What if HE insists on paying?

[Kailex]

I have a unique situation for myself coming up in a week and a half.
Because of my location, I see my sister about once a year. That's coming up soon and I'm going to be having lunch with her and her boyfriend. I've never gone with just them and there's an interesting situation that I might become a part of.

He might want to pay the whole bill.

This guy is pretty much a DJ and has my sister wrapped around his finger. He's a great guy and conversationalist and he treats my sister really well without being a typical AFC.

I know it's silly that I even have to ask this, but the only guys I've really ever had dinner with are my dad and my best friend and the dynamic is difference.

What's the etiquette on this?

He did pick the spot and it was my sister's idea but I don't want to be freeloading off of them, but I don't want it to seem like I'm being too pushy about paying the bill.

Opinions, anyone?

 

[5string]

Hey Kailex.

If it were me, I'd let him pay it if he wants. Thank him, and tell him you'll pick up the bill next time. Then follow through when the time comes. Essentially, reciprocate.

If you want to pay it, go ahead. Nothing wrong with that. I'd just make sure if he does pay it, you return the favor later.

Have a nice lunch.

 

[squirrels]

Both of you should offer...first one who "insists" gets the check.

Seriously...do whatever smoothes the situation over the most. Decisions about who pays at a restaurant should be approached with the notion, "what's the smoothest way to get through this?"

 

[hansol]

Generally for social events, etiquette says the one who gives the invitation is the one who covers the bill.

(As of course compared to "game", where there is a totally different set of rules.)

 

[Kailex]

Both of you should offer...first one who "insists" gets the check.

Seriously...do whatever smoothes the situation over the most. Decisions about who pays at a restaurant should be approached with the notion, "what's the smoothest way to get through this?"

I know we'll both offer and probably both insist.
I know neither of us would have a problem paying, to be honest, but it's gotten me to the point of overthinking. I see the guy once a year, so I'd only be able to get him back... in June.

But I know this guy well enough to know he will insist first, most likely.

What feels most uncomfortable about this situation is I feel like a first date and wondering if I should let a man pay for me or should I come across as an independent woman and go dutch... or what the hell. This shouldn't be so complicated.

In the end, the situation doesn't really matter, but I just want to avoid any uncomfortableness or him perceiving me to try to out-alpha him in front of my sister, which I have no particular desire to do.

 

[5string]

Check comes.........

Him-"I'll get it"

You (politely)-"Hey thanks, but only if I get to pick it up next time".

Thereby you have already set the frame for your next dining experience.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

What feels most uncomfortable about this situation is I feel like a first date and wondering if I should let a man pay for me or should I come across as an independent woman and go dutch... or what the hell. This shouldn't be so complicated.

In the end, the situation doesn't really matter, but I just want to avoid any uncomfortableness or him perceiving me to try to out-alpha him in front of my sister, which I have no particular desire to do.

If the situation doesn't really matter... Why make such a big deal about it? Your acting like an 18/yo letting such minor things bother you.

If you read articles on www.sosuave.com you wouldn't be posting this thread.
The article below will help out for your current dilemma.

Should You Pay When On a Date with a Girl?
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/at/check.htm

You can apply the above article to your current situation

 

[jophil28]

What feels most uncomfortable about this situation is I feel like a first date and wondering if I should let a man pay for me or should I come across as an independent woman and go dutch... or what the hell. This shouldn't be so complicated.

Kailex, he is your brother in law (almost ). He is not some guy called Nigel from London who picked you up at the airport and is trying to make you his girlfriend.
Relax man. this is no biggie.
Do what Squirrels or 5String sugested.
Bon Appetit.

 

[Atom Smasher]

What feels most uncomfortable about this situation is I feel like a first date and wondering if I should let a man pay for me or should I come across as an independent woman and go dutch... or what the hell. This shouldn't be so complicated.

What? Kailex, you're a woman?

Why are you hanging out on a men's forum asking for advice on the etiquette of what a woman should do?

Dang, I wish the profiles indicated the posters' gender. Sometimes these chicks come across sounding like men for a while, but what else would one expect from a woman who, being far from an accurate representative of her gender, feels the need to hobnob with men who are looking to improve their dealings with women?

I'm taking the liberty of being grouchy today.

 

[Kailex]

Again, I know I'm overreacting to this situation and overthinking it. :rock:

I just wanted to make sure I don't overstep any boundaries. When I go out with friends, it's an unspoken language to say: You got me this round, I have you next.

But this is a man I've talked to maybe 4 times and the last thing I'd want to do is AMOG him in front of my sister unintentionally (More overthinking).

I do appreciate the advice and it's all gold, as always. I'm not so worried anymore. That's why I come to the Mature Men forum. Sorry if this had absolutely nothing to do with women, but I feel that at its core, it's an issue any mature man might have to learn to handle. It'll be a first for me. :woo:

 

[Kailex]

What? Kailex, you're a woman?

Holy hell, I hadn't even realized I had typed it like that.
I really need to proof read what I type before I press Submit.

No, I'm 100% male.

I need a break from the computer.

 

[jophil28]

Holy hell, I hadn't even realized I had typed it like that.
I really need to proof read what I type before I press Submit.

No, I'm 100% male.

I need a break from the computer.

Relax Kailex, Atom was just winding you up.

 

[Kailex]

Relax Kailex, Atom was just winding you up.

I know, just been a long day and I miss coffee.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Holy hell, I hadn't even realized I had typed it like that.
I really need to proof read what I type before I press Submit.

No, I'm 100% male.

I need a break from the computer.

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

LOL, I needed this chuckle. Thanks for the unintended comic relief, Kailex. I really thought you had magically become a woman! I'm glad you see why it seemed that way.

OK, my brother, I'm breathing a sigh of relief...