What is a healthy perspective to have right now?

[Rubato]

I really hate breaking girl's hearts. I ended up doing it today and it always makes me feel terrible. A part of me realizes this is good, because it shows I'm not a totally callused person without regard for the feelings of others. But another part of me feels like I'm assuming too much responsibility for the other person's feelings by feeling bad, especially feeling really bad.

I have a hard time finding girls that I really like. It's easy to find girls I'd really like to have sex with, but finding girls I'd really like to have a relationship with is hard. And when I get myself involved with girls, they tend to end up wanting a relationship with me very badly, and I don't. I view them as a friend, often a very good friend, and I end up feeling terrible when it's all said and done because I've broken their heart.

What's a healthy perspective to take on all of this?

 

[macagent]

I really hate breaking girl's hearts. I ended up doing it today and it always makes me feel terrible. A part of me realizes this is good, because it shows I'm not a totally callused person without regard for the feelings of others. But another part of me feels like I'm assuming too much responsibility for the other person's feelings by feeling bad, especially feeling really bad.

I have a hard time finding girls that I really like. It's easy to find girls I'd really like to have sex with, but finding girls I'd really like to have a relationship with is hard. And when I get myself involved with girls, they tend to end up wanting a relationship with me very badly, and I don't. I view them as a friend, often a very good friend, and I end up feeling terrible when it's all said and done because I've broken their heart.

What's a healthy perspective to take on all of this?

If you are being straight-forward and speaking the truth, there's nothing to "feel bad" about. Sounds like you are assuming responsibility for her feelings. Girls cry though, that's how it is. Then they go screw someone else to get over it, and so should you.

Why do you want a "relationship" so bad anyway? And why not keep fukking these girls and have several "relationships" while you are looking for "the one" who does it for you?

 

[Borknagar]

Depending on the girls I'd say who cares if you break their hearts? Reading many of the posts by frustrated men here should show, and many other forums should show you that breaking a womens heart is perfectly ok! Cause how many mens hearts(or guys shes played games with blahblah) has she broken in the past?

Especially if the women is attractive, you know shes probably messed up some dudes in her past, so all you're doing is being the guy that gave her what she deserved for the times she was the bad girl.

 

[Rubato]

I would agree with the reality of what you both said about this situation, but I think it sounds like a really beta attitude. If someone is really accessing their masculinity (and thus, really being alpha), they're going to realize part of their essence is to function as a sort of "king" over their domain. And if someone is truly acting as a king, they will give regard to the way their actions influence those under their purview.

That being said, I also believe a good king is not going to allow the feelings of his subjects to compromise his ability to act and rule. That's a tough balance to reach. But I really don't think an alpha male is going to accept an attitude of reciprocity like that - that simply because a woman has acted in a negative way in the past entitles me or anyone else to reciprocate her behavior. That sounds really beta and like I'm not any better than the woman. And I believe I've basically answered my own question.

There was a really good description of the various archetypal roles of a man fully accessing his masculinity in the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover.

And I'm not actively looking for a relationship. That's probably how it sounded. If I found someone I cared enough for to actually inspire me to want to be exclusively with her, well. I'd do it.

 

[Mike32ct]

Go for hotter chicks if you can. It's the ugly to average ones that get hurt.

A hot chick has no reason to be hurt. She can replace any one of us with a snap of her finger.