Im sixteen, i liked this girl in sixth grade but then at the time i didn't really notice her. Come eighth grade shes smoking hot. I asked her out in seventh . she said yes and its been two years and we don't talk in person and we never hang out. shes always busy. We only text. and occasionally we have phone sex. We aren't really close. and ive been trying to spark things up with her in person but never can because im shy and nervous and my face gets really red. What the hell should i do? and when we do text im the text to text.and also conversations are always the same we do this question game.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
What should i do
- Thread starter JBozz
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
LearningSlowly
Master Don Juan
Well obviously you see where this relationship is dysfunctional. It clearly is in a few ways. Understand that you need to push/pull in your interactions with her, neither giving her too much of you nor retracting too much.
Write down what you want your relationship to be, how often you want to see her, what you want to do when you do see her, how you want to talk to each other, etc. After it's written down, work toward those goals. Be glad that you made the decision to improve yourself before you lost her.
Write down what you want your relationship to be, how often you want to see her, what you want to do when you do see her, how you want to talk to each other, etc. After it's written down, work toward those goals. Be glad that you made the decision to improve yourself before you lost her.
Jack Wealthy
Master Don Juan
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- Nov 6, 2010
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Nervousness is a repeated thought. You get over it by acting. Once you actually start doing, nervousness basically dissappears.
I have no specific tactics or theories for you, because they're useless. You're dating. It is assured she wants you, so kiss her. You don't need a line or move to impress her, confidence will turn her on more than anything. And confidence is acting despite your nervousness at first.
I have no specific tactics or theories for you, because they're useless. You're dating. It is assured she wants you, so kiss her. You don't need a line or move to impress her, confidence will turn her on more than anything. And confidence is acting despite your nervousness at first.
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
NorwegianDJ
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2010
- Messages
- 2,553
- Reaction score
- 83
Desipite
Firstly, there's more girls. Talk to them. Expand your comfort zone, it's that way that you will grow as a person.
Just as I typed the above, I asked a girl out over facebook with
Her: (Referring to our convo about sex & porn)
Shweet
You go out and get the real thing(Y)
ME:
there's nothing better
while we're on the subject
lets hang out, sometime soon
Her:
Agreed
You think I was comfortable doing that? ****no. Not yet. I simply decided.. What the hell, I might as well try.
High risk / high reward.
Just do what you think you cant.
Firstly, there's more girls. Talk to them. Expand your comfort zone, it's that way that you will grow as a person.
Just as I typed the above, I asked a girl out over facebook with
Her: (Referring to our convo about sex & porn)
Shweet
You go out and get the real thing(Y)
ME:
there's nothing better
while we're on the subject
lets hang out, sometime soon
Her:
Agreed
You think I was comfortable doing that? ****no. Not yet. I simply decided.. What the hell, I might as well try.
High risk / high reward.
Just do what you think you cant.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
ohbe
Don Juan
It's just all in your head. Think about it. You already HAVE a girl, you're already POSTING here, obviously you got balls, you're the fvcking boss. Now get out there and don't think about any sht, just be yourself, go with the flow!
Jack Wealthy
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2010
- Messages
- 819
- Reaction score
- 10
Dude, you boost your confidence through doing it. You know all those loud mofos who pimp? Yeah, they were just as scared as you. But they did it anyway, over and over again, eventually they stopped being scared. Because they did it anyways.
LearningSlowly
Master Don Juan
Dude it's like there's no pressure on you to improve. You want things to be a certain way, but you have this crippling fear. We've all had it, it sucks. A lot of guys have an external, social pressure from their friends that makes them improve with girls. None of us have that, so we need to create an internal pressure.
It is your responsibility to WANT to get better. We can tell you how, and motivate you somewhat, but this one is really on you. Decide what you want, and get it.
(To explain push/pull: The basic concept is you want what you can't have. So you need to give someone space, but also be able to make strong, decisive moves. An example is this girl that I texted last night. I hooked up with her almost a year ago when she came to visit my friend. She'll be coming back next month. The reason we still talk very sexually, with a strong spark, is twofold. One, we haven't had sex yet, so there's something to look forward to. And second, I barely talk to her. I contact her maybe 40% of the time, and we always have conversations when I do. She contacts me 60% and I rarely respond to her. Last night I teased her, she responds with "jeeeze, dont be so mean" so I say " love you. Come here" and she says "I want your weiner in me." I thought at first that it was sarcastic, who says weiner? but apparently it wasn't. The push/pull in this is alternating gaps of no reply, with sexual conversations. Also the teasing alternated with sexual, sweeter talk. The first time we hooked up she called me mean often.)
^push/pull is a great concept, but at this stage you're far more likely to notice it working when you're doing well with a girl than if you tried to plan it out. This girls your girlfriend, you don't need tricks.
It is your responsibility to WANT to get better. We can tell you how, and motivate you somewhat, but this one is really on you. Decide what you want, and get it.
(To explain push/pull: The basic concept is you want what you can't have. So you need to give someone space, but also be able to make strong, decisive moves. An example is this girl that I texted last night. I hooked up with her almost a year ago when she came to visit my friend. She'll be coming back next month. The reason we still talk very sexually, with a strong spark, is twofold. One, we haven't had sex yet, so there's something to look forward to. And second, I barely talk to her. I contact her maybe 40% of the time, and we always have conversations when I do. She contacts me 60% and I rarely respond to her. Last night I teased her, she responds with "jeeeze, dont be so mean" so I say "
love you. Come here" and she says "I want your weiner in me." I thought at first that it was sarcastic, who says weiner? but apparently it wasn't. The push/pull in this is alternating gaps of no reply, with sexual conversations. Also the teasing alternated with sexual, sweeter talk. The first time we hooked up she called me mean often.)^push/pull is a great concept, but at this stage you're far more likely to notice it working when you're doing well with a girl than if you tried to plan it out. This girls your girlfriend, you don't need tricks.
LearningSlowly
Master Don Juan
We've all weighed in, but only you know what you need to do now.JBozz said:
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Yeah, you pretty much have to just do it. I lost my virginity in a public place after arranging it with some girl I'd met one/two days before. When I went to meet her, I felt so nervous I could barely talk... For real I had to keep pausing because I was finding it difficult to speak... The nerves nearly made me leave... But what it came down to was deciding to not keep backing out because otherwise I knew I wasn't going to ever get some. In the past I backed out of a LOT of sexual encounters and I'd had enough of it.JBozz said:
She wants it, so just ask her over. Make that step. I know you're nervous and go red, but realize you HAVE to do it at some point. So ask this girl over for a movie, actually FORCE yourself to do it. I'm telling you if you're having phone sex etc, if you go to do anything with her, she won't resist AT ALL.
It's up to you... You either do it NOW, and thank yourself and thank me after... OR, you let it go, and wait until you've repeated this same process SO many times, that you're too frustrated and finally snap and FORCE yourself to do it. My advice is to make yourself do it now.
DanZy
Master Don Juan
No one knows what exactly to do, every situation is different. One thing I think you need to do is man up, stop putting the ***** on a pedestal and stop being a little *****. Harsh yes, but very effective. If you want more confidence, stop asking for suggestions there's stickies dedicated to this everywhereJBozz said: