What to do about my girlfriend??

[ChankHerper]

So, my girlfriend of 7 months is truly and amazing girl when we are together and alone... but she has a problem with public affection and it seems like when I'm around her out in public or if we're with friends that she doesn't like me. She says she loves me and all this **** but never shows me she does. I try talking to her and when I do it'll be like a day or two then she is the same old weird awkward girl, it's annoying. I don't want to end it because I want to be in it and she wants to too, I just want to know what I can do to change this.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Well, what exactly are you doing to her in public to make her so awkward?

I've never been a big fan of public affection either. You don't need your girlfriend/boyfriend holding your hand, kissing you and touching you all the time in order for the world to know that you're dating.

If you're having an otherwise happy relationship, then I'd say that maybe she's just not an outwardly-emotional person.

But I will say, that it's kind of weird how the tables are turned in this situation. Normally it's the girl complaining that the guy isn't showing enough affection. It makes me wonder if you're TOO needy/affectionate...which is sort of a feminine trait.

 

[ChankHerper]

She doesn't show affection at all like she makes it all awkward when we hug between classes and stuff. We stopped kissing in school because she doesn't like it but like holding hands in the hall she would rather not it seems. Doesn't look happy when I show up but she says she is.

I'm not needy or anything just like she puts no effort into the relationship. It's always me. I've never had a girl act the way she acts towards me. If I didn't text her or call her we most likely wouldn't except at the end of the day she'll send a text asking to talk on the phone and I'll call her but she has nothing to say and doesn't contribute to the conversation at ALL. When I tell her I'm just going to get off the phone she get's all pissy but I'm not going to sit there and listen to nothing. She is the most awkward girl in public like about anything but when we are alone she is completely different. Actually seems like she likes me when we are alone.

 

[Tiguere]

start taking little steps backward. start by not kissing her or holding her hand in public.
let her initiate all calls/texts. become busy all of the sudden( cleaning your room/ studying/ watching tv.

start being unavailable to her. get the jist?

 

[ChankHerper]

Yeah I gotchu. I'm kind of already doing that or at least starting to anyways.

 

[Masculinity]

Remember: Judge a woman by her actions, not by her words.

She may just be shy. I've had this problem with a girl before. She also never initiated sex either. It's going to take a looong time if she decides to change, but you can't force her. Give her an ultimatum and tell her you aren't happy so that she gets an opportunity to change. If after that, you're still unhappy, then decide what you want to do. It's better to be single than to be in a relationship in which you aren't happy.

 

[ChankHerper]

Yeah I've talked to her about it before, I'm a confrontational person so when this came up I addressed it. She says she will change and she does... Only for a few day though then she will go back to just her usual self. I don't want her to change as a person just the way she is in the relationship is all awkward. I'm her first like real boyfriend that she's had. I'm waiting on the change though.

 

[Alanswer]

1- You don't want her to change but... You want her to change...

This seems to be a trait of her personality, she may don't like to show what she considers her private life, feelings to the world.

Are there, in her FB account, many pictures of her, stories about her day and stuff? Is she the kind of girl speaking about her life with everybody?

If not this shows consistency. If she does you can objectively start to ask yourself questions about how she really feels about you. Is she ashamed of you in some way?
Don't know, I just try to know more to give you better advice.

2- AS Mantis Toboggan said, you seem to be needy.
Why do you need to hold her hand or hug her at school??
Sounds childish (if not feminine) to me.

Maybe you are the one needing to change... Or make BOTH some efforts.

You can try to explain her that people around don't matter. You don't live for them nor should you hide from them.

Try to find a balance between nothing and too much.

3- In any case, don't be confrontational. Girls don't respond well to this kind of behavior. Ask her questions. Try to understand.
If you're not satisfied by the situation and/or the answers she gives you, then you can make her understand than it doesn't work for you anymore.

 

[Zunder]

PDA can go over the top, but my experience is if a girl doesn't want to be affectionate with you in even a small way in public, that means she is just not sure about you, that you are "the one". If you were "the one" she should be so damn happy to be out with you and show you off as "hers".

 

[ChankHerper]

I don't want affection all the time like we don't all the time but when I'd like to show her that I care and like hug her or do something sweet for her she doesn't appreciate it. I've thought about it in my mind as well it's like the roles are reversed but it's because out in public she seems like she doesn't want anything to do with me like friends will ask me "what's wrong with her?" and there's nothing wrong with her just that's how she is towards me in public. I don't want her to change her personality or anything because I love that but the way she is towards me in the relationship I would appreciate changed. Lots of great advice from all of you by the way, thankyou all.