What the hell is this??? Does this mean breaking the no contact rule?

[Duracell_Bunny]

Basics are I caught my g/f at the ex's even though she told me of being elsewhere.

Along with all the other signs like "unsure about being in a relationship and "want to chat about us" and "wants to try other things" many guys on this forum predicted she has been seeing another man.

From then I cut off and havn't spoken since.

Last night I received this HUGE text (after 10-15 missed calls throughout the night, her parking on my street the past couple of nights and going into my local pub which is in viewing distance of my place).

"**** the fact you may be upset. I text you wanting to talk and you wouldn't come. I just wanted a break for a bit so I could sort out my life. I want to be a foster carer and I'm sure you don't want to be involved as you seem to hate kids....... your out of order blanking me. I though you liked me? I just said I wanted space.... Now you blank me! I'm gonna come over at some point to sort this out as its upsettin me. X"

As bit of background she works as a teaching assitant with a chilld who may become seperated from the parents by social services.

Although I don't know if to buy it, you mean why would she not mention this to me before showing signs of low interest and speaking of ending the relationship? + seeing her car parked on the ex's driveway when she said she was with a freind?

All previous text messages from her since cutting off have been kinda freindly like "Are you not talking to me now?" and "In the (local pub) if you want to join me" and then last nights "Sorry if I upset you, hope we can be good freinds. Please don't hate me. I'm in town tonight, hope to see you out".

Do you think I'm gonna have to break this NC rule or should I not buy the fact she may be covering herself for cheating? Yes there is NO DAMMED WAY I would get involved with children, not ready for that yet. (and btw I have never said to her I hated children). But I have a local reputation here as she keeps going into my local pub with people she has met though me. I'm trying to get over her and how am I supposed to do this when she keeps parking within 50 metres of my house?

 

[CaptainJ]

Don't let no contact interfere with your life. If you are going to great lengths to avoid contacting her, then it means she has won, and you are no longer over her. Go to the pub, do what you usually do, if she ever speaks to you, just keep it polite, kurt and brief. You should never sabotage your social life just to avoid a girl, that is cowardly.

Also, DO NOT go back with her. She is a cheater, and by the sound of it, quite a controlling person too, definetly not gf material. Now you are presenting some value of yourself, by withdrawing your attention to her, she is realising she has made a mistake, so she's simply trying to guilt trip you and claw her way back into your heart - she is needy and attention seeking.

Get out there and meet women, this is the best way to get over a girl and create the abundance mentality.

 

[SandHawk]

I agree with CaptainJ here. She has proven she is unworthy of your love and attention, so I see no reason as to why you should get back with her.

However, you might want to break NC for 1 reason: To stop her from harassing you. I would send a text stating that by cheating she made a choice to break off whatever you two had, and that you have no intention of getting back together with her and that you would like to be left alone. State clearly there is no way in hell she'll ever be your girlfriend again.

And from there on, go eat and score some vagoo! Go game a truckload of girls, go out and get laid. Drown yourself in their juices, and don't ever go back to this cheating c*nt.

 

[todays_news]

Although I don't know if to buy it, you mean why would she not mention this to me before showing signs of low interest and speaking of ending the relationship? + seeing her car parked on the ex's driveway when she said she was with a freind?

because she is a liar.

I'm trying to get over her and how am I supposed to do this when she keeps parking within 50 metres of my house?

keep doing what you are doing. but dont shy away from going out.


Nobody said it would be easy! But she has come crawling back as the no contact rule often ends. This is where you continue to blank her. Dont reply to her texts, and if you go out and she tries to talk. just be polite, but keep it short and act as uninterested as possible. If she tries to talk about sorting things, just reply on the lines of that theres nothing to say, and theres nothing she can say. As far as you're concerned things are done.

 

[pipe007]

as the saying goes
"Love is blind"

and you are blind to your emotions towards your ex... and you cannot see the obvious. In her new message she sounds demanding something, not even apologizing, not even hinting the thought of wanting to get back with you.

just her demanding her way of wanting to see you so that she can reel you in again and dump your ass again as she pleases.

she will never admit this of course.

5 months from now, read that message again, from a detached objective perspective, and you will notice that the message is B.S.
she says "I thought you liked me" meaning " I thought you were a wuss?, I thought you would be crying by now and begging me instead of ignoring me and moving on like a big man??"

"come back to me now, so I can chop your wings again, and do what I want with you so that I can make sure I still have you by the balls and feel comfort at the thought that you still adore me and want me back. Of course this is going to give me an ego boost, self esteem, and power to proof to myself I can get someone better than you. So please let me talk to you again."

guaranteed.

 

[thewickedm]

All previous text messages from her since cutting off have been kinda freindly like "Are you not talking to me now?" and "In the (local pub) if you want to join me" and then last nights "Sorry if I upset you, hope we can be good freinds. Please don't hate me. I'm in town tonight, hope to see you out".


dude. Please dont hate me. She doesn't want to feel the guilt, or rather, she doesnt want to be the one whose actions were responsible for the loss of "friendship". What she is trying to do here is to reel u in and make u a friend. You want that? If i were you, no. That's like a company sacking you and telling you to come back and do part time work sometimes when they need you, but the pay sucks and most of the time its jz voluntary non paid work.

She's not used to you not buying into her power. She'll get over it. So should you.

 

[Ease]

Your not understand whats going on here yet buddy.

She dumped you, probably cheated on you, now is playing mind games.

You're in a bad place right now but the only thing left for you to do is end it for good. Dont let her bs texts fool you, she dumped you. She was 100% sure, she didnt want a break- she wanted a break up.

Its too far to turn this one around.

 

[5string]

Stay no contact. Go on with your life as it is. If you run into her, just politely tell her that you gave her the space she asked for and wish her well. Leave it at that. Don't let her engage you further if she persists with the mind games. NC!

 

[Kailex]

"**** the fact you may be upset. I text you wanting to talk and you wouldn't come. I just wanted a break for a bit so I could sort out my life. I want to be a foster carer and I'm sure you don't want to be involved as you seem to hate kids....... your out of order blanking me. I though you liked me? I just said I wanted space.... Now you blank me! I'm gonna come over at some point to sort this out as its upsettin me. X"

Ooooooooooooooooh, out come the claws from this harpy!
Because you went NC on her after SHE messed up the relationship... she's going nuts and now trying to pin EVERYTHING ON YOU.

Isn't that funny how it works out?

She knows she messed it up and now that you SEEM indifferent about it to HER, she's trying to make it seem like she is the victim instead! In her own mind, she is not at fault, even though you both know she is. Now you're being "mean" to her by not giving her the validation that she screwed you up mentally and emotionally.

SHE was out of order when she went to get a personal pizza with an extra order of sausage from her other man-toy. But she doesn't see that, she just sees you as an abuser of her emotions when we all know it's all on her.

She wanted space? Yeah, sure she wanted to have enough space to go and bang someone else.

Space = Break-Up

She texted you wanting to talk to you???
I remember your last thread... she said she was breaking up with you VIA TEXT. She said all you needed to know. You don't need an explanation as to the why... a break-up is a break-up no matter what the reason. The moment the thought comes to her mind and she VERBALIZES IT... Game Over.

But of course, she doesn't see it that way and she's mad at YOU because you won't give her the benefit of having all the drama... and trust me, that's the ONLY thing she wants from you. She wants you to cry, to be upset, to call her names, to hate her, because then she has the full benefit of being the victim of the situation.

Do you think I'm gonna have to break this NC rule or should I not buy the fact she may be covering herself for cheating? Yes there is NO DAMMED WAY I would get involved with children, not ready for that yet. (and btw I have never said to her I hated children). But I have a local reputation here as she keeps going into my local pub with people she has met though me. I'm trying to get over her and how am I supposed to do this when she keeps parking within 50 metres of my house?

NC is not meant for you to avoid places just because she might be there.
NC is a state of mind. It's YOUR way of getting over her.

Just look at your last two threads about her.

How can you even care about this banshee? She's an unattractive succubus and you are better off without her!

Don't you see it now? How can it not be that clear to you!?

Was she your only girlfriend up until this point? Yes.
Will she be your last... HELLS TO THE NO.

You had your first real taste of a relationship... if you want to call it that, so, it's time to move onto the next ONES.

Do NOT let her dig her claws into you any further.

 

[Warrior74]

Listen to these guys. They are telling you the truth. I can confirm from experience. She's just trying to reel you back in so she can dump this all on you. leave her. If you run into her tell her you are busy. Expect drama. React to none of it. Let her be the one out of control.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

To the OP. This girl is a control freak who wants her cake and to eat it too. Let her instead eat your butt mud pie. The best revenge is a dish served cold. Keep it NC and go on with YOUR life. I know it's hard as hell and sucks but trust me she's doing you a favor the hard way. As dumb as this sounds I believe in some way God helps us in ways we don't even realize it when were not strong enough to ourselves. IE: what SHE'S doing. There's been times I tried my hardest and we all have for nothing. You look back and will thank God you left. Print your threads and the replies and keep them to look at. Would you advise a good friend to go back to a person like her? Unless they like being a doormat and someones puppet.

Listen to the advice here and spin your own plates. She's trying to suck you back in for her own ego. She's playing you, her ex, and God knows who else.

 

[starplayer]

Girls like this are a nightmare when you're trying to get over them.

STAY NC.

Whatever you do, don't get sucked back in. She is trying to emotionally manipulate you but you must ignore it. She will stop at nothing to get you to bend into a little pvssy doormat. You have to resist.

Keep her out of your life for good, and if you see her make sure not to get reeled back in. She is a disease you have removed from your life - do not let her infect you again.

She will get the message and give up eventually.

Good luck. Stay strong. Stay NC.

 

[Captain]

Don't let no contact interfere with your life. If you are going to great lengths to avoid contacting her, then it means she has won, and you are no longer over her.

Perfect advice. No contact is only good hen it does not stop you from continuing your normal life.

 

[RMM]

Kailex absolutely nailed it.

Yes, she cheated on you and didn't have the decency of coming clean before tramping around, and now it's YOUR FAULT!!!11

Amazing, huh?

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Ok will be honest here I am begining to accept it.

I think its getting a little serious now, so I'm gonna have to confront this ***** in private to end it for good - rumours are going round and its not looking good for me. I'm not liking the idea of her using that stroy in her text as an excuse.

What would you suggest on handling this? Simply explaining I decided to move on as soon as she spoke of ending what we had. I feel such an urge to tell her I caught her lying and possibly cheating on me but maybe this could do more harm than good?

Generally how things are going on the 6th day of NC - absolutly ****.

I really am doing as much as I can but I'm still finding it so hard. I'm still struggling to eat and sleep but its increasing a little more. The main problem is being on my own. Its really hitting home. It feels so frustrating such as this weekend not being able to be out all the time. Such as Saturday night I had to stay in, there were simply no contacts out that night.

I'm trying to stay out the house as much as possible, this is when I feel the worst. I've tried re-arranging the place. Since the weekend I have lost half stone in weight! Althoug have been our running and keeping fit. Its the only thing right now that feels best to do with all this time. I've tried other things that require a bit of concentration but I just can't cos I can't stop thinking so much.

It will be beneficial for me to join a gym, not that I'm gonna get my moneys worth - I go out running, nothing can beet being out in the open and trying new places with every workout. Just joining the gym to be around other people really, even though I won't be able to keep as fit. I hate treadmills.

Work is also a struggle, I'm working as my own boss for my own department but most of the day I'm not commincating with people face to face. Due to the nature of my work its always by email or over the phone. Worse still, the office is out in the middle of nowhere, far from any town to escape to at lunch. Am afraid there is no way of changing the carrier though.

I'm doing everything in my power to change but its so depressing and ****. Yeah its easy to say "yeah just get out, meet new people" but as you can understand I feel so frustrated to most of my freinds are either low on money and can't afford to go out or live over 2 hours from here.

Apologies for the rant. The NC rule is helping, I'm even begining to have problems picturing her face. These times are **** but I have such an urge to get out there, I never had that before the relationship, I was tot content to having time to myself.

oh and just to add, I'm also pretty much stoppin drinking and will drive if I'm going into town Fri/Sat nights. I guess that will make me more confident in the long run and also has the benefit of spending less money, being healthier and also not having hangovers. I'll still drink at home with the odd film though. Also aiming to get up earlier each morning, I'm gennerally a lazy git in the mornings, I can never get out of bed and it would allow me to blast out some tunes and start the day in a better mood.

 

[InternalCombustion]

What would you suggest on handling this? Simply explaining I decided to move on as soon as she spoke of ending what we had. I feel such an urge to tell her I caught her lying and possibly cheating on me but maybe this could do more harm than good?

Be as vague as possible and don't reveal your real reasons for no contact. Say that you are actually glad that she decided she wanted some space, because by doing so she gave you some space as well, which in turn made you realize that you are not ready for a long-term relationship...with her. Also add something about the two of you not being compatible and how it's probably for the best that you're going your separate ways.

Basically, you want to make it look like you are rejecting her because you think you can do better, not because you are bitter or upset because of her lies, cheating and phony excuses.