What is the game now - REALLY? (my suspicions)

[Mike8]

So I'm 35, doing well financially though I'm working more hours than I'd like with little time left for anything else. Homeowner for a decade this year, walked away with $70k last year, shooting for 75-80 this year and should have all debt (except mortgage) paid off by Summer. Have a kid, pay support, have rights to him, get to play dad ~5 days/month. Free as a bird the rest of the time, but I'm kind of down on myself. I mean, I'm in shape, fairly healthy, though booze is a problem (just drink at home). 10 years ago things were a lot different in terms of mindset. I'm getting ready to "get back in the game" but I know things are not the same. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it well. So my question - and I might already know the answer - is what kind of game are we looking at today?

That is, what does it take to get your pick of the litter? Just $? How much? I'm ok in the face and body is solid, not particularly tall (5'10") but good enough. Confident in face-to-face interactions but I don't get out much (or ... at all). I guess I'm trying to figure out how to orient myself moving forward. I have an open invitation to basically work and earn as much as I want, but at the cost of what else? What's the "cost" of a 25 year old 8+? Sorry if this sounds mechanical, it's not, but I've been around enough to notice some patterns. I just think I need a bit of guidance in terms of what to expect realistically.

TIA

 

[Robert28]

I’m finding the older I get the more damaged women I’m running into or that are crossing my paths. I can’t pick up on it at first but in a couple of weeks I start to see the signs and think “son of a ***** another damaged woman” and feel like I’ve wasted my time and effort on some headcase with a shady dating history. Damaged women are ****ing drawn to me lately it seems, I don’t know what I’m putting off that attracts them like moths to a flame.

 

[speed dawg]

10 years ago things were a lot different in terms of mindset. I'm getting ready to "get back in the game" but I know things are not the same. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it well. So my question - and I might already know the answer - is what kind of game are we looking at today?

My first suggestion would be to get rid of this thinking. Stop adapting to others' reality. Now, there is some practicality here. You need to be able to text message and all, but I would not insert myself into scenes where you don't want to be. You have to control YOUR frame.

This makes me think you need to work on your confidence, first and foremost, or you'll be eaten alive. And don't worry, we all have to do this. I find myself fluctuating all the time, it's a never ending process.

Are you looking your best? If not, that's the place to start. You say you're in shape, but we don't have specifics. Are you totally happy with yourself?

If not, what needs to happen to get there?

Me personally, it usually begins and ends there. Until I'm happy with the outward look of the person in the mirror, I cannot really move on to step 2.

You have a son, so why not get into his life a little bit? Coach some sports leagues, play an instrument with him, etc. Good way to start new things and reinvent yourself.

 

[highSpeed]

So I'm 35, doing well financially though I'm working more hours than I'd like with little time left for anything else. Homeowner for a decade this year, walked away with $70k last year, shooting for 75-80 this year and should have all debt (except mortgage) paid off by Summer. Have a kid, pay support, have rights to him, get to play dad ~5 days/month. Free as a bird the rest of the time, but I'm kind of down on myself. I mean, I'm in shape, fairly healthy, though booze is a problem (just drink at home). 10 years ago things were a lot different in terms of mindset. I'm getting ready to "get back in the game" but I know things are not the same. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it well. So my question - and I might already know the answer - is what kind of game are we looking at today?

That is, what does it take to get your pick of the litter? Just $? How much? I'm ok in the face and body is solid, not particularly tall (5'10") but good enough. Confident in face-to-face interactions but I don't get out much (or ... at all). I guess I'm trying to figure out how to orient myself moving forward. I have an open invitation to basically work and earn as much as I want, but at the cost of what else? What's the "cost" of a 25 year old 8+? Sorry if this sounds mechanical, it's not, but I've been around enough to notice some patterns. I just think I need a bit of guidance in terms of what to expect realistically.

TIA

5'10 is fine. Confidence is important. It really comes down to game. What do you have going on in life? If you're a 35 year old recluse who has no social or monetary value, you're going to struggle quite a bit. Most of the trick with women, as I've come to learn a little late in life, is status and money. You could be pretty average as looks go and if you've got those two things, you should have your pick of women. One tough lesson I've had to come to grips with mentally is that all women, ALL, are hypergamous. There are no exceptions, even the "quality" women won't want to deal with you if you come off as needy or don't have social status or money.

All women, ALL, want fancy dinners, trips, connection to the social world, it's in their collective DNA. Rare is the woman who does not have these items as a primary focus. If you can't provide, you're going to have a tough time holding onto them. You might be able to get them for short engagements, one offs if you don't have those things but there won't be much long term viability.

Now ask yourself then, what is the point of an LTR if all you are doing is renting and all she wants out of you is what you can provide to her? I struggle with those thoughts every single day anymore. The only way to avoid this is to pair bond with them very early. If you're anything other than say, guy one, two or three, forget it, her body count is too high and she's best off for only getting off. I don't want to be pessimistic but if you're looking for something long term, she's got to have a very select set of criteria.

Bruce Lee, I know right?, he has one of the best relationship quotes I think I've ever heard. That is something like, if you can't take pleasure with each other in the simple things, you can't have a relationship. If the success or failure of your relationship depends on fancy things, excitement, night life, your relationship will never last.

Here is the exact quote:
The happiness that is derived from excitement is like a brilliant fire – soon it will go out. Before
we married, we never had the chance to go out to nightclubs. We only spent our nights
watching TV and chatting. Many young couples live a very exciting life when they are in love.
So, when they marry, and their lives are reduced to calmness and dullness, they will feel
impatient and will drink the bitter cup of a sad marriage.
– Bruce Lee

Advice well taken friends, well taken.

 

[Pandora]

5'10 is fine. Confidence is important. It really comes down to game. What do you have going on in life? If you're a 35 year old recluse who has no social or monetary value, you're going to struggle quite a bit. Most of the trick with women, as I've come to learn a little late in life, is status and money. You could be pretty average as looks go and if you've got those two things, you should have your pick of women. One tough lesson I've had to come to grips with mentally is that all women, ALL, are hypergamous. There are no exceptions, even the "quality" women won't want to deal with you if you come off as needy or don't have social status or money.

All women, ALL, want fancy dinners, trips, connection to the social world, it's in their collective DNA. Rare is the woman who does not have these items as a primary focus. If you can't provide, you're going to have a tough time holding onto them. You might be able to get them for short engagements, one offs if you don't have those things but there won't be much long term viability.


Here is the exact quote:
The happiness that is derived from excitement is like a brilliant fire – soon it will go out. Before
we married, we never had the chance to go out to nightclubs. We only spent our nights
watching TV and chatting. Many young couples live a very exciting life when they are in love.
So, when they marry, and their lives are reduced to calmness and dullness, they will feel
impatient and will drink the bitter cup of a sad marriage.
– Bruce Lee

Advice well taken friends, well taken.

That Bruce Lee quote is fire. Its very true. This is the whole basis of one of my favorite movies Blue Valentine. Marriage is mostly monotonous routine events like chores, laundry, taking the kids to practice etc.

All women, ALL, want fancy dinners, trips, connection to the social world, it's in their collective DNA. Rare is the woman who does not have these items as a primary focus. If you can't provide, you're going to have a tough time holding onto them.

I wonder about this. I know attractive women who date guys that don't have that much money. But these guys are fun and decent looking. Maybe these women are an anomaly or maybe these guys just compensate well for their lack of social status and money. They are usually very charismatic though.

 

[Mike8]

Well, yea, I definitely have work to do. My body will be "right" (enough for 2019 pool season at least) in the next 8-10 weeks. Working on cleaning up my place and getting it ready to accept company as well. However, I am a social recluse and this has been a problem which I've somehow been able to navigate in the past. Most of my dating was picking girls offline. Bartended for a couple years and got some lays out of that. Was also a personal trainer for a while. However, I'm in the corporate world now and don't see myself leaving; it's a good gig.

Suggestions of doing some of those things with my son are great, but a bit off - he's too young still for sports.

So yes I need to build a social "presence" I suppose, but I have no idea where to begin. Maybe get Instagram started once I get things in order? I was looking at sand volleyball leagues but there aren't any who take pickups. I guess I'm not sure how one is supposed to even build a social circle today, or if it's the wrong premise to begin with. That is, in my eyes if I just work on myself (physically/mentally/financially), the rest should come, yes?

To say that I'm rusty would be an understatement. It's been years since I've been on a date - I haven't really tried and been really trying to wrap my head around what I should do now as a father. So now that I'm getting ready to get back out there, I want to do it "right" but don't know what I should expect, or not expect. If I sound confused, it's because I am to some extent.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Well, yea, I definitely have work to do. My body will be "right" (enough for 2019 pool season at least) in the next 8-10 weeks. Working on cleaning up my place and getting it ready to accept company as well. However, I am a social recluse and this has been a problem which I've somehow been able to navigate in the past. Most of my dating was picking girls offline. Bartended for a couple years and got some lays out of that. Was also a personal trainer for a while. However, I'm in the corporate world now and don't see myself leaving; it's a good gig.

Suggestions of doing some of those things with my son are great, but a bit off - he's too young still for sports.

So yes I need to build a social "presence" I suppose, but I have no idea where to begin. Maybe get Instagram startyyed once I get things in order? I was looking at sand volleyball leagues but there aren't any who take pickups. I guess I'm not sure how one is supposed to even build a social circle today, or if it's the wrong premise to begin with. That is, in my eyes if I just work on myself (physically/mentally/financially), the rest should come, yes?

To say that I'm rusty would be an understatement. It's been years since I've been on a date - I haven't really tried and been really trying to wrap my head around what I should do now as a father. So now that I'm getting ready to get back out there, I want to do it "right" but don't know what I should expect, or not expect. If I sound confused, it's because I am to some extent.

You can fully clean and organize your space over a weekend. Just commit to it.

As far as the dating and the "game". It is what it is. We get in trouble trying to force it to be what we want it to be.

Deal with women who find you sexually attractive. Have the sex early and often.

 

[Sunnypoo]

Now ask yourself then, what is the point of an LTR if all you are doing is renting and all she wants out of you is what you can provide to her? I struggle with those thoughts every single day anymore. The only way to avoid this is to pair bond with them very early. If you're anything other than say, guy one, two or three, forget it, her body count is too high and she's best off for only getting off. I don't want to be pessimistic but if you're looking for something long term, she's got to have a very select set of criteria.

At 35 years old I would say depending on where you live...a body count at 6 or under is far more reasonable to expect.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

@Mike8 I agree with your post.. it seems since I've been dating after my first serious girlfriend I scored. the "game" changed so to speak. It just seems to keep changing with every girl I get with. It's a harsh reality of being a man. A woman's "world" of dating doesn't really change as lots of guys will approach and try to seduce them. The man's "world" however is different each time. As what worked with one girlfriend might not necessarily work with the next. But hey. It's a game of trial and error. And you have to constantly update your skills so to speak. Where as the woman don't need to upgrade the skills they just have to upgrade looks, status, etc to land a "better" man. Mind you the male has to upgrade skills, looks, finances, personality, mind set. Yada yada

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

You can fully clean and organize your space over a weekend. Just commit to it.

As far as the dating and the "game". It is what it is. We get in trouble trying to force it to be what we want it to be.

Deal with women who find you sexually attractive. Have the sex early and often.

^^^ this! If a woman isn't looking at you with already high interest and sexual desire don't wait around or try and game her to make it higher. It's gotta be pretty high IL to land her in the first place. It shouldn't be too difficult with a high IL

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

At 35 years old I would say depending on where you live...a body count at 6 or under is far more reasonable to expect.

^^^ agreed. Don't have too high of expectations set a reasonable number and try and hit that number anymore is a bonus.

 

[ubercat]

You need a small circle of guy friends first team sports r good. Some interests that bring you into contact with chicks. Then look for quiet girls who don't give a sh1t bout IG and need minimum social. I ve had a few in my life so they r out there.

 

[Solomon]

At the 35 the game is all about frame, good body, $$$$

Don't lead with your wallet sell these hoes a dream

and you will be smashing

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So my question - and I might already know the answer - is what kind of game are we looking at today?

Volume. Spit game. Have purpose. Think for your self.

Get paper right.

A lot of dudes will pedal trying to be pretty. Its homo.

Obviously lift. Exercise. Eat healthy. Wear fitted clothes. Trying to be pretty is gay.

That is, what does it take to get your pick of the litter? Just $? How much? I'm ok in the face and body is solid, not particularly tall (5'10") but good enough. Confident in face-to-face interactions but I don't get out much (or ... at all). I guess I'm trying to figure out how to orient myself moving forward. I have an open invitation to basically work and earn as much as I want, but at the cost of what else? What's the "cost" of a 25 year old 8+? Sorry if this sounds mechanical, it's not, but I've been around enough to notice some patterns. I just think I need a bit of guidance in terms of what to expect realistically.

TIA

I don't ever see retirement as plausible. I look to reach the point where, I am or i can be but, I choose alternate way of being. I decide to work on what I love. And I work remote.

I would say, no marriage or kids. No dating single moms. Don't raw dog. Keep paper right. No live in gf. Spin plates. Seek experience.

 

[apotheosis]

plastic surgery! IN todays superficial world of insta and tinder, she NEEDS to think you are handsome for you to have the slightest shot.

Money is irrelevant. Hot Girls can dwarf most of us in earning potential nowadays; Cam whoring, stripping etc. They can make their own

 

[Medina]

For me it was as simple as grooming a beard, wearing cool clothes and improving my social skills

I don't have money, I don't have height, I don't even have great confidence

But what I do have is a vibe that says "I am cool, approachable and being around me is fun"