What it means to be mysterious?

[aussiegoat55]

So I got the "why do you feel the need to be mysterious?" question from the girl I've been dating for 2 months. Not that I intentionally tried to be mysterious, it's actually apart of who I am, but I went on to say "I don't always talk about myself, that I can be a private person, and questioned her, "why did you ask that, is it because you feel you don't know me?"

I know mystery is good because it compels the girl to wonder about you, but why exactly (looking for something a little more in depth)? It had me thinking of what being mysterious really is and whether or not it is a good thing.

Open for discussion, all input accepted....

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Mystery is over rated, especially when it's done without knowing why. However intriguing is another thing altogether.

 

[reset]

Mystery is over rated, especially when it's done without knowing why. However intriguing is another thing altogether.

Girls like men who are a bit of a challenge to get close to. If you're not TRYING to be mysterious, then you're just being yourself, and you have nothing to feel bad about. But if you like this girl, and you trust her, you shouldn't feel too bad to let her know more about you. Maybe she thinks you don't care and it's making her insecure.

 

[aussiegoat55]

Girls like men who are a bit of a challenge to get close to. If you're not TRYING to be mysterious, then you're just being yourself, and you have nothing to feel bad about. But if you like this girl, and you trust her, you shouldn't feel too bad to let her know more about you. Maybe she thinks you don't care and it's making her insecure.

I've been told I'm the strong silent type, but that's not to say I am a stone who doesn't live, laugh, and feel emotion. She asked me while I was driving what I was thinking, and I wasn't quite forthcoming, more witholding (she's asked this several times and I've witheld several times)

My gut tells me we're drifting apart or possibly her interest is decreasing and so her question of me being mysterious seemed to have a negative connotation.

I asked another person, female advice, and she said it was because I wasn't telling her something, and I'm pretty sure that was it.

 

[reset]

Well, only you know. Nothing wrong with strong and silent.

Sounds to me like you could lighten up just a hair.

 

[aussiegoat55]

It's something I'm figuring out for myself but I also need the perspectives and advice from others. Thanks.

 

[reset]

It's something I'm figuring out for myself but I also need the perspectives and advice from others. Thanks.

Just sounds like you're taking things too seriously. I don't talk as much as others may, but when I do I'm enjoying myself, having a good time.

Are you enjoying yourself with this girl?

 

[Scars]

Mystery is kind of like neg hits. It will get them attracted at first, but if you stay like that she is going to lose interests. With neg hits, you build no rapport. She thinks you're playing games, she loses interests. With mystery, she is attracted by the unknowningness and wants to get to know you. By not letting her inside too quickly is a turn on, she has to fight for a little bit. But for if you never show anything about yourself, she will also lose interest? Why? Because there is no rapport, and also the girl wants to feel special. If you are some huge mystery, the girl will feel some sort of accomplishment if she feels like she is starting to know you. She will feel like she is the only person who understands you.

Just give information out piece by piece. You can't go wrong. Trust me, I've been working this mystery game for quite a long time, it works for me.

 

[aussiegoat55]

Just sounds like you're taking things too seriously. I don't talk as much as others may, but when I do I'm enjoying myself, having a good time.

Are you enjoying yourself with this girl?

Yes, we have a lot in common, seem to have same goals, values, ambitions, style/sense of humor. But it was that particular night that the date I had planned didn't turn out as "spectacular" as the others one we've had because the places I had planned on going turned out to be closed so unfortunatley I had to resort to the traditonal dinner date, ugh, I hate dinner dates. She seemed to be bored and supposedley "tired", who knows?

Nothing has been too serious overall, it's been fun, causal dating, ...just the other night didn't turn out so well because there were some things that were bothering me about her (mention of ex's, lack of reciprocating affection) and I didn't communicate them to her, though I should have, and I'm thinking about calling her and talking, being honest, and communicating what bothered me, though I'd rather do it in person but it's a long drive.

 

[reset]

Nothing has been too serious overall, it's been fun, causal dating, ...just the other night didn't turn out so well because there were some things that were bothering me about her (mention of ex's, lack of reciprocating affection) and I didn't communicate them to her, though I should have, and I'm thinking about calling her and talking, being honest, and communicating what bothered me, though I'd rather do it in person but it's a long drive.

Got it. It's not that you were being mysterious but that you wanted to say something and couldn't bring yourself to do it.

I would talk to her but in a more relaxed way, you can get your point across without being too heavy. Just be direct.

 

[aussiegoat55]

Got it. It's not that you were being mysterious but that you wanted to say something and couldn't bring yourself to do it.

I would talk to her but in a more relaxed way, you can get your point across without being too heavy. Just be direct.

Right, we have fun, but I just needed to man up and be direct then. See, she used "mysterious", which threw me off, our definitions of mysterious differed, from my intrigue, curiosity vs. her non directness.

The date was Saturday, today is Sun, you think I should call ASAP to unresolve this tension, I'd rather not wait until I see her person because that will be that last time I see her (heading to college), and I wouldn't want our last time together to end on anything but a high note?

 

[reset]

That's your call man, if you're not even going to see her again...All the stuff you want from her can't really happen if she's not around to do it.

Do what YOU want to do, for yourself. That's all the advice I can give.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Being a mystery is just not giving out too much information about youself all at once. Giving little bits of peices of yourself so she wants more! And not being too aviable. I remember a girl told me once... "Your like a 500 peice puzzle and I only figured out about 50 peices." She later on had alot of interest in me...

 

[aussiegoat55]

Mystery is kind of like neg hits. It will get them attracted at first, but if you stay like that she is going to lose interests. With neg hits, you build no rapport. She thinks you're playing games, she loses interests. With mystery, she is attracted by the unknowningness and wants to get to know you. By not letting her inside too quickly is a turn on, she has to fight for a little bit. But for if you never show anything about yourself, she will also lose interest? Why? Because there is no rapport, and also the girl wants to feel special. If you are some huge mystery, the girl will feel some sort of accomplishment if she feels like she is starting to know you. She will feel like she is the only person who understands you.

Just give information out piece by piece. You can't go wrong. Trust me, I've been working this mystery game for quite a long time, it works for me.

That's pretty spot on Scars. This is what somewhat else said, which was DEAD ON.

[[Either you don't talk much about your life or important things to you and she is trying to hint that she doesn't know that much about you.]]

I did have that phone conversation with her and some needed communication. I talked about mystery from my perspective and about how it was intriguing, unpredictable and she agreed it was sexy, but she said after 2 months it got old and felt there was an emotional disconnection, said there needed to be progress. I believe we're both to blame as I could talk more about myself, but also she could ask me more about myself.

Mystery is good in the beginning, but in order to develop a healthy long term relationship there needs to be communication and some serious getting to know one another, otherwise she'll lose interest (Scars), similar to what I felt that night.

 

[Last Man Standing]

I wear a mask over my eyes - add a cape, if you dare!!! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0041038/

 

[killbill]

I really dont know what that chicks expects. Does she want someone that's really into themselves? who gives a f*ck man. just keep doing what your doing. Or your going to be like a chick. always talking about yourself and then you'll become to boring for her.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Mystery is over rated, especially when it's done without knowing why. However intriguing is another thing altogether.

I agree - you are already mysterious because you are unknown to her -- just don't be a woman and spill your guts/heart!!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree - you are already mysterious because you are unknown to her -- just don't be a woman and spill your guts/heart!!!

I think a lot of guys play the "mysterious" card because they have a hard time being interesting without showing their skid marked underwear.

 

[aussiegoat55]

I agree - you are already mysterious because you are unknown to her -- just don't be a woman and spill your guts/heart!!!

Right, there was another post about this and it talked about finding that balance to where you're not too mysterious that she loses interest, but also not to liberal in the information you give, otherwise you beomce AFC, especially when it come to expressing mushy, lovey dovey feelings.

I think I've hit that balance, perhaps the 2/3 months was a little long for her, but I started to gradually let out more information, even before this post. I guess she wants to know more, and I'll give her a little more, like what is important to me, but it's real dissapointing to hear there's this emotional disconnection.

 

[reset]

Aussie-read this