what next eh!?

[thelad]

Yo all Irish guy here, hard of hearing/deaf 39 married separated a year divorce pending in 2019 ,its hard to write too much about it as I'm a lazy git, I know I need that needs to change if I want to up my game with the ladies/hos anyway I've seen the red pill woken up a year now cos I found out that all she wanted was my value. she had previous debt and crazy family dramas and ****e its settled as she is the higher earner so she's **** deep in debt and im not so im off ski away from from the hoor.

I feel I know the answers to the next stage and get meself plates and the like .. I do approach , online and offline but like many I either fail to clinch the deal or just don't bother...dont get me wrong im confident with it C&F but just I dont trust my own hearing then I worry ill get shot down cos I said something that wasn't even linked to the convo or they seeing my hearing aid they go awww ill talk to him but he's not f**kable enough for me toomuch like work for them.. bul****e like that! different when u know me but the moments gone needs to be in the same time space if that makes any sense?

Physically im lazy I know this bit of a beer belly rounded off but tall I know I gotta work on attraction and myself with that I already get minor approaches or good eye contact.

most of the time im on my own nowadays but deffo better with friends/wingmen about me even though a couple can be ****blockers!!

its hearing them properly and clinching the deal I think

tell me am wrong and ill gladly take solid advice lads

 

[Spaz]

Good start there with your post.

Best place to start is by learning frame.

Even most of the regulars don't quite get it.

I've read POOK, well some of his threads and I concur with his views there, pretty solid stuff.

Some of the regulars (some solid men here) have mentioned Rollo, I've not read any of his stuff yet, give it a look too.

Welcome to SS, we can be a bit harsh but it's from a masculine frame and not personal. Enjoy, grow and be open to changes.

 

[thelad]

Thanks Spaz , I get it alright after a year of being red pilled ... very steep learning curve and acceptance...not so bad now though you know what they say about time. I don't profess to be expert at anything just know the score its about implementing the moves privately to my advantage I would say I'm at static mode but observing and learning , currently at uni which every divorcing man should do for headspace and escape! like I say I am hard of hearing so tying that in with new skills is gonna take bit of time..which im happy to learn build frame around it once I fully understand it and practice, and I got the rational male book too very direct no bs.
well open to views and and grow from there.

cheers & chat to ye later fella

 

[resilient]

Separation and divorce is tough. Especially after the years investing into a person and the future you two were both building.

What helped me get through that phase was finding myself again. I came back here, talked to a few old members, and discussed how I was going to put my life back together. Ironically, that didn’t entail running out there cold approaching any and all woman that I encountered.

I joined Meetup and started attending events to make new friends. Many of my married friends disassociated themselves from me, so I had to start over. The point is, stay social. Don’t isolate yourself. You need friends and family support to get through this.

Become your own best friend. Sit and think what are your best qualities you like about yourself, affirm them.

Try new hobbies. What’s on your bucket list? Do a few of those since you’re debt free.

When you’re ready to date again, get out there. Staying single with zero dates for a year helped me rebuild. That may or may not be what you need depending how emotionally detached you are from your spouse.

 

[Serenity]

I dont trust my own hearing then I worry ill get shot down cos I said something that wasn't even linked to the convo or they seeing my hearing aid they go awww ill talk to him but he's not f**kable enough for me toomuch like work for them.

You've gotten general advice, which I do agree with. So I'll be a bit specific about this one thing in case you feel this is a limiting factor. I see 2 ways around challenges such as this. You can try to hide it until they're attracted enough by other things to not care, or you can own it, let them know early and get a unique chance at making jokes out of it. I would probably do the latter, because it shows you're comfortable in your own skin while also being funny. Hiding it may signal insecurity. There's no point hiding it, because it's how you are, you can't change it and revealing it lets you use it as an explanation when you mishear what she says without causing awkwardness.

The "awww, I'll talk but not fvck" can be countered with initial self-confidence and a masculine frame. Present yourself in a way they just can't pity, inform about your bad hearing, but don't present it as a notable weakness or appear even the slightest bit insecure about it.

There is a third alternative though, but it's really just a combination of the other 2. You don't mention your hearing at all until it's relevant to mention it, I think this is the most natural approach. Like you respond to something you thought she said, but you misheard and your response make no sense. Pretty awkward situation if you're trying to hide the fact that your hearing sucks, probably no problem at all if you just say why that happened and crack a quick joke before moving on. They show pity towards you? Return the favor, find an imperfection and pity her, she'll get the point.

Main point: Don't believe for a second that it will be an issue, if you come from that frame it sure is an issue.

 

[thelad]

Thanks guys ill take that advice head on , hasn't been an easy ride for the past year (was married to a doctor and psychiatrist at that) and half actually but Ive learnt hell of a lot since I left her and I since I left the area for uni for last 2 months (teaching degree)its been a quantum leap lol I like the fact there's take the deafness into a strength and fvuk what people think....that will get the attention. for now Im slowly building my frame no ******* moves just playing it safe..it works for a time but a month ago I went on a Meetup ....didnt work out too old a group...yeah I know I was like wtf am I doing here. then I had online two dates...scared the **** outta me when met them.its like I've picked the ex-wife again...hard to describe the worst was when they asked too many questions close to the wind! probers....run lol

resilient yeah you did the right thing in moving on....it seems like its always the male that has to start over but not the female...especially when she was the stranger in your area and friendships its an injustice but the brutal truth is that we let them....lot of men aren't willing to accept that. end of the day how are things now?? are you divorced yet?

I like the idea of staying social which I do but not to the extent id like...but im not ready yet for the full blown social moves...divorce is still over hanging ye wouldn't wish on it on my worst enemy it is settled no fault but it'll take another year legally...thats the system for ya. at least she had no weapons to use..(kids)

so two main points design my deafness on strength approaching from a C&F view if needed and stay social for now to ward off isolation which I do.
I do have a **** sleep pattern and I need to work out and get into the art of not giving a **** when it comes to women(getting the hang of it)