CosMoenTropic
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2008
- Messages
- 33
- Reaction score
- 0
I'm stuck in a rut.
Been unhealthy type 5 personality for a long time (ttp://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeFive.asp) Only recently seen the light. Now all the friends, including my roommates, are nice people by all means but they do not do anything. I feel like Im falling back to my old self again. Nowadays at my best I am level 2-3, but usually in the level 4 range.
It feels so much harder now to meet new people when I know those same people could have been my close friends if I opened up to them before as freshmans or sophomores. They already have a different perception of me--of who I was back then, rather than now. Even worse isthe fact that I never had a GF. Back in highschool I had opportunities which I passed out because I either intimidated them or I was a pu**y and ignored them because I felt like I had nothing to offer. I feel like I missed out on a lot of life experiences and feel empty. It's harder for me to just let go and relax now because it doesn't come naturally to me anymore.
My mindset is much better now after being abroad with a group of similar college students, but I always feel something is lacking. Things don't feel right and the people around me are not making me feel any better. I don't blame them, maybe they thought I was a different person based on the way I acted back then. Damn depressing thoughts for a saturday
night huh..
How do I get started again? Sometimes I wonder how I could have gotten myself in this position in the first place. Ive made small progress with strangers on the street, in stores, etc. Im always paranoid of girls that pay attention to me, "Is she interested?" or "Is she scared of me and analyzing my weak spots to see whether I am worth her time"? The thing is--I am not a good looking, player type of guy. This is where my source of insecurity comes from. I like people to appreciate my personality more but its gotten so much harder for actions to become natural now. I wish I could have gone back 2 years as a freshman and started anew. Sometimes I feel much older than I really am.. Anybody found themselves in similar situations?
Been unhealthy type 5 personality for a long time (ttp://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeFive.asp) Only recently seen the light. Now all the friends, including my roommates, are nice people by all means but they do not do anything. I feel like Im falling back to my old self again. Nowadays at my best I am level 2-3, but usually in the level 4 range.
It feels so much harder now to meet new people when I know those same people could have been my close friends if I opened up to them before as freshmans or sophomores. They already have a different perception of me--of who I was back then, rather than now. Even worse isthe fact that I never had a GF. Back in highschool I had opportunities which I passed out because I either intimidated them or I was a pu**y and ignored them because I felt like I had nothing to offer. I feel like I missed out on a lot of life experiences and feel empty. It's harder for me to just let go and relax now because it doesn't come naturally to me anymore.
My mindset is much better now after being abroad with a group of similar college students, but I always feel something is lacking. Things don't feel right and the people around me are not making me feel any better. I don't blame them, maybe they thought I was a different person based on the way I acted back then. Damn depressing thoughts for a saturday
night huh.. How do I get started again? Sometimes I wonder how I could have gotten myself in this position in the first place. Ive made small progress with strangers on the street, in stores, etc. Im always paranoid of girls that pay attention to me, "Is she interested?" or "Is she scared of me and analyzing my weak spots to see whether I am worth her time"? The thing is--I am not a good looking, player type of guy. This is where my source of insecurity comes from. I like people to appreciate my personality more but its gotten so much harder for actions to become natural now. I wish I could have gone back 2 years as a freshman and started anew. Sometimes I feel much older than I really am.. Anybody found themselves in similar situations?