What does this mean? Why am I not being taken seriously?

[DreamyChick]

Okay so this guy friend of mine got annoyed with me recently. He says it drives him crazy when I assume things about him and started dropping the f-word through out his statements. So I thought he was upset with me and then he laughed it off, but then he continued expressing his opinion

He says he finds it insulting and I should ask instead of assume. However, I've done that before and he has failed to give me a straight answer.


So the conversation went something like this:

Me: Well again who are you? Because apparently I have no clue. I just assumed you were human.

Him: I am human.. but you assumed that I am some macho dude that won't admit that from time to time I may cry... which is bull****... and kind of insulting... so don't assume.. if you don't know.. then don't make implications... just ask

this is just a simple example of how you assume tons of ****... if I do something .. you assume it was for some reason ... and then you act on that assumption... that is a serious break in communication.. because there are other possibilities that could be the truth (a truth that you, in some cases, fail to realize... )


Me: And I didnt call you a macho dude that can't admit he can cry...now did I? You assumed I implied that. Look I didn't realize that you view these comments as insults and I am not doing it to annoy you. It's just conversation. And when I ask you straight out it seems like you don't want to answer the majority of the time so I dont know what to do.

Him: then you're a f-in moron....

Me: Why do you get so annoyed?

Him Because you don't think.

Me: Okay I am done this is draining all my energy for the night. You are way too hard on me. Yes I realize there are 10000s of truths possible, but I just want to know what your truth is. If you are tired of me assuming then you have two choices. Either help me know you and accept me or walk away.

At this point its completely your decision because I have done all I can do. You decide what you want and get back to me. If you don't want to be friends let me know. If you do want to be friends stop picking apart what I say and taking it as some mean gesture.

I am not a cruel person by nature you must know that. I just get tired of getting hurt and taking crap off of people and sometimes I feel like you give me a lot of crap to work with.

I care about you but I would like to be able to express how I feel without your ego getting hurt and thinking I am attacking you.
I am not. I like many qualities about you as a person but I am not going to be the only one taking accountability here.

Last I checked this friendship had two people in it and it takes more than just giving advice and inviting the other person to do things. It takes work J. and if that's more than you can give it would be best for me and you if you would walk away.



His reply was that I was a silly girl with a smile


Why is he dismissing what I say?

 

[Sasha]

Who the f.. is this guy? background info baby! BACKGROUND INFO!

 

[DreamyChick]

Have plenty of posts on this guy just do a search for my name and posts like questions about a guy playing rough, and why are guys so into their cars most of my recent posts are devoted to this guy. I've known him since middle school but we really only began hanging out during college. Also read the post Talking to an ex. It also pertains to him.

 

[Wyldfire]

You asked him a loaded question. He couldn't answer the question without standing a good chance of offending you and he knew it, which is why he got frustrated.

Don't ask loaded questions and he won't get frustrated with you.

 

[Sasha]

if he'd care, he would have talked in a more "normal" tone of voice with you..
but he don't give a sh_t about you...

and basicly I belive he has done either something or is trying to do something but you are in he's way and he can't tell you nicely so he gets angry and tries to push you away to get space to do whatever he is thinking of doing or for whatever he he's done

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
You asked him a loaded question. He couldn't answer the question without standing a good chance of offending you and he knew it, which is why he got frustrated.

Don't ask loaded questions and he won't get frustrated with you.

Can you define the loaded question for me? And point it out. I just want to be clear.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by DreamyChick
Can you define the loaded question for me? And point it out. I just want to be clear.

A loaded question is a question a woman asks that there is no "right" or "safe" answer for. One of the most common "loaded question" women ask is "Does this make me look fat?" The guy knows that if he says "yes, it does" that he's going to get in trouble. But if he says "no, it doesn't" the woman is going to insist that he is lying, trying to lure him into saying it does make her look fat just so she can have an emotional melt-down.

You asked him a question with the subconscious intent to start an argument. That's what a loaded question is.

 

[DreamyChick]

He's dating and doing his own thing I am not interfering with that and lately its become blatenly obvious that he is not someone I should get involved with on a more intimate level, but my feelings for him interfered with that realization.

So I don't understand how he could be angry when I am not trying to stop him from doing what he wants. He is just hard. He has all these walls and doesn't like to talk so I get frusterated and sometimes assume that nothing effects or bothers him.

Originally posted by Sasha
if he'd care, he would have talked in a more "normal" tone of voice with you..
but he don't give a sh_t about you...

and basicly I belive he has done either something or is trying to do something but you are in he's way and he can't tell you nicely so he gets angry and tries to push you away to get space to do whatever he is thinking of doing or for whatever he's done

 

[Alphathree]

That's hilarious. I've never tried to 'read' a guy before. Only women.

Are you an attractive girl DreamyChick? Is he single? Give details on this.

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
A loaded question is a question a woman asks that there is no "right" or "safe" answer for. One of the most common "loaded question" women ask is "Does this make me look fat?" The guy knows that if he says "yes, it does" that he's going to get in trouble. But if he says "no, it doesn't" the woman is going to insist that he is lying, trying to lure him into saying it does make her look fat just so she can have an emotional melt-down.

You asked him a question with the subconscious intent to start an argument. That's what a loaded question is.

Okay so that does make sense. Could you point out a specific question in the conversation that I asked so I can see if I am following you. But I think it has to do with what he was saying about me acting on an assumption.

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by Alphathree
That's hilarious. I've never tried to 'read' a guy before. Only women.

Are you an attractive girl DreamyChick? Is he single? Give details on this.

Well I am sure there is something about me he has found attractive, but I know for certain that he doesn't find me physically attractive and compatible for the kind of relationship he is looking for. But I fell for him, but now I realize that it was a huge mistake on my part because I also know now that we aren't compatiable by way of situations that we get in. He is also starting to seem less attractive to me bc of such situations. So it's a good thing that nothing was ever pursued further.

He is single but dating. But he doesn't seem to be the committment type as many of the guys on this site. I know for a fact that he doesn't believe in the necessity ofgetting married and you can have everything you want outside of a marriage including children. Which in essence is true, but I like the idea of stability and I believe in the original fundamental values and purposes of marrige, but I guess that is a moot point.

 

[penkitten]

i think he strings you along
being an advantager

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by DreamyChick
Well I am sure there is something about me he has found attractive, but I know for certain that he doesn't find me physically attractive and compatible for the kind of relationship he is looking for. But I fell for him, but now I realize that it was a huge mistake on my part because I also know now that we aren't compatiable by way of situations that we get in. He is also starting to seem less attractive to me bc of such situations. So it's a good thing that nothing was ever pursued further.

He is single but dating. But he doesn't seem to be the committment type as many of the guys on this site. I know for a fact that he doesn't believe in the necessity ofgetting married and you can have everything you want outside of a marriage including children. Which in essence is true, but I like the idea of stability and I believe in the original fundamental values and purposes of marrige, but I guess that is a moot point.

This is going to sound really dumb but if you want the guy logic answer to this, I'd need to see your picture, LOL

I do have some female friends who like me and yes I treat them (playfully) like sh*t because I don't have a high interest level in them.

Thing is, I'd never put that much energy into them. Swearing and getting angry takes energy. I just don't really care.

So either you _REALLY_ got under his skin somehow with what you said, or he is attracted to you and maybe frustrated with how things are between you.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by DreamyChick
Okay so that does make sense. Could you point out a specific question in the conversation that I asked so I can see if I am following you. But I think it has to do with what he was saying about me acting on an assumption.

It was the very first line of the conversation you posted...

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
It was the very first line of the conversation you posted...

Okay I see it. Thanks yeah that would intitate something I suppose.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Originally posted by DreamyChick
Have plenty of posts on this guy just do a search for my name and posts like questions about a guy playing rough, and why are guys so into their cars most of my recent posts are devoted to this guy. I've known him since middle school but we really only began hanging out during college. Also read the post Talking to an ex. It also pertains to him.

Oh, no!!!

This is the same guy she's been obssessed with for years. If I had a girl who was clingy and hung on every word I said, and acted like she knew everything about me, or actually knew more about me than I do myself, I would be pretty annoyed and creeped out myself.

Don't take it wrong, well, actually, do take it hard, and serious, but you need to get a life and stop tryin' to figure out this one guy. Why don't you just focus your enery and time in figuring out the dynamics of men/women interactions, and do some field work with many other guys, and better your self.

You are the equivalent of the ultimate male AFC who roams around these boards, constantly tryin' to find a meaning for everything the girl says, does, doesn't do, etc. etc.

Do you think you deserve better?

All the best.

 

[Alphathree]

DreamyChick: this thread and your PMs considered, NEXT HIM like a hot potato.

For your own good.

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by Alphathree
DreamyChick: this thread and your PMs considered, NEXT HIM like a hot potato.

For your own good.

Your right he is an ass. We have these circular debates that never end and I am just sick of it. Sometimes he starts them. I am done. There is no point in any of this. I thought we could be friends but as soon as we settle something something else gets brought up. Total waste of time and energy. Forgive me for every posting about this guy.

 

[Lomi]

Originally posted by DreamyChick
Okay so this guy friend of mine got annoyed with me recently. He says it drives him crazy when I assume things about him...

This is easy, he is annoyed you only see him as a friend (or that he perceives as such) and doesn't want to actually say those words to you so he dances around it. That's how it looks to me at least as I have done this to somebody before.

 

[DreamyChick]

Re: Re: What does this mean? Why am I not being taken seriously?

Originally posted by Lomi
This is easy, he is annoyed you only see him as a friend (or that he perceives as such) and doesn't want to actually say those words to you so he dances around it. That's how it looks to me at least as I have done this to somebody before.

No he just likes screwing with my head. In fact he just said that he was not being serious about any of the **** he said about the assumptions and when I told him I was pissed he was all poor baby.


So I said are you wanting to push me away and hes all yeah I want to push you a box car and let the train engine do all the work and I said Oh how mature and I told him to stop aggravating me and he goes okay i'll stop with a smile and I said no really if you want space or something just tell me and stop annoying the hell out of me.


Him- what do you mean 'want space'? I never see you anyway ... plus I am not going to do anything w/ you anyway until you actually get off your selfish high horse and invite me somewhere...

Me
I just don't see what the big deal is about that. As long as we hang out it shouldn't matter who asks who. I just don't like to be the one to ask. It makes me uncomfortable.

Him-
Well I guess I'll never see you again. LOL

Me-
Yay for me.

Him-
I am glad you are pleased.

Me-
You should be too. You're rid of me.

Him-

I can't believe that you're that big of a chicken ****... you'd rather not ever do anything... than have to ask me to do something? that's pathetic...