what does it mean when she says 'maybe'

[Stygian Apothegm]

apologies if this has been asked before, i tried the search and came up with no matches.

anyway, i met up with this girl to go over some school stuff (we're both sophomores in college). i really did have a good time with her. she was pretty friendly and it felt like a comfortable atmosphere. she was always smiling, she laughed at a lot of the stuff i said. needless to say it was quite enjoyable.

so when she has to leave i said "we should go out sometime." she smiles (not an uncomfrotable smile, more like a surprised smile) and says "maybe.." and i said playfully "maybe? you should say yes." and she smiled again and said "well, i dont know.. we'll see." i said alright then we said bye and parted ways.

now others have told me this was not a good enough answer if she really did like me. they say if she was really interested she wouldve said yes off the bat.

i of course disagree after reading some material on the don juan site. after thinking about this for a while ive come to this conclusion.

she certainly was surprised i asked her out. she probably never thought of me that way but now that i clearly have an interest in her she may be thinking of going out with me now. she just needs some time to think about it. she is probably thinking "he was a nice guy, i should go out and see how it goes." i really do feel confident she will go out with me.

so any other thoughts? i think i got a chance.

 

[wolfie]

"OMG, I can't believe he thinks of me that way. I don't want to hurt his feelings so I'm just going to say maybe."

 

[Nightspark]

maybe most of the time means NO, like about 95% of the time it means NO...

i guess just wait and see what happens dude... if she stops talking to ya or minimises talking... then you will know your answer... but there's no point in understanding women... much time has been wasted trying to understand them... just roll with what happens...

there are plenty more fishies out in the sea!

 

[Reto]

"Maybe..." in a woman's mind it means yes...unless I find something/someone better to do...

I've heard it many times. I now take it as no...

 

[bp1974]

now others have told me this was not a good enough answer if she really did like me. they say if she was really interested she wouldve said yes off the bat.

i of course disagree after reading some material on the don juan site.

You disagree after reading material here? You should read some more.

Yes=Yes
Everything else=No

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by bp1974

Everything else=No

No.

 

[beards777]

do the right thing...NEXT

 

[DankNuggs]

Yo, this guy didn't mention anything about body language or tone of voice. If they were playfull flirting the entire time, theres a possibility (don't think for a second she hadn't sized you up by that point)

But I agree, if there wasn't a playfulness or her playing slightly 'hard to get' your screwed...

 

[beards777]

you like this girl...you asked her out....she said 'maybe'...personally if a girl says maybe to me, she's NEXTed. but i'm older so this probably doesn't apply to you. advice: 2 steps forward, one step back...put this chicka in the back of your mind when it comes to going out with her...but DO flirt with her, DO plenty of C&F, and BE SEEN by her with other girls. if you do this, (and if its really just a hard-to-get situation) then in a few weeks you will see her interest level go up.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by bp1974
You disagree after reading material here? You should read some more.

Yes=Yes
Everything else=No

I concur doctor! Another amazing surprise on the sosuave board.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What exactly is she thinking about? How to say no!

 

[trajhenkhet]

Maybe is the answer. Then again maybe not. Try another for something more certain

 

[louis]

Originally posted by Stygian Apothegm
...so when she has to leave i said "we should go out sometime." she smiles (not an uncomfrotable smile, more like a surprised smile) and says "maybe.." and i said playfully "maybe? you should say yes." and she smiled again and said "well, i dont know.. we'll see." i said alright then we said bye and parted ways.

...so any other thoughts? i think i got a chance.

When someone asks me if I want to do something and I say 'maybe' I usually mean 'no', but I don't want to say it. I think this is what the girl meant when she said 'maybe'.

If her refusing to go out with you hurts you, you won't be alone. If you can learn to deal with rejection you will be stronger. Some people suggest actively seeking rejections as a way of building your resistance. For example, instead of saying to yourself 'I'm going to ask 5 girls out', you could say 'I'm going to get 5 rejections'. There are many references to this on this site (do a search).

 

[Stygian Apothegm]

Originally posted by DankNuggs
Yo, this guy didn't mention anything about body language or tone of voice. If they were playfull flirting the entire time, theres a possibility (don't think for a second she hadn't sized you up by that point)

But I agree, if there wasn't a playfulness or her playing slightly 'hard to get' your screwed...

i'd say there was quite a lot of playfulness. not really any flirting tho. we were pretty comfortable with each other.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I would agree to NEXT her to the extent of putting her in the back of your line of possibilities but there is a problem in the way that you asked her.

Here's a question for you; since she doesn't seem to know you very well, how does she know that she would enjoy doing something with you? I highlighted something because neither SHE NOR I know where or what you would plan to do.

You could take her to a movie (I know, it's AFC but just follow me here) but she hates it when a guy thinks that just because he is with her in the dark, he has permission to grope her. You could take her to a carnival, however sh may be susceptible to motion sickness on the rides. Who knows??? I know that it would have been easier for her to ask YOU what you had planned, but that isn't necessarily the norm.

Women are notorious for not saying "no" outright. They'd rather give you a fake # or blow you off in a round about way. When they can't do either they say "maybe." Now, if you had given her something specific to consider, you could easily tell her IL by her answer.

Give a woman half of a question and you open yourself to receiving less than half an answer.

 

[OddTech]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia

Women are notorious for not saying "no" outright. They'd rather give you a fake # or blow you off in a round about way. When they can't do either they say "maybe." Now, if you had given her something specific to consider, you could easily tell her IL by her answer.

Give a woman half of a question and you open yourself to receiving less than half an answer.

I agree with that. One thing I learn is that women in general will try to avoid confronting and rejecting you face-to-face. It's difficult to say no and put someone down. Usually, anything aside from an enthusiastic YES is not a good start.

So yes, you might have a chance, albeit a small one.

And another thing: You said, "maybe? you should say yes." That is coercion. The girl has no obligation to say yes just because you asked her to. That's not a suave. You got a lot to learn dude. No offense for sounding harsh.

 

[Stygian Apothegm]

Originally posted by OddTech
I agree with that. One thing I learn is that women in general will try to avoid confronting and rejecting you face-to-face. It's difficult to say no and put someone down. Usually, anything aside from an enthusiastic YES is not a good start.

So yes, you might have a chance, albeit a small one.

And another thing: You said, "maybe? you should say yes." That is coercion. The girl has no obligation to say yes just because you asked her to. That's not a suave. You got a lot to learn dude. No offense for sounding harsh.

yea i got a lot to learn. i never had a gf so yea. however girls crawl at my feet online. i mean just about all of them think im hot or whatever. not being ****y, i dont think im anything special. it might just be easier to give up on girls. it's too complicated and it's all bull****. im so sick of this ****.

 

[DJnomore]

Originally posted by Stygian Apothegm
yea i got a lot to learn. i never had a gf so yea. however girls crawl at my feet online. i mean just about all of them think im hot or whatever. not being ****y, i dont think im anything special. it might just be easier to give up on girls. it's too complicated and it's all bull****. im so sick of this ****.

Seriously what is the worse thing that can happen? Do what you feel like doing. If it doesn't work for you don't do it again in the future. Dating is suppost to be easy relaxing and simple, don't stress too much over it.

Usually you can challenge a maybe and get it converted into a yes or no even if she still says maybe you know what she really meant.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by bp1974
You disagree after reading material here? You should read some more.

Yes=Yes
Everything else=No

Just to offer a little more direction---read material in the DJB on HOW to ask her out. Stygs--you blew that part and kinda forced her response. Your weak "we should go out next time" prompted her defensive, weak-IL-appearing "maybe".

Either step up to the plate or go sit down. By that I mean (you'll read this in the "how to ask" section) you ask her for a date for a specific event on a specific day at a specific time--no waffling, no vague and wvssy "let's hang sometime" or "let's get together sometime."

Bp's "yes = yes and all else means no" was him giving you a freebie, the real part of his advice was to go read some more. My advise--check out the "how to ask" section.

 

[Stygian Apothegm]

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
Just to offer a little more direction---read material in the DJB on HOW to ask her out. Stygs--you blew that part and kinda forced her response. Your weak "we should go out next time" prompted her defensive, weak-IL-appearing "maybe".

Either step up to the plate or go sit down. By that I mean (you'll read this in the "how to ask" section) you ask her for a date for a specific event on a specific day at a specific time--no waffling, no vague and wvssy "let's hang sometime" or "let's get together sometime."

Bp's "yes = yes and all else means no" was him giving you a freebie, the real part of his advice was to go read some more. My advise--check out the "how to ask" section.

there is no how to ask section. i looked through the whole thing.