What is wrong with me? This is my problem...

[wiggadude]

I'll keep it brief. I want to know how I can overcome this problem.

In 8th grade I had my first huge crush on a girl. I'm talking crush on a massive scale (thinking about her non-stop for years). The girl wasn't interested, and it took me until I was away at college to get over the crush, because I saw her every day throughout high school.

In college no girls interested me. At least I had no crushes on anyone.

Then in 2004, I had my second huge crush. Again, whenever I look at this girl, or talk to her, I feel like I'm walking on clouds. I work with her, so it will be tough to get over her.

Do the math: First big crush in 1993, second big crush in 2004. Both rejected me, no other girls interest me. Now I'm 25.

Sometime in 2003 at the age of 23 I said screw this, this can't be right. I'm going to find a girl who is nice, and I will enter into a relationship even if I don't have a crush on her.

Guess what, it wasn't that hard. Found a really sweet girl at a party, dated for about 3 weeks, had sex, kissed (all my 1st time), and everything. She adored me. But I simply did not have a crush on her, so I became less and less interested. I simply stopped talking to her, and I prefer to have no gf than one I'm not head over feet in love with.

So, how do I fix it? There was something about these two girls, a combination of personality and looks that just made me incredibly love sick -- it was a combination of euphoria and utter despair in both cases.

By the way there's otherwise nothing "wrong" with me. People (guys AND girls) tell me all the time that I'm good looking, I'm successful, and I also don't have much problems talking to women or strangers.

 

[belividere]

Not trying to be an a$$ but you cant sit around waiting to be swept off your feet by a girl. That is fantasy land thinking that is akin to having a schoolgirl crush on a backstreet boy. What does pining over a girl who doesn't really want to be with you really do for yourself? Knock down your self-esteem.

Just think to yourself how many opportunities you will pass by when you are narrow-minded. The "ideals" of what these girls are probably were just the thoughts of who you thought they were. I dont believe that any of the girls that I've been with who I felt a lot of initial chemistry ever really manifested into an LTR. You can get this girl and be super excited about it for a couple of months then probably realize that excitement degrades almost exponentially.

Maybe after 3 weeks you can start to see that you didn't like the girl you had. Alright move on if the dislike was that big. She obviously liked you though and was willing to go out of her way for you. Kind of sounds like what you want to feel in the women you are with. Go out and find more girls. Date for awhile and see if that chemistry can be created. Most of the time it wont be there. Drop them and find another one. This whole game is all about playing the numbers. Being smitten and pining over a crush is destroying the probability of finding a girl with whom you can have long term happiness.

 

[wiggadude]

My question to you is, is it possible to create that head-over-heels in love feeling with a girl with whom there wasn't that feeling initially? Can it be created? I always thought if it isn't there from day 1, it never will be. But hopefully I'm wrong.

 

[rgeere]

Hmmmm, your not my long lost twin by any chance? My story is exactly the same as yours. Except, I still have the religion roadblock that has continually screwed my chances of getting laid to a nice girl, not that I don't find them.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by wiggadude
My question to you is, is it possible to create that head-over-heels in love feeling with a girl with whom there wasn't that feeling initially? Can it be created? I always thought if it isn't there from day 1, it never will be. But hopefully I'm wrong.

A man is in control of his emotions, women arn't. Your basically asking if we can show you how to feel like a woman, and I know you probably don't intend that.

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by wiggadude
My question to you is, is it possible to create that head-over-heels in love feeling with a girl with whom there wasn't that feeling initially? Can it be created? I always thought if it isn't there from day 1, it never will be. But hopefully I'm wrong.

I think you can. It's happened to me before.

rgeere, a man has control of his emotions. That doesn't mean a man has NO emotions.

 

[FM 3321]

Well the last girl I dated was my sisters friend and at first I was never interested in her although she was smoking hot. So as I decided to pursue something with her I had a huge crush develop for her and it was mainly because she was fukking beautiful. So if you want that thing again make sure you find a girl that's a good HB9 in your opinion and go for that. In my case I fell in love with my HB9 girl although I really didn't feel anything even during our first kiss. Later I was drunk with that love feeling. So get a hot girl, no ugs or 7's.

 

[Lifeforce]

Originally posted by rgeere
A man is in control of his emotions, women arn't. Your basically asking if we can show you how to feel like a woman, and I know you probably don't intend that.

are you ****ed up in the head? Strong emotions is what we live for. Love, hate, happiness, sorrow, it's all there to be experienced, not submited to the will by jaded convictions.

 

[Avatar]

wiggadude I think the problem here is you haven't been with enough women yet since those original two girls.

I had a high school sweet heart who I felt the EXACT same emotions you described. It took me a VERY long time to get over her, and no girl still makes me feel the same way she did. In fact when I see her still once a year I get the same feelings back (tough to describe), but I do NOT want to be with her anymore.
I believe there is more psychological reasons behind these emotions than anything and I have gotten over her because I KNOW there are women out there that will treat me better and that I can connect with just as much. It's a matter of finding them.

Approach, date, screw as many attractive girls as you can and you will find the one.

It's a numbers game man.

 

[belividere]

My question to you is, is it possible to create that head-over-heels in love feeling with a girl with whom there wasn't that feeling initially? Can it be created? I always thought if it isn't there from day 1, it never will be. But hopefully I'm wrong.

I think you are wrong. But then again I am not one to believe in love at first sight so take this for what you want. From my experiences initial attraction is critical in maintaining interest. The first impression is important also. But the real person comes out after a few months.

I cannot tell you how many times I found a girl and the relationship would progress like this.

Month 1
my interest level is very high as is hers. We are making out like high schoolers before sex. We have fun when we go out. Everything is usually going well.

Month 2
I start to realize that certain things are bothering me. Like damn quite chewing popcorn with your mouth open. Or okay so you like to get this wasted everytime you go out. Or maybe quite calling me with absolutely nothing to say cause I'm going to stop answering. My interest level tends to decrease.

Month 3
So I realize that a lot of these little things are driving me nuts and I just opt out and hope to find someone better. Or at least just continue this cycle with someone else.

What I'm trying to say is that the immediate feelings of infatuation tend to die off quickly. the person that you thought you wanted usually is the person that you now have. You can just learn to live with the way that person and compromise or find someone who is really what you want. Like I say though it is tough to realize sometimes who you are with and when you don't try you may never know. Longing for a girl is not healthy. She is probably going home to sleep next to someone who is tired of her and see's all of her true flaws which you mask.

I have meet a lot of girls that I didn't really think much of at first. Girls like friends of buddies girls or girls at work and such. While after a while of hanging out with these girls my interest level began to really pick up. The most satisfying relationships I have had didn't start with my infatuation. They tend to be the with girls who continually surprise me in a good way and increase my interest level. The opposite of the girl who I immediately would fall for and would end up just decreasing my interest level.

 

[Royal Elite]

MAN the F UP

There are too many women in here posing as men. This place is starting to feel like a soap opera with all this I want a woman to sweep me off my feet crap. Listen bro, toughing up and go find you a nice girl who makes you soildier stand at attention. Stop watching when harry met sally, and go rent any high testerone movie and observe how men are suppose to act. Dont let the female lib side convert you to their religion.

 

[thefonz]

belividere, same here....i all things that made me fall for my oneitis just became obnoxious as time went on......

like she would just stop and stare at me in the cutest way flashing her eyelids and giggling when i was talking to her....at first i'd get kind nervous cause i knew she was diggin me, but then after like a month or two it was like, "Are you gonna say something remotely interesting or you just gonna hold my hands and stare at me?" It was almost as if there was nothing lying behind all those mystery games she was playing to get me to fall for her. This girl got millions of guys to fall for her by doing those things. I was just geting so sick of it after a while i just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and start throat-fing her. But i never got to, some loser druggy punk got to her quicker than me but thats another story.....

 

[Lifeforce]

Re: MAN the F UP

Originally posted by Royal Elite
There are too many women in here posing as men. This place is starting to feel like a soap opera with all this I want a woman to sweep me off my feet crap. Listen bro, toughing up and go find you a nice girl who makes you soildier stand at attention. Stop watching when harry met sally, and go rent any high testerone movie and observe how men are suppose to act. Dont let the female lib side convert you to their religion.

Is that the Dragon DJ speaking?

I don't understand why it's so wrong to fall in love with a girl, and have her fall in love wit you. As long as you do some approaching and have some game and not expect women to do the initiating. You know, having a woman by the side make it easier to focus on other stuff in life, like hobbies, dreams and working to achieve what you want.