What if you're a plate being spun?

[Jonnybangbang]

Firstly, just want to thank you all for doing great stuff on this forum. This is my first post but i've been observing this site for months now.

I'm currently spinning 3 plates right now and i've been thinking...since i'm not exclusive with any of them (which is why theyre plates) how do I wrap my mind around being a plate myself?

I'm certain that my number #1 plate has me as her number one (plate) but we both havent pushed for exclusivity. I surely wont be the first anyway, learning from that mistake. How do I know you may ask? Well, we spend almost every weekend together and almost every plan/date i suggest, she usually throws herself in my lap. HOWEVER, she recently disclosed to me that she went salsa dancing (an awesome action date)with a friend. I played it cool and did not show an ounce of jealousy/concern. 99% of my plans with her are always ACTION-ORIENTED and we have a blast but i know that she isnt quite sure of me yet as an exclusive partner. And so, i keep spinning and spinning...

Should my philosophy be to ensure i AM every gal's number #1 OR not to envision myself as a so-called "plate" and to continue on as an action-packed individiual...?

Cheers


Keep spinning in a free world

 

[speed dawg]

You're missing the whole point of plate theory.

 

[Jonnybangbang]

As i see it, in a nut shell, "plate theory" prevents "oneitis" by not emphasizing on one option but exploring all and balancing these options, and IF one stands out among the rest, after big time screening, then maybe exclusiveness is the next step.

I find it very difficult though not to rate my plates and place them in priority level.. This could be my flaw...

 

[Zarky]

how do I wrap my mind around being a plate myself?

You'll get used to it. Don't ask, don't tell.

Should my philosophy be to ensure i AM every gal's number #1 OR not to envision myself as a so-called "plate" and to continue on as an action-packed individiual

Your philosophy is that you don't give a rat's ass. However, if women are telling you they're going out with other guys that's a red flag. It means you don't have enough control over 'em. A woman who is appropriately interested in you won't tell you stuff like that. And a woman who, out of the blue, starts saying stuff like that is testing you. Beware.

 

[Jonnybangbang]

Yeah, im convinced she's testing me. the challenge for me is whether or not to be firm when a girl is testing me and put them in their spot, or to play it cool, acting nonchalant, not responding to the mentioning of other dudes.... But if this keeps up, this plate will be dropped.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I don't exactly get jealous, but any girl I'm seeing who tells me about going on a date with another guy is just asking to get made fun of mercilessly. I can't help it; it's just too easy. And I don't care if she laughs too, because I'm doing it for my own entertainment. She can tell me about other guys if she wants to, but they're always going to be a complete joke between us.

 

[Jonnybangbang]

Yeah, the humourous approach to the mentioning of other dudes, by way of placing them in the "negative spotlight", seems like a good choice. Laughing things off is sometimes the best remedy. And, this shows the woman small things (men trying to get a piece of the pie) don't bother you whatsoever as confidence is continually upheld. Good point biblebelt.

 

[L B]

When you're not exclusive, you shouldn't waste your time worrying about her dating her people. If it happens, it happens. If it gets in the way of your dating her, then let her go.

"You went out dancing, oh that's good. I hope you had fun. By the way, pick up Fight Club bluray on the way to my house tonight for movie night. Thank you."

Then don't bring it up.

 

[Jonnybangbang]

L B, that was my general response to her evening. Didnt revert back to the topic and had her over at my place for the weekend. Some dudes proclaim to stand firm in another way but this is the way to go, in my opinion, unless it's exclusive like you say. Just got to keep truckin' along without prioritizing on this plate too much...

Cheers

 

[backbreaker]

when i was single I actually used to hope I found out a girl was going on a date with another guy.

because she has at that moment forfeited her right to say jack **** about me doing the same. she may have went on 1 date. I mean, I was doing it anyway but now I don't even have to hide it. I will use that one date for a good 6 months if i have to. "babe just can't settle down I mean you are going on dates and stuff and you come to me talking about how you don't want me to go on dates I can't do that, i don't know if you are serious or not, you are going ton dates with other men so utnil i know you are serious I am going to do what i gotta do"


the way that situation works is that it's more in more in your favor the more and more she gets to know you / like you. At the time it might suck a little. i promise you that if you are still messing around with that girl a few months later she is going to regret the **** out of that date. you have clearly shown to be her best option and it's by her own actions that she can't have her best option.

when i met amber and we went on a few dates, not only did I knew she went on a date with anohter guy, I ran into her on that date. you want to know why i ran into her lol? Beucase she invited me. she forgot she asked me to go to the club with her earlier that week and i show up and her tounge is down some dudes throat. she saw me and i just shook it off. honestly, it sucked at that very moment i'm not going to lie. but i played it off and went and had a good time.

that was what.. julyish.. by november lol, that damn tongue kiss was the best thing to ever happen to me. i could have girls spend the night over my house and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. nothing. but cry and beg me to date her (seriously it got that bad)

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Jonny,
"What if you're a plate being spun?"....I give in,so what!...its"La Ronde"....On and Off this last year,I have had a little interest from Singapore...I am allowed to visit about once a week,never allowed to coincide much less meet the 32 year old daughter with whom she lives...about twice yearly she trundles off for six weeks or so,back to her Island home,probably to the arms of her high profile business man husband..."when i was single I actually used to hope I found out a girl was going on a date with another guy."those are dear old Backbreakers words......believe me he has lived...So I would echo his words...the little World I am weekly teleported into for a couple of hours of Afternoon delight,could be part of my life for a long while to come...I hope so!

 

[Jonnybangbang]

Backbreaker and Scaramouche, you both raise valid points. I shouldnt care because im doing it and it enables me to display this to her as well, increasing my "value." I guess i should see it as a buffet line...taking what i please, when i please...and if i am also part of a woman's buffet line, i will be certain i am the prime rib and not the rice pudding....

Thanks fellas