What should my next move be?

[El Duderino]

ok here's my story, sorry if its too long:

one of my college classes is with this girl who I found pretty attractive, and yesterday after class I found myself walking down the street next to her so we made eye contact, I smiled, we started conversing about school, etc...she said she was going to the university offices to deal with some paperwork, and I asked her if she would like to grab a bite to eat afterward...she said sure but she didn't know how long that paperwork was gonna take...I said I'm not in a rush and would wait (was this a mistake?)

after about 10 minutes, she comes out and suggests Starbucks...I say sure...she's pretty talkative so we spent an hour and a half sitting there discussing music, art, school, aspirations (btw this girl seems to be very compatible with me in all these things)...I follow the Don Juan rules, make eye contact, smile, make her laugh a few times, nod in agreement, keep the talking to a 70-30 ratio on her part...everything is great...she also made slight contact with my wrist once

after some time, she says she has to go back to her dorm, do some stuff, then she's leaving back home for the weekend...I get her number, she gets mine and says "I'll see you in class next week, let me know when you want to go check out some museums (we were talking about those earlier, she said she likes going to them, I said we should go together sometime)...then we parted

now my classes with her are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so what should be my plan of action for next week?

 

[Dukester]

1st of all, never say you are gonna wait for them. always be busy, so it doesnt look like you're desperate. in this case- it worked out for you.

make her laugh a few times? u always wanna keep her smiling, and laughing, it helps allieviate tension and stress.

again, you got lucky

ohhh, she touched your arm- big deal, some chicks are touchy feely type girls, this might not mean n e thing.

talk to her in class, kino, do whatever in class man. just dont act like an afc, or too into her. sounds like you may have early stages of oneitis. ask her out on a date, if she declines, say "thats cool, maybe another time"

then, just keep looking at other girls, and talking to them, etc...

 

[El Duderino]

no, she was always smiling but I meant like actual laughing...I don't get it, was she supposed to be rolling on the floor the whole time?...there wasn't one tense moment the whole time, everything was very laid back and cool


I just don't want to start talking to her too much in class cause then its gonna seem as if I just want to be friends

 

[El Duderino]

anyone else?

 

[JJMcLure]

It sounds like it went pretty well.

Sure there are a few things that could have been more "text book". Like not waiting for her - maybe you could have arranged to meet her there (but you might have missed out this way). Could have kept the date shorter (45min to an hour), and most importantly ending it before she did.

Be careful with your thinking ("she seems very compatible"), this is early stages don't get thinking of you two as a couple etc. You will end up with one-itis/feelings and she will sense you're moving too fast. Keep it light and fun in the early stages.

Don't start acting fake disinterested or fake aloof/ignoring. That will almost certainly backfire on you. Just be sure not to follow her around like a puppy dog or call her all the time. To avoid the friend zone you need to make a physical move. Kino and kiss test (don't force it though, do what feels right).

Looks like date number two is the museum (but only if YOU want to). If you really aren't into that, choose something you want to do and invite her.

She should be happy to do whatever if she likes you, you want it to be primarily you not the activity that she is interested in.

 

[El Duderino]

sorry if I sound like such a newb but what exactly is a kiss test?

 

[JJMcLure]

Originally posted by El Duderino
sorry if I sound like such a newb but what exactly is a kiss test?

If she is willing to kiss you on the mouth then you can be confident she likes you as more than just as a friend. It also lets her know that's how you see her.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=45123&highlight=kiss+test

 

[El Duderino]

I think the kiss test should be tried closer to the end of the date so if it backfires, there won't have to be too much awkwardness involved

 

[El Duderino]

any other suggestions?

 

[Grey Fox]

First off calm down.

Second go on the dates that you want to do. If you like mueseums and she does to then go for it. Modern Art would be great, aviod the old classics at first and go for the abstract and impressionist work. Hit up the classic stuff when you want to do some talking with her and the subject matter allows itself to divert into something interesting. Also this presents you an awesome oppurtunity to actually disagree with her. See most guys try to be a "yes man" on a date. If you disagree on what she thinks a painting is about, say so and show off a little brains, creativity and backbone. You'll feel good about yourself and she will even respect you for it. And respect is everything.

Good news for you. This girl does sound generally interested and is going to give you a shot. Just don't worry about impressing her, focus on just having a good time no matter what. Worry about pleasing her and thats the quickest way to the friends zone. Don't over analyze, trust your gut and have a good time.

-Grey Fox

 

[El Duderino]

yeah thats cool, I'm just gonna take it easy, see how everything goes this week then probably ask her out on a date for the weekend

I was wondering though, how should I phrase it so she knows for sure that it will be a date? I don't want to say something obvious like "hey would you like to go on a date on ---day" but I don't want to just casually say "hey lets hang out" because thats not forceful enough

 

[Grey Fox]

Let's go down to such and such a place, ill pick you up at such and such a time. How's that?

-Grey Fox

 

[El Duderino]

well I don't drive yet so I guess I'll just meet her by her dorm and we'll take the train

driving in NYC is hell anyway