What should I do, she uses me and i use her

[Anpha]

Hello, i've been reading sosuave for the last 2 weeks, and it's very interesting to see that i'm that ****ing nice/feminine guy. I don't get things my way, with women or with other things. I generally give advice/be peoples soundboard, I don't make moves and am generally reserved. I have found this is why I have so many female friends, and less than a handful of relationships. I've learnt my mistakes and am incorporating new found knowledge on this forum to my general life day to day and I feel great.

One problem i have is, females from before you were a 'Don Juan'. Before i was reading this forum, i met a nice girl. She had read me like a book, knew me very well on an emotional level very early (very don juan esque) and given me some really solid advice. I put her on a pedestal. I had a date with her, which felt pretty solid, but i didn't escalate. I'm pretty sure since then i've doved deeper into the friendzone.
- I've been to the movies with her a couple times
- Social networking bbq
- Shopping

The problem with NEXTing this girl is, i'm not sure i can do it. She is a very nice girl, she is a HB6 but what's sexy is her intelligence. She has the mind of a 30 year old, we share same ideals, passion, study path and generally have deep conversations (sound boarding). She always encourages me to better myself and i do the same.

Since she has flaked on me the last two times (she has called apologizing and saying she will reschedule but never did, the second time she said she wasn't interested in doing X) I decided to NEXT her and stop giving her my cheap attention. The thing is, I like to talk to her. I need to use her university credentials to access the content and learn (i'm starting next semester) and would like to keep her as a business contact and not burn this bridge.

I've kept the conversations minimal, as I've realized I am a therapist to her way and kept the contact minimal unless she initiates. Am I doing the right thing? I honestly need to spin more plates to get over this oneitis but I have a couple questions for you experienced DJs, any advice is appreciated and I know it's hard to get the big picture without details but please give me your feedback, please.

Have I been friendzoned? Should i continue to CP? I am indifferent towards her now and don't generally give a **** if she messages/calls/doesn't wanna go out because I'm occupied with work and self-learning.

I generally only talk to her when I require advice and vice versa, she will ask me advice about fitness/food/business and I will ask her about properties,business, second language study etc.

Is it toxic to keep her as a friend? As the census around here is men can't have woman friends, they're only woman they haven't slept with yet.

What would you do in my situation?

 

[Serenity]

You can keep her as friend for practical purposes as you already do. But you might have to burn that bridge if you're changing yourself a lot. That's only natural, you change and the people surrounding you will be replaced with someone more fitting to who you are.

I don't believe you've got much romantic or sexual chance with her.

Keep in mind as you grow that you can't always have your way, nobody can. Some guys go too far over to the other side after not having their way for a very long time. It's only fair to have it your way sometimes though, but you can't expect others will let you. You gotta learn to take some space where others don't give you any.

 

[Anpha]

You can keep her as friend for practical purposes as you already do. But you might have to burn that bridge if you're changing yourself a lot. That's only natural, you change and the people surrounding you will be replaced with someone more fitting to who you are.

I don't believe you've got much romantic or sexual chance with her.

Keep in mind as you grow that you can't always have your way, nobody can. Some guys go too far over to the other side after not having their way for a very long time. It's only fair to have it your way sometimes though, but you can't expect others will let you. You gotta learn to take some space where others don't give you any.

Hey grewd, appreciate the response. I'd like to ask about this point:

'Keep in mind as you grow that you can't always have your way, nobody can. Some guys go too far over to the other side after not having their way for a very long time. It's only fair to have it your way sometimes though, but you can't expect others will let you. You gotta learn to take some space where others don't give you any.'

I'm not sure I quite understand this. I do understand the fact that as we change, our environments and our social circles will change as we 'out grow' them to say. From the gist of it I can see you're saying that I can't have the cake and eat it too. So I either choose to be platonic friends ONLY, or escalate and risk breaking/burning this bridge. That's a decision I've thought out in my head but I'm always towards playing it safe (comfortable AKA forever friendzoned).

God damnit, i do put myself first, but I see having a great social contact and improvement buddy seems to outdo having an exclusive relationship with this girl with the risk of burning the bridge. I need to keep at it, it seems i'm not at the right time in my life where I value my personal happiness over material happiness. I could have everything, but I'm not willing to risk it.

 

[Skyline]

Hello, i've been reading sosuave for the last 2 weeks, and it's very interesting to see that i'm that ****ing nice/feminine guy. I don't get things my way, with women or with other things. I generally give advice/be peoples soundboard, I don't make moves and am generally reserved. I have found this is why I have so many female friends, and less than a handful of relationships. I've learnt my mistakes and am incorporating new found knowledge on this forum to my general life day to day and I feel great.

One problem i have is, females from before you were a 'Don Juan'. Before i was reading this forum, i met a nice girl. She had read me like a book, knew me very well on an emotional level very early (very don juan esque) and given me some really solid advice. I put her on a pedestal. I had a date with her, which felt pretty solid, but i didn't escalate. I'm pretty sure since then i've doved deeper into the friendzone.
- I've been to the movies with her a couple times
- Social networking bbq
- Shopping

The problem with NEXTing this girl is, i'm not sure i can do it. She is a very nice girl, she is a HB6 but what's sexy is her intelligence. She has the mind of a 30 year old, we share same ideals, passion, study path and generally have deep conversations (sound boarding). She always encourages me to better myself and i do the same.

Since she has flaked on me the last two times (she has called apologizing and saying she will reschedule but never did, the second time she said she wasn't interested in doing X) I decided to NEXT her and stop giving her my cheap attention. The thing is, I like to talk to her. I need to use her university credentials to access the content and learn (i'm starting next semester) and would like to keep her as a business contact and not burn this bridge.

I've kept the conversations minimal, as I've realized I am a therapist to her way and kept the contact minimal unless she initiates. Am I doing the right thing? I honestly need to spin more plates to get over this oneitis but I have a couple questions for you experienced DJs, any advice is appreciated and I know it's hard to get the big picture without details but please give me your feedback, please.

Have I been friendzoned? Should i continue to CP? I am indifferent towards her now and don't generally give a **** if she messages/calls/doesn't wanna go out because I'm occupied with work and self-learning.

I generally only talk to her when I require advice and vice versa, she will ask me advice about fitness/food/business and I will ask her about properties,business, second language study etc.

Is it toxic to keep her as a friend? As the census around here is men can't have woman friends, they're only woman they haven't slept with yet.

What would you do in my situation?

I would go ghost since you've already taken her out more than twice without any escalation. Keep in mind that the chances of her reaching out to you may not be exactly high but if she does, be sure to ask her out. If she doesn't accept, or flakes, then you will most likely have to move on.

It would really be beneficial to talk to other girls at all times. Options really do have a hidden effect on people.

 

[Serenity]

@Anpha I was talking in general, about that point. Not about this particular case with this girl.

When you eventually discover that playing it safe keeps you stuck where you are, don't start risking too much. You will have to risk things no matter how you look at it with women. Taking risks does not exclude caution, but too much caution and there's no risk and no reward.