What is more attractive? Big Ego or Vulnerability?

[DiegoSantori]

I've read a lot of contradictory opinions of having a big ego and being vulnerable.

Donald Trump says: "Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser - having a healthy ego, or high opinion of yourself, is a real positive in life!"

Then I've read opinions like this: "Vulnerable means to show yourself to others completely and utterly without holding back for fear of rejection or judgment. It means to say “here I am, flesh and bones. Here are my strengths, here are my weaknesses, here is where I stand-take it or leave it”

Despite what most dating “gurus” would say, it is very attractive to be vulnerable. The reason it doesn’t work for them is because they draw in low self-esteem women who only want guys who treat them badly – like the way they treat themselves."

Who is right?

 

[zinc4]

A mix of both...as for relationship... Vulnerabillity for sure...

 

[zekko]

Then I've read opinions like this: "Vulnerable means to show yourself to others completely and utterly without holding back for fear of rejection or judgment. It means to say “here I am, flesh and bones. Here are my strengths, here are my weaknesses, here is where I stand-take it or leave it”

The way you put it, that guy is actually showing some strength and backbone. No one is perfect, and it takes some strength for a man to own that. What you are describing is a guy who is comfortable in his own skin.

Women don't like weakness, they want a man to be strong. But there are ways to be vulnerable that shows that vulnerability in a strong way. And there are ways to be vulnerable that will make women cringe and just make you look weak.

As far as big egos, I have yet to see any evidence that women are attracted to guys with big egos. If the guy has a big ego, he probably has other attractive attributes going for him, like he is rich, famous, dominant, etc. I don't think women are attracted to the ego, a big ego is usually unattractive, IMO. Even PUAs tell you to get rid of the ego, because if it gets bruised you can come off as butthurt.

 

[DiegoSantori]

But there are ways to be vulnerable that shows that vulnerability in a strong way. And there are ways to be vulnerable that will make women cringe and just make you look weak.

Can you give me some examples?

 

[Konada]

Can you give me some examples?

1. Expressing your sexuality as a man. (Sexual comments etc.)
2. Being bold in expressing your interest.
3. Sharing yourself e.g. opinions, feelings towards certain experiences.

Bad ways of expressing vulnerability:
1. Emotional vomit, especially issues that you still have not resolved. (Insecurity, self-pity)
2. Expressing vulnerability to seek approval from others.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

A big ego is always better because no woman wants someone who is weak and can't defend themselves. They want someone who believes they can lead, and having an ego is a sign of high self esteem. But like zekko said, you can't be too strong or else women get uncomfortable (almost like seeing someone as too perfect, which is exactly it). And the reason for them to not like being too strong or too perfect is because if you are at the pinnacle of your life, you have nothing to gain and everything to lose. Therefore, they subconsciously know that you cannot improve yourself/life any more. And may begin to decline at that.

 

[skinnyguy]

Having a big ego will attract women but a lot will be BPD. I like girls who can hold a mature conversation and have interests outside of taking Instagram photos. So for me, I prefer to just be chill rather than act like something I'm not.