What happened to today women?

[Grifonculo]

After six years in a relationship, I’ve started going back to social environments to meet and interact with women. But what I’m facing today is very different from six years ago. Back then, interacting with women was simple. Sure, I got tested, but overall it was a pleasant experience and the girls were open and approachable.


What I see now are women completely consumed by control issues. They’re attracted to my confidence, but then they try in every possible way to bring me down, to make me insecure, and to criticize every single one of my behaviors or movements. They try to get inside my head with passive-aggressive remarks, manipulation, and tactics.


Backing them up are men who are completely submissive—spineless men who obey any demand from women. In today’s society, I barely see any real men around anymore. I only see extremely weak, effeminate men who imitate female manipulative tactics by speaking in low voices and humiliating others behind their backs.


I’ve learned to become strong, I’ve healed my emotional wounds, and I’ve become stable and confident. But now I find myself surrounded by a world full of women and men who literally “hate” the kind of man I am. The women, although attracted, behave in totally narcissistic and entitled ways. They literally expect me to approach them just so they can reject me, trying to get me to chase them and make me needy.


But I don’t play that game. I hold my masculine frame and walk away. Yet instead of triggering attraction in these women, this triggers their ego. And the less they can control me, the more they try to tear me down. The only solution is to leave.


But I wonder… Is it feminism that has completely corrupted these girls’ minds? Or is it the fact that they have hundreds of simping men at their disposal, ready to serve them, making it impossible for them to grasp the idea of an independent man? What happened to women today? Is it really worth it?


Whenever I go out and try to approach women in different environments, I keep running into these extremely toxic personalities. I literally feel my energy drained, and the mental fatigue of having to deal with so much negativity honestly makes me lose any desire to interact with women.


It makes me think that maybe I should just focus on myself, on my inner peace, and on my own activities.


What’s your take on this? How’s the situation in your country? Here in Italy, the situation is terrible.

 

[zekko]

The war on gender roles, which has been going on since before I was born, continues on today. And yeah, it has made a big mess of things.

 

[BaronOfHair]

What I see now are women completely consumed by control issues. They’re attracted to my confidence, but then they try in every possible way to bring me down, to make me insecure, and to criticize every single one of my behaviors or movements. They try to get inside my head with passive-aggressive remarks, manipulation, and tactics.

You're over the age of 12, yet still surprised by this? Next we'll have a tourist from Paducah post here, from a gurney at King's College(London) ICU, expressing shock that he was unable to get out of the train station, WITHOUT a gang of roving Somalis stabbing him in the gut a few dozen times

Seriously though, OP:

This is similar to the way at least a few colleagues will inevitably try to push you around when you're new on the job, to see how far they can go, and whether or not you'll navigate conflict, WITHOUT losing your sh-t. This is part of what it means to be human

 

[Gamisch]

Gotta realise that EVERYTHING in life is about propositions. If you approach a woman you basically step right into HER world. Nothing wrong with that if you realise it. Like a scuba diver entering the ocean; he must adjust to this new environment. Her entire life is about seduction and attention.

To stay within the fishing analogy; imo the Art of "pulling " is to get women OUT of their trusted environment into YOUR world.

Also gotta ask yourself if you got " a type". Because it sounds like you keep falling for the same types. If you did what you did you keep getting what you got.

Most of us are in the same predicament nowadays: we lust over something that mostly brought us down..like a junkie longing for Crack. But the difference is that we are naturally drawn to them. Sounds like you need to find a balance.

Make sure women are at the 5th place at best. Even better 7th or 8th.

 

[Clockwerk50]

If a woman is genuinely attracted to a man, she’ll often break her own rules for him, so are you sure these women are truly into you? Would a woman really risk pushing a man away by trying to “bring him down, make him insecure, and criticize his every move” if she truly saw him as a catch and didn’t want to lose him? Are you sure these women even like you — or your confidence?

Think about it.


P.S. Almost every time an Italian guy comes around here he says the same thing: that men, friends, coworkers, teammates, families, and women are all trying to bring him down. Do you think maybe some guys just expect to be treated better than what they actually are?

 

[CoolWave1331]

If a woman is genuinely attracted to a man, she’ll often break her own rules for him, so are you sure these women are truly into you? Would a woman really risk pushing a man away by trying to “bring him down, make him insecure, and criticize his every move” if she truly saw him as a catch and didn’t want to lose him? Are you sure these women even like you — or your confidence?

Think about it.


P.S. Almost every time an Italian guy comes around here he says the same thing: that men, friends, coworkers, teammates, families, and women are all trying to bring him down. Do you think maybe some guys just expect to be treated better than what they actually are?

No, they wouldn't.

I've read accounts, have friends who told me, and also made the mistake myself, of trying for a long time to get a woman to "see value" in me. You wonder why can't she see how hard you are trying, doesn't she understand you care? It's very painful to hear and also hae to live through.

The men she actually likes; those men don't even need to use 1/10th of the effort. Often times the women will even make fools of themselves over these guys, they'll be the one's acting like "simps". When you finally "see it" you can no longer unsee it. You'll tell yourself you will never over exert yourself again, why should you when the men they like don't.

 

[BaronOfHair]

You wonder why can't she see how hard you are trying...

There's nothing appealing about such a thing. No one, except for perhaps The Academy, is eager to watch an actor "try really hard"... Making that which is complicated APPEAR effortless is what entrances us as a species

 

[BeExcellent]

The men she actually likes; those men don't even need to use 1/10th of the effort. Often times the women will even make fools of themselves over these guys, they'll be the one's acting like "simps". When you finally "see it" you can no longer unsee it. You'll tell yourself you will never over exert yourself again, why should you when the men they like don't.

Advice from the old lady:

1. Never spend emotional bandwidth on things you cannot have ANY dominion over: e.g.women breaking their rules for Chad. You are clearly not Chad. You have no control over Chad, no control over women. That is a grossly misplaced energy expenditure. Stop it. Its negative/gross and will come across as "icky" in your vibe. Who cares.

Ok you are not Chad. So what? Most men aren't.

2. You can, however get your fitness, grooming and style on point. No excuse for being lazy whatsoever. Those things are things you can control. Start there with optimizing yourself, for you. Women are a by product.

3. Your attitude determines your altitude. This is true in aviation and there is a very good reason this has become a cliche in positivity mindset materials. A positive attitude is attractive; a negative attitude is repulsive. Your vibe is negative IRL just as it is here. That is sinking you because a bad attitude makes people (women are people) want to get away from you.

And you see, that is exactly what is happening.

So you need to get real with yourself on that first. Nobody likes negative Nathan or Danny Downer.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Ok you are not Chad. So what? Most men aren't.

Add to that... Even most "Chads" don't start out as pu-sy magnets. Examples:

-Brad Pitt(who, despite his pretty face, ain't the tallest guy on Earth) had been bombing around in Hollywood for well over a decade, before he became America's heart throb in The mid-late 90s. Compare the Pitt we're all most familiar with to the one who was on screen in The 80s... He clearly worked on everything from his physique to deepening what was an originally high pitched, raspy voice. Without doing so, he'dve likely ended up yet another hopeful who was eventually compelled to retreat back to Middle America, then spend the remainder of his days stocking shelves at Walmart


-Tyson Beckford was, by his own admittance, a pudgy little boy from a fractured, fractictious immigrant family, who was often ridiculed for his slightly Asiatic features(he's apparently a quarter Chinese)and less than perfect teeth. In addition to losing the pounds, he had to overcome a dearth of formal education via Toastmasters + Reading heavily on his own, so as to present modeling agencies with suave, well-spoken persona, at a time in US history where gangsta rappers were the predominant image of black men in popular media

 

[Prepostereax]

The men she actually likes; those men don't even need to use 1/10th of the effort. Often times the women will even make fools of themselves over these guys, they'll be the one's acting like "simps". When you finally "see it" you can no longer unsee it. You'll tell yourself you will never over exert yourself again, why should you when the men they like don't.

I too have witnessed this phenomenon, and yes, you can't unsee it once you're aware..
but not every woman will act like this.
I think it's mostly confined to serial daters.
Which is the majority of single young hotties these days~

Some women will never simp themselves. To anyone.
I'm confident that my own 'ride-or-die' woman would not fawn like a fangirl even to Brad Pitt (Chris Hemsworth may be another matter.. actually no, not even to him).
But she has traditional values.

I suspect it's a product of modern dating culture, where women have (the illusion of) an abundance of options..
Yes they have a preponderance of simping men.
With so many options, there needs to be some kind of screening protocol.
Just like applying for a job which has an oversupply of eligible candidates, if your resume is in the wrong format, you'll be disqualified automatically without anyone bothering to read it.

But so very few of those options meet these ever-increasing standards, so that when one rare promising specimen miraculously appears, if she lets that one go it's not like there’s another just a few swipes away~

I'm guessing that the OP doesn't want that kind of woman, one who will breach her own principles if the price is right.
What you've encountered is women who have screened themselves out.

It makes me think that maybe I should just focus on myself, on my inner peace, and on my own activities.

I'd say that OP is doing the right thing, holding his own frame.. it just requires patience and timing.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

After six years in a relationship, I’ve started going back to social environments to meet and interact with women. But what I’m facing today is very different from six years ago. Back then, interacting with women was simple. Sure, I got tested, but overall it was a pleasant experience and the girls were open and approachable.


What I see now are women completely consumed by control issues. They’re attracted to my confidence, but then they try in every possible way to bring me down, to make me insecure, and to criticize every single one of my behaviors or movements. They try to get inside my head with passive-aggressive remarks, manipulation, and tactics.


Backing them up are men who are completely submissive—spineless men who obey any demand from women. In today’s society, I barely see any real men around anymore. I only see extremely weak, effeminate men who imitate female manipulative tactics by speaking in low voices and humiliating others behind their backs.

That's all true what you wrote up there, but I think that most guys still should approach and get as much dates as they can.

The reason is not to "score" women (tbh it's terrible waste of time and resources, a soulless act) but it's about searching for your type (and vice versa) - it is based on intuition really - I met my wife by going through hundreds of matches on my dating app profile - there was this single chick that had rather conservative photos (vs sexy photos of some other chicks in their profiles), that had beautiful honest smile and was having a cup of coffee in nice caffetteria - she had a bit nerdy glasses and her mushroom haircut reminded me of many s-f movies female characters I usually liked (as I am avid s-f content fan). She had also photo in sweater and a lot of eyeliner. I thought "prolly a nerdy chick, why not, I have met many modern women and they bored me AF, why not try meeting nerdy chick". Especially that she wrote me first.

BAM! I was on a date that had obviously so-so photos (she was much more slim IRL than on them), was super cute beneath the retro look, liked history and old rock bands - also she was still a virgin. We also have similar political views (which is incredibly rare in a world of full of 4th wave feminism) Fast forward several years, she is my wife (and looked like a princess on our wedding day), we are happy, I have a beautiful daughter with her, we plan entrepreneur project together and more children.

My observation is that most guys do serious mistakes when looking for women - for example:
- they say they look for really cool, pretty female, but they real preference in dating app or IRL is sexy skank/***** look (there's a reason why females pump their lips and get breast implants) ;
- they look for quick sex and after they get it they are irritated that their "plate" is not fulfilling other aspects of companionship needs (or is not "good enough" to date her openly - which may be brutally true)
- they shoot down opportunity to meet with women outside they visual preferences, mostly bended by addiction to pornography
- they shoot down themselves when the woman they really like is in their proximity ("She is above my range") while it may not always be true if there is a positive interaction in casual situations!);
- simultaneously, they heavily try to date over their SMV when there's no positive interaction outside a soulless match on dating app (it's not just female issue really - I have a friend that is a "good guy" type, 40y old right now, that has below average face - he still got matched by 5/10's or even some 6/10's while IMO his face is 3/10 - I asked him why he is not trying to fix the dates with some of those chicks, as they looked fine to try to meet them - guy said those girls are too ugly according to him (I held back the reply I had in my head to not offend him)

There's also tons of issues related to crisis of manhood in today's world - guys do not what they want from life (which is very unmanly characteristics), they also rely on things our father mostly did not rely on - modern drugs or terapists (while biological imperative of man is first of all to provide support for weaker ppl, not to rely on it heavily).

Instead of putting boundaries ("I do not date skanks, I do not tolerate chicks dating other guys when dating me, I do not tolerate ****-carousel participants, I do not tolerate slutty behaviour", "I do not tolerate Onlyfans or Instragram-addicted chicks" etc. they try to fit into the current "wave" of female interest and play along the 4th wave feminism as if it was their only choice).

But probably the best thing you can do these days is to try to play it along, try to go through ****-carouselling chicks, meet some duck-faced sluts and get repulsed by their empty personalities - finally you will understand that you look for someone else - if you will look long enough, you will probably find your real match. That's why going to dates is better than not going to them as it provides you with experience and allows to understand better your own needs - last but not least, who knows - perhaps your preference is just slutty pumped-lips chicks and you cannot do anything about it? That's ok I guess as long as you do not expect too much from such interactions. Perhaps you were never supposed to meet the one? In such a case it's better to concentrate on other aspects of your life and not concentrate too much on dating interactions (or just concentrate a bit on the shallow acts connected with them that satisfy you - but it's better to accept them openly as they are, than do them out of remorse or lack of meeting "the one").

 

[jhonny9546]

Here in Italy, the situation is terrible.

Hi! I'm from Italy too.
This is just my exact same experience

A positive attitude is attractive; a negative attitude is repulsive. Your vibe is negative IRL just as it is here. That is sinking you because a bad attitude makes people (women are people) want to get away from you.

I can confirm that many people in Italy are not negative, but they are toxic.
They simply will not behave well with you. Guys, keeping boundaries in Italy is a joke.

What we fear in Italy are people who get "angry" or who commit "physical violence", but respect for verbal and emotional limits does not exist. This is why women stay with angry men, because when they do something stupid, men scold them and get angry with them. So they fear this thing, instead of having fear of you ending the relationship.

 

[BaronOfHair]

.

...but respect for verbal and emotional limits does not exist

Immigrate to Osaka, if this is what you're in the market for. Here in The Post-Industrial West, "respect for verbal and emotional limits" has long since gone the way of the Mosasaurus and watchable programming on network TV

 

[BaronOfHair]

I’ve learned to become strong, I’ve healed my emotional wounds, and I’ve become stable and confident. now I find myself surrounded by a world full of women and men who literally “hate” the kind of man I am...



What’s your take on this?

If your idea of "becoming strong" has most folks deeming you noxious company, it's prudent to ask yourself questions such as: "Have I actually become strong, or am I just putting on an act, the likes of which could've been lifted right out of a mid 80s-early 90s action movie?"

NOT doing so is the equivalent of a comic who mostly fails to elicit laughs out of EVERY audience he(or she)performs before, then refuses to interrogate whether or not their writing could be stronger, or their timing could be sharper, tries to whitewash their failure with rationalizations such as: "Today's audiences are just too dumb to understand my genius... If I was operating back in The 70s, the entire planet would recognize that I, at the very least, match Carlin at his most brilliant"

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If a woman is genuinely attracted to a man, she’ll often break her own rules for him,

This. 100%

 

[BaronOfHair]

If a woman is genuinely attracted to a man, she’ll often break her own rules for him,

Similar to dealing with someone who's harbors racist beliefs... Frequently enough, such folks will-kinda sorta anyway-warm up to members of (insert demographic they have a beef with)who defy the stereotypes they have in mind/seem like folks they can have dinner with

 

[Vanderdonck]

I wish I had a dime for every "women were like this before, now they're like this" threads. You can go back to the start of the forum and find them.

Bottom line is things will be different when you get out of a LTR. Some of it is societal change. Some of it is you've changed. Some of it is just rust.

Having said that, if you're in Europe then yes a lot of women have gone uber feminist. Italians for sure. Maybe look for some immigrants in your community.

 

[zekko]

3. Your attitude determines your altitude. This is true in aviation and there is a very good reason this has become a cliche in positivity mindset materials. A positive attitude is attractive; a negative attitude is repulsive.

I just happened to watch the episode of The Andy Griffith Show yesterday where Aunt Bee takes flying lessons, and she flies solo. Because she wanted to accomplish something special. It's kind of hard to picture Aunt Bee flying, but truth is stranger than fiction: The actress who played her, Frances Bavier, was actually a pilot.

 

[Barrister]

I wish I had a dime for every "women were like this before, now they're like this" threads. You can go back to the start of the forum and find them.

Bottom line is things will be different when you get out of a LTR. Some of it is societal change. Some of it is you've changed. Some of it is just rust.

Having said that, if you're in Europe then yes a lot of women have gone uber feminist. Italians for sure. Maybe look for some immigrants in your community.

Most of it is likely rust and a bit of shock factor of being back in the dating pool while looking for sex (or another LTR - not sure on OP's goal). Regardless, once you are back in the swing of things and assuming you have your sh1t together, you will find other pvssy, and the women are the same now as they were back in 2010. The technology has certainly changed things for the worse (I think we all agree on that), but female nature has not changed. They are still operating under the same parameters they have since the beginning of time, albeit with different tools to do so.

 

[jhonny9546]

Most of it is likely rust and a bit of shock factor of being back in the dating pool while looking for sex (or another LTR - not sure on OP's goal). Regardless, once you are back in the swing of things and assuming you have your sh1t together, you will find other pvssy, and the women are the same now as they were back in 2010. The technology has certainly changed things for the worse (I think we all agree on that), but female nature has not changed. They are still operating under the same parameters they have since the beginning of time, albeit with different tools to do so.

We could say that if you were able to use windows 7, you could also use the 11 update