My friend and I were pretty much debating this for the whole entire night. Me for LTR's and him for ONS's. I personally cannot see the point of one night stands. Sure you get your sexual urge out but jacking off can do just the same, a lot quicker and a lot cheaper and no one's feelings gets hurt. For me the first time you kiss or whatever feels like nothing, like you're just going through the motions. It gets better and better every time. For me one of the best feelings one can feel is laying together with someone your care about deeply, in bed just completely intertwined with one another, like you've become one entity. There is such little feeling with a person you don't know. Yes it may be fun but that only goes so far. Someone please explain to me the point and meaning of one night stands / short term relationships, because I sure can't figure it out.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
What meaning do you find in ONS's
- Thread starter paulwis
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
So what if you knew how to have a ONS without the cost overhead and its a mutual want without having to misrepresent anything?paulwis said:
Difference between lust and love. Sure, you could have either independently but I've found that love is even better if you can lust after one another. Unfortunately, a lot of people who go after love first don't often get to the lust part nearly as often as people who first lusted after one another and then ended up falling in love.paulwis said:
Consider this too, how often do you hear about couples who were in love that complain about the relationship losing passion? How often do you hear about couples who lust over each other complaining about passion?
The thrill of being completely in the moment with another person. It's a thrill that not everyone can understand. Another thing is that if done well, there's a very good chance of multiple return engagements.paulwis said:
yeah this is kinda how I feel. Often after ONS I feel dirty and kinda empty or lame...dunno why. I never say this to the girl or anyone, but yeah I know what you mean. But then again it's not like I'm going for ONS all the time.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Kev07
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2006
- Messages
- 1,706
- Reaction score
- 9
I personally, will never have a ONS, doesn't mean i'll be getting into a relationship, I just decide to keep talking to the ONS, building a relationship(friendship/****buddy/whatever) and getting the most out of life.
Obsidian said:
Yes, it's true, sex is really simply an act which we are "wired" to perform. And the "purpose" (if you want a label) is procreation. Sociopsychological stuff is all intertwined with sex, and that is BECAUSE it's important for us to want to have sex, so that we reproduce (i.e., the "Selfish Gene" commands us. -- this is not about our selfishness, but the gene's)
So, what do we have? An act which we find pleasurable, and to which we attach all kinds of stuff, in order to have a society which "works." There are frequently consequences to the act, and because we are human, with higher reasoning skills than the "lower" animals, we make up all kinds of rules about sex. Dogs just f*ck, they don't worry about what f*cking means. And, the fact that some SMALL number of animal species are "monogamous" is irrelevant. The sex "means" nothing to them, They are simply playing by the instinctual drives that they have inherited.
Sex "means" nothing, in reality. It's a biological function. We, as humans, have attached a lot of stuff to it. That's not WRONG, but it is what it is. Stuff we've made up. And we made it up in a sort of "evolution" of culture, in a collective attempt to give ourselves the best chances of survival, reproduction, and raising the products of that reproduction.
So, when you ask "what meaning is there in a ONS?," one can answer --- nothing, or everything, or whatever one wishes.
What's the "meaning" of a beautiful sunrise, or a shot of 20yo scotch, or, closer to home, the sound of the laughter of one's children? What we find meaning in, we find meaning in. Sex is sex. Everyone has their answer.
(I like ONS's a LOT, BTW. But I like the sounds of my kids laughing more.)
Lord Shinra
Senior Don Juan
I'm not a fan of ONS's, but I've had a few and actively search them out anytime I'm out.
You never know.
You never know.