What should I do?

[WeaponOfWar]

Hello guys! This will be a bit of a long post, so please bear with me.

I've been dating this girl for almost two years. We were great, I've never had so much fun with a person, instantly connecting and to be able to chat about anything and lough for hours, she was like my best friend. She really understood me and was always there for me during my hard times, every single time.We are very close and we want the same things from life and we were really serious about everything. Unfortunately, we are also different people form various aspects. While we get along so well we also argue on little things because we are different. I got used to her differences and I actually find them amusing now, because well I love her and they don't bother me anymore.

The thing is we keep getting in the same argument since summer. She can't get over some things that I do, not on purpose, small things, my way of being. She keeps telling me that I'm not as extroverted as her, that our love is like ..well...she expects to feel butterflies and booms like she felt with the previous relationships. It's not a monotonous relationship, don't get me wrong, we do a ton of stuff, but for example she tells me that even when she feels like arguing I'm very calm. I don't know what she expects from me when we argue, I usually just let her blurt everything out and listen and then calmly talk, I'm not the kind to get angry and be mean. It's like she wants drama to shake things up. I don't like drama.

That our love is like the love of two old people...and she just gets annoyed by stuff, mostly when we talk online. College started and we didn't get to spend that much time together at the beginning because of our classes and we started arguing due to the fact that we were tired and such. and kept arguing and arguing. And I kept asking her out and she started telling me that she is to tired to go out and such, we went at a few concerts and that was it.

Last week we had the old talk again and she told me that she doesn't see a purpose in caring for someone when there are so many small things bugging her and that she feels will eventually end. That's why she was avoiding me. She told me she can't work on her character right now to change her wrong behavior. I asked her what she wants to do, she didn't know. We didn't speak for a while.

yesterday I talked to her and told her that we should stop doing this since i can accept her and she can't get over my small things and we've been dealing with this for about 5 months. That if we can't save our relationship we could at least save our friendship after all this passes(we talked calmly and as I said we are really close, she also is in good relations with her ex's). She also really wanted this. Now we are broken up. I was just constantly sad during this month and a half because I felt something was wrong and I was just to tired emotionally to fight anymore since she kept pushing me away. We both got a feeling of relief at that time, since there was so much tension building up. I get the feeling that even tho we both wanted a serious relationship that could last a lifetime(since we talked about that many times and we both wanted it and always made long term plans) we weren't ready at this certain time, since she wanted a bit of drama and "butterflies" and sometimes I wondered how it would be to experiment more, tho I never let these thoughts get to me or influence our relationship since I knew what really mattered, unlike her who let herself be affected by them.

My question isid I do the right thing or what should I do?
I really love her, but I don't want to completely lose her. And I feel guilty for not doing more during the beginning of the semester, since we argued and i never went to see her this month and calm her as I used to when we argued, because I usually arrived home very very late and i was just extremely tired and also very annoyed that she kept making excuses for not going out. I don't know if I should try and go talk to her to see if we can work things out or not, but if that goes wrong we might end up hating each other and not being friends in the future. Or if I should just shut up and let her seek me and see if she wants to change like I did and not be concerned of the small things. Somehow even if we were really serious, now I can be a bit of superficial and enjoy the last two years of college since she was only the second girl I was with. But I'm not the kind of guy that hooks up with random chicks, or really cares about that that much, I usually want something serious and put a good relationship above all else...but now I can try and hook up with random girls and go party and just not give a damn...but at the same time I feel really empty because I lost someone who made me really happy beyond any random fling would ever do and nothing can really give that back to me. Should I just let this the way it is and focus on moving on and remaining a friend with her later on(since we both want that after we heal), or try and fight to get her back...if that would even work?

 

[Desdinova]

From the gist of your post, I take it you're fairly young.

My advice would be to ditch her for five years and then go back to her. You're likely at the top of her high score list. Women don't really reach their maximum maturity level until they're in their mid-20s. That's the ideal time to return to her.

 

[Yewki]

I think your relationship should have ended months ago. She grew tired of you but was clinging on because she had no other options, and vice versa. What you were seeing was her true nature after she decided she was no longer totally into you. Even if you were to somehow get her to put up her facade again, history will repeat iteslf.

Don't waste any more time chasing an unrealistic dream with her. You should move on and consider this one done.

 

[RangerMIke]

If the little stuff is getting to her then her interest level is not that high. Women don't like it when the man they are attached to is more into them then they care about the guy.

The reason is that women are genetically driven to find the best available mate. When a man is TOO into her... subconsciously she feels like she could do better.

She knows you are more into her than the other way around and it makes her uncomfortable. The only thing to do is what you have done walk away and never try to contact her again. If she reaches out to you be polite and thank her for contacting you and for her to be in touch.

Do not try to date or ask her out... she has to come to you because deep down that is what she wants.

Now... go date other girls... you are not going to want to do this but trust me this is the only way to maintain your sanity.

 

[dustmuffin]

Forget her now. Don't be friends. Date other women and she might come back. If she does you may have found something better. The point is to get rid of your pain and aungish by getting over her. It might take a while. Best way to do it is no contact.

 

[WeaponOfWar]

I'm 22 actually. She is 21. She always kept saying how I'm the perfect husband material since she never met anyone as kind as me but she wanted more "flames" and bla bla bla and the "little things".
One of my female friends told me that the problem was that I was too nice, that women want a man that can put them in their place. At the beginning she was madly in love with me, when I wasn't so invested I was colder and when we argued I didn't get mad, just listen then say a few words to put her in her place, but she used to complain that I wasn't opening up to her too much so I did that and then things started going downhill...When we argued I started getting affected by what she was saying and I wasn't so cold and calculated.

Now she keeps posting sad songs and pictures on facebook so I guess she is in pain...

Well at this point she wasn't ready for something serious, she didn't have any real reasons to break up, like really bad things to complain about and she was too scared to initiate the break up and was just pushing me away and not saying it. SO I did it in order to do move in any direction and that I could focus on my work since I was constantly thinking and worrying . She was too sure on me always, as RangerMlke said. She needs to learn and grow, to appreciate things and maybe she can work on her character too, not just me and accept certain things

. And in the meantime I can focus on work and meet new people. If she comes back then I will be able to see if it's still what I want.