What should I have done in this situation (older learning experience)?

[sangheilios]

I posted a thread about this woman a while ago but I wanted to break this down and see what exactly happened and what to do in the future if something like this ever happens again.

Part 1:
- I approach woman who was a recent regular at my gym, prior to that I had caught her checking me out a couple times. Conversation goes very well and lasts about 10 minutes before letting her get back to her workout.
- 2 days later she is at the gym, she sees me, waves and comes over to talk to me. We are talking for a few minutes and the subject of hiking comes up, I mention a place she has never been to and she then proceeds to ask me if I'd like to do that with her later that afternoon/evening, so we exchange numbers.
- Right after she leaves she texts me asking if we could hang out another day, so I reply asking her if tomorrow she was available.....no response.
- Didn't hear from her and decided to text her a couple days later, still nothing, and tried one more time later in the week.
- At this point it was over a week since she had asked me out and hadn't heard from her so I send her a quick text saying that I didn't understand why she asked me out if she was just going to ghost on me and told her good luck with her college classes.
- She immediately starts texting me, literally within 5 minutes, and saying how she got a new phone, asking me how I am, etc. Next day she had called me, though I didn't pick up, but the whole thing felt off.
- See her at the gym a couple days later and the first thing out of her mouth was an explanation of how she supposedly dropped her phone. We talk for a while and she asks me if I was up to anything later but it felt off so I didn't make a move, reminded me too much like when she first asked me out.
- Couple days after that she is there again, we talk and she is letting me touch her thighs by encouraging me to feel what her yoga pants are like, comparing hand sizes, etc. She then asks me if I have netflix and I ask if she'd want to hang out that evening, which her response is "I'll text you" which obviously didn't come.

 

[devilkingx2]

Some women suck over text, you should've tried to escalate when you saw her in person. If that didn't work then she'd just be a game playing attention wh0re

Couple days after that she is there again, we talk and she is letting me touch her thighs by encouraging me to feel what her yoga pants are like, comparing hand sizes, etc. She then asks me if I have netflix and I ask if she'd want to hang out that evening,

This was where you should've tested the physical escalation waters rather than try to get her on a date.

 

[sangheilios]

This was where you should've tested the physical escalation waters rather than try to get her on a date.

That was happening at the gym so it's not like we could start making out or having sex right then and there lol. That's why I asked her if she wanted to go out with me later since she was doing that and asking me if I had netflix. At the time I really didn't think she was doing this purely for attention, because her behavior was so extreme it was almost unbelievable to think that's what was going on. Looking back I still can't figure out if she was and is just a nut or what lol.

 

[sangheilios]

Some women suck over text, you should've tried to escalate when you saw her in person. If that didn't work then she'd just be a game playing attention wh0re




This was where you should've tested the physical escalation waters rather than try to get her on a date.

The story actually continues beyond what I wrote which pointed towards her being an attention ***** though.

 

[devilkingx2]

That was happening at the gym so it's not like we could start making out or having sex right then and there lol.

why couldn't you make out at the gym? last time I was in a YMCA there were plenty of places you could be alone because it wasn't filled up everywhere all the time lol

At the time I really didn't think she was doing this purely for attention, because her behavior was so extreme it was almost unbelievable to think that's what was going on. Looking back I still can't figure out if she was and is just a nut or what lol.

The story actually continues beyond what I wrote which pointed towards her being an attention ***** though

oh yeah almost definitely, or she had a boyfriend at home or something. still could've been some potential there

 

[sangheilios]

why couldn't you make out at the gym? last time I was in a YMCA there were plenty of places you could be alone because it wasn't filled up everywhere all the time lol




oh yeah almost definitely, or she had a boyfriend at home or something. still could've been some potential there

What ended up happening later was I left for vacation for a week, but when I came back her behavior continued just as before. She ended up saying to me she wanted to go mini golfing so we talked about making plans for when later. Next day she was avoiding me so I asked her if she had a bf, which she said no she just wasn't looking for anything right now. I tell her I'd be interested in going out and walk away.

After that I'd say hi to her when I'd see her but not push for full blown conversations like we were having before. A week later she started approaching me again.

 

[devilkingx2]

you're never gonna get her out on a date lol. if you'd get anything out of her it's a quickie in one of the bathrooms. so either go complete NC and ignore her until she gets her **** together or see how receptive she is to the other thing

 

[sangheilios]

you're never gonna get her out on a date lol. if you'd get anything out of her it's a quickie in one of the bathrooms. so either go complete NC and ignore her until she gets her **** together or see how receptive she is to the other thing

I haven't talked to her in over a month, I moved on a long time ago. I posted this thread because I wanted to see what it was I could learn from this experience and since I'm not involved at all with it any more I'm in a better position to look at things objectively.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

you're never gonna get her out on a date lol. if you'd get anything out of her it's a quickie in one of the bathrooms. so either go complete NC and ignore her until she gets her **** together or see how receptive she is to the other thing

How's he going to get puzsy but not be able to get her on a date?

 

[RangerMIke]

Okay.... what you should have done is pin her down to a time/place for a date. Now this does not mean anything would have worked out, but at least you would know where you stood.

Never leave ANY ambiguity, ever.

Let me share what happened to me a couple of weeks ago with a chick to illustrate. Background... she runs a company that I helped her get off the ground. I've known her for 3 years... when I met her she was married, now she is divorced. I helped her company get her 1st round of funding and now she is taking off in a big way. She invited me to her 2nd anniversary celebration... I met her there... based on my read of her body language and demeanor when I met her it could go either way. Spent some time talking to her friends and only briefly spoke with her. I had to leave early and when I left this a a paraphrase of our conversation (what she really meant in (parentheses):

Me: I have to go and get my kids, but I would love to catch up... when are you free next week?

Her: I'll be out of town until Wednesday (Well... this gives me 3 days to blow him off).
Me: How about Thursday then, after work... I'll meet you at [restaurant] at 7pm.
Her: Text me and we'll set it up (Not really sue at this point what she is thinking, but her body language was telling me this is going to be a flake)
Me: Okay I'll text you. [Normally I would have just took this for what it was... a blow off. But I thought what the hell let's play this out]

Two days later:

Me [by text]: Thanks again for the invite, are we still on for Thursday?
Her: [No response] (Okay.... I hope he gets the message now that I'm just not interested... I have to remind myself not to invite him again to anything... if I see him again or he calls, I'll just make some excuse that my phone was bad or some such BS and hope he gets the message then)
Me: [I'll never contact her again]

There.... now I know, it's good for me and it's good for her. She's not interested and neither am I... it's so much better when you cut to the chase. Always try to pin her down to a specific time and place, if she is really interested she will bite or offer an alternative. Otherwise assume she is not interested and focus on chicks that are. Don't take it personal... and don't get butt hurt. It would certainly be better if chicks would just come out and say what they mean.... but then again they wouldn't be chicks and we wouldn't want them.

Chicks who like you and are interested make things easy... when they make things hard they do not want you in that emotional moment, and if the moment changes they will reach out again, or they are playing games that are no fun... no fun is not what you want.

 

[sangheilios]

Okay.... what you should have done is pin her down to a time/place for a date. Now this does not mean anything would have worked out, but at least you would know where you stood.

Never leave ANY ambiguity, ever.

Let me share what happened to me a couple of weeks ago with a chick to illustrate. Background... she runs a company that I helped her get off the ground. I've known her for 3 years... when I met her she was married, now she is divorced. I helped her company get her 1st round of funding and now she is taking off in a big way. She invited me to her 2nd anniversary celebration... I met her there... based on my read of her body language and demeanor when I met her it could go either way. Spent some time talking to her friends and only briefly spoke with her. I had to leave early and when I left this a a paraphrase of our conversation (what she really meant in (parentheses):

Me: I have to go and get my kids, but I would love to catch up... when are you free next week?

Her: I'll be out of town until Wednesday (Well... this gives me 3 days to blow him off).
Me: How about Thursday then, after work... I'll meet you at [restaurant] at 7pm.
Her: Text me and we'll set it up (Not really sue at this point what she is thinking, but her body language was telling me this is going to be a flake)
Me: Okay I'll text you. [Normally I would have just took this for what it was... a blow off. But I thought what the hell let's play this out]

Two days later:

Me [by text]: Thanks again for the invite, are we still on for Thursday?
Her: [No response] (Okay.... I hope he gets the message now that I'm just not interested... I have to remind myself not to invite him again to anything... if I see him again or he calls, I'll just make some excuse that my phone was bad or some such BS and hope he gets the message then)
Me: [I'll never contact her again]

There.... now I know, it's good for me and it's good for her. She's not interested and neither am I... it's so much better when you cut to the chase. Always try to pin her down to a specific time and place, if she is really interested she will bite or offer an alternative. Otherwise assume she is not interested and focus on chicks that are. Don't take it personal... and don't get butt hurt. It would certainly be better if chicks would just come out and say what they mean.... but then again they wouldn't be chicks and we wouldn't want them.

Chicks who like you and are interested make things easy... when they make things hard they do not want you in that emotional moment, and if the moment changes they will reach out again, or they are playing games that are no fun... no fun is not what you want.

I know that, but the part that I didn't get was the fact that she came over to talk to me and had asked me out on a date for that evening, I was just asking her what she liked to do for fun and we were talking about hiking and she then says "Would you want to go do that with me later this evening?". It wasn't like I had pressured her into anything, as she took it upon herself to initiate all of this.

Looking back on all of this I think the only real explanations to this are that she was just a massive attention ***** and/or is bat**** crazy. Regardless, she went out of her way to **** with me and I'm sure she does that to other guys as well. That's why I made this thread because I wasn't entirely sure if I did something wrong or if I just by chance met someone who was like this and in a setting that allowed for regular face to face interaction.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I posted a thread about this woman a while ago but I wanted to break this down and see what exactly happened and what to do in the future if something like this ever happens again.

Part 1:
- I approach woman who was a recent regular at my gym, prior to that I had caught her checking me out a couple times. Conversation goes very well and lasts about 10 minutes before letting her get back to her workout.
- 2 days later she is at the gym, she sees me, waves and comes over to talk to me. We are talking for a few minutes and the subject of hiking comes up, I mention a place she has never been to and she then proceeds to ask me if I'd like to do that with her later that afternoon/evening, so we exchange numbers.
- Right after she leaves she texts me asking if we could hang out another day, so I reply asking her if tomorrow she was available.....no response.
- Didn't hear from her and decided to text her a couple days later, still nothing, and tried one more time later in the week.
- At this point it was over a week since she had asked me out and hadn't heard from her so I send her a quick text saying that I didn't understand why she asked me out if she was just going to ghost on me and told her good luck with her college classes.
- She immediately starts texting me, literally within 5 minutes, and saying how she got a new phone, asking me how I am, etc. Next day she had called me, though I didn't pick up, but the whole thing felt off.
- See her at the gym a couple days later and the first thing out of her mouth was an explanation of how she supposedly dropped her phone. We talk for a while and she asks me if I was up to anything later but it felt off so I didn't make a move, reminded me too much like when she first asked me out.
- Couple days after that she is there again, we talk and she is letting me touch her thighs by encouraging me to feel what her yoga pants are like, comparing hand sizes, etc. She then asks me if I have netflix and I ask if she'd want to hang out that evening, which her response is "I'll text you" which obviously didn't come.

#nextSet

Big ups for approaching. Especially at the gym. I would say this and work is high risk. Low probability of success pending Chad/Tyrone status.

As for the chick, its a dead contact so, lose it. Go get more. There are billion of women. Moreover, if and only if a chick has high interest level, you pursue. Disregard her. N/C even when you see her. She can hit you up still but, if you lose her digits, you can't contact her. Get it?


There was once upon a time when men were men. Now a days, men are cucks, are dating hogs, slobs, fatties, single mom's. Each month, a new egg drops, and fertility dwindles and with it her utility of femininity. Make utility is taking action. Providing value. Women have a baseline assumed value based upon their utility. You, as a man do not until you provide said value.

The alternative is to step up. Women step aside as their utility and SMV craters. Meanwhile new girls will be turning 18/19/20/21 everyday.

Step your game up.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I know that, but the part that I didn't get was the fact that she came over to talk to me and had asked me out on a date for that evening, I was just asking her what she liked to do for fun and we were talking about hiking and she then says "Would you want to go do that with me later this evening?". It wasn't like I had pressured her into anything, as she took it upon herself to initiate all of this.

Looking back on all of this I think the only real explanations to this are that she was just a massive attention ***** and/or is bat**** crazy. Regardless, she went out of her way to **** with me and I'm sure she does that to other guys as well. That's why I made this thread because I wasn't entirely sure if I did something wrong or if I just by chance met someone who was like this and in a setting that allowed for regular face to face interaction.

The best part is the fallout. She wastes her utility as a attention ***** not realising the wall will hit much quicker then she expects. 30 is gross.

Sang, the point of game is to acquire compliance.

Better game allows you to sift through ****ery. As in blow me or blow me out. Fence sitters are worst because they are time vampires. Assume disinterest, back turn, and next her.

The solution to every "girl problem" is options.

 

[devilkingx2]

How's he going to get puzsy but not be able to get her on a date?

well, back in high school there was this girl I sort of unofficially had a thing with. we never went on any dates or became an official couple or anything, but I did get to feel her up and make out with her while we were at school, it was hard to get in touch with her outside of school (she rarely answered messages from anyone for whatever reason) and she was surprisingly popular, always having some friend to hang out with or some activity to do after school. however all I actually needed to do was capitalize on the time spent with her, like dragging her into the stairway when I saw her in the halls.

there's a girl I get like 15 minutes of alone time with after class (she likes to hang out with me until she gets picked up) that I realized would more or less be the perfect time to escalate and get some action

fun fact: at my old college people apparently used to have sex in the library like all the time. and other buildings on campus too.

I guess the moral of the story is that there's more paths to pvssy than the usual way so keep your eyes open

 

[RangerMIke]

Regardless, she went out of her way to **** with me and I'm sure she does that to other guys as well. That's why I made this thread because I wasn't entirely sure if I did something wrong or if I just by chance met someone who was like this and in a setting that allowed for regular face to face interaction.

There are chicks that do this just so they can have drama in their lives. They love stringing guys along and get a kick out of watching how men behavior. It makes them feel better about themselves.

The only thing you can do is to screen these b!tches out, and don't let her get her dopamine fix by yanking your chain. The only thing you did wrong was to not pin her down and have her commit to a time/place, and get a firm 'yes'... then you have to see if she shows up. If she doesn't forget about her.

In your case, she said she wanted to go out, the only thing you could have done is set a date, time/place/activity then shut your mouth and listen to what she says.... anything other than a unqualified 'yes' is no, then you just tell her another time then, and ignore her. If she does it again, you rinse and repeat try to pin her down. If she vacillates or equivocates then know you do not have a chick that really wants to spend time with you, and you should not give her another thought.

You let her get inside your head, never think about a chick that will not go out with you.

 

[Glassguy]

OP is getting strung along.

This chick makes a comment of getting together and OP jumped on it each time. She is more than likely seeing someone and is only seeking people's attention and validation that she could have them if she wanted.

Maybe she is getting ready to monkey branch. Who really knows.

All we know is that OP made the good approach and every time he put himself out there to ask her out she blew him off. Maybe if OP would have played a little harder to get things would have turned out differently, maybe not.

I would have done the same thing when she mentioned getting together later that day for hiking if I wasnt busy. But after you tried to set something up the second time to have her disappear, I would have been very leery in committing right away since that track record led to her disappearing.

She asked you out and then she flaked. That shows that she only wanted the validation of knowing she could get your attention.

I have a couple chicks in my rotation that constantly ask if I am free to do something. The 2 that I never give direct answers to and flake on are the 2 that chase me hard and literally dont quit. I see them on occasion but I blow them off more than I see them.

Think about that.

 

[Glassguy]

OP- Be natural around her if you see her at the gym. Be very friendly as you have been all the way up to when she pulls this again and asks you out.

What I would do when she does:

"Yeah I am tied up with stuff right now and I am talking to a few people so I am not really sure when I can get free with the little free time I have"

or

"Later today doesnt work. I am meeting someone for dinner. I'll let you know when I can get free later on down the road" and then dont get back to her. Wait till you see her at the gym again, let her ask you out again and then blow her off again.

or

"Hey you seem like you'd be fun to hang out with. I am not free anytime soon but if I get a free evening I will let you know and you can come over and hang out" --- Demotes her to plate since she isnt worth taking out on a date at this point. If you get a free evening the following week text her to come over. Either she does or she doesnt.

You just need more build up with this chick and to not be so available.