What helped your conversation skills?

[dr0pxx]

hey hey hey

What has helped your conversation skills. I am now noticing that I need better conversation skills. I am used to girls yap yap yap'ing in my ear that when I deal with a girl that is quiet I am fvcked. I am looking for ways (perhaps videos,links,books,etc....) to conversate better.

I have a rookie understanding of NLP (mirroring,eye access cues,etc...) But this only help once you are in a conversation. i need to fill in those gaps where instead of "fluff" I need good conversation skills. I need the topics to relate and be exciting.

I am sure ALL OF YOU have improved drastically with your conversation skills, so I want to know what helped you.

thx

dr0p

 

[rocky_mtn]

I read a few books on "how to talk to anyone", "tips for converstions". Its been a good self improvement for talkling with women, socializing in general and in the working world.

 

[ScrewIt]

one secret to being a great conversationalist is to be a great story teller.

The more you socialize the better you get at it, so get out htere

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

That is very true, story-telling is a very important asset.

However, I usually talk about how I am attracted to the girl I'm talking to.

 

[squirrels]

What helped my conversation skills? Talking to people.

Go to the main page (http://www.sosuave.com) and look for Allen Thompson's article on conversation.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

No, I'm going to have to disagree with talking to ALL people. There are people I just don't like, I have no desire to talk to them.

The real problem is the IDEA of conversation SKILLS in the first place. In my personal experience, I've always hated saying things to please others or sound like the person they want to meet, I just say EVERY THING on my MIND. The down side of this is most people don't like me. The up side is the people who do like me, we end up having extremely meaningful conversations.

 

[flexion_]

I see clients in my job all day - literally 40 new people every day. For me it wasn't really an option... LOL

Maybe find a hobby that involves talking to a lot of people - join a toastmasters club or something like that...

One major hint I can give you that dramatically helped my ability to retain a conversation with people I have first met are these two lines...

"How was your weekend?"
"What do you have planned for the rest of your week?"

These two lines make the person respond and usually they'll tell you what they are interested in... I usually just play off whatever they respond.

 

[ScrewIt]

No, I'm going to have to disagree with talking to ALL people. There are people I just don't like, I have no desire to talk to them.

The real problem is the IDEA of conversation SKILLS in the first place. In my personal experience, I've always hated saying things to please others or sound like the person they want to meet, I just say EVERY THING on my MIND. The down side of this is most people don't like me. The up side is the people who do like me, we end up having extremely meaningful conversations.

I cant disagree with you there, i've had my run ins with people whom i have nothing in common. The conversation just comes off forceful, awkward, and unsmooth.
Both parties know this and both parties generally just avoid starting a conversation, other than the usual hi.

Maybe it has absolutely nothing to do with having things in common to begin a convo. it has more to do with interest. But generally it's easier to discuss things with someone whom you have common ground with, because one knows how to relate to the other and throw feedback on their experiences.

 

[squirrels]

No, I'm going to have to disagree with talking to ALL people. There are people I just don't like, I have no desire to talk to them.

The real problem is the IDEA of conversation SKILLS in the first place. In my personal experience, I've always hated saying things to please others or sound like the person they want to meet, I just say EVERY THING on my MIND. The down side of this is most people don't like me. The up side is the people who do like me, we end up having extremely meaningful conversations.

Speaking your mind is GREAT. But if your mind is always on negative things, then speaking your mind is just going to push people away. And make you feel like sh!t.

Try to see the irony in the things you dislike instead of complaining. Why do you think women say they like "humor" in guys? Do they want a clown? F*ck no...they want a guy who can take a negative situation and pull a laugh out of it.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Speaking your mind is GREAT. But if your mind is always on negative things, then speaking your mind is just going to push people away. And make you feel like sh!t.

Try to see the irony in the things you dislike instead of complaining. Why do you think women say they like "humor" in guys? Do they want a clown? F*ck no...they want a guy who can take a negative situation and pull a laugh out of it.

You idiot, the mere attempt to change your negative thoughts into positive will make it harder for the woman to see that you are a positive person, if your mind is depressed, but if you're frank about everything, and not use a filter for everything you say, and going "well would she agree with this? would she PERMIT me to say this?" are you serious that this is what you should do? I may have negative thoughts, but I will never change myself to fit somebody else's ideal

 

[piterx]

dude,i am not a great conversationalist but i try to be a better one..
i suggest to practice and practice and practice.talk with anyone you find :crazy:

 

[The Truth]

Like any skills, the key is practice!

Getting out and making the effort to speak to different people on a regular basis improved my conversation skills. There's no technique or strategy. You just talk, listen and adapt, and get more relaxed and outgoing the more you do it.

 

[everywomanshero]

For me these things helped:

Working in the mall. You'll interact with dozens of people, including women, everyday. The pay generally sucks, but you don't really do much. This will likely generate a couple of lays a month as a side benfit.

Picking random words from the dictionary and creating a story or conversation starter with/regarding the word. At first I'd tape record these so I can see both my body language and hear my delivery.

have a female room mate. Always forces a little conversation here and there. It's also a sort of DHV in that women will see that you're some lone, woman-hater to be avoided. Of course, if the room mate is trashy then it will not be saying much for your standards.

There are other ideas like using as person's keywords ex. "Dude, at that house last night, that gear was fvcking pure as hell dude." You could take about overuse of the word dude, party houses, coke, being wired, etc. I just kind of do that automatically without thinking about it, I'm not sure if this is something that really needs to be conciously thought of. For the record, I don't take any nonprescribed substances See, I already switched topics on ya

 

[ObieJuan]

Try to see the irony in the things you dislike instead of complaining. Why do you think women say they like "humor" in guys? Do they want a clown? F*ck no...they want a guy who can take a negative situation and pull a laugh out of it.

Wow, that describes exactly what I used to be like- then again I wasn't happy, either. Even to this day that seems to be my general attitude, though I treat it differently now. Instead of whining I use more upbeat tonality and avoid using as much sarcasm as it tends to be more negative. I wish there were a 'favorite user' feature so I could add you to my list

 

[dr0pxx]

For me these things helped:


Picking random words from the dictionary and creating a story or conversation starter with/regarding the word. At first I'd tape record these so I can see both my body language and hear my delivery.

I see. That is a good idea. I am sure you try & spin these stories into DHV's? lol The best idea yet.

dr0p

 

[Democles]

hey hey hey

What has helped your conversation skills. I am now noticing that I need better conversation skills. I am used to girls yap yap yap'ing in my ear that when I deal with a girl that is quiet I am fvcked. I am looking for ways (perhaps videos,links,books,etc....) to conversate better.

I have a rookie understanding of NLP (mirroring,eye access cues,etc...) But this only help once you are in a conversation. i need to fill in those gaps where instead of "fluff" I need good conversation skills. I need the topics to relate and be exciting.

I am sure ALL OF YOU have improved drastically with your conversation skills, so I want to know what helped you.

thx

dr0p

Listen bud it is like this, people like attention, people like to talk about themselves. I seen a quote here before that said that people that talk about themselves are a bore, but those that let others talk about themselves are amazing conversionalists that's very true.

So, listen twice as much as you talk and you will be alright. Ask the girl was does she like about her job, life, family, whatever, ask open innocuous questions.

 

[everywomanshero]

Actually in group situations, you have to be willing to drop your guard and assert your contribution or you'll be seen a s 'the shy guy' ... definitely not a good things. With any girl you date, there will be times you'll end up in a group setting. Being a wallflower is like a terrible disease.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Actually I make it a goal NOT to be in group situations with a girl I'm going for, it usually ends up not well

 

[4th letter]

Actually I make it a goal NOT to be in group situations with a girl I'm going for, it usually ends up not well

Why?

Its a major turn on for a girl when you can sit in a room full of people and get all of there attention in a positive matter

I myself have always been pretty funny and was the new kid alot so new people dont really intimidate me

 

[4th letter]

One way to become better at conversating is to have more of a social life

Go out any chance you have with friends and people from work.

Dont just watch them talk jump in

even if you say something stupid or an awkward moment happens youll learn to deal with it better than being on a date and freaking out because you said something that didnt go so smooth

The more things you do the more you have to talk about

See the new movies when they first come out

I would say get a hobby but if you happen to be in to model trains might not be exactly what a women wants to hear about.

But as was said the object is to get her to talk most of the time so you know more about her than she knows about you

Be mysterious

I never was good at having a game plan and just went with the flow and have just usually had no problem with getting a woman.

You cant plan out a whole nights worth of talking if you dont know how long the date will last and two you never know how they will respond.

Basically practice always makes perfect so practice being more social