What is your background?

[FireOnTheMountain]

I am curious about this.

Most of the authors of dating-success books seem to be salespeople(David DeAngelo), actors, magicians(Mystery), or other entertainers and extroverted personalities.

You can be a loser/nice guy and still have an outgoing personality. I've met guys who had hilarious senses of humor and good communication skills. Bright, clear voices and outgoing personalities. But their behavior around women was total chumply.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are introverts like myself. I feel like I am good at reading body language and voice tone, but I am a bad communicator. I mumble and have a nasally voice. I think I do a good job with word choice when I've thought ahead of time or am calm enough to 'think on my feet', but I stutter and generally come across as a dorky weirdo.


So there can be AFCs of all personality types. I am curious, though, what kind of family background tends to produce AFCs the most? What about 'naturals'?


Please post about your parents and your childhood.


My background is this:

Early in life, it seemed like the balance of power between my parents was mostly on my fathers side. He seemed to be in charge and the main authority figure. By the time I was about 10 or 12 years old, it gradually became pretty even.

And then something strange happened. When my sister moved away to college, my Mom started become more and more *****y and aggressive toward my dad. It was almost like she was trying to treat him like a kid because my sister was gone. At first, he would argue with her or stand up for himself. But by the time I went to college, the balance of power was 100% on my mom's side. This sounds so mean, but my dad is such a chump now. My mom can make him do anything, or do anything she wants just by being cranky and he never challenges her.


My default behavior with women is right in line with how my dad acts. If I'm not careful about what I'm doing, phrases like 'Whatever you want' and 'It doesn't matter to me' will slip out when I'm talking to a girl I barely know and am not even interested in regarding mundane decisions, or even when I am a customer at a store or restaurant. I don't act like that around guys.


I was homeschooled in a rural part of the country, and quite literally I had no friends growing up. My parents would sometimes try to find a group for my sister and I to socialize in, but we never really blended in. College was my first time really meeting people my own age.


I am 23 years old, and have never been on a date or kissed a girl(well, I have kissed a girl on her cheek, but it's not the same).
Last year I made a serious effort at this, and made a lot of progress with interaction. I managed to get some phone numbers, but still haven't reached my milestones.



So that's my background, and who I am.

How about you? What factors growing up played a part in how you act now? What was your dad like? Do you sometimes catch yourself acting like him?

 

[daygameguy]

Usually over-protective or conservative parents hinder in their kids social development. Their kids are usually great people and good at work/study, but terrible at being social.

But you shouldn't blame your parents, nor your friends, it's always YOUR mistake that you didn't fight for the life you wanted to have.

The past is irrelevant now. Its frustrating but unfortunately we have no means to go back in time. So wake up now, and start changing.

 

[Casually]

I was in the same boat. I was a 23 year old virgin, never even kissed a girl until I found out about the Game two years ago.

It's hard to pinpoint exactly what in my upbringing led me to become the way I was. I had pretty liberal parents, but we never talked about sex. I think I was just a stereotypical "good boy" growing up, always trying to please my parents and my teachers, get good grades, follow all the rules, etc.

Somehow I picked up that sex was something that was "naughty", and that sex should only be performed in a loving, committed relationship leading to marriage. For the longest time, I did not see women as sexual creatures, not really seeing past the surface ASD to see the actual truth.

It probably didn't help that I was a huge computer geek growing up, too, which really hindered my personal communication skills. I moved around a lot, too, so I didn't make a lot of long time friends either.

Anyway, that's what led me to the community. I think overcoming my mistaken beliefs about women and sexuality in general has been one of the most helpful things that I have taken out of the game, and which has led me to my most successes.