What I suck at

[becker]

Ok guys, here's the deal. I've discovered what this site has made me. I've become this ultra-defensive guy who lets everything bounce off him. I'm ultra-indifferent, and it seems to be the basis of my downfall. There's only so far you can go before the girl stops being interested. It's also such a draining thing (or is it just me?). I seem to be able to get into a bunch of short-term things, but the long term stuff doesn't work because I never open up to the girl or something, I don't know what it is. It's slight paranoia that if I show my cards, the house of cards will come crashing down.

It's draining in the sense that every time the girl says something to get a rise out of you, you have to play it cool. It starts to wear on you after a while, and I begin to wonder how much more of that crap I can just ignore. Anyways, it makes me jaded toward relationships and women in general. It's so much easier being single. I find myself being repelled by women because of it.

 

[Qualtran]

I experienced the same feelings of apathy in my last 2 LTRs and got so bored that I just ended them. It was like forcing myself to be indifferent killed any feelings I had for these girls. Sure, being indifferent made them pursue me and get really into me, but the indifference remained until the end.

We must figure out how to keep our hearts open, but our minds and actions under control. I think we create a problem for ourselves when instead of mentally playing the game, we force ourselves not to care about a girl in order to play it.

Most of us start out on this board without any of the restraint or patience neccessary to get or keep a girl, then proceed through our training towards being indifferent towards ladies. We start getting more and more girls, and its exciting at first, but then we start killing our emotions while we continue to refine our skills.

Eventually it can go full circle and you can end up doing what I just did: acting AFC again so that I wouldn't sabotage the strong feelings I have for a girl.

I think the key lies in the balance, where you play the game but keep in touch with the way you feel. Yeah, this sounds emo, but guys who tell you not to care about girls are just in it for the pvssy, not for the love.

 

[becker]

Wow, after 1 million views, one response

Anyways, I have to say that I think I've seen it all at this point. Sort have come full circle if you will. Last girl I was with was the sweetest most perfect girl for my tastes as I've had. We had good chemistry, but then she just broke it off. Spent too much time together, but at the same time, she just constantly *****ed about me being too indifferent, etc. At first, it kept her around, but after a while, she bailed, and there wasn't a lot I could do about it. If I have to constantly play this see-saw game with her, I'd just rather stay single and not have to deal with it.

How do you guys keep the girl around while not having to play these games constantly?

 

[jprjrjr]

I wrote a thread earlier about women being basically crazy. I got a lot of responses on the order of...oh that's the way they're wired, ...they're not crazy, they're just acting like they're programmed....


But now you can see, if you do things the right way, the bytch loses interest because you don't open up to her. If you do open up to her, she loses interest.


It seems we have to play this stupid fvcking game of coming up with the right amount of this..and the right amount of that to keep a girl.

Fvck it I say. If she's going to stay around she will, and if not she won't. DON'T KISS ASS.

 

[Lone_raider]

I haven't posted on here in months, but I think I remember replying to you in the past Becker!

I haven't been here often because I felt like I had learned all I could learn from this site and it was time to just go out and wing it. However, I have experienced many of the same problems. First of all, I never liked to expose my emotions, but my early experience's with women had me being clingy and dependent, typical AFC.

Later I dropped the AFC act, got into several different relationships, one lasting nearly a year, but I was still really never able to keep the girls in the end because either I got bored with them, or they got bored with me. In the case of the long term relationship, I never really put strong emotions out there because I don't like doing that and she left me because of it!

I have this incredible mix of showing just enough interest and restraint now. FOr example I've got 2 different girls calling me, e mailing me, inviting me to parties and concerts, sometimes I go, other times I don't show up and I never explain why lol. I show up just enough to display I might care, but then I dissapear and they arn't sure what I'm up to.

I feel like being indifferent has become part of me now, it wasn't this website that did it, I was always partially like this, but now its enveloped me. I can attract women no problem, I can defeat their little sh*t tests, which actually sickens me now, why do they still do this into their mid 20's? But I just don't have it in me to keep the LTR's going because at some point I just stop caring completely or they do.


I kind of like what jpr said, I have been saying the same thing lately as well. If the girl stays around she is really committed, if not, f*ck it, probably wasn't worth it anyway.

 

[rgeere]

Women want to hear about how you feel about things because they want to comfort you. It is what they are designed for, and women do often find it attractive when a man is willing to risk exposing some of his emotions to her.

If you are going to say this is AFC, it is not depending on the girl in question. If this is a girl who likes players, then it might be a turn-off for her.

 

[thefonz]

i have read the bible many times and I think it is a great testament to the things one afc can achieve if he disciplines himself....but alot of the advice about not showing your emotions is misleading on this site.

I think when they say don't show your emotions in a relationship.....what they really mean to say is dont' loose control (they assume showing your emotions means you'll cry, get desperate, seek validation, get nervous). There ARE ways to show your emotions that turn girls on, it's just so many people don't know how to do it without loosing control. When you do wanna show your emotions go into it much like the way you would prepare for going on stage to perform a song. When you perform it should be controlled, timed, practiced and heart-felt......with a little bit of restraint. Don't just call her up saying, "Damit my boss was pissing me off today, goDAMIT that store is so depressing sometimes!!" (an actual quote from fonz's afc days, needless to say she got nervous and off the phone as fast as possible). If you do it right and she starts to comfort you don't make eye contact, or seek validation from her "AWWW's".....this isn't about her, it's about you getting stuff off your chest. Who cares how she reacts.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Lone_raider
I haven't posted on here in months, but I think I remember replying to you in the past Becker!

I haven't been here often because I felt like I had learned all I could learn from this site and it was time to just go out and wing it. However, I have experienced many of the same problems. First of all, I never liked to expose my emotions, but my early experience's with women had me being clingy and dependent, typical AFC.

Later I dropped the AFC act, got into several different relationships, one lasting nearly a year, but I was still really never able to keep the girls in the end because either I got bored with them, or they got bored with me. In the case of the long term relationship, I never really put strong emotions out there because I don't like doing that and she left me because of it!

I have this incredible mix of showing just enough interest and restraint now. FOr example I've got 2 different girls calling me, e mailing me, inviting me to parties and concerts, sometimes I go, other times I don't show up and I never explain why lol. I show up just enough to display I might care, but then I dissapear and they arn't sure what I'm up to.

I feel like being indifferent has become part of me now, it wasn't this website that did it, I was always partially like this, but now its enveloped me. I can attract women no problem, I can defeat their little sh*t tests, which actually sickens me now, why do they still do this into their mid 20's? But I just don't have it in me to keep the LTR's going because at some point I just stop caring completely or they do.


I kind of like what jpr said, I have been saying the same thing lately as well. If the girl stays around she is really committed, if not, f*ck it, probably wasn't worth it anyway.

Interesting posts guys, and I have to agree with most of ya. I just want to at this point hang around girls without getting into anything with them. It's just difficult to ask a girl to do something, then just sort of not make any moves on her or anything. I guess that can get boring after a while, but if you do it, it will come off as playing games if you don't follow through. I want to just experiment with this one girl by telling her up front that I'm not going to get into a relationship, period. Just be friends, that's it. I'll be the emotional tampon for a while. Maybe that will solve everything. I've never really been so up front with it before like that, but I'm curious to just do it for the heck of it, mainly because I just can't handle a relationship at the moment.

 

[McKindley]

You know what I suck at? Math.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by McKindley
You know what I suck at? Math.

I have to say, that was pretty damn hilarious

 

[Hellboy]

If you're not looking for anything serious then these games can be a devious but effective way of getting the girls to obsess over you, sans stability on their part.

But if you're looking for something more serious and fulfilling, then I'm starting to realise that you need to be a little more consistent. It's all about intimacy (not just physically, but emotionally too) and trust. Games will NOT earn you trust.

Of course, you must keep your self respect above all else.

 

[becker]

double post

 

[becker]

Personally, I think that the last girl I was with just threw my sixth sense in all sorts of different directions, to the point where I don't even know right from wrong anymore.

We're talking the most innocent, straightforward girl I've ever known in my entire life. She didn't play games, tease, or any of that crap. Then all of a sudden, she lost all reason and became somewhat like all the other girls I've known. They're all selfish, conniving people.

It has turned me off from women like I've never been before. I'd literally rather sit at home now than go out with women. I have some girls calling me to do stuff and I don't even want to. It's a real rut mentally and I just don't know how to get out of it. I've lost trust in women as a whole and the last thing I want to do is indulge in their little mind games.

 

[Hellboy]

I think it comes down to one thing, if things get boring for the girl then you lose her interest. Games keep things interesting, for a while, but it's a double edged sword.

 

[Reed247]

one way or the other

women want it both ways. most men can't offer the bad boy careless attitude, and the sensitive "let's have a relationship" attitude at the same time.

Women generally have 2 boyfriends or more in NYC. They want someone for every type of gratification, sex, money, love, and attention.

I usually have long term flings with women, usually 6 months.

I'm in a 9 month now, so far so/so. It's not great at this point, the tip of the iceberg.

Why? Because she knows I am not dead serious about marrying her. I have figured this out.
ALL girls want marriage. If they get bored or feel you aren't serious then they leave or meet new guys "cheating". Women don't cheat they move on if they find out you are not for them.

Cheating is more defined to me as a married woman having an affair. technically you are not cheating unless you are married. Think about it.
It hurts when you love a girl and she does not love you back, but f*ck...what can you do?
I mean quit b*tching about the girl unless you seriously want to marry her.

You can't have a serious girlfriend unless she knows you want to marry her and pay her rent, pay her clothing, pay her dinners etc. You think I am making this sh*t up? NO.

It's a harsh reality. Women don't marry for love generally. Love is associated with security. (money). Comon people it's all about the bread.

I am not saying you can't have a GF just expect she won't want to marry you unless you are planning to take care of her or are currently doing so.

Personally, I like relationships because I like being with the same woman. I am not really the player type. But in reality I don't want to get married yet and thats why things go down the drain eventually.

 

[thefonz]

Re: one way or the other

Originally posted by Reed247

Cheating is more defined to me as a married woman having an affair. technically you are not cheating unless you are married. Think about it.
It hurts when you love a girl and she does not love you back, but f*ck...what can you do?
I mean quit b*tching about the girl unless you seriously want to marry her.

So what do you call it when a girl you've been dating for a year sleeps with another guy?

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

...or when she turns out to be an escort?

 

[becker]

Re: one way or the other

Originally posted by Reed247

ALL girls want marriage. If they get bored or feel you aren't serious then they leave or meet new guys "cheating". Women don't cheat they move on if they find out you are not for them.

I am not saying you can't have a GF just expect she won't want to marry you unless you are planning to take care of her or are currently doing so.

Personally, I like relationships because I like being with the same woman. I am not really the player type. But in reality I don't want to get married yet and thats why things go down the drain eventually.

I have to disagree with you on these statements, and just say that it's different for each girl, and depends a lot on their station in life. Sure, girls will eventually want to get married, but there are 21 year olds who are not looking to settle down yet, and still need to sow their wild oats, while other 21 year olds have gone through so much that they're ready to take a more serious step (although I've seen many who have taken the step only to realize that they didn't want to be in that position).

Last girl was was with I would have married in a heartbeat. We were very good for each other, had certain differences, but minor, like we didn't always like to eat the same things, crap like that. Anyways, I had a positive outlook on the relationship, and told her that I didn't see anything bad about it, but she kept telling me that it would have to end at some point because if it didn't, that would mean we'd get married, and I said I had no problem with that if that's what it came down to.

Eventually, it ended, just like she said, but not because she felt I wouldn't seriously marry her. More likely that she just got bored.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Simply pursue woman affectionately and only pimp the hors!!!! You must know the difference between a woman and a hor or else you will be destroyed if you mistake the "hor" for a "woman" and the woman for a hor !!!

 

[MindOverMatter]

It's draining in the sense that every time the girl says something to get a rise out of you, you have to play it cool. It starts to wear on you after a while, and I begin to wonder how much more of that crap I can just ignore.

You don't always have to play it cool, I like to put her in her place every once in a while. You're a guy, it's normal to be an a$$hole every once in a while.