What I believe to be, by far, the hardest thing about cold approaches

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Smashing is a priority. I have put up a solid lifetime notch count in part because I prioritize smashing.

However, I seek interactions beyond solely smashing. I like to smash more than most but I also like extended interactions.

When I approach, I am seeking a sustainable, extended interaction with a woman. Some might call that a longer term partner.

I don't typically look for pump n dump. I prefer longer term sex to shorter term sex.

But, are you looking for monogamy with this long/short term partner?

All things equal, yeah, if your approaches are more monogamous-relationship oriented, then sure...you gotta spend X amount of time with Y woman.

Such relationships goes beyond sex.

But, that aside...nah, 30 seconds is enough.

 

[SW15]

are you looking for monogamy with this long/short term partner?

The Only 9 Options for Men as They Age - Alpha Male 2.0

-By Caleb Jones As I’ve discussed before, most men, even Alpha Males, have no intention on being players for the rest of their lives. At some point, even the horniest players will want to “settle down” in some form or fashion. Today I’m going to...

alphamale20.com

My preferred relationship model from this framework is Option 6, which is serial monogamy. I generally prefer extended monogamous relationships but don't expect marriage. Traditional monogamous marriage is Option 1 from this framework and likely the worst option in a Western nation. Option 1 is the option that the typical blue pill ideology beta male who doesn't read forums like SoSuave or pay attention to content from creators like Rollo and Fresh & Fit would follow.

Over the years, I have varied in preference between Option 6 and Option 3. More often, I have been pursuing Option 6.

Options 7-9 are poly-based relationships. That blogger is more of a proponent of poly relationships than I am. I don't agree with his takes on poly stuff, but he does have some good thought framework articles.

if your approaches are more monogamous-relationship oriented, then sure...you gotta spend X amount of time with Y woman.

Most of my approaches would be like this.

 

[GoodMan32]

There has been less of a culture of approaching strangers in the 2010s-2020s than there was in the late 1990s-2000s when both of us were younger.

I can notice a difference in 2024-2025 as compared to 2011-2012 on approaching. 2011-2012 was a few years after the smartphone got to market.

Approaching women in non-bar venues takes on a variety of forms. It can be done in gyms/fitness classes, indoor retail venues (grocery stores, malls, bookstores), or outdoors.



Plenty of guys do something like what you did at Whole Foods. Guys will linger around grocery store while they are grocery shopping themselves seeking approaches.

Grocery store approaching is low percentage as well.



In Dallas (a city with limited pedestrian foot traffic), women are well known for using headphones/earbuds to discourage approaching outdoors. While Dallas has limited foot traffic, it has some parks and recreational walking paths. Women use headphones/earbuds at those places.

Additionally, women use headphones/earbuds at their gyms to discourage approaches as well.

This has gotten more commonplace over time.

When I was in college (2001-2005), the iPod was new. The iPod was released in Fall 2001, in my freshman year of college. In roughly 2003 (the mid-point of me being in college), I could go to my college's on campus gym and only the hottest 10-20% of women would be wearing headphones/earbuds at the gym. By the early 2010s, that percentage was over 80% of women at gyms catering to working age people.

It's interesting how they wear earbuds to discourage approaches, yet then they have the audacity to complain "How come men don't approach me anymore?"

It's like they fail to make the following connection: In addition to discouraging approaches from men who aren't your type, earbuds also discourage approaches from men who are your type.

 

[SW15]

It's interesting how they wear earbuds to discourage approaches, yet then they have the audacity to complain "How come men don't approach me anymore?"

It's like they fail to make the following connection: In addition to discouraging approaches from men who aren't your type, earbuds also discourage approaches from men who are your type.

The typical Millennial and Gen Z woman is somewhat anti-social. While some might occasionally have the audacity to complain about a lack of approaches, I don't think it's that big of a deal to them.

I think many Millennial/Gen Z women are happy to give up the approaches for men who are their type in exchange for not having to deal with men who aren't their type.

A woman who wear headphones/earbuds to the gym and while walking/running outdoors can still get hit on at the grocery store, mall, or a bookstore where she isn't wearing headphones/earbuds. As long as a woman isn't a shut in, she has enough exposure to the outdoor world to get some approaches.

If a woman is complaining about not getting approaches, then there's something clearly wrong with her day-to-day routine.

 

[BaronOfHair]

It isn't summoning the courage to go up to that girl you find attractive in mere seconds. That can be learned out of habit by approaching again and again and again.

The hardest thing about cold approaching is developing the skill to initiate and carry a conversation from the moment you go up to her, all the way to the point where you can get her to open up. The way things are, the onus is on us to lead and maintain the conversation from the very start.

What makes this so difficult is being able to materialize conversation and bounce from point to point without the luxury of having more time. It can be largely improvisational with a very limited window and not much time to think. You might run out of things to say if you're not getting much to work with, and the dreaded awkward silence will come up—which she'll probably fault you for. Then you go for the number a bit too early, and she declines.

Unfortunately, since women aren’t used to this kind of interaction in a store or street environment, they’re often withdrawn and don’t actively contribute. It’s like dealing with a shy person. They’re reserved and don’t talk much until you warm them up and make them feel comfortable enough to open up.

Think about any time you've had a pleasant conversation with someone that seemed to flow naturally. The person you were talking to was also actively contributing to the conversation and probably asking questions as well. There was smooth back-and-forth, even if they were a stranger.

Now think about any time you had a conversation that felt forced and unnatural. Someone isn’t used to this or they’re not actively reciprocating to the degree that you are.

There are yes and no girls, but there are also maybe girls. Yes girls are ideal, but they’re much more uncommon. You hardly have to run game on them.

With girls on the fence—which is most common, I'd say—you can sway things in your favor if you develop the skill to consistently create good, lengthy interactions. You’ll get more numbers, fewer flakes, and fewer rejections.

This is why I think it's best to have backup questions on retainer. Also, think about what makes a person open up more—something that has to do with them. Observational comments create an opportunity for them to talk about themselves and lead to a more robust conversation.

After developing the ability to consistently have longer interactions, then practice tossing in some flirting for solid numbers. Boom.

All of this has been especially important for me in a big city, where people may get approached by odd fellas or someone trying to get something from them.

Also, sometimes they’re just plain unreceptive and won’t bother opening up. If that’s the case, move on if it’s going nowhere and hit on some other girl.

Girls in bar settings are likely to make for easier conversation because they expect to—or are seeking to—get hit on. They’re ready for social interaction with men, although they might still have their guard up for other reasons.

Insights are welcome. I'm still learning and this is what I've got to share

Alternative mindset:

Stop thinking of this stuff as "cold approach"/whatever other PUA jargon we've heard bandied about, and instead part and parcel of moving through the world in a consciously masculine fashion:

If you desire something, whether it's a bedmate or widening your connections in corporate America... Well, it's incumbent on you to pursue them. Be prepared to NOT always get exactly what you anticipated 100% of the time

 

[Isildur1]

Exactly. You need volume to practice and get results. Besides, you will get turned down most of the time, it's part of the territory. You are only going to improve through trial and error. And yes, it's tremendous in other areas of dating and life. "Warm" approaches are also easy mode now.

We have some critics in here that are just too afraid to do it. Is it a deep learning curve and is it challenging? Yeah, but like you said, it's deeply rewarding when it finally clicks

I find it hilarious how in a forum which encourages men to lead that people actively discourage men from cold approaching

Cold approaching has so many benefit’s and can really enhance your social circle if done right

The act of starting a conversation is an act of leadership and confidence in of itself - men are meant to lead and no one is coming to open you - so to speak

 

[Isildur1]

Roosh was an experienced Pick up artist and even he, got tired of the modern women that are out there today. Which is why he turned to an Orthodox Christian, he was a seeker who found his truth. Good for him. It's just unfortunate he had down his blog and forum, which totally sucks, that could have been a sanctuary for conservative Christian Men seeking relationship advise.

I think his sister dying of cancer was the real reason he converted to Christianity - maybe he just turned nuts after that and wanted religion to save him.

 

[Isildur1]

Roosh looked far fitter and healthier when he was doing pua then when he converted to Christianity anyway- I argue his impact on the world was better before he found Christ

as an atheist who genuinely enjoys pickup I’m somewhat left feeling a bit frustrated by those who blame pick-up when if it wasn’t for pua no one would know who he is

 

[SW15]

I think his sister dying of cancer was the real reason he converted to Christianity - maybe he just turned nuts after that and wanted religion to save him.

I think he was having some issues prior to the death of his sister. The pickup lifestyle has the potential to be physically and emotionally draining. He was a regular exerciser and doing weight training for years. I think he experienced fewer physical consequences. I think he had been experiencing more emotional consequences.

He was in his mid to late 30s when she was dying of cancer. He was 38 when it happened. While he had put up an impressive notch count to that point, I think he was desiring more pair bonding, which is something common that men desire in their mid 30s and beyond.

I find it hilarious how in a forum which encourages men to lead that people actively discourage men from cold approaching

Cold approaching has so many benefit’s and can really enhance your social circle if done right

The act of starting a conversation is an act of leadership and confidence in of itself - men are meant to lead and no one is coming to open you - so to speak

I think people discourage approaching strangers (cold approach) because approaching strangers has a low conversion rate. The majority of stranger approaches will not result in a date agreement, phone number exchange, or sex.

This is something that hasn't changed that much in the past 20-40 years with seduction. Most stranger approaches 20 years ago in bars/nightlife venues weren't leading to first dates or sex.

The reason that dating websites originally came about in the early 1990s is that people were unsatisfied with the bar scenes of the 1970s-early 1990s.

Both non-bar cold approaches (daygame) and bar/nightlife venue cold approaches have a low probability of being successful.

In bar approaching, there's a greater chance that the woman approached in a bar is actually seeking new penis. Women approached in parks, in gyms on the general gym floor of after fitness classes, and in grocery stores are likely not seeking new penis at any given moment. Most won't disclose that status to you in a non-bar approach, but she won't be conversant and the interaction itself will die out within 30-60 seconds before a future social invitation offer can reasonably be made.

Women in relationships aren't that excited to have a random 5 minute conversation with a stranger man in any non-bar venue.

Over time, I have been attentive with venue selection in non-bar approaching. I have chosen venues in neighborhoods with a high concentration of unmarried people. While that's a good idea and I recommend doing that to avoid a lot of women definitely out of the market, so many unmarried women have boyfriends/situationships at any given moment and aren't very receptive to a new approach.

This thread is good for talking about specifics in venues for approaches.

 

[BadBoy89]

They don't work? Maybe not for you, but I've seen results and so have others in this community

Cold approach a hot women under 30, in the street, in broad daylight, with a lot of other people around, knowing nothing about her, and get her responsive and interested enough make a appointment to meet up and spend time with her and have sex with her and marry her. Come on,

If Sydney Sweeney came up to a Sosuave member on the street, and said “Sosuave member, meet me a 7 pm at xyz hotel, I want to make love to you.” Sosuave member would accept? The hell he would, he would think 3 guys are hiding in the room to whack him and steal his money.

But Sosuave members are better and smarter and sexier than Sydney Sweeney. They are so smooth they can cold approach a hot women under 30 in the open street with nothing in common except that they want to f her, and she accepts.

”How did you meet your wife? Friends? Family? School?”
”No I’m much smoother than that.”
”Then how?”
”I saw her at a light on xyz street with 200 people. I said “this will be the mother of my children”
”You just went up to her like that?”
”Yep”
”She wasn’t threatened?”
”Nope.”
”She cared what you had to say?”
”Yep”
”You are not a casting director or model photographer?”
”Nope”
”She gave you her number?”
”Yep”
”How long did you talk to her?”
”About 45 seconds”
”You meet up later?”
”Yep”
‘You had sex with her?”
”Yep”
”She fell in love?”
”Yep”
”So to join clubs or a gym or yoga or go online or ask friends for setup, it’s a waste?”
”Yep”
”Just meet chicks and potential wives randomly on street between 9 am - 5pm?”
”Yep”
”Isnt cold approach in the street ridiculously difficult?”
”No it’s easy.“
”Who said that?”
”Sosuave members.”
”Rock on!”

 

[Isildur1]

Cold approach a hot women under 30, in the street, in broad daylight, with a lot of other people around, knowing nothing about her, and get her responsive and interested enough make a appointment to meet up and spend time with her and have sex with her and marry her. Come on,

If Sydney Sweeney came up to a Sosuave member on the street, and said “Sosuave member, meet me a 7 pm at xyz hotel, I want to make love to you.” Sosuave member would accept? The hell he would, he would think 3 guys are hiding in the room to whack him and steal his money.

But Sosuave members are better and smarter and sexier than Sydney Sweeney. They are so smooth they can cold approach a hot women under 30 in the open street with nothing in common except that they want to f her, and she accepts.

”How did you meet your wife? Friends? Family? School?”
”No I’m much smoother than that.”
”Then how?”
”I saw her at a light on xyz street with 200 people. I said “this will be the mother of my children”
”You just went up to her like that?”
”Yep”
”She wasn’t threatened?”
”Nope.”
”She cared what you had to say?”
”Yep”
”You are not a casting director or model photographer?”
”Nope”
”She gave you her number?”
”Yep”
”How long did you talk to her?”
”About 45 seconds”
”You meet up later?”
”Yep”
‘You had sex with her?”
”Yep”
”She fell in love?”
”Yep”
”So to join clubs or a gym or yoga or go online or ask friends for setup, it’s a waste?”
”Yep”
”Just meet chicks and potential wives randomly on street between 9 am - 5pm?”
”Yep”
”Isnt cold approach in the street ridiculously difficult?”
”No it’s easy.“
”Who said that?”
”Sosuave members.”
”Rock on!”

I’ve seen people in the seduction community doing very well with cold approach - I think you need to try it for yourself without judging

 

[Isildur1]

I think he was having some issues prior to the death of his sister. The pickup lifestyle has the potential to be physically and emotionally draining. He was a regular exerciser and doing weight training for years. I think he experienced fewer physical consequences. I think he had been experiencing more emotional consequences.

He was in his mid to late 30s when she was dying of cancer. He was 38 when it happened. While he had put up an impressive notch count to that point, I think he was desiring more pair bonding, which is something common that men desire in their mid 30s and beyond.



I think people discourage approaching strangers (cold approach) because approaching strangers has a low conversion rate. The majority of stranger approaches will not result in a date agreement, phone number exchange, or sex.

This is something that hasn't changed that much in the past 20-40 years with seduction. Most stranger approaches 20 years ago in bars/nightlife venues weren't leading to first dates or sex.

The reason that dating websites originally came about in the early 1990s is that people were unsatisfied with the bar scenes of the 1970s-early 1990s.

Both non-bar cold approaches (daygame) and bar/nightlife venue cold approaches have a low probability of being successful.

In bar approaching, there's a greater chance that the woman approached in a bar is actually seeking new penis. Women approached in parks, in gyms on the general gym floor of after fitness classes, and in grocery stores are likely not seeking new penis at any given moment. Most won't disclose that status to you in a non-bar approach, but she won't be conversant and the interaction itself will die out within 30-60 seconds before a future social invitation offer can reasonably be made.

Women in relationships aren't that excited to have a random 5 minute conversation with a stranger man in any non-bar venue.

Over time, I have been attentive with venue selection in non-bar approaching. I have chosen venues in neighborhoods with a high concentration of unmarried people. While that's a good idea and I recommend doing that to avoid a lot of women definitely out of the market, so many unmarried women have boyfriends/situationships at any given moment and aren't very receptive to a new approach.

This thread is good for talking about specifics in venues for approaches.

Majority of women are no in most cases

social circle game -99 percent of women don’t like me- that’s fine , the rare occasion they did I was too slow to act anyway

online dating most likely 99.9 percent of women are swiping left on me- I gave up on it in 2018

nightgame - some make outs and a few lays but a lot of flakes as most women are drunk when they give me their number - most of the time even if they make out with me they don’t actually like me they’re just drunk


cold approach actually my rejection rate is far lower than the other 3 - meeting someone in the day they are far more invested in wanting to meeting me- my flake rate was always lowest from cold approach regardless and I met my now girlfriend from doing cold approach in Dubai

 

[SW15]

”Isnt cold approach in the street ridiculously difficult?”

I talk about how difficult it is.

In 2012, Roosh called street approaching the most difficult approach venue. He recommended using nearly any other daygame venue other than the street.

How To Pick Up Girls On The Street

Cold approach a hot women under 30, in the street, in broad daylight, with a lot of other people around, knowing nothing about her, and get her responsive and interested enough make a appointment to meet up and spend time with her and have sex with her and marry her. Come on

”Just meet chicks and potential wives randomly on street between 9 am - 5pm?”

I do not typically approach on city streets in Dallas. I will approach women on the Katy Trail, which is Dallas' most popular walking/jogging path. Approaching on the Katy Trail looks similar to street game. In my December 2023 review of the Katy Trail, I posted videos of someone approaching on the Katy Trail to give an idea of how it looks compared to approaching on the street in an older, denser city like New York City or London.

Observations on Dallas' Scene

I didn't update this thread during October 2022 so I missed highlighting a key annual event every October in Dallas. The Saturday on every Columbus Day weekend in Dallas is a big deal. It's the second Saturday during the State Fair of Texas. It's also when the annual football game between the...

www.sosuave.net

”So to join clubs or a gym or yoga or go online or ask friends for setup, it’s a waste?”

There are major differences between the approach venues mentioned here.

Asking friends for a setup is the most productive option of the ones mentioned here.

Social clubs are the next best option. At a social club, women are there to receive approaches/interactions from new men. They are often likely seeking new penis. Right now, one of the hottest trends in the mating environment is meeting women through a walking/running club.

Another very common tactic used by men to meet women is participation in co-ed sports leagues. Any co-ed sports league can be an option, though some are better than others. In the late 2000s/early 2010s, kickball leagues were getting a lot of hype as an option for finding dates. In 2025, I rarely hear anyone talking about kickball leagues or any co-ed sports leagues anymore.

I think the best overall sports leagues for male-female mingling are soccer, kickball, and volleyball.

Co-ed sports leagues can often be challenging places to meet women because many tend to be sausage fests.

It's very difficult to swoop into a co-ed sports league for one season of the sport and walk away with some dates. Nearly every other guy in these leagues is an unattached guy who is trying to get his penis wet in league because he read some advice article online or in a printed copy of a magazine about doing this.

If a guy likes in a particular sport and does many league seasons of that sport (spanning multiple calendar years), he might be able to get either social circle-ish opportunities or a direct opportunity at the sponsor bar with a female playing on another team in the league. Same team random relationships also sometimes start, but are rare. Female teammates in a co-ed sports league might be able to give you introductions, which can be helpful.

Most males end up having a disappointing experience in their co-ed sports league from the point of view of arranging dates that lead to extended relationships.

The gym/fitness classes are 2 distinct approach areas. I think the general gym floor is where most men try to seduce and that's quite difficult. Most women are wearing earbuds/headphones on the general gym floor to discourage approaches. A top tier physique (6'0"+, big muscles/shredded) is the best way to get a woman to take off her earbuds/headphones to land an approach on the general gym floor.

The other way of solving the earbud/headphone problem in a gym setting is to go to a group fitness class.

Group fitness classes are one of the biggest disappointments I've encountered in approach venues.

Group fitness classes can be held in gyms with a general gym floor (ex. LA Fitness) or in a venue that's a standalone fitness studio (ex. SoulCycle). I have been to group fitness classes at my own gym and at outside standalone fitness studios via either ClassPass or short term class package buys. The experience has been similar at both concepts.

I have also been to a multitude of class types. I've been to interval/circuit training type classes, boxing/kickboxing, weight lifting classes, indoor cycling, and yoga classes.

All of the class formats have been majority female. Depending on the class, it's been 65-80% female. It's difficult to find those ratios in any other venue. Swipe apps are closer to 65-80% male. Bars are majority male too.

Despite the great ratios, it's difficult to arrange first dates off of going to fitness classes. Women are not very sociable before/after classes. I think many of them already have boyfriends. I tend to go to venues with younger women (under 35-40) and in parts of my city where the majority of the population is unmarried. It's highly unlikely I'm encountering many married women at my fitness class venues. I never know the breakdown of unattached vs. attached women at these venues. I'm sure there have been enough unattached women who weren't sociable either.

Plenty of fitness oriented men go to group fitness classes and hope to meet women there. When they go, they find good ratios but women who aren't sociable before/after classes.

This forum has plenty of threads on why swipe apps are generally a bad idea.