What to do? GF and guy "friend"

[bigdrov1x]

My girlfriend has a few "guy friends". Well tonight she took one of them out for his BDay dinner. Normally I do not care, but she FB that they were out for dinner, and takes a pic of some sushi. Now all her Fakebook friends start chiming in with the comments. One of them goes " I see my bestie is spoiling you. She is definitely a keeper! love you both!" and then it gets liked by my "GF". Now is this a message that a GF would send to people that were "just friends". I do not think so, and my suspicions are aroused. Anyways what is the best option to deal with this? Should I be upfront and discuss this with her, or should I disengage from the situation? Go NC etc.? Am going to try and cancel my Valentines order today. Please any advice will be appreciated.

 

[playa99]

Your girlfriend is entitled to have guy friends, as are you to have girl friends, however I can understand your suspicions! Women can play games to try get into your head..

This could be one, I don't know the whole autonomy of the situation to make a decision on what your GFs mates game is! If you trust your GF, this shouldn't be an issue, if you don't, then save yourself and your GF time and walk away!

Would she be happy if your were to take out a girl mate to dinner?

If something did go on, it will all come out in time anyway, so I wouldn't think about that to much, as hard as it is not to!

Let the situation take its natural course and refrain from commenting for now.

 

[bigdrov1x]

We have know each other for 5 yrs, have only been dating for a year on and off. The "friend" she has known for a long time, a lot longer than I have known her. I really want to say something because if I ask her, and she gets defensive or anything, then at least I will know, and save myself time, money, and emotional capital. I confronted her a while back about her guy friends, and she just assured me that if anything was going on, she would tell me and break up with me first. But I hear so many stories about cheating *****es and all of their hamster rationalizations to think that somehow my situation would be special. The thing is that if she just told me to **** off, I could deal with that. I just want to know what is going on. On the other hand, if I tip my hat and then she lies to me anyway, then I would be a chump going through life oblivious to what is going on around me. Maybe I am paranoid, and read too much into things, but I do not think that I am out of line in questioning her, and being suspect of suspicious facebook posts. But i know I am being a little ***** sitting here whining about this stupid crap, just want to get opinions on how to proceed without losing any respect. Peace!

 

[SamTheHobit]

If I were you, I would go find more plates to spin, meaning you need to generate more options for yourself. Start meeting more girls, gain confidence, do extra activities without her. In short, individualize yourself more and start gaming other women.

Personally I would never have an exclusive relationship with a woman that entertained other men. I just couldn't take her seriously.


Women in this situation employ a two-fold defense strategy.

1. We are just friends.
2. You don't trust me.

Defense 1: To her, they may just be friends, but to him.....he wants to fvk her. And her hanging out with men that want to fvk her is disrespectful to the relationship. It would be like you hanging out with hookers. She would not like it one bit because she would know the option for you to have sex is right there in front of you.

Defense 2: The issue has nothing to do with trust but instead with respect for the relationship. If she (or you) are entertaining people of the opposite sex without the other present, it is entirely disrespectful of the relationship, simply because one party wants to fvk the other.


A wise man by the name of Jophil who is no longer with us once said "Cheating starts long before the zippers come undone". He was absolutely right.

Great advice.

But how do we cope in a day and age when every semi attractive girl has tons of guys orbiting her and hanging out with them?

I'm getting more and more jaded when it comes to relationships.

 

[Plutoman]

I would take one of two approaches.

First would be when she asks what you are up to one night.. just tell her "Not a whole lot, grabbing some dinner with [some cute girl you know], might be out a little late but not sure."

Alternatively, depending on where you are in the relationship, I might say "Hey, I'm not comfortable with that. Come back when you are willing to respect me." And not talk to her for a while until she starts apologizing and understands that you are serious. Or if that drives her away, you know where it was going anyways.

I've only got experience with one long relationship, but that's what I would do at this stage in my life.

 

[Trump]

My girlfriend has a few "guy friends". Well tonight she took one of them out for his BDay dinner. Normally I do not care, but she FB that they were out for dinner, and takes a pic of some sushi. Now all her Fakebook friends start chiming in with the comments. One of them goes " I see my bestie is spoiling you. She is definitely a keeper! love you both!" and then it gets liked by my "GF". Now is this a message that a GF would send to people that were "just friends". I do not think so, and my suspicions are aroused. Anyways what is the best option to deal with this? Should I be upfront and discuss this with her, or should I disengage from the situation? Go NC etc.? Am going to try and cancel my Valentines order today. Please any advice will be appreciated.

In my opinion, as long as she's not sleeping with him or spending money on him, don't think you have much to worry about. Anyone can take 3 seconds on facebook and write a comment, means nothing.

I've been the guy on the other end...known girls for 10+ years, always go out to dinner with them when they have boyfriends, and nothing happens. They complain and complain about how awful their boyfriend is but they end up having sex with them 2 hours later.

All the dinners, talking, smiling, laughing mean nothing if they are not giving up their bodies or their cash. Focus on what's important.

 

[AlphaGhost]

In my opinion, as long as she's not sleeping with him or spending money on him, don't think you have much to worry about. Anyone can take 3 seconds on facebook and write a comment, means nothing.

I've been the guy on the other end...known girls for 10+ years, always go out to dinner with them when they have boyfriends, and nothing happens. They complain and complain about how awful their boyfriend is but they end up having sex with them 2 hours later.

All the dinners, talking, smiling, laughing mean nothing if they are not giving up their bodies or their cash. Focus on what's important.

So if one of them gave you the slightest hint that they may want the D... your telling me you wont deliver?

Men are men.. we know how we think.. I have female friends that I willingly put my self into the fzone with, but if I were single and one of them even flirted to hard with me or gave me a hint they want it... I'm smashing.. and I'm sure all men would do the same!

 

[SamTheHobit]

I think women in a relationship, that have close male friends is a slippery slope.

 

[zekko]

No girlfriend of mine is going to be taking some other guy out to dinner. That's a date in my book, therefore she is crossing boundaries and is being disrespectful. Even if that's not her intent, she is not meeting my standards and definition of what a good girlfriend/wife/LTR should be. This is not what I am looking for or require in a relationship.

I will accept a reasonable amount of interaction with other guy "friends" though. I don't care if they message each other on Facebook, or talk at work or go out at lunch together or whatever. But one on one time is where I draw the line.

And if the girl thinks I am being "insecure" or "possessive", or any of those other feminist shaming words by drawing the line there, I really don't give a sh!t. If she engages in such behavior knowing I find it unacceptable, I'm done with her.

Point is, a girl has to meet certain standards of behavior to be in a LTR with me. If she can't even agree with me on the definition of an exclusive relationship, why would I enter into one with her?

 

[Trump]

So if one of them gave you the slightest hint that they may want the D... your telling me you wont deliver?

Men are men.. we know how we think.. I have female friends that I willingly put my self into the fzone with, but if I were single and one of them even flirted to hard with me or gave me a hint they want it... I'm smashing.. and I'm sure all men would do the same!

Bro you are assuming these girls are hot. One is too old, one has bad skin, one is too fat, one is not good looking, etc, etc. If they were hot I would do it in 8 seconds, but they are not so you don't care. I've rejected sex from the ugly ones quite a few times, and the hot ones have told me to go to hell quite a few times too.

I don't understand what's the big deal 1-on-1 if she doesn't have sex or pay for the meal. She could meet a guy at the grocery store who will make her knees weak 10x faster than a 1-on-1 dinner with a guy she has known for 10 years. Let her go cry to him that you are jerk and then have sex with you.

If you say no to that, then you shouldn't allow her to watch "Eat, Pray, Love", you shouldn't allow her to the coffee shop, you shouldn't allow her to work, etc, etc. Just because she is 1-on-1 doesn't mean the guy has enough game to f her, or that she even wants to f him, she could be using the guy for an ego stroke or a free meal.

 

[Krueg]

I think there has been some good replies here. BUT, on the other hand; sometimes you need to let some things go and not be insecure. Going around worrying about your girlfriend all the time is not worth it. Either dump her or stop being paranoid.

 

[BeDJ]

I think there has been some good replies here. BUT, on the other hand; sometimes you need to let some things go and not be insecure. Going around worrying about your girlfriend all the time is not worth it. Either dump her or stop being paranoid.

Most men wouldn't be too thrilled with his girlfriend being entertained alone by another man. Setting and reinforcing boundaries in a relationship is imperative because women will always see what they can get away with. Every inch you relinquish is an inch you can't regain.

 

[buzzin_frog]

Why are you allowing her to take another guy out to dinner? A Birthday is a special occasion and a girlfriend of another guy shouldn't be taking another guy. Doesn't matter if they are friends or not. That is an intimate date as far as I'm concerned. If there were a group of friends I could understand. But not solo. This guy wants to bang her and her friends on facebook are egging her on. Just a matter of time before they really "get together" if you know what I mean if they haven't already. Get yourself another girl who respects you.

 

[the_stig]

Am I the only one who noticed.. One of them goes " I see bestie is spoiling you. She is definitely a keeper!

An odd comment to make about two supposed friends going out to dinner. Dunno about you guys.. but I've never heard 'keeper' used in that capacity other than dating. Tread carefully, you might not be as exclusive as you think and this guy more than just a "friend" than she has led you to believe.

 

[nismo-4]

This kind of case is proof positive of exactly why the f**k you always spin plates! I'm very quick to drop a b**ch. I don't tolerate much s**t from a woman. That one on one time is one of them.

All women have a lot of orbiters, both online and offline.

Always spin plates. That keeps your desire grade up.

Case closed.

 

[zekko]

I don't understand what's the big deal 1-on-1 if she doesn't have sex or pay for the meal. She could meet a guy at the grocery store who will make her knees weak 10x faster than a 1-on-1 dinner with a guy she has known for 10 years. Let her go cry to him that you are jerk and then have sex with you.

If you don't have a problem with your girl running around with other guys, that's your decision. Everyone has to decide for themselves what their personal boundaries are, and deal with their woman accordingly. But this isn't all about sex. To me, if a girl is taking another guy out to dinner, that is emotional cheating. Women need to have limits set, or like children, they will see how far they can go and what they can get away with.

I have a theory that a lot of guys here who have no problem with their girls going out with other guys are actually looking to cheat themselves. If their girls are hanging out with other men, that means they are free to go out with other girls. But how many guys really want to go be friends with some girl? To just go out and have dinner with them? That is something girls like to do with their orbiters.

You can't have a situation where the girl is going out with guys while the man is not going out with girls. So if a man is going out with girls what do you think he wants with them?

 

[GotED?]

If you don't have a problem with your girl running around with other guys, that's your decision. Everyone has to decide for themselves what their personal boundaries are, and deal with their woman accordingly. But this isn't all about sex.

That says it all.

Be the man you want to be in a relationship from the START.

If you fook up and complain later about something, that is totally YOUR fault :cheer: .

Again, endless threads about the same underlying issue: set your FRAME.

Exodus

 

[yougottaknow90]

Maybe her friends don't like you. My ex's friends disliked me but I just acted indifferent to it all. They played games similar to this one but I really didn't care. They went as far as removing me off FB and making comments like the one in OP.

Then again, she was 2x more invested in me than I was in her.

IMO play it off dude. Next time the guy comes up just be like, "yeah, not bad looking, impressed by your game. grab his sister's digits for me next time". or some crap like that. obv reword it to sound better.

 

[Trump]

If you don't have a problem with your girl running around with other guys, that's your decision. Everyone has to decide for themselves what their personal boundaries are, and deal with their woman accordingly. But this isn't all about sex. To me, if a girl is taking another guy out to dinner, that is emotional cheating. Women need to have limits set, or like children, they will see how far they can go and what they can get away with.

Running around implies she is having sex, I have a problem with that. Talking to other guys what a jerk I am and how good at sex I am, no problem with that.

I've seen too much crap and garbage to care about emotional cheating, and I'm surprised guys on here take it so seriously.

I've had girls, who know when Im vulnerable, say "I love you, I miss you, I would die for you. I love you more than my dad." Same girls would not spend $5 on me.

Think part of the issue is as guys get older they care more about emotions, love, and support rather than sex. Where as when girls get older they care less about that stuff and more about sex and money.

 

[AlphaGhost]

Running around implies she is having sex, I have a problem with that. Talking to other guys what a jerk I am and how good at sex I am, no problem with that.

I've seen too much crap and garbage to care about emotional cheating, and I'm surprised guys on here take it so seriously.

I've had girls, who know when Im vulnerable, say "I love you, I miss you, I would die for you. I love you more than my dad." Same girls would not spend $5 on me.

Think part of the issue is as guys get older they care more about emotions, love, and support rather than sex. Where as when girls get older they care less about that stuff and more about sex and money.

Like someone said earlier... You give that inch you will not get it back.

I have no desire to chill with a girl one on one for fun.. thats what the homies are for! And being in a LTR relationship, the temptation to chill with my old female "friends" is definately hard, but I know if I do hang with them, it may not end well..