What Do You Think?

[amnbyrd]

Its Friday and my gfs birthday is Sunday. I had roses sent to her work.
Well tonight she said some guys in her shop are taking her out to this strip club to celebrate. She said another girls goin to. Well to be honest the idea of this bothers me. My question is should I be bothered by this or what??

 

[aliasguy]

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It's a no-win situation.

If you object, you're either "insecure" or "controlling."

If you don't (even though, it appears, you WANT to), then you are knuckling under and accepting what you don't like.


The should's and would's of all this are irrelevant. You are going to get all kinds of replies to this, ranging from "put your foot down and forbid her going," all they way to "stop being XXXX, and just let her go, and trust her." And some in between.

Then, there will be a debate about the relative merits of the various positions, and an examination of the underlying psychology of each.

And, in the end, you will have a do/don't balance sheet of sorts. Read it all, think about it for a while, and then you pay your money and make your choice.

These kinda situations SUCK, because the arguments for both sides are generally pretty well defended by their proponents, and sometimes it's hard to determine which is really "right."


At the end of the day, you gotta just do what you think is best.

Good luck figuring out what that is.

I don't know which path is better in this case.

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EDIT.... Sorry, dude, I just noticed that this thing is going down TONIGHT. Not much you can do. I recommend not sweating it, not saying anything at all to her about it. Enjoy her and her birthday on Sunday.

 

[Telos]

Why couldn't you go with?

 

[Nighthawk]

If you're the type to send roses to her place of work for her birthday, don't be surprised when this sort of thing happens...

If it bothers you, you should say so. Would she mind you going to a strip club? I've dated strippers, and they often complain that women in strip clubs are often competitive with the stripper, doing their own sexy dances, etc. Some are cool though, but it's a sexual experience with your gf and some guys from work. Can't say I'd be thrilled, and yes, why aren't you invited?

 

[amnbyrd]

I asked why I couldnt go and she said if I went she'd spend all her time with me so it'd be pointless to go with them. fvck it, i said i didnt want her to go and shes all mad. whatever, she's not worth it.

 

[thatguyjamalx]

Don't let it phase you, Just go out with the boys to a better strip club.

 

[ready123]

geez

 

[JDA70]

i said i didnt want her to go and shes all mad.

Tooo late you blew it.
You should have said " great, have a good time!"
And left it at that.

 

[Tony Montana2004]

no matter the length of the relationship, you always have a plan b, this type of things comes along, encourage her, by the way, how long have you been together?

 

[weakepedea]

You got her neatly trimmed roses when shes watching women throw a wild naked birthday bash but seriously, she could be testing you to see if you are insecure. I agree with both putting your foot down and to allow her to make her own decision. You don't want her to run over you so you put your foot down yet you dont want to be controlling so you yada yada well forget all that if you don't like it you don't its about you.

I asked why I couldnt go and she said if I went she'd spend all her time with me so it'd be pointless to go with them. fvck it, i said i didnt want her to go and shes all mad. whatever, she's not worth it.

You asked why? Its none of your business why you can't is probably what she's thinking in the back of her mind somewhere by now. You tell her "I'm going" if she disagrees then you leave her. Women like for you to be the man and say. When you ask why can't yada yada well then comes well because such and such.. so be the man (with the plan) and command.

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

Make her invite you, or you could go to another strip club and have some fun of your own

But since you played the overprotective guy... there's no reason not to want her to go. If you're worried about maintaining control, well if you heard afterwards about something that you didn't like that she did, then you gotta take some action. Going to a strip club is just harmless fun and theres another girl coming with her so the guys become harmless to you.

 

[weakepedea]

Harmless to him because he's alone. I wouldn't rule out that a friend, who could be a gf of one of the guys of the "party", isn't potentially whatever's causing this gut feeling that you don't like.

 

[Monkey]

Her excuse for not inviting you is simply too weak and a huge red flag - She has low interest in you.

A devoted gf would love to have her bf with her to celebrate her birthday.

 

[amnbyrd]

update: shes been calling me and txting me though Ive already decided shes not worth any more bs. She txting me stuff like"Im the designated driver.I love you . Im not gonna let this come between us tonight. Please just trust me." and she txted me "I love you. "
The way I see it earlier tonight she made her decision when she decided to go. Boy is she gonna regret this.

 

[weakepedea]

update: shes been calling me and txting me though Ive already decided shes not worth any more bs. She txting me stuff like"Im the designated driver.I love you . Im not gonna let this come between us tonight. Please just trust me." and she txted me "I love you. "
The way I see it earlier tonight she made her decision when she decided to go. Boy is she gonna regret this.

Good job.
She's trying to control your thoughts "Im not gonna let this come between us tonight" then "please trust me" testing how much she can get away with. You're not going to let her get away with this. Now she must be punished (some time to think about the consequences of her actions) and when she deserves a reward, which will take some hard work on her part, she'll receive.

 

[aliasguy]

update: shes been calling me and txting me though Ive already decided shes not worth any more bs. She txting me stuff like"Im the designated driver.I love you . Im not gonna let this come between us tonight. Please just trust me." and she txted me "I love you. "
The way I see it earlier tonight she made her decision when she decided to go. Boy is she gonna regret this.

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The calls and texts mean almost nothing. You can't tell what they really MEAN. If (A), she's truthful, then all well and good. If (B), she's "covering," then that just sucks, and she's liar and most likely a cheat.

WE DON'T KNOW which is the case. But I have my strong suspicions.

I'm a little concerned about your "regret" comment. What do you plan to do? I don't believe you can work this to your advantage by holding this incident over her head. Going on and on about it changes nothing. You CAN'T proceed by blowing up over this when she gets home, or the next time you see or talk to her. That will do more harm than good.

I'd recommend that you NEVER mention this episode to her again.

Ever.

I would not answer any calls or texts tonight at all. Wait 'till tomorrow, or Monday. Let her sweat it. Based on what she's said tonight, she knows she's "wrong" (if you wanna label it.) Or at least, she knows you are unhappy about it and wants to placate you.

You can't know what's really going on here. I think you should drop it completely. If she starts up about it, and pushes for a conversation, just say you don't want to talk about it. Say, "What's done is done." and just shut up. Don't let her "explain" or go over the events of the night. Maybe truth, maybe lies, who knows, so just don't even listen to it.

Keep your eyes open, and don't let on you're pissed. Don't "punish" her. Don't b*tch about what she did tonight. Just watch closely, and see where your relationship IS, and whether you want to continue in it.

And have a night or two out with others (men or women or both) without "asking" her if you can. Just DO it, don't hide it, but don't crow about it either.


All will be made clear to you soon. Just keep your eyes open.

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[iqqi]

If I was you, I would be p!ssed off too. That is just a really bad judgement call on her part.

Its her birthday weekend... she has a boyfriend who sent her roses... and she is going to the strip club with a bunch of random DUDES? Without you! Hell to the NAW, is whats up with that scenario.

If the shoe was on MY foot (and I am a girl), I would be OK with my boyfriend going to the strip joint with his BOYS (on one of the days leading up to the bday). I wouldn't be ecstatic, but I'd be ok with it. But some random chicks from work, without me? ...Nuh-uh.

Its just NOT COOL. You know? Not a great idea. It shows a lack of CONSIDERATION and respect.

Kick that h0 to the curb.

Tell her that she just isn't the girl for you. And to have a happy birthday. I am more than sure that one of the random guys taking her to the strip club will make her feel better... let him have her. His problem now. Not yours.

 

[penkitten]

i personally don't buy this designated driver crap when her friends are taking her out for a wild night and going to a strip club.
don't buy it at all.
and if she is not doing anything wrong, why does she text message you at 10:42 to tell you to trust her.
what's up with that?

 

[weakepedea]

If I was you, I would be p!ssed off too. That is just a really bad judgement call on her part.

Its her birthday weekend... she has a boyfriend who sent her roses... and she is going to the strip club with a bunch of random DUDES? Without you! Hell to the NAW, is whats up with that scenario.

If the shoe was on MY foot (and I am a girl), I would be OK with my boyfriend going to the strip joint with his BOYS (on one of the days leading up to the bday). I wouldn't be ecstatic, but I'd be ok with it. But some random chicks from work, without me? ...Nuh-uh.

Its just NOT COOL. You know? Not a great idea. It shows a lack of CONSIDERATION and respect.

Kick that h0 to the curb.

Tell her that she just isn't the girl for you. And to have a happy birthday. I am more than sure that one of the random guys taking her to the strip club will make her feel better... let him have her. His problem now. Not yours.

 

[weakepedea]

i personally don't buy this designated driver crap when her friends are taking her out for a wild night and going to a strip club.
don't buy it at all.
and if she is not doing anything wrong, why does she text message you at 10:42 to tell you to trust her.
what's up with that?

Yeah thats bs.