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What I've come to realize after dumping my LTR

Jack22

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Very long post

If she really wanted to love me, she wouldn't have had shared it with her "boy-friends" on Instagram. She was addicted to the attention the same way men today are addicted to pornography. She was scared of making a sole partner responsible for that WANT for attention, which she had been receiving from others. Just as a man has a WANT for sex, but is scared of exclusivity with a woman and, in fear after being denied sex, turns to receive it from pornography or a hooker.
A relationship in which a man commits to a woman but the man still watches pornography is sexual cheating. A relationship in which a woman commits to a man but still chooses to receive attention from other men is emotional cheating. Both are equally terrible, and if a woman is emotional cheating its the male equivalent of the man ducking another girl.

A mature person knows they are not being faithful, and if their love for you is real than they would be truly exclusive.
That's what a monogamous relationship is, making someone that sole person responsible for their wants in their life.

For women, it's committing solely to a man for attention/comfort/security, for a man it's committing solely to a woman sexually.

My ex continued to receive attention from her duckboy friends from the country she just moved from over instagram.
During an argument over me telling her not to dye her hair pink or get a shifty tattoo, she said there were plenty of other guys who would love to date her even if she got it, so therefore she was cheating on me because she wasn't fully

invested in me and had been receiving attention/security/fun from someone else.

Women are scared of being left alone (naturally, if you were a woman alone in the wild during the stone age you'd be dead). The fact that she had said this meant that she was spinning plates and had the confidence from those plates that if I left her she had someone to fall back on.
Couples are supposed to work things through together, even get into small fights if they have to. Since she was unwilling to change for me, it was obvious she wasn't very serious about me.

Never commit to a woman early on, or else she will never appreciate what you're giving her, and that thing is called security.

A relationship in which a woman asks a man to be sexually exclusive, but the woman is not emotionally/attention exclusive, it will not last because the woman has already decided she won't be faithful and will "keep her options open". Shes scared of being without security and is emotionally anxious because of it, that's why she seeks out other options. Well guess what, part of being in a relationship means taking risks. I understand womens innate need for security, but a woman who shares her attention with more than one man is already cheating. It's the same principal as if a woman decided she's going to not let her partner have sex because she's already ****ing her neighbor, or if a man decided not to have sex with his partner because he just jacked off to some pornography.

Obviously you can have "work colleagues" or whatever. But if a woman shares her emotions/attention with that person that's just one step away from ****ing the milkman.

Next time my girlfriend asks me about how she's getting a **** tattoo or dying her hair pink, I'm going to tell her I don't want her to get it. If she does it anyway, I'm going to dump her or just leave without saying a word. (Previously, I had made the mistake of saying I'd leave her if she did get it, which is manipulation and a beta move. It's better to just say no to that idea without any threats) if she knew the line in the sand was drawn but crosses it anyway, It means she doesn't have any respect for you. A woman who doesn't respect you will never be faithful.

Wanting your partner to respect your wishes isn't too much to ask. The only reason that's so much to ask for from women nowadays is because society is filled with weak feminine men and masculinized women.

It's not "controlling" or "abusive". It's having respect for your partner, and a relationship where a woman has no respect for her man, or a man for his woman, WILL FAIL.
Some other things that I've learned:

NEVER trust a woman who has a lot of male friends. It means shes an attention addict, just like a porn addict. Whenever the relationship gets into any trouble she'll go crying to her "male friends" and get validation. If she stops giving attention to her boyfriend, know that it's the equivalent of a guy getting erectile dysfunction because he just cheated on her with some porn or a hooker. Something to point out though, a women may give you the silent treatment when she's mad, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's cheating. If you maintain your frame and she comes back to you after a week or a month to make amends for being mad at you it means she still respects you and hasn't cheated. But if this chick doesn't reach out at all, I've got some bad news for you.

If a woman approaches you and OVERTLY asks you out, "hey you're cute, can I have your number" be very wary of her. If she has the confidence to approach a stranger and ask him to a date, she knows she has other options and isn't scared of being turned down. It MAY also mean she's an attention addict. On the other hand, a woman who COVERTLY, signals attraction to you (stares at you, laughs at your jokes even if they're not funny, or gives other subtle signs of attraction) means she's a feminine woman, and it also means you should grow some balls and ask her out. That's been my observation about my last relationship.

Never commit to a woman who won't commit to you.

Technology has made things a lot easier, including cheating. If a woman is texting another man, whether for entertainment, advice, or because she wants to be told she is pretty, she's getting her attention fix, and you guessed it, it's cheating. The only exception is if it's literally for work. (But personally, I don't believe women should be in the workplace anyway as it creates opportunities to find a new partner. Believe what you will)

Something I'll try in my next relationship when a woman brings up "the talk" of exclusivity, I'm going to covertly say I'm still going to keep in touch with my ex-girlfriend or female friends AND not overtly say I'm committed to the relationship. I made that mistake and quickly realized the relationship was one sided, I wasn't getting any attention or sex from her, but she had all the power as she had been receiving attention from others.

Would love to hear what you guys think about my observations.
 

metalwater

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Would love to hear what you guys think about my observations.
sounds authentic.

if you tell her how you want her to behave and she does so, what else can she do?

you will never have a satisfying LTR with a woman that is receiving other male attention. after you tell her not to do that and she doesn't do it that you know off.. what else can she do?

when SHE asks for the relationship it's ok to clarify if it's only exclusive about physical or if it is also exclusive about attention. you can decide based on what she tells. you're going to likely have at least a few that you dismiss because she wants you to be exclusive to her, but is not willing or does not want to be exclusive to you.

if you allow it because she should have freedom of choice or you don't want to be looked down on for being jealous or controlling that means you are a "chicken". letting others force you to accept something you don't actually like. you will find a few men that get this topic really well and will walk all over you if you let them. this is the slippery slope to failure and very bad for your self-respect. it also will cause her to want more of the others and less of you. she will let you know if she does not want your protection. if she does not want your protection then cut her loose and others will want that position.

you are the judge, not her.
 

Jack22

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Very good post, thank you for your thoughtful reply.
I've been in that "chicken" position with my first boss, who was a terrible person. I quit soon after and he was complaining why he could never find anyone willing to work for him. Now I use him in my mind as motivation for my lifts. Whenever I benchpress, I imagine I have him locked in a chokehold and he's trying to escape. " I got to push this last rep, or else he'll get free!"

Unless they're in a position over me, I don't really pay them any mind. I was actually that person when I was young. Very manipulative and subversive. What I've learned is that manipulation is a woman's weapon, like poison. It's cowardly and reflects on the persons character poorly if a man were to do it. There are other methods of achieving similar goals without having to lower yourself to such tactics.
 

corrector

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Very long post

If she really wanted to love me, she wouldn't have had shared it with her "boy-friends" on Instagram. She was addicted to the attention the same way men today are addicted to pornography. She was scared of making a sole partner responsible for that WANT for attention, which she had been receiving from others. Just as a man has a WANT for sex, but is scared of exclusivity with a woman and, in fear after being denied sex, turns to receive it from pornography or a hooker.
A relationship in which a man commits to a woman but the man still watches pornography is sexual cheating. A relationship in which a woman commits to a man but still chooses to receive attention from other men is emotional cheating. Both are equally terrible, and if a woman is emotional cheating its the male equivalent of the man ducking another girl.

A mature person knows they are not being faithful, and if their love for you is real than they would be truly exclusive.
That's what a monogamous relationship is, making someone that sole person responsible for their wants in their life.

For women, it's committing solely to a man for attention/comfort/security, for a man it's committing solely to a woman sexually.

My ex continued to receive attention from her duckboy friends from the country she just moved from over instagram.
During an argument over me telling her not to dye her hair pink or get a shifty tattoo, she said there were plenty of other guys who would love to date her even if she got it, so therefore she was cheating on me because she wasn't fully

invested in me and had been receiving attention/security/fun from someone else.

Women are scared of being left alone (naturally, if you were a woman alone in the wild during the stone age you'd be dead). The fact that she had said this meant that she was spinning plates and had the confidence from those plates that if I left her she had someone to fall back on.
Couples are supposed to work things through together, even get into small fights if they have to. Since she was unwilling to change for me, it was obvious she wasn't very serious about me.

Never commit to a woman early on, or else she will never appreciate what you're giving her, and that thing is called security.

A relationship in which a woman asks a man to be sexually exclusive, but the woman is not emotionally/attention exclusive, it will not last because the woman has already decided she won't be faithful and will "keep her options open". Shes scared of being without security and is emotionally anxious because of it, that's why she seeks out other options. Well guess what, part of being in a relationship means taking risks. I understand womens innate need for security, but a woman who shares her attention with more than one man is already cheating. It's the same principal as if a woman decided she's going to not let her partner have sex because she's already ****ing her neighbor, or if a man decided not to have sex with his partner because he just jacked off to some pornography.

Obviously you can have "work colleagues" or whatever. But if a woman shares her emotions/attention with that person that's just one step away from ****ing the milkman.

Next time my girlfriend asks me about how she's getting a **** tattoo or dying her hair pink, I'm going to tell her I don't want her to get it. If she does it anyway, I'm going to dump her or just leave without saying a word. (Previously, I had made the mistake of saying I'd leave her if she did get it, which is manipulation and a beta move. It's better to just say no to that idea without any threats) if she knew the line in the sand was drawn but crosses it anyway, It means she doesn't have any respect for you. A woman who doesn't respect you will never be faithful.

Wanting your partner to respect your wishes isn't too much to ask. The only reason that's so much to ask for from women nowadays is because society is filled with weak feminine men and masculinized women.

It's not "controlling" or "abusive". It's having respect for your partner, and a relationship where a woman has no respect for her man, or a man for his woman, WILL FAIL.
Some other things that I've learned:

NEVER trust a woman who has a lot of male friends. It means shes an attention addict, just like a porn addict. Whenever the relationship gets into any trouble she'll go crying to her "male friends" and get validation. If she stops giving attention to her boyfriend, know that it's the equivalent of a guy getting erectile dysfunction because he just cheated on her with some porn or a hooker. Something to point out though, a women may give you the silent treatment when she's mad, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's cheating. If you maintain your frame and she comes back to you after a week or a month to make amends for being mad at you it means she still respects you and hasn't cheated. But if this chick doesn't reach out at all, I've got some bad news for you.

If a woman approaches you and OVERTLY asks you out, "hey you're cute, can I have your number" be very wary of her. If she has the confidence to approach a stranger and ask him to a date, she knows she has other options and isn't scared of being turned down. It MAY also mean she's an attention addict. On the other hand, a woman who COVERTLY, signals attraction to you (stares at you, laughs at your jokes even if they're not funny, or gives other subtle signs of attraction) means she's a feminine woman, and it also means you should grow some balls and ask her out. That's been my observation about my last relationship.

Never commit to a woman who won't commit to you.

Technology has made things a lot easier, including cheating. If a woman is texting another man, whether for entertainment, advice, or because she wants to be told she is pretty, she's getting her attention fix, and you guessed it, it's cheating. The only exception is if it's literally for work. (But personally, I don't believe women should be in the workplace anyway as it creates opportunities to find a new partner. Believe what you will)

Something I'll try in my next relationship when a woman brings up "the talk" of exclusivity, I'm going to covertly say I'm still going to keep in touch with my ex-girlfriend or female friends AND not overtly say I'm committed to the relationship. I made that mistake and quickly realized the relationship was one sided, I wasn't getting any attention or sex from her, but she had all the power as she had been receiving attention from others.

Would love to hear what you guys think about my observations.
Agreed. This happened with me a decade ago. Emotional cheating creates instability in relationship as you dont know if you are really with her and feel disrespected. You cant even talk about it because it puts you in such a humiliating position to say this is bothering you. If you do break up with her she will likely forget about you and move on quickly. Disagree on the porn side when incel-single.
 

Dr.Suave

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I wasn't getting any sex from her, but she had all the power as she had been receiving attention from others.
No point in going exclusive if you are not getting more sex than you could get single. She should want sex more or less as much as you do.

I´ve been "fighting" with my new girlfriend because sometimes I just want a quick bang and then go to the movies or do something else, but no, she wants to keep having sex until I kum at least three times, and most of the time she "wins" and we keep having sex. Good problem to have I guess...
 

Jack22

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No point in going exclusive if you are not getting more sex than you could get single. She should want sex more or less as much as you do.

I´ve been "fighting" with my new girlfriend because sometimes I just want a quick bang and then go to the movies or do something else, but no, she wants to keep having sex until I kum at least three times, and most of the time she "wins" and we keep having sex. Good problem to have I guess...
Honestly, I think I was just naive. I don't believe it would be right for me to blame my problem on any external issues, as I think it's just a lack of experience. Right now, I think it would be best for me to readjust my goals to focus on moving out of my parents house and get a STEM degree with little to no debt. I would love to have an attractive gf that was exclusive and willing to do a LTR, but that's just blue pill thinking and a pipe dream.
 
Last edited:

Stoic

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Time to set some goals man.

If you want top tier woman, you need to become a top tier man.

What kind of women would you get IF:

You became 3x stronger and more fit than you are today?

Earned 3x that you earned as much as you do today?

Improved your personality 3x?

Read 5x as many books?
 

indiff

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Agreed. This happened with me a decade ago. Emotional cheating creates instability in relationship as you dont know if you are really with her and feel disrespected. You cant even talk about it because it puts you in such a humiliating position to say this is bothering you. If you do break up with her she will likely forget about you and move on quickly. Disagree on the porn side when incel-single.
this really hits home. in the past i've made the mistake of agreeing to a committed relationship without telling her my expectations and boundaries beforehand.
 

Bingo-Player

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if their love for you is real than they would be truly exclusive.
Given how long you have spent analysing your situation i would hope you now realise "love" between a man and a woman is a very temporary concoction of lust , excitement , dependency and romance

It's packaged up and sold very well by marketers and movie makers around the world and sold to us as the ultimate life goal

but it's not actually a tangible emotion and is entirely situationally dependant

Situations change , people change , environments change

Contrary to popular belief humans don't really want to be stuck in each others pockets for 40-50-60 years which is why a hell of a lot of them end up failing and the rest amble along in some sort of

"well this is as good as its gonna get" bubble

Love is the definition of a fallacy
 
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