What to do? (LTR)

[LegendaryGame]

I'm in a rather difficult situation. I was caught red handed by my gf talking to a girl on aim who was really her. I dated this girl for over 2 years then 3 months ago, I chat on aim to who i think is some random girl on myspace. To my dismay, it was my ex gf who used a similar looking screen name. She signed on to check up on me to see if i'd talk to her or something.
In this convo, i went on about how i like the other girl, and how i'm not with my gf and how we're not working. This broke her heart to realize i'm doing this. Trust was lost. What hurts is i was just playing around and didnt mean a word in that convo. I was just kicking game on aim for ****s and grins. ****s and grins that blew up.
over 3 months i tried to show her i only wanted her and nobody else, but it was no use. We hung out, talked on phone frequently, I even chilled at her house during this rough time but I wasn't ever going to get the trust back at this rate. I even quit using myspace/facebook to show her I was jus joking around and didnt mean it. Nothing worked. I poured all my energy in it to get another shot but nothing. We went to club and just danced with each other, went to the car show so I thought I was close again but no dice.

Yesterday she tells me her life is not about me anymore and that she likes a guy in her class. She said she liked him and wants him to be her valentine. She also tried to get with a guy at blockbuster a month ago but he ended up being a guy she didnt' like and she says if this guy asks her out she'd say yea. She told me she flirts with him. I am suffering because I have strong feelings and I'm just guilty of fake game kicking since I never see my gf that frequently and got bored. I don't know what the heck to do. Should I wait for her to realize other men are not as good as me. Should i be her friend and stick around. That would be unbearable because if i knew she'd be with some other guy i'd not feel comfortable. I talk to her all the time and she thinks of me as her closest friend and told me she doesn't want me totally gone from her life so thats why I'm confused. Either way I dont want some dude gettin up in it, but at the same time I dont want to be with someone who'll flip this much over a fake aim convo.

 

[speed dawg]

Pretty dumb thing to do, you deserve the consequences.

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah she already proved she was mistrusting of you with that AIM conversation thing.

Unfortunately you added fuel to her fire even though you were just after "sh!ts and giggles".

What you have to do right now is beat her to the punch at who dumps who.

Send her an email saying...

"I've decided to end things with you. I simply cannot be involved with a person that not only doesn't trust me but is talking about getting together with other guys. All of this is disrespectul of me and I will not tolerate disrespect in my life."

If she then cries and begs you for friendship or forgiveness say that you aren't interested in being friends with chicks. Its either girlfriend or nothing where it concerns you and if she begs you for forgiveness and to take her back make it on your terms where she does anymore of this mistrustful crap or talking about other guys you two are through once again.

Put her in your frame do not allow her to control the relationship.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Yeah she already proved she was mistrusting of you with that AIM conversation thing.

Unfortunately you added fuel to her fire even though you were just after "sh!ts and giggles".

What you have to do right now is beat her to the punch at who dumps who.

Send her an email saying...

"I've decided to end things with you. I simply cannot be involved with a person that not only doesn't trust me but is talking about getting together with other guys. All of this is disrespectul of me and I will not tolerate disrespect in my life."

If she then cries and begs you for friendship or forgiveness say that you aren't interested in being friends with chicks. Its either girlfriend or nothing where it concerns you and if she begs you for forgiveness and to take her back make it on your terms where she does anymore of this mistrustful crap or talking about other guys you two are through once again.

Put her in your frame do not allow her to control the relationship.

Good advise Kontroller, I'll second this.

Also, to add, give her the gift of missing you. Make sure to keep contact to a minimum afterwards, or none at all.

Learn from your mistake here, as men, we aren't the ones that spend time on AIM behind our woman's back. Women pull sh!t like this, for attention.

I think you should also look deep inside yourself and find out where your balls have gone. Man up soldier, a tough situation, but learn from it, and grow.

 

[KontrollerX]

Good follow up post Mr. Positive and I'll also add that if you take our advice LegendaryGame please follow through with exactly what I said if it works and you get her back with you and that is this...

If once she's back with you but then she goes into disrespect mode again you must immediately end the relationship once more no ifs, ands or buts about it.

Its following through on what we say that also makes us men in addition to courage.

 

[MacAvoy]

You broke her trust and you can NEVER get it back. Your only hope for a prosperous life is to forget about her and move on. Sure you love her and have deep feelings for her but she doesn't trust you and she will never feel the same way about you again.

But guess what, and here's the good part, you can feel that way again about ANOTHER women. However your too young to be trying to settle down, your under 25, you should be experiencing life. You've proven that your not mature enough to be in a relationship, you have to play on aim for sh1ts & giggles to keep you occupied. Your still full of p1ss & vinaegre, go sow your oats, have fun. Don't waste your valuable time on a women who doesn't want to be with you. Why do you want someone who doesn't want you?

ps can we move this to main forum as poster is 23 in profile plz

 

[LegendaryGame]

That was some fast replies. i appreciate the advice. Sorry bout posting in wrong thread. i dont go on aim or any of that online gaming any more. I've matured away from that aspect at least. I'll let her know it's time to move on and I won't want to continue trying to be with someone who wants other people. It's funny because All those years of college i enjoyed messing around living the good life but made sure to never get involved and since i did chose to get involved this happened. I'll simply learn from all this and realize it wasnt meant to be and move on. I wont become an emotional tampon for her. No matter what anyone says a freakin aim convo shouldn't totally destroy what she has for me. She must've not had much in the first place. either way, time to man up and just take care of business. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[MacAvoy]

Legendary, don't confuse maturing with geting your hand slapped. The reason you don't go on AIM is because it costed you a good women. There is nothing wrong with online macking, even mature DJ's do it. However doing it for sh1ts & giggles isn't mature, that was my point.

But I see your on the right track, so sarge on young man.

 

[LegendaryGame]

I'll continue my "ripped by summer" regime, and look for a better job. There are plenty of things i can do that dont involve me worrying about this. If she decides to want to talk to me or what not, good for her, but this valentines day ill just look at it as a day of freedom. freedom from her and realization that if u truly care about something you must let it go and if it returns its meant to be.

 

[iqqi]

I don't think you should play games to "regain control."

You really hurt someone you cared about. Be a man, and own up to what you did, face the consequences, apologize, and then GROW from it.

 

[LegendaryGame]

I've owned up as much as i can. over 3 months, I've "owned uP", the consequences is she wants other men and i lost trust, i've apoligized in that time frame, and I'm growing from it/move on phase. I don't see 1 game here.

 

[saber]

you should have never admitted fault and say she tricked you...

i think that would have had more of a chance of you staying with her or at least walking away with an intact social reputation

 

[sav]

you should have never admitted fault and say she tricked you...

i think that would have had more of a chance of you staying with her or at least walking away with an intact social reputation

good advice for when u are caught red handed....

blame it on her for not trusting you in the first place.... women lose respect for those that apologize too much... u probably lost her during the 3 months you were chasing after her....

 

[KontrollerX]

A lot of people are missing the point.

Both the OP and his girl were at fault here.

The girl for being a mistrusting insecure AFC of a woman who spied on her man to try and catch him in some act and the OP for adding fuel to the fires of her mistrust by flirting around online allowing her to catch him even though he meant nothing by it and was just screwing around by his own admission.

Don't get it twisted.

 

[LegendaryGame]

I see what i've done wrong and you're right. She didn't trust in the first place which was a shady thing she did but she feels is perfectly okay cuz it let her catch me. Whatever the case, I'm not going to over analyze someone who simply wants to date other men. Pure and simple. Time to learn from these mistakes and move on. i believe a good vacation is in order this weekend.

 

[iqqi]

I see what i've done wrong and you're right. She didn't trust in the first place which was a shady thing she did but she feels is perfectly okay cuz it let her catch me. Whatever the case, I'm not going to over analyze someone who simply wants to date other men. Pure and simple. Time to learn from these mistakes and move on. i believe a good vacation is in order this weekend.

Good viewpoint.

I didn't mean YOU were playing games, BTW, I meant the other posters who were advising that you play games. You seem to be fine.

You messed up, you apologized, she doesn't want you back. That is what happens sometimes when you hurt someone. She has her head on straight. Next time, don't screw someone over who you value. Do onto others as you would have done onto you.

By playing mind games all of a sudden, you are once again screwing someone over. Ya dig?

Maybe in the future, you will have matured, and she will be able to tell, and value you more than she does now. Be true to yourself. You can't really be TRUE to even yourself, if you are being FALSE to others.

Good luck.

 

[lordson]

hey let us know how it turns out

unfortunately for you, i think she is interested in this other guy

and not really going to give too hoots when you tell her its over. and shes going to go out with that guy, and most likely, realise that he was nothing compared to you and want to come back

or it can go the other way and you'll never talk to her again, but i think thats unlikely, but can happen