What exactly is an ex?

[SkrooU]

One of the most annoying things I have to do when I'm screening someone is listen to women talk about their male friends and then have to figure out which ones she has fvcked or been in some type of relationship with, one that wasn't just friends without benefits. I simply don't like meeting Bob who is just a friend and then a month later finding out they were recently banging each other. I'd rather know right away. But women will generally think that if they didn't officially agree to become exclusive, then she can just sweep up all the sex and hide it under the friends title. Then one day drop it on you like, "oh it was just this stupid thing that happened once". Then it becomes, "oh it was an on and off thing and meant nothing". Then to, "he wouldn't leave his girlfriend for me". Then she can't understand why you don't take her serious as being LTR potential. And they tell you all about their last boyfriend who couldn't handle her friend Bob. But one day it hits you like well no sh!t, you lied to him too about not fvcking Bob didn't you?

 

[Desdinova]

I simply don't like meeting Bob who is just a friend and then a month later finding out they were recently banging each other.

This is why you shouldn't reward garbage women with exclusivity. If she has male friends, she shouldn't qualify for an exclusive LTR with you. She's already in a LTR with her guy friend(s).

 

[SkrooU]

This is why you shouldn't reward garbage women with exclusivity. If she has male friends, she shouldn't qualify for an exclusive LTR with you. She's already in a LTR with her guy friend(s).

I guess what I mean is that some women have a loose definition of what a friend and an ex is. Many women will think a dude is their friend just because it's her brother's friend and they talked at her brother's barbeque. Sometimes they think a dude is their friend because he's the cashier where she buys her groceries and they address each other by first names. Or she considers her females friend's husband to be a friend, and they're actually friends.

So I'm not 100% opposed to a woman having male friends. I just have to figure out which ones are actually friends and their history. Then I can figure out if they're just plate status, LTR potential, or not worth anything at all, and the boundaries I have with each friend. But I tend to think of anybody she's slept with as being an ex. If it was a fwb situation, then in my opinion they had an open relationship and he's still an ex.

 

[sazc]

yea but.....can men and women really just be friends? even if it her brothers friend that she considers a friend, unless he is attracted to men only, that dude wants to get in her pants.

That's my takeaway from what @Desdinova is trying to communicate. She comes with built in male orbiters that she calls "friends". These are her 'back up' men/plan. You dont need to ask any questions. If a female tells you "I have male friends" and you learn that they aren't all homosexual, it's pretty much a guarantee that she's slept with some of them and/or THEY want to sleep with her. If you operate from this mindset, you'll never be surprised.

With all due respect, it feels like you are hoping for someone to illuminate that one loophole that makes it acceptable. I dont think there is one.

 

[SkrooU]

yea but.....can men and women really just be friends? even if it her brothers friend that she considers a friend, unless he is attracted to men only, that dude wants to get in her pants.

That's my takeaway from what @Desdinova is trying to communicate. She comes with built in male orbiters that she calls "friends". These are her 'back up' men/plan. You dont need to ask any questions. If a female tells you "I have male friends" and you learn that they aren't all homosexual, it's pretty much a guarantee that she's slept with some of them and/or THEY want to sleep with her. If you operate from this mindset, you'll never be surprised.

With all due respect, it feels like you are hoping for someone to illuminate that one loophole that makes it acceptable. I dont think there is one.

No what I mean is that a lot of men whom women call their friends, well, they really aren't friends of any kind. The brother's friend I mentioned, for example, probably barely knows her and could care less about her and has a girlfriend. But a lot of women like to feel like they have a lot of friends. I dated someone once that said she had lots of friends, male and female, but turns out they didn't care much for her. We went to a bar to meet her friends, and most people were like, "oh hey" and turned around to keep talking to someone else. That's all I meant.

 

[sazc]

No what I mean is that a lot of men whom women call their friends, well, they really aren't friends of any kind. The brother's friend I mentioned, for example, probably barely knows her and could care less about her and has a girlfriend. But a lot of women like to feel like they have a lot of friends. I dated someone once that said she had lots of friends, male and female, but turns out they didn't care much for her. We went to a bar to meet her friends, and most people were like, "oh hey" and turned around to keep talking to someone else. That's all I meant.

ah, okay. So you're really trying to qualify this idea of 'friendship' that the female is eluding to. Kinda like the 923 Facebook friends she may have, where only a dozen have any real, tangible history with her? You are trying to figure out how to determine this type of information without having to ask directly?

I dont know the answer to your question but, needing to claim an acquaintance as a friend, that sounds like an insecure woman.

 

[Reykhel]

He wants a virgin who will swear never to talk to another man. Ever.

 

[SkrooU]

He wants a virgin who will swear never to talk to another man. Ever.

Do you make a habit of making false assumption about people?
I said I'm not opposed to women having male friends. Yet I have experience to know that some women aren't worth dealing with when they bring past relationships into new ones.

 

[SkrooU]

The point of the thread is to ask what boundaries you have with exes vs friends, specifically when it comes to prior fwbs. Do you treat them like exes or like friends?
We all obviously have different tolerance levels when it comes to boundaries. I was asking about other people's boundaries because I like to hear their opinions.

 

[Champ Slice]

A female with male friends is a huge no-no

There are very few instances in which there is no current/prior physical attraction. Might as well just toss her to the side.

Fwb= ex.

I have some lady friends myself but they greatly outweight me by at least 100lbs. They are probably attracted to me but theres a snowballs chance in hell I'll **** a big girl without compensation. Lol funny how double standards work, right?

 

[Bible_Belt]

As soon as a woman introduces me to any other man in her life, that's when the gangbang jokes start.

 

[The Duke]

The point of the thread is to ask what boundaries you have with exes vs friends, specifically when it comes to prior fwbs. Do you treat them like exes or like friends?
We all obviously have different tolerance levels when it comes to boundaries. I was asking about other people's boundaries because I like to hear their opinions.

I'm not really bothered by any of it unless it causes a distraction to our relationship. Why? Because if something bad is going to happen, it will happen regardless of what kind of defenses I construct to guard against it. I'd rather give someone plenty of rope and let them hang themselves, than keep them on a tight noose, it makes for earlier detection that there is a problem. People tend to go more covert when you try and place more restrictions on them.

Has adding tighter restrictions at the Mexican border stopped the drug trade with the US? Nope, it just went underground. Now they dig expensive tunnels. Laws/Restrictions/Guidelines to police behavior rarely work. Do speed limit signs keep you from speeding?

I've had girls with female friends cause more problems for me than a girls ex or guy friends.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Do speed limit signs keep you from speeding?

For the majority, YES. Without speed limits, the majority of the populace would speed. With speed limits, only a minority speed.

You can impose any boundary you want upon a woman. The deeper considerations are 1) does she possess enough deference to you and your relation to follow your lead, and 2) does your boundary impose on her in such a manner that she loses a part of herself.

You can most definitely impose a boundary of "no male friends" upon a girl at exclusivity, but the questions you might want to consider are does she have a "need" for constant male attention and is the male friend a person who has no value to her?

To the OP: women with many male "friends" are usually not LTR material. And if you are referring to the girl you mentioned in the other thread, her friends are FBs and she merits neither boundaries nor exclusivity.

 

[Desdinova]

I guess what I mean is that some women have a loose definition of what a friend and an ex is.

The difference between a woman's friend and a woman's past, present or future lover is: one has a penis.

Or she considers her females friend's husband to be a friend, and they're actually friends.

Guess who my ex-wife cheated on me with? Her best friend's husband. If her best friend's husband is her friend, then she has either fvcked him or had placed him on a list of people she would like to fvck.

f a female tells you "I have male friends" and you learn that they aren't all homosexual, it's pretty much a guarantee that she's slept with some of them

The problem with women having homosexual males as friends is they're on her high score list. They're sitting at the same level as famous musicians and movie stars. She would like to fvck them, but she can't, so she just indulges herself into them as much as possible without putting their d1ck inside of her.

The point of the thread is to ask what boundaries you have with exes vs friends, specifically when it comes to prior fwbs.

If I'm qualifying a woman for a LTR, she shouldn't have any contact with ex-BFs and have no male orbiters. If she's just a plate, then she can keep all that bull5hit in her life while I use her as a cvm dumpster.

 

[sazc]

If I'm qualifying a woman for a LTR, she shouldn't have any contact with ex-BFs and have no male orbiters. If she's just a plate, then she can keep all that bull5hit in her life while I use her as a cvm dumpster.

This.

I'll go one step further, if you are qualifying a woman for an LTR, and she has any desire for the same, she should take it on herself to make sure you feel secure when it comes to her social sh1t.

 

[SkrooU]

To the OP: women with many male "friends" are usually not LTR material. And if you are referring to the girl you mentioned in the other thread, her friends are FBs and she merits neither boundaries nor exclusivity.

I wasn't referring to her specifically. My boundaries don't apply to her because she is just a plate. With her it's purely sex and fun hanging out. Her current or prior fwb don't bother me because we are not exclusive. She claims to be fvcking nobody else because she wants to be with me. But I really don't care if she is fvcking anyone or not. Her statement of "I will not be controlled" when defending her right to hang out with old fwb or exes while in a relationship was something I respected. But it violates my boundaries. So I will not attempt to alter her decision. I will just fvck her and not be exclusive.

 

[SkrooU]

Guess who my ex-wife cheated on me with? Her best friend's husband. If her best friend's husband is her friend, then she has either fvcked him or had placed him on a list of people she would like to fvck.

I meant she's actually friends with the wife, not just saying she is so that she can know the husband and call him a friend. I'm assuming she wouldn't fvck her friend's husband. Just seems more legit friends, llike friends with the couple because he's part of the package. Usually a woman will say "my friends Jim and Jane", and she basically is just friends with Jane, but knows Jim by virtue of Jane. When I was married my wife and I hand couples for friends. After she passed away, I would still refer to both husband and wife as my friends.

 

[SkrooU]

I'm not really bothered by any of it unless it causes a distraction to our relationship. Why? Because if something bad is going to happen, it will happen regardless of what kind of defenses I construct to guard against it. I'd rather give someone plenty of rope and let them hang themselves, than keep them on a tight noose, it makes for earlier detection that there is a problem. People tend to go more covert when you try and place more restrictions on them.

Has adding tighter restrictions at the Mexican border stopped the drug trade with the US? Nope, it just went underground. Now they dig expensive tunnels. Laws/Restrictions/Guidelines to police behavior rarely work. Do speed limit signs keep you from speeding?

I've had girls with female friends cause more problems for me than a girls ex or guy friends.

The boundary isn't supposed to prevent the other person from doing something. It's meant to prevent yourself from having to repeatedly deal with something you have no tolerance for. You tell them so as to warn them of your tolerance levels and give them a chance to respect it. Since we don't all share the same boundaries, it becomes a matter of compatibility. And you have to say something. Look how different people on here are when it comes to boundaries. How can you expect someone to respect your own tolerance levels if you don't define how they might be different than another's boundary?

I have zero problem showing my girlfriend or wife the respect of not hanging out with an ex or going on dates disguised as friendly hangouts or letting my female friend hit on me and buy me gifts and wear revealing clothes around me just to get me to lust after her. If it's something I can do for a girlfriend/wife, then I expect her to do the same. If shse doesn't, I leave. I don't say, "You can't do that", thinking she will say, Yes Sir. I just tell them what I don't tolerate. If they're compatible they say yes, and then follow through. IF they don't, then they lied, have no self control, or just plain don't like me enough to honor what we both agreed upon. So I leave.

The point is that they can lie and cheat whether you explain your boundary or not. But you have to tell them so they have a chance to honor it.

 

[Desdinova]

I meant she's actually friends with the wife, not just saying she is so that she can know the husband and call him a friend. I'm assuming she wouldn't fvck her friend's husband.

That's what I assumed as well. They were friends before the husband came into the picture. Women act on how they feel at that particular moment in time. That's when all logic goes out the fvcking window. She didn't give a damn that she was ruining two marriages and a lengthy friendship.

My current GF doesn't hang out with her friends when their significant other is in tow. They go out and do girly things together, and I actually prefer it that way.

 

[sazc]

I have zero problem showing my girlfriend or wife the respect of not hanging out with an ex

Do they know about each other?