WHAT!? FRIEND ZzzONE???? HELPPP!?

[Handcuffs]

Anyhow, long story short...

I met this girl who just got out of an engagement, and with that knowledge, my approach towards her was a bit unorthodox as I knew/felt that she was carrying some heavy baggage. From my understanding, she had a falling out because of infidelity from her ex-fiancee. Girl got issues...for sure.

Anyhow...I take her out a couple of times, and was pretty direct on what my intentions were, which was obviously not being 'just friends'. Everything went well our last date...or in her words 'perfect'...so I was under the assumption that something could be stirring here.

Now, after a week of that 'perfect' date...she comes over for a bbq...and I happen to hit the 'cold' switch on her, subconsciously. I had spent more time with my friends, then actually catering to her. I'd check in here & there, but I felt as if I could've showed her a lil' more attention. I found I felt like that in hindsight.

So...everything was all good, up until she left, as I felt a bit 'cold'. I noticed I didn't even offer her any food, and felt truly like a dumbaxx...so I texted her the following a few minutes after she left: GRR..you didn't even get to try the BBQ!!! I want to make it up to you with dinner this week!!

After a few hours, I get the reply: "Oh it was really cool seeing you...your boys...fam, blah blah blah....but dinner won't be necessary as I want to keep it 'friendly'. "

LOL. Friendly??? Powerful, powerful word.....So now, my question is to you fellas, does that officially pencil me in the 'Friend Zone'?? How would you go with the information I've listed about her and what are my options??

I haven't replied back as I would like some opinions regarding this matter before the deal is sealed as a final product.

Thanks in advance.

 

[prairiedog24]

Not to hit on coulda/woulda/shoulda, but never ask out of negative a position. If you think she's on cold, that's not the time to have her talk to you. It just sets things in stone where you don't want them.

Your best bet is to ignore it and try again someday. Or next her. Don't ever refer to it though.

That'd by my RAFC advice. But it's one thing I learned on my own.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Your mind-set is set up to fail in this situation because your trying to "please" her. Your hanging on to all her words....to judge whether the situation is going well.

DON'T EVER...EVER....LISTEN TO A WOMAN'S WORDS...if you want the truth watch her actions!!!

Lets rewind to the first date and her saying it went "perfect." Did you kiss her? Did you set up a sexual frame?? Did you establish yourself as the prize to be won over??? My guess is no to all of these questions, you most likely were "nice" and I don't have to tell you what being "nice" gets you when it comes to girls right??

Now your freakin' out because you didn't cater to her enough at the BBQ. Dude that's not your job!!!! Its your BBQ, with your friends!! She should've been the one taking more interest in you.

Personally I don't think your in the friend-zone....COMPLETELY. Your 75% there, but still have enough time for one last Hail Mary.

Go no contact for about a week and see what happens. If she contacts you, then she has a degree of interest still there. But don't jump like a monkey if she suggests getting together. Instead, get this situation back under your terms, make her want to hang out with you by being busy and making her think she has competition.

Bottom line in all honesty, this girl sounds like a perfect fuvk buddy; not someone you want to get involved with because of her situation.

You didn't establish yourself as the prize; hence your stuck in no man's land. Start finding new prospects and put her on the back-burner for now.



PIMP

 

[Handcuffs]

Thanks for the replies.

PrairieDog:

So you'd ignore that message and act like it never happened?? I could next her yes, but she's a cool ass chick, and we actually do vibe. She's not the typical broad that comes around my way often.

Pimp-Sicle:

To answer your questions about the first date, no, I didn't go for a kiss, but I did establish myself as the prize. Yes, I had moments of 'nice'...but with a healthy mix of non-chalant/whatevers attitude. In short, just tried acting myself. I've been on plenty dates, but have never encountered a 'PERFECT' 1st date reaction. I was pretty surprised when she told me, although, I must admit...the energy and vibe were on point...but I still downplayed it as "yes, it was good times" when she told me it was 'perfect'.

Anyhow, back to my dilemma...I invited her spontaneously to the BBQ, and she actually said 'no im tired'....but after being direct and telling her what I want, she paid a visit anyhow. I found that as a great action towards 'interest', as it was late and she already had said...NO, from the get go.

Now, she shows face...and my conversations with her were @ a bare minimum, but I did ask a few times if she was cool. A cool nod of the head and that was that. I felt everything was all good, up until she left. It ain't really my style to invite someone over and not even offer them/she/he food/drink, whatever....just simply good manners...and I seemed to lack that that night....It was real out of the ordinary on my end.

So, like I said, I texted her...she replied back with "dinner's not necessary...she just wants to keep it friendly"...

Do you feel I should even reply back??

The way I see it is, if I don't reply.....she may think I'm all butthurt. lol No way I'm butthurt, just a lil' bewildered.

But on the other side of the coin, if I choose not to reply back, then it leaves a sense of mystery up until we see/talk/meet again.

If I choose to reply back, what would you guys suggest??

This situation is new to me....all feedback is greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

 

[Jblitz59]

You reply back now, you might as well reply back," yup never see you again except with other men."

She needs time

 

[women haze]

Yeah, She needs time she had just gotten out of an engagement dude....

What did you expect from her?

 

[Handcuffs]

Time indeed...yes...my expectations weren't set, as I go about life with minimal expectations anyways.

I just wanted to see and explore other options in regards to a reply back.


Remember, she broke out the word 'friendly'...and now I'm this | | close to being in the forbidden friend zone....if I'm not already. lol

I guess my best bet is to just let it simmer down, and see what's up in a week or so.

She is worthy of a reply, nevertheless...that's why I wanted to see if I could get some insight from a few extraordinary gentlemen.

Thanks.

 

[46and2aheadofme]

The irony in these threads is that the OP is usually asking how to get a particular girl 'back' when it is far beyond the point of saving, or the situation is too ambiguous for anyone to prescribe the correct advice.

What you say really doesn't matter at this point.

She uttered the "F" word....so your fuked

I will tell you what I would do in your situation:

choose between a.) "okay I think I can be 'friendly' with you" b.) "I'm not looking for friends right now" or c.) "I'm usually not friends with people that hit on me".....whatever I feel is most appropriate from my own instincts based on the information I have.

and then I wouldn't call/text/ pursue her again or answer if she texted or called back. If I saw her out randomly I would just smile/ act normal, but wouldn't approach her, and if she approached me I'd act indifferent and end the interaction first like I was busy.

Here's the best advice you'll never take: Move on.

 

[Handcuffs]

The irony in these threads is that the OP is usually asking how to get a particular girl 'back' when it is far beyond the point of saving, or the situation is too ambiguous for anyone to prescribe the correct advice.

What you say really doesn't matter at this point.

She uttered the "F" word....so your fuked

I will tell you what I would do in your situation:

choose between a.) "okay I think I can be 'friendly' with you" b.) "I'm not looking for friends right now" or c.) "I'm usually not friends with people that hit on me".....whatever I feel is most appropriate from my own instincts based on the information I have.

and then I wouldn't call/text/ pursue her again or answer if she texted or called back. If I saw her out randomly I would just smile/ act normal, but wouldn't approach her, and if she approached me I'd act indifferent and end the interaction first like I was busy.

Here's the best advice you'll never take: Move on.

The irony of me hopping on to see if anyone had responded to the thread and seeing your posting is quite spectacular, as I've already took action.

Your best advice was to move on? HMMMMMMM....your advice would've left me in the history books my friend.

Check it...

Long story short, I replied back 'deflecting' and 'not listening' to what she had told me. Basically, what I did was I took that "F" word an used it to my advantage. My reply went something along the lines of:

"WHAT!? Stop that nonsense. Of course dinner's necessary, blah blah blah...we've had dinner before..and that's as friendly as friendly gets. I don't do romance...or maybe I do, but not with you. We've been cool from the get go and nothing has changed. You can decline my dinner invite, but I'll accept your invite to the restaurant you had mentioned during our first outing. This time it's your treat!! Right!?"

Hahahah...and nevertheless, her reply: "Wow...I feel so sheepish"...I'd love to get further into what happened next...but I'm really tired...maybe I'll finish another day...

In conclusion, a date's been set for another outing. My cards were this close to being shredded, but a mixture of creativity and not giving a fxck what a girl says gave me another lifeline.

Cheers.

 

[Ease]

it sounds like you're too interested in the girl

i think the "i want to keep it 'friendly'" line was just a polite rejection. It sounds like she just lost interest for some reason.

i suggest you dont get hopes too high for the date though the situation sounds a bit strange, dont forget to play it cool and get her interest in you again.

 

[Handcuffs]

^

Only time will tell if it was polite rejection. I hold the cards again, and I'm definitely going to lay low before chilling w/ her again.

I'm interested, but not too interested, and yes...my expectations are equivalent to zero. Expectations are pathways to misery if you don't reach what you 'expect'.

It's all a game...I have fun with it...I just got a lil' shooken up as I've never encountered an experience of such in my past.

Like I said, only time will tell.

 

[iqqi]

You did well, Handcuffs.

Good deflection. I was going to suggest saying something along the lines of "dinner IS friendly." Which you did! And since she is acting like she is wary of more than friends, you can practice "being the prize" here.

If your ultimate goal is more than friendship, however, then be very careful with your "friendliness". Don't be her girlfriend, and don't be her boy space friend, either. This could be very tricky for MOST people, but I have an idea that you might be able to pull it off.