What the heck is wrong with me?

[kabatura]

I hung out with a girl I had been sort of admiring from afar for a while last weekend. I ended up staying at her place the whole weekend. No sex or anything, were both Christians so that's not in the gameplan. But I mean she was giving me every sign in the book, hello, I slept with her for two nights.

Well I saw her again tonight at a group thing. I think out of fear of looking clingy I sort of avoided her. Or at least avoided talking to her more than usual. And I think she sort of mirrored me on that.

Anyway I feel like a doof. I'm probably beating myself up much more than I should and just being uneccesarily negative. I'm going to hang out with her again tomorrow and hopefully stay there. Would it be wrong to talk to her about the emotions that are going on between us. I know that's not the way to express attraction but I am pretty sure that has already been done. I hope it's not just my insecurity acting out but I am looking at this girl for a relationship and I'm wanting to make sure I'm not wasting my time.

 

[Andromax]

Would it be wrong to talk to her about the emotions that are going on between us.

YES..

If you want her to be attracted to you.. DO NOT DISCUSS your EMOTIONS.

Dude.. you are doing good. Don't stress. Just take a breathe.. think about something other than this girl.

Just play it cool, nothing is wrong with you. If you haven't dated much, then this anxiety you are experiencing is nothing but normal. The only way to defeat it is to have other things that are higher priority than her. Incidentally.. if you want to keep her you need to have other things that are higher priority than her. This could be a) other girls b) sports c) grades d) anything..... just stay cool... act like everything is cool between you.

This emotional craziness is OK for girls to express but guys can't dude, you gotta train yourself to deal with it in a masculine manner.

If you want to make sure you aren't wasting your time, then watch out for flakey behavior on her part. If she acts shady to your advances then next her. But for gods sakes dont discuss your emotions. The more you reveal to a woman the less she will find you attractive.


P.S. Chicks love confidence... you know a great way to express that? If she's with you ASSUME THAT SHE LIKES YOU. And act accordingly.

 

[kabatura]

I know. Thanks. All of these things I know but I think I am crumbling under uncertainty and doubt. And honestly, I have no reason to doubt really. Its like the little devil on my shoulder is trying to tell me everything to make me have fear and doubt, and he is doing a great job.

So should I never talk about stuff? Something for the past 4 years I really haven't understood is how to initiate an LTR the smooth DJ way as opposed to the 3rd grade do you want to be my girlfriend way.

 

[kabatura]

I think, or know a lot of this iis coming from putting her up on a pedestal in my mind. I have been keeping busy too. Ill start thinking about her and say, I know I shouldnt think about her, but then continue. I just need to get that engrained in my head.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I think, or know a lot of this iis coming from putting her up on a pedestal in my mind. I have been keeping busy too. Ill start thinking about her and say, I know I shouldnt think about her, but then continue. I just need to get that engrained in my head.

Take a look at this regarding putting women on pedestals:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=139105

 

[Andromax]

I really haven't understood is how to initiate an LTR the smooth DJ way as opposed to the 3rd grade do you want to be my girlfriend way.

The smooth way to do this is to wait for the girl to initiate this topic of conversation.. In the mean time just do your thing and have fun.

Honestly this should take a couple months of growing close with each other for a well qualified LTR to blossom. Don't rush things emotionally. Be physical with her. I understand you are both christian and have boundries or whatever, but the further you can get sexually with her the more it will create a bond between you too.

DO NOT talk about your feelings. You can listen to hers, but be careful dude, don't be her girlfriend. If she asks.. just use C&F and blow it off.. you can divulge a tiny bit at a time - over a long period of a time. Women hate men that are emotional sluts. This is how you keep that mysterious aura.

If the anxiety is killing you, just focus on other things in the meantime. The gym is a great way to kill stress and anxiety, plus gives you endorfines and makes you sexy.

Do you want to consider a LTR with someone who isnt as into it as you are?

But in all seriousness, are you happy without a woman? You need to be. You need to be able to grow as a man independently, and single. Are you able to do that right now? Or is maybe trying to start a LTR at the moment only going to cause you so much turmoil that it is not good until you are full of so much self confidence that you wont worry about how these things work. Think about it.

You say you are crumbling over uncertainty and doubt. Do you understand that you NEED and MUST have other things in your life more important than this woman? Or any woman that is not your family?

 

[Craig Reeves]

I hung out with a girl I had been sort of admiring from afar for a while last weekend. I ended up staying at her place the whole weekend. No sex or anything, were both Christians so that's not in the gameplan. But I mean she was giving me every sign in the book, hello, I slept with her for two nights.

Well I saw her again tonight at a group thing. I think out of fear of looking clingy I sort of avoided her. Or at least avoided talking to her more than usual. And I think she sort of mirrored me on that.

Anyway I feel like a doof. I'm probably beating myself up much more than I should and just being uneccesarily negative. I'm going to hang out with her again tomorrow and hopefully stay there. Would it be wrong to talk to her about the emotions that are going on between us. I know that's not the way to express attraction but I am pretty sure that has already been done. I hope it's not just my insecurity acting out but I am looking at this girl for a relationship and I'm wanting to make sure I'm not wasting my time.

The problem is that you are an AFC. If you weren't an AFC and you were really an Alpha male, and knew you were one, you would have never been worried over coming off as "clingy" to a woman because being "clingy" isn't your nature.

You're overcompensating for your natural, intrinsic *need* for a woman in your life by trying too hard to come off as "aloof" and *faking* game. This is the reason why you are so worried about "looking" insecure because you actually *are* insecure. Just like the person who's really an evil snake is going to overcompensate by appearing overtly nice.

What you need to do is find something that fills the void in your life that you are trying to fill with women. It's usually because you are not focused on other parts of your life and you're not living for anything.

I know this is not the answer you expect but it is the truth. If you actually had a life and not one that revolved around women and dates then you would not be so worried about this one girl.

Good luck,
Craig