What is the best course of action??

[guitarman520]

I have a big problem. thought maybe you guys out there could help me out with an outside opinion.

I have become excellent at creating quick attraction with women. i go thru So many dates I can't even believe it myself and theyre usually all over me, all lovey dovey really quick. My problem is, I usually never feel much for any of these women. sometimes we have sex, sometimes not, but the chemistry is never all that great on my end.
Last month I finally met my dream girl at work I know, work is a bad place to meet someone but what can i say, it happened. Anyway, just like most of the others, she felt lots of chemistry towards me, except in this case, I felt it too. we were having amazing sex after like our third date. She even admitted to me that I gave her "the best orgasm she ever had in her life". We we're laughing and joking together, looking into eachothers eyes......all that gooey stuff.Then, for no reason, she began to get more distant from me and acting kinda cold. Still kinda nice but just.......not at all the same. Telling me, I didnt do anything wrong, it was just her fears. (a little backround on her.........she had been divorced for a little over a year and has an 8 yr old daughter).
Then, like an idiot, i wrote her an email telling her how crazy about her i was.......giving away all my power. it was so stupid................this could have been the woman of my dreams. Finally!!!

anyhow, since then it hasnt gotten any better. She's nice, but distant, and not mesmorized with me like she was. I know she had alot of attraction and feelings for me,and I probably still does but how can I rekindle that excitement we had last month?
I went out with 3 different women this weekend and all of them responded well to my game but Im not really interested. I just want HER. I'm almost 41 guys. Im starting to get tired of playin this game. This girl and I could really be happy together. I thought I had all the answers but now..............I just don't know what to do to make this work out.

What are you're thought?? Please help!

Dan

 

[JackPrescott]

Dan,

Welcome to the wonderful world of the SINGLE LIFE. This woman does sound perfect, but unfortunatley likes to play the little BS games that all women do. You even made it into her bedroom, and she is still reluctant. I guess the best thing to do if you want to keep her is to ignore her, and move on to other women. In fact, you may want to let her see you with other women. When she does the little jealousy mechanism will kick in.

I too, tire of the BS games, and wish to find true love, but alas, I've got to do all the KINO stuff, and deal with first dates and when to kiss her, and LJBF and all the rest.

 

[spider_007]

you are pushing. STOP, take a step back, give her some room, think about things, and then start working on her again. SLOWLY

 

[xblitz44x]

"I have become excellent at creating quick attraction with women."

You're not *creating" anything. If the girl is attracted to you then she is because of her OWN idea of what is attractive. It happens in an instant and all of this "game" that you're running is extra crap that's probably tripping you up more than helping you. If you could create "quick attraction" then you could simply repeat the same steps and *recreate it* again.

Stop and think of a time that you were with a group of girls, and they noticed a guy that they thought was good-looking (or attractive). They looked at him, smiled, and said "Wow, he's cute". THAT is when attraction "happened". He, just like you, never 'created' it as there is no recipe for it.

"Last month I finally met my dream girl at work"

If you've met her only a month ago you can't possible know who she REALLY is. You're in love with an idea right now and it's important to be aware of that.

"Then, like an idiot, i wrote her an email telling her how crazy about her i was.......giving away all my power.

Contrary to what most of this board will tell you, I don't think you're an idiot for trying to tell her what you're feeling. It was an honest attempt at communicating with her. You were trying to let her know what page you're on to see if she felt the same way. The fact that you wrote a letter didn't turn her off. *If* she is, in fact, turned off it's because whatever was in that letter, did not match what she is looking for and therefore felt a little threatened.

Instead of seeing your interactions with women as a "power struggle", try to understand them. Work together to try to get on the same page and make things work.

It seems to me that all you're concerned about is getting your ego appeased. You liked when you had sex with her = ego appeasment, you liked cuddling with her = ego appeasment. When she withdrew that, instead of trying to understand her, and figure out what SHE was after (hence her motivation to stay IN it with you at all), you started to panic and again concentrated on what YOU want, and what YOU felt; ignoring the fact that she told you that she was scared and nervous to start something serious just yet.

"I just want HER."

Do you even know HER? I think you're more after her approval. I think it threatens your self-acceptence to have a girl not be mesmerized by you, and therefore you're trying to "attract her again" so that you "get the power back" and can confirm the fact that you can, in fact, *attract* any women you'd like.

Her giving you sex = appeasment to your ego = you feeling like you can get any girl you choose = re-enforcing your self-esteem.

My advice is to figure out WHY women seem to be a gauge to your self-esteem. When you've ironed that out, you can relax and enjoy a tie for what it is, instead of seeing it as a challenge to validate your self-worth.

Blitz

 

[guitarman520]

thanks

Blitz, (and other's)

Thanks for you're thoughts. Sometimes when you're IN the situation its hard to "see the forest for the tree's" as they say.

Even if this doesnt work out, at least it showed me that I CAN feel those powerful feelings again. It had been so long.......and so many dates. I saw her today at work. She was friendly but still tried to keep her distance.
Im not sure I like how this feels. its kinda to strong for me to deal with. Things seem to go better when i don't care so much about the outcome of a given situation. Im gonna be going to Florida for like 5 days later this week for a family wedding. I shoudl probly let things cool off during this time..............wouldnt you agree?
I was thinking of another email before I left town but, maybe Ive already said enough.
Im making myself crazy...........lol.

Thanks again.

Dan

 

[xblitz44x]

Dan,

You could send her an e-mail but I'd just keep it casual. Let her know that you'd like to get together when you come back from Florida. I wouldn't go into anything too deep. She already knows how you feel. Good luck and enjoy Florida, don't let it ruin your vacation.