What the hell did I do wrong?

[Robert28]

My ex girlfriend text me out of the blue yesterday asking if her mom could borrow $200 for rent. The fvck? So many problems with this but the biggest one is I keep asking myself “where did I go wrong for her to think I’d say yes?”. I know I was considered a “nice guy” but she never would say “nice” she’d always say “you’re an amazing guy!” so not really the traditional “nice guy” meaning....I guess. I broke up with her because it wasn’t going anywhere and I just didn’t see a future with her. Yeah coulda made her a plate but then I’m right back to this money thing. I never let her borrow money BUT she knows I’m well off and I did buy her stuff when we were together (not expensive ****, just like t-shirts when we’d go somewhere or I paid $40 for her oil change one time). Still though, I can’t help but think why she’d reach out to me about this. I feel like a cuck, I mean I said no but the fact that she asked makes me feel stupid.

What made it more awkward is her mom text me about it too so at least I know it was legit going to be rent money and not some ba madeup story. Her mom thought I hung the moon though and she wants her daughter to be with me.....because I’m well off but she never admitted the reason even though I know what it is.

What’s funny is she started the convo like she was catching up on me and then here it came “I have a huge favor to ask you. God I hate asking, you know how much I hate asking”. She claims other people have held **** over her head in the past when she asked for favors and I guess I did feel sort of a soft spot for that. Still though, $200 for your MOM and I haven’t seen you or spoken to you since last year?? So weird. Dating in 2019, man, no wonder men have so many dating issues these days.

 

[AttackFormation]

As a man with wealth you have an extra large target on your forehead. But this would only be problematic when combined with weak, blue pilled behavior that can make even a poorer man fit as a provider.

You will activate their provider schematic of transactional intimacy instead of genuine intimacy, unless you take care to not present yourself or act in that way. But you blew it by buying and paying for her. It doesnt matter that the things were cheap to you - what matters is evidently the symbolism.

Dont want chicks to send these texts? Dont pay for them, and dont appear or behave as a provider. Make it a clear principle in your own brain, no matter if they threaten to leave you or try to shame or admonish you. I personally dont even carry their handbag, and just grin, taunt and tease them about it when they try it... Which i know they like. At the bottom of it My experience has been that they dont crave men who are nice but men they can respect, meaning the man both respects himself and "puts her to work".

 

[Billtx49]

Whatever caused this lender episode, you definitely memory ingrained Mom and daughter as a nice guy with $$ to blow.
Can’t believe it myself, with hookers at least they are upfront with how you personally benefit from a monetary transaction …

 

[Robert28]

Well I think the main thing is her and her mom are not well off at all. Which is weird cause her mom is a nurse and she works at a gym, but they never seem to have money. I don’t flaunt that I’m upper middle class BUT they both know I went to private school, graduated college, they know I own a business that does well and they know I have a 2 story house that’s paid for and I drive a 2018 truck.

I never did the expensive dinners or expensive weekend vacations or threw my money around like water when we dated. It took me awhile to figure out that she saw me as a financial provider even though I never paid a single bill or let her borrow money when we dated. Like I said, it was harmless stuff like shirts when we went to a concert or the beach and we were in a shop. The oil change I paid for because I drove her car to the place where I get mine done. I didn’t think much of it at the time but I guess that’s how I engrained this seed in their minds. Wasn’t like I was buying jewelry and expensive stuff like some sugar daddy pomp daddy war bucks.lol So weird how little things like that can make a girl see you in a different light.

 

[AttackFormation]

Whatever caused this lender episode, you definitely memory ingrained Mom and daughter as a nice guy with $$ to blow.
Can’t believe it myself, with hookers at least they are upfront with how you personally benefit from a monetary transaction …

At least OP realizes this is gravely wrong. How many afcs are spending themselves blindly working this very moment to pay and please a woman?

 

[Robert28]

At least OP realizes this is gravely wrong. How many afcs are spending themselves blindly working this very moment to pay and please a woman?

My problem is how do I hide that I’m well off in the future? It’s not like I can hide my ride, my house, what I do for a living etc. Luckily even though I am an admitted nice guy I’ve never been one of those fools that thinks you can buy a woman’s attraction or affection or anything like that. I do have a bad habit of pleasing others though but not at the expense that it’s over the top.

 

[AttackFormation]

My problem is how do I hide that I’m well off in the future? It’s not like I can hide my ride, my house, what I do for a living etc. Luckily even though I am an admitted nice guy I’ve never been one of those fools that thinks you can buy a woman’s attraction or affection or anything like that. I do have a bad habit of pleasing others though but not at the expense that it’s over the top.

Your behavior is the lynchpin, which might take a mental change.

Taunt and tease them in general as if you were their gregarious @sshole father, but especially when they request a favor... Whether its money or holding their handbag. Dont do it, and tease them until they give up. Be willing to face their superficial disapproval that you are a jerk and not nice, in order to get their respect.Think in terms of getting their respect, and putting yourself in their perspective, rather than getting their approval. Just be childishly playful when you tease them rather than obnoxious and itll work out.

Thats what i do.

 

[Robert28]

Your behavior is the lynchpin.

Taunt and tease them in general as if you were their gregarious @sshole father, but especially when they request a favor... Whether its money or holding their handbag. Dont do it, and tease them until they give up. Be willing to face their disapproval that you are a jerk and not nice, in order to get their respect. Think in terms of getting their respect, and putting yourself in their perspective, rather than getting their approval.

Thats what i do.

Well here’s the red flag I didn’t pick up on early on. She admitted (in front of her mom and she agreed) that she’s always dated toolbags and I was her first “great guy”. Which now that I think about it I bet they ALL were “great guys” to her at some point for her to be with them. It’s just so weird i was being scouted by a mother and daughter and didn’t even realize it. It makes me not want to date anyone anymore, I feel like I can’t do the game that’s required this day and age without sacrificing my personality and who I am, does that make sense? I feel like in order to date these days I have to become something I don’t want to be, I’d rather just be myself cause I’m fine with that and a few tweaks here and there. It’s just that SO many women are after well off guys that can provide these days and in my age range it’s insane that I get bombarded with fishing questions into women trying to figure out how much I make and what I can do for them.

 

[Kotaix]

Women have always been after high status men because women care about status, women have always wanted to be maintained by men and they've never been able to take care of themselves properly. This is nothing new and they have been doing it for millions of years, so they're wired for it. You just have to deal with it.

On to the ex. She sounds like a succubus. She's thinks you're a chump and is testing you. If you do give her money, I guarantee you she'll ask for money again.

It sounds to me like you have nice guy syndrome, and they see it. You need to stay in your frame and learn to just say NO. Also, read No More Mr Nice Guy if you haven't.

You absolutely want to be yourself, but you have to be true to yourself just straight up tell women that your income is classified level Wife and tell them to knock it off if they stop probing, and kick her ass to the curb if she does. the upside of this is what she doesn't know will drive her crazy and drive up her desire for you because she'll know you're well off by what you project. Marriage.... that's a tough one, if you find someone you really do connect with, it might be worth it, but for the most part marriage is more of a woman's tool to lock down a man than anything else and it's proved by how much money women usually want to spend on a wedding.

 

[Robert28]

No I didn’t give her or her mom the money at all. i wanted to tell her how she wasn’t all that into me when we were dating and that it was weird that she contacted me but I didn’t. That’s why I dumped her, I know low interest when I see it and she was keeping me around for the wrong reasons. Your gut never lies to you.

 

[17 shots]

Is her mom bangable

 

[Robert28]

Is her mom bangable

Fvck no! That girl has a rough road ahead of her if she turns out looking like her mom in several years. She’s approaching the wall now but she’s still bangable.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No I didn’t give her or her mom the money at all. i wanted to tell her how she wasn’t all that into me when we were dating and that it was weird that she contacted me but I didn’t. That’s why I dumped her, I know low interest when I see it and she was keeping me around for the wrong reasons. Your gut never lies to you.

So it would be impossible for her to have and epiphany and discovered a true interest in you?

 

[Robert28]

So it would be impossible for her to have and epiphany and discovered a true interest in you?

I think she does realize what she had and lost, but if I did try to get back with her it would always be in the back of my mind “is she with me for me or for what I can do for her?” The fact that she text me out of the blue about lending her mom money makes me think she still sees me as nothing more then a walking bank account that she hasn’t been able to replicate in another man since me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think she does realize what she had and lost, but if I did try to get back with her it would always be in the back of my mind “is she with me for me or for what I can do for her?” The fact that she text me out of the blue about lending her mom money makes me think she still sees me as nothing more then a walking bank account that she hasn’t been able to replicate in another man since me.

Maybe to see if your "simping". Perhaps she knows you have to say "no" and respects it.

 

[Robert28]

Maybe to see if your "simping". Perhaps she knows you have to say "no" and respects it.

What I can’t figure out is what did I ever do to make her think she could ask such a favor? How the hell did buying a couple shirts and paying for an oil change equate to “oh I’ll ask Robert for $200 for my moms rent even though I haven’t spoken to him in almost a year?”. I’m sure I had some “nice guy” moments when we dated but nothing over the top. I’m siting here thinking “damn I can’t even be my normal self cause it’ll get taken wrong by some woman”. Makes me want to go monk lol

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What I can’t figure out is what did I ever do to make her think she could ask such a favor? How the hell did buying a couple shirts and paying for an oil change equate to “oh I’ll ask Robert for $200 for my moms rent even though I haven’t spoken to him in almost a year?”. I’m sure I had some “nice guy” moments when we dated but nothing over the top. I’m siting here thinking “damn I can’t even be my normal self cause it’ll get taken wrong by some woman”. Makes me want to go monk lol

Or just be a powerful user of women who wouldn't give a dollar even if his life depended upon it.

 

[2Rocky]

My problem is how do I hide that I’m well off in the future? It’s not like I can hide my ride, my house, what I do for a living etc. Luckily even though I am an admitted nice guy I’ve never been one of those fools that thinks you can buy a woman’s attraction or affection or anything like that. I do have a bad habit of pleasing others though but not at the expense that it’s over the top.

By dating a higher class woman with her own resources. Your money will be one less crutch and you will see where your weak points are in your approach.

 

[Kotaix]

Maybe to see if your "simping". Perhaps she knows you have to say "no" and respects it.

No, asking for money from a man that you're not in a relationship with is crossing the line. This is a red flag to me, especially with her mom involved in it. You stay away from women like this, they're either horrible with money or evil.

 

[Billtx49]

What I can’t figure out is what did I ever do to make her think she could ask such a favor? How the hell did buying a couple shirts and paying for an oil change equate to “oh I’ll ask Robert for $200 for my moms rent even though I haven’t spoken to him in almost a year?”. I’m sure I had some “nice guy” moments when we dated but nothing over the top. I’m siting here thinking “damn I can’t even be my normal self cause it’ll get taken wrong by some woman”. Makes me want to go monk lol

People close to the financial bottom via money mismanagement that need a loan will exhaust all available resources to get it. Given the time separation involved, you may be at the bottom of a long friends list if that’s their only option, but bottom line, they think you have it and may be able to be swayed in that direction, or that action would Not have happened…
It’s a very embarrassing way of finding money, so she may have tried social outliers first also, but it’s her problem not yours, don’t take it personally …