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What redflags did you ignore?

manfrombelow

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Like some wise man once said "You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality"

So, my SS brothers, would you mind sharing about what redflags did you ignore in your women, which came back and bite you in the azz eventually?

I'm gonna go first:

- She was born and raised in a matriarchal family, in which the mother lead in everything and every aspect of life.

- Her father, of course, a beta. He's very nice bloke. Tall, handsome, nice, but beta. If only you could see the way her mother ordered the poor guy around like a puppy.

- She loves eating meat. Should have known it's a sign of high testosterone aka being aggressive.

- She was very aggressive and angry even in the beginning of our relationships everytime she didn't have things her way.

- She wants everything operated her way, and dismissed my input and wishes virtually everytime.

- She loves arguing. And she loves to win in virtually everything. A natural competitor I must say.

- She has very low temper. Towards the end of our nightmare of a relationship, she lost it very easily, and everytime she did, she verbally showed me nothing but pure disrespect.

- She hates being submissive and being dominant by men. Hence our relationship was a constant battle of power struggle, and it was very very very mentally exhausted.

So yeah. I DID IGNORE all these redflags, and I was kind of punished for it. I learned my lesson the hardest way possible. What about you gents?
 
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2Rocky

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"When your only tool is a hammer every problem looks like a nail". Which means when a relationship fails, you associate everything as a red flag.

What I see here is that you were not strong in your leadership. So she saw an opportunity to be pushy and disrespectful.
 

manfrombelow

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What I see here is that you were not strong in your leadership. So she saw an opportunity to be pushy and disrespectful.
I didn't deny this. After all, when people disrespect you, it's because you've given them a reason to in the first place.
 
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Robert28

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"When your only tool is a hammer every problem looks like a nail". Which means when a relationship fails, you associate everything as a red flag.

What I see here is that you were not strong in your leadership. So she saw an opportunity to be pushy and disrespectful.
That crap gets exhausting butting heads with a woman all the time just because she doesn’t know how to act. All this “holding frame” stuff is crap, it’s tiresome. It wears you out mentally. Nothing is worth that kind of constant effort, not even her puzzy she thinks is made out of gold.
 

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manfrombelow

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That crap gets exhausting butting heads with a woman all the time just because she doesn’t know how to act. All this “holding frame” stuff is crap, it’s tiresome. It wears you out mentally. Nothing is worth that kind of constant effort, not even her puzzy she thinks is made out of gold.
The fact that you give people a reason to disrespect you doesn't mean you are not allowed to recognize the pre-existed redflags (if there were any) in them.
 
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Robert28

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The fact that you give people a reason to disrespect you doesn't mean you are not allowed to recognize the pre-existed redflags (if there were any).
No you definitely have to look for red flags and realize which ones are deal breakers and which ones you can tolerate….for now. I just don’t have time to get into a power struggle with a woman who’s got issues only a serious therapist can fix. Instead of me messing around holding frame and wasting my time on her, I can drop her and go find a girl with less issues. That’s why holding frame is overrated in my book.
 

oldmanofthesea

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While I do believe that there is very often a link between poor behavior or personality disorders and certain family dynamics, I personally don't disqualify based on learning of them. They are really only applicable in hindsight IMHO because not all women turn out bad due to various family dynamics.

Agree with Steve McQueen that hindsight is 2020.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Like some wise man once said "You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality"

So, my SS brothers, would you mind sharing about what redflags did you ignore in your women, which came back and bite you in the azz eventually?

I'm gonna go first:

- She was born and raised in a matriarchal family, in which the mother lead in everything and every aspect of life.

- Her father, of course, a beta. He's very nice bloke. Tall, handsome, nice, but beta. If only you could see the way her mother ordered the poor guy around like a puppy.

- She loves eating meat. Should have known it's a sign of high testosterone aka being aggressive.

- She was very aggressive and angry even in the beginning of our relationships everytime she didn't have things her way.

- She wants everything operated her way, and dismissed my input and wishes virtually everytime.

- She loves arguing. And she loves to win in virtually everything. A natural competitor I must say.

- She has very low temper. Towards the end of our nightmare of a relationship, she lost it very easily, and everytime she did, she verbally showed me nothing but pure disrespect.

- She hates being submissive and being dominant by men. Hence our relationship was a constant battle of power struggle, and it was very very very mentally exhausted.

So yeah. I DID IGNORE all these redflags, and I was kind of punished for it. I learned my lesson the hardest way possible. What about you gents?
It all comes down to respect. What people see as red flags, are just simple acts of disrespect and mistrust. Ultimately, it is up to you to set a strong frame and radiate confident leadership. And you already acknowledged this. This is a fundamental step towards being a better man moving forward: Being aware and proactive.

However, you cannot always control someone's mindset and behaviors. Ultimately it is not up to you to fix their insecurities and/or toxic behavior. What you can control is how aware you are of those traits and how much you value yourself to walk away from ANY situation that damages your masculine energy.

Now to me, the biggest red flag in women is denying their feminine energy and nature. There is a healthy level of submission that needs to happen within a relationship that brings polarity and sustainable balance.

At the end of the day, respect is critical and non-negotiable. Just like genuine desire is.

Hope this helps.

Modern Man Advice
 

mrgoodstuff

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It all comes down to respect. What people see as red flags, are just simple acts of disrespect and mistrust. Ultimately, it is up to you to set a strong frame and radiate confident leadership. And you already acknowledged this. This is a fundamental step towards being a better man moving forward: Being aware and proactive.

However, you cannot always control someone's mindset and behaviors. Ultimately it is not up to you to fix their insecurities and/or toxic behavior. What you can control is how aware you are of those traits and how much you value yourself to walk away from ANY situation that damages your masculine energy.

Now to me, the biggest red flag in women is denying their feminine energy and nature. There is a healthy level of submission that needs to happen within a relationship that brings polarity and sustainable balance.

At the end of the day, respect is critical and non-negotiable. Just like genuine desire is.

Hope this helps.

Modern Man Advice
What if she has not "damaged" it yet, but is fighting to win space in your masculine energy? So she's working on it and constantly trying to diminish and chip it?
 

rjc149

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My responses in bold.

Like some wise man once said "You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality" This was a quote by Ayn Rand, a female writer from the USSR who wrote such trash-philosophy novels as The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged.

So, my SS brothers, would you mind sharing about what redflags did you ignore in your women, which came back and bite you in the azz eventually?

I'm gonna go first:

- She was born and raised in a matriarchal family, in which the mother lead in everything and every aspect of life. Check.

- Her father, of course, a beta. He's very nice bloke. Tall, handsome, nice, but beta. If only you could see the way her mother ordered the poor guy around like a puppy. Either that, or was absent.

- She loves eating meat. Should have known it's a sign of high testosterone aka being aggressive. Not scientifically proven that high meat consumption is correlated with high testosterone. High testosterone is correlated with high muscle mass, which is maintained through high meat consumption. Women who eat lots of meat often have stinky vaginas, in my experience, which is why I deem it a red flag.

- She was very aggressive and angry even in the beginning of our relationships everytime she didn't have things her way. Check. She only feels secure in relationships that she controls. She cannot trust the man. Men are either weak, or abandon her. She has to take care of things. This usually is rooted in the first two points above.

- She wants everything operated her way, and dismissed my input and wishes virtually everytime. Just sounds like a Type A cvnt.

- She loves arguing. And she loves to win in virtually everything. A natural competitor I must say. High-conflict women are usually insecure and anxious, and create conflict as a means of feeling closer and more connected to their partners. They seek the validating reassurance that their partner still cares about them, by deliberately provoking reactions from them -- any reaction.

- She has very low temper. Towards the end of our nightmare of a relationship, she lost it very easily, and everytime she did, she verbally showed me nothing but pure disrespect. Lack of communication skills to properly voice her issues, concerns, and upset feelings.

- She hates being submissive and being dominant by men. Hence our relationship was a constant battle of power struggle, and it was very very very mentally exhausted. Women all prefer being sexually submissive, but anxiously-attached women will often need to feel in control of the relationship in order to feel secure. Women like this are happier in relationships with a very emotionally nurturing and compliant male. These relationships can be successful, as long as the woman isn't actively sought after by other males. If she's attractive, but anxious and controlling, her relationships with men will all be shorter term. You won't be her unicorn.

So yeah. I DID IGNORE all these redflags, and I was kind of punished for it. I learned my lesson the hardest way possible. What about you gents? Did you ignore them, or were you simply unaware that they were red flags at the time? Was this willful disregard of reality, or simply a lack of experience and wisdom?
 
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Modern Man Advice

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What if she has not "damaged" it yet, but is fighting to win space in your masculine energy? So she's working on it and constantly trying to diminish and chip it?
You walk away. No man should have time for women playing games, throwing s**t tests, or even worse trying to diminish your masculine energy.

Women will often test you. They crave a man that can stand their ground and they can trust can lead them. That is not necessarily a bad thing. But there is a fine line, shades of grey when you need to recognize when it becomes toxic and habitual.

Modern Man Advice
 

mrgoodstuff

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You walk away. No man should have time for women playing games, throwing s**t tests, or even worse trying to diminish your masculine energy.

Women will often test you. They crave a man that can stand their ground and they can trust can lead them. That is not necessarily a bad thing. But there is a fine line, shades of grey when you need to recognize when it becomes toxic and habitual.

Modern Man Advice
Thanks. When it's her habit to have that space, she will be constantly fighting for it from you. It never ends. I can agree an occasional test for sturdiness makes perfect sense, but it should never be never ending.
 

kekePower

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My list is 90% like OP.

The reason I got into a relationship with her was my simping at the time. There has been so many cringe moments that I can't stand and I don't believe I'll be able to rectify these behaviours, I will use this situation to practice and become a better man. I'm doing it for me and for my sons (One of which is with this chick).
 

Zimbabwe

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-She had a long list of ex boyfriends

-she broke up with her ex becuase he wanted to spend time with his father who had Dementia

-she was super clingy from the start

-she wanted to move things along really fast, like meeting parents after meeting each other only a week ago

-she had read receipts turned off and hid her last seen on whatsapp

-she wanted access to my phone to see if i was talking to other girls

-she always wore a ton of makeup

-She couldn't cook and would eat out everyday, which is a gigantic waste of money

The straw that broke the camels back was when she was having a fit, over the fact that i was taking a two week holiday with family and didn't invite her along. Breaking up with her was the best thing I ever did.
 
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metalwater

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only two modes.

One, she is actively trying to get you to like her.

Two, she is NOT actively trying to get you to like her.

The list of how she does this is what many of the threads are about.

red flags are mostly irrelevant if she is trying to get you to like her, when she stops doing that we start looking for a red flag because must be some reason, everything that is her not getting closer to us is a red flag. and then even worse is we start trying to get her to like us.

a subtle difference in; trying to get her to like us VS trying to get her to WANT us to like her.

an example: if she is trying to get you to like her she will not put you under competition, she will just be submissive. if she is not trying to get you to like her then she will just go on and do whatever she wants and also try to get others to like her as much or instead of you. when she pulls back (stops trying to get you to like her) we see all the red flags, she is doing things not designed to get us to like her but because she wants to, and that or those actions are more important to her than getting us to like her.

this is why hot girls are often a pain in the ass, they don't put much effort into getting us to like them and won't unless it is important to them that we like them. the key is in how to get them to WANT to get us to like them.

this is the same for a short time or long time setup.

directly trying to get her to like you is a fool's errand, a simp, and will not work.

her trying to control you is not the same as her trying to get you to like her.
 

ubercat

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So many. Every single mom.

The cute red head I married who only wanted us to hang out with her weird family.

Smoking hot part srilankan chick i shacked up with had a wonderful wonderful arse but was a disaster at life and kept trying to drag me into half baked business ideas.

And there are the shameful shots i never took. The blonde macedonian chick who I only realised was into me when one day we were watching a movie and i suddenly noticed she was lying on top of me. The stunning psych identical twin girl i had as a roomie. When my girlfriend would come in stay in my room this chick would sit on the deck outside in play the flute mornfully. I only ever got a kiss off that chick i should have married her.

Then I discovered online dating. Then.....it got freaky

Loose wires and hormones boys. For fun only.
 
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Solomon

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Recent chick I dated

-30+ living at her parents home

-Didn't offer to pay for the 2nd date, did cook on the 3rd date

-Emotional trauma from her ex-husband who supposedly was a weedhead bum and didn't work for 5 years

-she supported him for 5 years and they had to move back with her parents

-Lack of affection, and seemed emotionally unavailable

Honestly women like that are concubine material at best but want you to "wife" them when they are still dealing with trauma
 

corrector

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Like some wise man once said "You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality"

So, my SS brothers, would you mind sharing about what redflags did you ignore in your women, which came back and bite you in the azz eventually?

I'm gonna go first:

- She was born and raised in a matriarchal family, in which the mother lead in everything and every aspect of life.

- Her father, of course, a beta. He's very nice bloke. Tall, handsome, nice, but beta. If only you could see the way her mother ordered the poor guy around like a puppy.

- She loves eating meat. Should have known it's a sign of high testosterone aka being aggressive.

- She was very aggressive and angry even in the beginning of our relationships everytime she didn't have things her way.

- She wants everything operated her way, and dismissed my input and wishes virtually everytime.

- She loves arguing. And she loves to win in virtually everything. A natural competitor I must say.

- She has very low temper. Towards the end of our nightmare of a relationship, she lost it very easily, and everytime she did, she verbally showed me nothing but pure disrespect.

- She hates being submissive and being dominant by men. Hence our relationship was a constant battle of power struggle, and it was very very very mentally exhausted.

So yeah. I DID IGNORE all these redflags, and I was kind of punished for it. I learned my lesson the hardest way possible. What about you gents?
She had kids.
 
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