you can do to be the man in public in general (naturally) is a step ahead also.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Aside from the shaky assumptions, like thinking these women are attracted to you, or that a “shy girl” won’t hook up with a player, or believing you’re automatically higher value than every other guy there, have you actually closed with any of these women? If you have, what did you do differently? If not, how do you know they were ever into you if nothing progressed?

Maybe the issue isn’t the other men, it’s probably that your game isn’t as tight as you think and you’re not the “high-value” guy you’re selling yourself as.

Right now, your post reads like pure LARP: you see yourself as a would-be Casanova held back by work, friends, or bad timing. Meanwhile, the friend you look down on is doing what works: isolating, testing chemistry, being great to be around. Seduction really is a game sometimes won by first-come-first-serve situations. In these cases, nothing is stopping you from saying, “what time are you leaving? I have to finish work, maybe you can wait after I’m done” or “let’s swap numbers so we can hang out another day,” or inviting her to check out the yacht another day. The only thing stopping you is all these mental gymnastics.

 

[Styr]

Aside from the shaky assumptions, like thinking these women are attracted to you, or that a “shy girl” won’t hook up with a player, or believing you’re automatically higher value than every other guy there, have you actually closed with any of these women? If you have, what did you do differently? If not, how do you know they were ever into you if nothing progressed?

Maybe the issue isn’t the other men, it’s probably that your game isn’t as tight as you think and you’re not the “high-value” guy you’re selling yourself as.

Right now, your post reads like pure LARP: you see yourself as a would-be Casanova held back by work, friends, or bad timing. Meanwhile, the friend you look down on is doing what works: isolating, testing chemistry, being great to be around. Seduction really is a game sometimes won by first-come-first-serve situations. In these cases, nothing is stopping you from saying, “what time are you leaving? I have to finish work, maybe you can wait after I’m done” or “let’s swap numbers so we can hang out another day,” or inviting her to check out the yacht another day. The only thing stopping you is all these mental gymnastics.

I am obviously not a Casanova, or I would not be asking such questions. That said, I can see and feel myself when someone is clingy, needy, annoying to women in general. I can also see who is player and who is not. Also, I did not say that my friend was not doing a better job than I was by walking the girl half-way home. But I am also fairly certain that when my player friend and this shy girl were by some miracle hook up, if would not last, not only by the totally different nature of those two, but also what they guy himself has told me about his past lays.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The problem with being overly analytical is that you will inevitably run into questions that don't have answers. When that happens, it's best to not get stuck on obsessing with the search for an answer that doesn't exist.