What happened to me?

[dasefx23]

A few years ago, I had absolutely no friends. I would sit at home on weekends and do nothing. So i finally got fed up and in my grade 11 year I became much more social, became very verbal in class, talked to everyone and developed a circle of friends, and also became friends with many good looking girls. i started going to parties, fooled around with a few girls, didnt get a girlfriend, but that wasnt my goal to begin with. However, since then, i seem to have sufferred a bit of regression. I no longer take initiative in meeting new people. I still have made many new friends, but they were all introduced to be by my other friends. In my classes (im in university now) i no longer answer questions or bother meeting new people. its almost like ive been satisfied with where i progressed to and just decided that it was enough, however i dont feel it is. does anyone have advice to solve this problem?

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

i no longer answer questions or bother meeting new people.

Why did you stop doing what was working?

 

[punchitchewy]

It's a good idea to try and understand the nature of the problem first. If the changes you made then were spurred on by a desire for social interaction, perhaps a part of yourself is satisfied with your current level of a social life so you've lost some of your motivation. You should consider making a list of specific goals in terms of your social life so that you can understand why you are unsatisfied and what you need to do to obtain that satisfaction

Another thing to look at is the nature of the change you made before: While positive, it may have felt forced and unnatural to you and wasn't really ingrained into yourself as a person. It is possible that it is easy for you to "regress" as you call it because because to you, the outgoing personality takes a lot of effort to put on and does not yet feel as natural or comfortable as being somewhat antisocial, which you spent much of your early life doing. To make it more natural you may have to challenge some beliefs you have about yourself so that the outgoing friendly you feels more like an extension of who you are than a show. The easier and more natural it is for you to be outgoing to more enjoyable and successful your social interactions are likely to be, and the less likely you are to regress.

Hope this helps.

 

[dasefx23]

i like making the list of specific goals, i think it would help give me some good motivation. ive actually made it one of my goals next semester to meet people within my program, and it will have to be done anyway since a few of my classes have group projects and i wont know anyone