What the hell happened on this date?

[DJorBUST]

So, I went out with this cute asian girl who I've been talking to a bit. We out on a first date about 3 weeks ago and I joined her and a few of her friends at a club two weeks ago. So, I drive an hour out to pick her up at her place and we go and have dinner by the beach. We go into a local club and have 3-4 drinks a piece and we're talking and I have my arms around her and there's a ton of kino. So, around 2 am I finally take off with her and take her back to her place. We start making out in my car and she backs off a bit. I ask her what's wrong and she says she needs to breath a bit. We make out a bit more and she backs off and slowly moves my arm off of her. I ask her what's wrong now and she says she is feeling much more sober. I pause and talk to her a bit and try to move in again but she's not even having it. She looks at me expectantly like I should be saying something. I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to say in response to her freakin' out over kissing. I told her that I had nothing to say and I said goodbye.

About an hour later she texts me and says she is uncomfortable with that sorta "stuff" and she's really sorry and would understand if I don't want to talk to her. I responded by saying that it's ridiculous for a 25 year old who has had several boyfriends to freak out over kissing. She said she feels really bad and she's sorry. I asked her if she expects me to spend my time and patience desperately hoping that she will be comfortable with something as simple as kissing and I don't like women who play games. She said she wasn't playing a game. I ignored the message and went to sleep.

Anyways...this girl is pretty nutty in general and my interest in her is pretty much just physical. Im not looking for a relationship. I know my reaction seems harsh, but it took me two hours of driving and it cost me nearly $100 for this date (dinner, drinks, cover charges, etc). I have never run into a problem where a girl freaked out from something so simple (it's not like I was feeling up her tits or had my hands rubbing her crotch or anything). I haven't talked to her in >24 hours. I want to take things much farther with her but I'm not sure I want to risk the time and $$$ with somebody who might drag things out for another half dozen dates before I can sleep with her. What the hell happened and what do you guys suggest?

 

[Alkali]

Cut her loose for the time being. Make her sweat while you scope the market.

 

[shop until I die!]

you have two simple options: 1. shell out the cash for one more date and spend more money on drinks to get what you want (yeah, i know how that sounds) 2. cut her loose because she is out of her mind (the option i suggest you take)

 

[CanuckinSK]

She definately seems to have some issues. Maybe she's not that experienced? Maybe she's never let a guy go past second base? Who knows...

If you just want to bang her and move on, I would suggest just cutting your losses now and moving on.

 

[KontrollerX]

Cut your losses and next this one dude.

The next thing she'll be doing is crying rape if you go to hug her.

 

[Effington]

Sounds like a classic case of (LMR) last minute resistance.

You don't antagonize her because of this. The remedy is to make her more comfortable with the situation and build more trust/comfort.

From your description it looks like you did everything right up until this point. I don't like how so many people on the internet (here) advise to "next" the girl because she has LMR. It's perfectly normal, especially for someone you haven't known that long.

I think it's obvious she has interest and things went well. Just because she doesn't have sex with you on the first couple of nights doesn't mean you should bounce.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

 

[Dongfu]

for $100 you could of got a nice juicy hooker

 

[superchristx]

She may be resisting because she doesn't want you to think she's a total wh0re. She might also resist because she's afraid you only want sex, so this is her way of testing you. These two possibilities are not exclusive! I would guess that she feels both.

When I get signals like this, I always play it breezy. I say "okay baby, I understand. Let's go for a walk, why don't you go to sleep for a while, just chill out and listen to some music. I give her five or ten minutes to get her self together, and then I pick her up in my arms. Or I say "Do you want to just make out for a little while, till we feel like sleeping?" It will take her about 1/4th of a second to say yes.

Last minute resistance is like . . . well I cant even think of a simile. The point is, its so easy to overcome that it's almost nothing. You don't even have to do anything, just slow down for a bit and make her feel like you aren't pressuring her to have intercourse. She wants to have sex as bad as you, if not WAY WAY more! You don't have to force the agenda - because she has the same exact agenda.

 

[DJorBUST]

I did back off and talk to her a bit and ask her if something was wrong. It's not like I was ripping off her pants. I don't think it was simply LMR that could have been easily overcome with a brief pause because I already did that. I think she actually does have a hangup. She has had several long-term relationships before so I find it seriously hard to believe she's just inexperienced.

I understand the whole not wanting me to think she's a *****. But, how much time should I realistically expect to spend to get a woman past FIRST BASE? I don't have any guarantees that she will let me get past first base in the near future or ever. So, driving hundreds of miles and shelling out a s*it load of money over several more dates may actually get me nothing in return.

 

[DJorBUST]

for $100 you could of got a nice juicy hooker

I know! What the hell man!? :trouble: hahaha

 

[superchristx]

Well what do you want out of this? If you just want some poossy then yeah, this is a waste of your time, clearly there are faster and easier ways to get laid. If you want a girlfriend, a connection, somebody you can share feelings with, then wait.

She's putting up walls for the same reason. Maybe you just want poossy, well maybe she isn't into that. So she puts up some barriers, makes you jump through hoops. This isn't about asserting her dominance over you, she just wants to see someone go through the effort. If you don't feel like trying, spending time with her, sharing feelings, then beat it!

 

[Last Man Standing]

Is she a virgin??? If not, then you are being played!!

Never spend more than $4.95 on a first date , the cost of a supersized happy meal - if she ain't happy after this, then it is beyond your control!!

 

[KontrollerX]

Is she a virgin??? If not, then you are being played!!

Never spend more than $4.95 on a first date , the cost of a supersized happy meal - if she ain't happy after this, then it is beyond your control!!

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[shop until I die!]

Is she a virgin??? If not, then you are being played!!

Never spend more than $4.95 on a first date , the cost of a supersized happy meal - if she ain't happy after this, then it is beyond your control!!

HAHA, that's classy LMS...but very funny. LoL

 

[WaterTiger]

Is she a virgin??? If not, then you are being played!!

Never spend more than $4.95 on a first date , the cost of a supersized happy meal - if she ain't happy after this, then it is beyond your control!!

Truer words have never been spoken!

How many times do you guys have to be told A DATE IS ABOUT SPENDING TIME, NOT SPENDING MONEY!

The two of you want diffrent things.

YOU don't want a relationship, just some good sex. So you drive out spend tons of money and expect to get laid?

SHE does want a relationship, and knows the quickest way to kill the possibility is to give it up on the first date.

Like DongFu said~ Next time...get a hooker, they are a sure thing.

 

[DJorBUST]

Well, it's the third date, but who's counting? ... ME! I'm f*cking counting!

I'm just going to ignore her for now. If she calls me later and wants to see me, she can drive all the way out to my house and we can share a "happy meal"!!!!

 

[Bvbidd]

Asian girls are usually like that ya know.

 

[kingwilliam]

It sounds to me like she wants you as a boyfriend.

 

[DJorBUST]

I might have actually considered a casual relationship, but freaking out from kissing on the third date is a little over the top. I've dated an Asian girl before who was really weird and lame like this. Maybe it is an Asian thing. The irony is that if you get her a little drunk she would freak dance you like no other on the dance floor but making out with you would make her a wh*re

 

[iqqi]

Maybe she isn't sure if she wants you that way. Or maybe she felt like you were trying to take advantage of her drunken state.