What kind of cognitive motivation compels people toward this kind of behavior?

[thatfeel]

I'm trying to avoid labeling anything as a "mental disorder" because I am sure we all have different defense mechanisms and what not. But I feel like this one is more serious and is motivated by an underlying condition.

Let me explain and preface: I'm sure many avid readers here are aware of the ridiculous relationship I'm in(massive age difference between us). Honestly there have been a lot of times when I feel like I get treated like sh!t emotionally and abused, in a sense. So this is what happens. I man up and tell her flat out that sometimes she treats me like an idiot/retard and that her behavior is sometimes unacceptable given her age. Her response is NEVER to address the issue at hand or to "be the better man". Her response is ALWAYS something like a straw-man: "I cook how often for you and you're complaining?" "I bought you XYZ and you're complaining about how I treat you?" "I gave you pu$$y this morning and you're going to complain now?"

Like I just always hear things similar to that stuff. I could be telling her that my dog just died and I wish she would show some sympathy and be like "You never show me any emotional support" and I guarantee I would get one of those aforementioned canned responses.

So, without trying to apply the DJ logic too hard to this you guys, or telling me that I'm dating my mom, I'm really interested in the social dynamic behind this and why people deflect in this manner?

Deep insight would be appreciated.

 

[LandingWood]

Run

 

[Bokanovsky]

I'm trying to avoid labeling anything as a "mental disorder" because I am sure we all have different defense mechanisms and what not. But I feel like this one is more serious and is motivated by an underlying condition.

Let me explain and preface: I'm sure many avid readers here are aware of the ridiculous relationship I'm in(massive age difference between us). Honestly there have been a lot of times when I feel like I get treated like sh!t emotionally and abused, in a sense. So this is what happens. I man up and tell her flat out that sometimes she treats me like an idiot/retard and that her behavior is sometimes unacceptable given her age. Her response is NEVER to address the issue at hand or to "be the better man". Her response is ALWAYS something like a straw-man: "I cook how often for you and you're complaining?" "I bought you XYZ and you're complaining about how I treat you?" "I gave you pu$$y this morning and you're going to complain now?"

Like I just always hear things similar to that stuff. I could be telling her that my dog just died and I wish she would show some sympathy and be like "You never show me any emotional support" and I guarantee I would get one of those aforementioned canned responses.

So, without trying to apply the DJ logic too hard to this you guys, or telling me that I'm dating my mom, I'm really interested in the social dynamic behind this and why people deflect in this manner?

Deep insight would be appreciated.

You shouldn't be fvcking your mom. Or a woman old enough to be your mom. Period, end of story.

 

[Tictac]

You choose this.

You deal with it.

 

[betheman]

there is no cure, it isnt going to get any better...persoanally I wouldnt be putting up with that Sh!te and would just leave

 

[thatfeel]

Not asking for a cure, asking about the social dynamics.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I'm betting she is really hot/cute and you think you cannot do better than her.

Well, that actually shows, and she will eventually see that you cannot do better than her. When that happens, we will be seeing you a lot on the

"Just got dumped: Read this First (The NC Challenge)" thread.


Bottomline, just leave when you still got you sh*t together bro...
It is a very heavy emotional toll letting girls like this (i.e.My ex) leave you and going cold turkey.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Not asking for a cure, asking about the social dynamics.

Aww, you wanna know the social dynamics. Do a favor to yourself, and read this

Borderline Personality Disorder (aka Crazy Bit*h)

 

[Bible_Belt]

If she were better at making men happy, she wouldn't have been single at this age.

 

[iamnobody]

Why would you care about social dynamic in this particular case? Older woman + (much) younger guy is just horrid. Just drop her and find someone better.

I don't want to be offensive in any way but instead of asking about the social dynamics regarding this older woman, perhaps you should ask yourself why are you drawn to women that old.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Cuz she thinks you're a wuss....

And, this board has been telling you to run from this chick since you started posting about her.

Put on your big boy pants.

Either run or lay in the bed you've made and quit complaining.

 

[thatfeel]

Aww, you wanna know the social dynamics. Do a favor to yourself, and read this

Borderline Personality Disorder (aka Crazy Bit*h)

Haha, thanks for the link, but I've already read all of the essays about BDP on that page It was incredibly educational. But not so sure it applies specifically to this case. I have no doubt though that she suffers from some degree of BDP.

 

[Driggs]

Start backing away and she will treat you better. You are the one with the real power in the relationship.

 

[thatfeel]

Start backing away and she will treat you better. You are the one with the real power in the relationship.

I live with her. So should I start no contact in the house?

 

[Skyline]

Honestly there have been a lot of times when I feel like I get treated like sh!t emotionally and abused, in a sense. So this is what happens. I man up and tell her flat out that sometimes she treats me like an idiot/retard and that her behavior is sometimes unacceptable given her age. Her response is NEVER to address the issue at hand or to "be the better man". Her response is ALWAYS something like a straw-man: "I cook how often for you and you're complaining?" "I bought you XYZ and you're complaining about how I treat you?" "I gave you pu$$y this morning and you're going to complain now?"

Like I just always hear things similar to that stuff. I could be telling her that my dog just died and I wish she would show some sympathy and be like "You never show me any emotional support" and I guarantee I would get one of those aforementioned canned responses.

That's just disrespect. There's no magic term for disrespect so "What kind of cognitive motivation compels people toward this kind of behavior?" is just you trying to justify her actions because it seems like she has you whipped or you have oneitis if not both. If a girl told me that consistently, I would either tell her once or withdraw(if not both) and demote her instantly to FB until she got her sh*t together.

Or agree with Bible_Belt in the sense on why she's single for her age. It seems like you also need to reevaluate your screening process.

 

[JoeMarron]

I live with her. So should I start no contact in the house?

I see why you're putting up with her bullsh!t now. I bet you're stuck with her. Piss her off and you become homeless. It looks like getting your financial house in order is priority number one

 

[SgtSplacker]

Women never try to find a solution in an argument, it's all emotional for them never rational. When you bring up her treatment of you, she's not thinking intellectually (damn maybe I need to be nicer to him he feels butthurt.). She's only worried about herself and how she feels, so what you get is an emotionally defensive answer from her. She is just defending herself from your perceived assault and that's as far as it goes with her. She is not trying to figure anything out, or make things better for you. She just doesn't want to feel like she is loosing. That's it... square one is as far as any women can get in an argument with a man, like two cats fighting in an alley nothing get resolved.

Want to win the argument? Start treating her like nothing she does is good enough for you, and never talk to her about it just treat her that way. Now you will be speaking in her language, speak to her with emotion not words. Don't tell her you are not happy with her, treat her that way.

 

[VladPatton]

I don't care how old she is, she has the mind of a child; always wants to win and be on top. Why would you stay with a woman like this? Mind boggling.