What the fvck is this?

[Serenity]

As some of you may remember I fvcked up epicly a while ago, here's the thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=223232. Thinking back on it I realize how dumb I was. I've shown some stupidity since that both on the forums and otherwise, it's been rather painful to experience. Everything seems vastly different to me now and it seems to make an impact on reality.

The girl I dated in that thread seems to currently be in some sort of life drama. She's a friend of my friends (however my friends say I take priority), and they tell me she's acting weird after she ended it with me. She claims I'm not over her, but I stopped giving a sh!t the day she hurt me. The reality of the situation is that she isn't over me and probably regrets it, she also doesn't have the fvcking courage to even say hi to me. I believe this is particularly the case after she saw me just being me not bothered at all about the past, she clearly was bothered not only to me but to everyone present.

Since this I've been in serious doubt if I even want a girlfriend, I won't play that fvcking game if it breaks my heart. Had a short go at a girl I bumped into, hadn't seen her for a year since she never responded to my date request after having a good time. Had a good time again, but she became unavailable so fvck it. This was not long ago.

This weekend I was out with my friends, had no intention except calming the fvck down from a hard week at work. I've been putting sh!t tons of effort into things I know will pay off later, whether that's to take off the edge of facing the intense pain of repeated failure or not I'm not sure. So anyways I meet this girl, but in the instant I speak to her I remember every single fvck up. I'm not so sure if I want to continue because I can't bear to repeat the past anymore. My friends told me she was very nice, but I still hesitated as that hasn't exactly been my experience.

However I kinda wanted something, but tried holding back. I couldn't really hold back, she was just too damn cute. She came home with me, but something was kinda odd with the entire situation. We got all the way into bed, no resistance until my hand touched her underwear. She brushed it away and her kissing was different from the usual. So I was backing of a bit and then I just got the feeling she's never done it, so I asked her straight out. Turns out my gut was right (again), she had also never made out using tongue. That's what was off with her kissing, she didn't get my obvious hints at using tongue. So I teached her how to do it, she liked it.

When she left the next morning I felt kinda fvcked up. I kinda feared she would like me. What to do if she does and want more? I'm not too sure if I want to try the entire liking a girl thing again. Because of this I haven't felt tempted to make any contact, I've just gone back to focusing solely on my well being. Today she sent me a message saying she enjoyed spending that time with me and really appreciated that I respected her wish to not have sex. She wanted to see me again. It's almost identical to the type of message I usually send when wanting to see a girl again, even the timing is the same. I'm not sure if I can bear to decline it.

It's like I'm at the other end, roles reversed. I'm faced with the question so many girls have rejected me at. What the fvck is this?

 

[usernamedox11]

Um...what is the issue? She likes you and wants to hang out again. Just hang out with her again and see if you can escalate, sounds like she's a virgin so keep that in mind.

 

[Serenity]

I think I'm afraid of getting hurt again or fvcking things up. I think I have to just take a chance, to risk getting hurt. The reward seems to outweigh the risk.

Had her over at my place on Friday, nothing negative to say really. I heard from my friends she's really nice, seen nothing to contradict that yet. She was at my place for around 4 hours, usually I have trouble being confident about what to do in that scenario. I usually put on a movie or any form of distraction to put the pressure off me, this is what I did with the major fvck up described in the linked thread. I decided to not use that crutch. So we talked, made out and cuddled for the entire time. At the end she told me she didn't want to go, but she had to. We had a really good time.

I think this can be good, but in truth I don't really know. I'm seeing her again on Thursday. She is a virgin, she's open about it.

 

[Infern0]

As some of you may remember I fvcked up epicly a while ago, here's the thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=223232. Thinking back on it I realize how dumb I was. I've shown some stupidity since that both on the forums and otherwise, it's been rather painful to experience. Everything seems vastly different to me now and it seems to make an impact on reality.

The girl I dated in that thread seems to currently be in some sort of life drama. She's a friend of my friends (however my friends say I take priority), and they tell me she's acting weird after she ended it with me. She claims I'm not over her, but I stopped giving a sh!t the day she hurt me. The reality of the situation is that she isn't over me and probably regrets it, she also doesn't have the fvcking courage to even say hi to me. I believe this is particularly the case after she saw me just being me not bothered at all about the past, she clearly was bothered not only to me but to everyone present.

Since this I've been in serious doubt if I even want a girlfriend, I won't play that fvcking game if it breaks my heart. Had a short go at a girl I bumped into, hadn't seen her for a year since she never responded to my date request after having a good time. Had a good time again, but she became unavailable so fvck it. This was not long ago.

This weekend I was out with my friends, had no intention except calming the fvck down from a hard week at work. I've been putting sh!t tons of effort into things I know will pay off later, whether that's to take off the edge of facing the intense pain of repeated failure or not I'm not sure. So anyways I meet this girl, but in the instant I speak to her I remember every single fvck up. I'm not so sure if I want to continue because I can't bear to repeat the past anymore. My friends told me she was very nice, but I still hesitated as that hasn't exactly been my experience.

However I kinda wanted something, but tried holding back. I couldn't really hold back, she was just too damn cute. She came home with me, but something was kinda odd with the entire situation. We got all the way into bed, no resistance until my hand touched her underwear. She brushed it away and her kissing was different from the usual. So I was backing of a bit and then I just got the feeling she's never done it, so I asked her straight out. Turns out my gut was right (again), she had also never made out using tongue. That's what was off with her kissing, she didn't get my obvious hints at using tongue. So I teached her how to do it, she liked it.

When she left the next morning I felt kinda fvcked up. I kinda feared she would like me. What to do if she does and want more? I'm not too sure if I want to try the entire liking a girl thing again. Because of this I haven't felt tempted to make any contact, I've just gone back to focusing solely on my well being. Today she sent me a message saying she enjoyed spending that time with me and really appreciated that I respected her wish to not have sex. She wanted to see me again. It's almost identical to the type of message I usually send when wanting to see a girl again, even the timing is the same. I'm not sure if I can bear to decline it.

It's like I'm at the other end, roles reversed. I'm faced with the question so many girls have rejected me at. What the fvck is this?

There's a lot more going on here than I think we on the forum can give advice on, just the tone of your post you seem wound up like a coiled spring, then your behaviour at the end there is pretty out of whack. This might be one of those situations here a counsellor would help iron out the little problems that are adding up to a big mess.

If not, I advise to stay out of the game for a couple of weeks, clear your head etc.

BTW, at the very least, send that girl a response even if you dont want to see her again, don't be rude and mess someone else up just because you are in a bad mood

 

[Serenity]

That's a great way of putting it infern0.

Ruler, according to your advice I shouldn't stop. I think of backing out because of fear, that's not what I want.

I think the issue is resolved.

 

[Infern0]

That's a great way of putting it infern0.

Ruler, according to your advice I shouldn't stop. I think of backing out because of fear, that's not what I want.

I think the issue is resolved.

Definatley don't do this, it's a mistake I made once back in my AFC days, down the road I can see that i was subtly overpersuing and if i'd backed off a bit it would have been fine, instead i overpersued then told her to forget it out of fear.

A rule of thumb, NEVER do anything from fear, just chill out, hang back and think things through.

Instead figure out what's causing the fear, low self esteem? Insecurity? etc etc, these are all just mental constructs, figure out the root cause and deconstruct them, once you are free of these burdens, everything ill come easily to you.

 

[Serenity]

You're misunderstanding me, but anyways I don't think there's a problem here anymore. Probably just my mind playing tricks on me.