what do you want out of the situation?

[death_wish. .]

i used to be a cool , easy going guy. i didn't like to rock the boat much and i sometimes had a problem speaking up or asking for things i wanted. to make things much worse , i would often go along with things i didn't like out of fear of confrontation, or that i would be worse off .... so i just kept my mouth shut
but the reality is EVERYBODY wants something.
everybody wants something or gets something out of the people they interact with in life, they say you become who you hang around. more accurately , you benefit in one way or another from who you hang around
you get paid a salary at work, depending on how much value you bring
you hang out with friends and ppl you get along with cause it feels good
with women its no different , what are they wanting out of the situation, does it line up with what you want? are you keeping your mouth shut because you are afraid to rock the boat or afraid of confrontation?
the point of this thread is to say , if your friends are bringin you down and not adding to your energy leave them alone.
if you have a wife that is using you for shelter and comfortability , but cheating and sneaking off behind your back. leave the situation
if your job is not appreciating you, learn more skills and become more value so that you can get a higher paying job, and don't tolerate rude bosses. but be smart don't go quit your job today , before finding a replacement .



control your own destiny , or someone else will . ~jack welch

 

[Serenity]

EVERYBODY wants something.

I like to think this is common sense, but it's surprising how many people are blind to this fact. Of course we all want something in return for what we do, be it money, recognition, affection, favors or just pleasant companionship. Those who give more than they receive do so with a false hope of getting it in return in the future, this is codependence. Those who take more than they give are selfish, they take advantage of codependent people. Healthy people strive to be fair, find balance and make it mutually beneficial.

you get paid a salary at work, depending on how much value you bring

I wish this was the case.

 

[death_wish. .]

I like to think this is common sense, but it's surprising how many people are blind to this fact. Of course we all want something in return for what we do, be it money, recognition, affection, favors or just pleasant companionship. Those who give more than they receive do so with a false hope of getting it in return in the future, this is codependence. Those who take more than they give are selfish, they take advantage of codependent people. Healthy people strive to be fair, find balance and make it mutually beneficial.

i was so blind it hurts i used to just go with the flow all the time , was very generous. but just because i was like that , it doesn't protect me from people playing or using me.
finally i wised up and learned to look for what it is people are trying to use me for

 

[Serenity]

finally i wised up and learned to look for what it is people are trying to use me for

...and more importantly, what they are offering you in return for it.

I don't mind at all that people want something out of me, that's just fair if I get something I value out of them.

 

[death_wish. .]

...and more importantly, what they are offering you in return for it.

I don't mind at all that people want something out of me, that's just fair if I get something I value out of them.

exactly, everybody is different and if you are satisfied with what they are giving you in return , then the situation works.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Great observations, Death Wish

The thing that I've discovered is that the more you become 'aware' the more frustrating it is to be around people that aren't.

I don't believe that there is such a thing as altruism. Even if I do something nice and anonymously, I still receive the 'reward' of feeling good about myself... and so, I'd be unwise to consider myself as "self-less."

Personally, I'm always getting rid of the 'dead wood' in my life. I'm the only person I know of that 'prunes' my facebook friends every six months. This means that I don't get invited to as many party's as before, but I also don't get dragged down by people whom I think that I've out-grown.

 

[death_wish. .]

Personally, I'm always getting rid of the 'dead wood' in my life. I'm the only person I know of that 'prunes' my facebook friends every six months. This means that I don't get invited to as many party's as before, but I also don't get dragged down by people whom I think that I've out-grown.

good point, sometimes we feel good at first hangin with people that we think have the same ideas as us ,but then one day you feel it that its best to go separate ways . nothing personal but dead weight slows you down

 

[B80]

yes, most relationships are transactional/value exchange to a certain degree.

I'd only consider my immediate family; parents and brother to be an unconditional, always be there for each other, complete trust relationship.

not saying every male friend would, but some of my longest friends were a bit to forward with my ex wife (she told me) and does make you a bit wary of how things can change, particularly if money, women etc are involved... seems every man for himself at times.

 

[death_wish. .]

yes, most relationships are transactional/value exchange to a certain degree.

I'd only consider my immediate family; parents and brother to be an unconditional, always be there for each other, complete trust relationship.

not saying every male friend would, but some of my longest friends were a bit to forward with my ex wife (she told me) and does make you a bit wary of how things can change, particularly if money, women etc are involved... seems every man for himself at times.

that's not cool man, i have been in situations where dudes have a chick and the chick will come at me but i never took the bait
its actually very sad.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

yes, most relationships are transactional/value exchange to a certain degree.

I'd only consider my immediate family; parents and brother to be an unconditional, always be there for each other, complete trust relationship.

not saying every male friend would, but some of my longest friends were a bit to forward with my ex wife (she told me) and does make you a bit wary of how things can change, particularly if money, women etc are involved... seems every man for himself at times.

Those particular friends are greedy for what is yours. I wouldn't tell them sh1t. They probably weren't trying to be so forward they just are. And it shows lack of respect.