What do you think !It is over again?

[john1234]

My GF has said that she is not happy anymore and has decided that she does not want to continue in the relationship because it will get worse. She said some specific events about her being neglected by me and some other BS thing is I can’t even remember now. I think it may be because I started a new job, also she displayed so many red flags so I withdrew from making an effort on her, I also started a new job so obviously I’m at work during day.

She has now gone abroad for two weeks it was planned months ago for a ceremony (I could not attend because of my new job,) deep down I know she wanted me to go with her because she kept on saying this event is important to my family etc. She told me this unhappy sh*t 2 days before she was due to travel.

We chatted and I told her I will be gone when she gets back, I just started a professional job and it is so intense to plan stuff. She seems sure but a little uncertain like she wants some type of guarantee or time or something like that.

How should I move on without affecting myself emotionally and keep my pride?
She calls me from abroad should I flake on her or what? I think she wants to keep tabs on me?

She took me to see her family on months ago and they loved me to bit and don’t understand why she is unhappy as I also feel like sh*t because she kinda dumped me ect

 

[betheman]

she wants more committment from you...marriage! is my guess anyway, this holiday/ceremony thing...by not attending (it matters not one fvcking jot that youre new job is important) you are signalling to her, that you will never commit to her. I dont know how long you have been with her, how old she is but she is ready to settle down, my guess is its 12 months plus? most women have a ..."sh!t or get off the pot" moment with guys, seems to me like you have just hit yours

 

[john1234]

she wants more committment from you...marriage! is my guess anyway, this holiday/ceremony thing...by not attending (it matters not one fvcking jot that youre new job is important) you are signalling to her, that you will never commit to her. I dont know how long you have been with her, how old she is but she is ready to settle down, my guess is its 12 months plus? most women have a ..."sh!t or get off the pot" moment with guys, seems to me like you have just hit yours

Yep, 12month+ she did talk babies the week before but I was vague.

most women have a ..."sh!t or get off the pot" moment with guys, seems to me like you have just hit yours

I don't understand this part ^^.


I guess you got a point about the ceremony-abroad as we kinda assumed we would be going together up until I got this full time job at short notice, she hated the job thing, however later calmed down.

 

[bmp2cpm]

1) Put your career first above women
2) Find a woman who is willing to support you, your career, and the difficult times. Doesn't sound like she's capable of that.
3) Not all, but many women tend to look elsewhere and will cheat when you miss big events that are important to them. Also, they won't tell you this, they just do it. Remember this in case you 2 get back together.
4) There has to be some balance in a relationship, ie work not being all consuming. But the woman you are with has to be understanding of the sacrifices that are made for a successful career.

Bottom line, you just vetted her and know she doesn't have what it takes to support you. Don't spend any more energy on this one. Find someone better. If I were you, I would celebrate! New job and you're not with the wrong person. Good times. Congrats.

 

[john1234]

1) Put your career first above women
2) Find a woman who is willing to support you, your career, and the difficult times. Doesn't sound like she's capable of that.
3) Not all, but many women tend to look elsewhere and will cheat when you miss big events that are important to them. Also, they won't tell you this, they just do it. Remember this in case you 2 get back together.
4) There has to be some balance in a relationship, ie work not being all consuming. But the woman you are with has to be understanding of the sacrifices that are made for a successful career.

Bottom line, you just vetted her and know she doesn't have what it takes to support you. Don't spend any more energy on this one. Find someone better. If I were you, I would celebrate! New job and you're not with the wrong person. Good times. Congrats.

How should I move on without affecting myself emotionally and keep my pride?
She calls me from abroad should I flake on her or what?

 

[betheman]

**** or get off the pot


I don't understand this part ^^.

means you are taking to long to do something!
in this case, the fact is, logically, men like to nail down the job and security then bring a family into it, women dont see it this way, they want what the fvck they think they want, when they want it and usually the guy will have no idea when that is. She did drop you a clue re the baby talk but this is where women are sooo dishonest, they dont communicate this to the guy, subtley maybe but most men arent that good at picking up the clues and we think longer term. when she talks babies, we tend to think ok a year or so from now that might be good, she...baby...now lets fvck and make one

 

[john1234]

means you are taking to long to do something!
in this case, the fact is, logically, men like to nail down the job and security then bring a family into it, women dont see it this way, they want what the fvck they think they want, when they want it and usually the guy will have no idea when that is. She did drop you a clue re the baby talk but this is where women are sooo dishonest, they dont communicate this to the guy, subtley maybe but most men arent that good at picking up the clues and we think longer term. when she talks babies, we tend to think ok a year or so from now that might be good, she...baby...now lets fvck and make one

Yeah, I kinda sounds right, but she kinda said she didn't want one then she restarted the talk so I kinda just kept quiet and mumbled about it and let it go by

 

[MikeOck]

How should I move on without affecting myself emotionally and keep my pride?
She calls me from abroad should I flake on her or what?

She ended things, right? You told her you would be gone when she gets back, so follow through with leaving.

How you react emotionally to this is entirely up to you. You can let it bother you and bring you down for years to come or you can decide that she simply wasn't right for you and move forward with your new life and career without her. You said yourself: there were a lot of red flags, she wasn't supportive of you, she wants out. So, give her what she asked for and leave. You deserve a woman who will be supportive of you, a woman who aligns with your core values...or, several of them!

You keep your pride by moving on with no drama. The relationship is over. Cut all contact. If she calls, don't answer. If you see her out, be polite but busy. Treat her as a casual acquaintance and nothing more.

Finally, get out there and meet some new women.

 

[john1234]

She ended things, right? You told her you would be gone when she gets back, so follow through with leaving.

How you react emotionally to this is entirely up to you. You can let it bother you and bring you down for years to come or you can decide that she simply wasn't right for you and move forward with your new life and career without her. You said yourself: there were a lot of red flags, she wasn't supportive of you, she wants out. So, give her what she asked for and leave. You deserve a woman who will be supportive of you, a woman who aligns with your core values...or, several of them!

You keep your pride by moving on with no drama. The relationship is over. Cut all contact. If she calls, don't answer. If you see her out, be polite but busy. Treat her as a casual acquaintance and nothing more.

Finally, get out there and meet some new women.

thanks man, that meant alot, my life is too intense now and got too many responsibilities in the job

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear John,
You have had lots of good advice above...Your career is like a rock in a stormy Sea....It will give you security,and as long as you maintain a protected beach for others to land on,everything else will come...I wouldn't ditch this Girl,rather rightsize the relationship,when you get more time,don't spend it on her but spin a few plates...You are young,try the bread from every oven ...If you must throw her over the side,then go No Contact!

 

[LiveFreeX]

Theres another man willing to marry her. He's probably rich.

 

[sodbuster]

Had women pull that shilt in Dental School. I HONESTLY didn't have time for about a month at the end of each semester. So, I lost them. In time, I married and lost her too, BUT I till have my DEGREE and OFFICE. IF I would have listened to the ex-wife, I'd have about 100k/ year less than I do now...

 

[john1234]

Had women pull that shilt in Dental School. I HONESTLY didn't have time for about a month at the end of each semester. So, I lost them. In time, I married and lost her too, BUT I till have my DEGREE and OFFICE. IF I would have listened to the ex-wife, I'd have about 100k/ year less than I do now...

Sounds like you were kinda fortunate.

This news hit me at the wrong time! It is kinda affecting me and I feel demoralized. I dunno why, I feel worthless and like crap. Today I gave a sh*t pitch in my job too. Feels like **** is falling apart for me already, after I worked so hard, I never get a break in life

 

[Bokanovsky]

She has now gone abroad for two weeks it was planned months ago for a ceremony (I could not attend because of my new job,) deep down I know she wanted me to go with her because she kept on saying this event is important to my family etc. She told me this unhappy sh*t 2 days before she was due to travel.

Sounds like she deliberately "semi-dumped" you prior to going on vacation in an effort to rationalize her anticipated slvttery while she's away. If she decides to get back with you upon her return, she won't have to feel guilty about cheating because you were "on a break". You are witnessing the hamster at work.

 

[john1234]

Sounds like she deliberately "semi-dumped" you prior to going on vacation in an effort to rationalize her anticipated slvttery while she's away. If she decides to get back with you upon her return, she won't have to feel guilty about cheating because you were "on a break". You are witnessing the hamster at work.

I told her before she went that if we are not together then I'm gone (there is no chance of getting back like b4.)

I have to follow this though! I owe this to myself.

 

[john1234]

she wants more committment from you...marriage! is my guess anyway, this holiday/ceremony thing...by not attending (it matters not one fvcking jot that youre new job is important) you are signalling to her, that you will never commit to her. I dont know how long you have been with her, how old she is but she is ready to settle down, my guess is its 12 months plus? most women have a ..."sh!t or get off the pot" moment with guys, seems to me like you have just hit yours

I think this seems to make better sense now!

This ceremony was important to her and because I did not go, she felt emotional and ended the relationship,amongst other reasons (to be fair I am working a new prof job in this recession and can't go abroad!)

I know she is pissed about that and like the other guy said " Not going signals my lack of commitment in the future to her" not to mention not got for making the kids (Deal breaker Ey).

I think I'm totally stomped on this one! I've figured out that above is the real reason for the breakup and not the other BS reason she gave!She feels like, she can't control me and I lacked to show commitment when it mattered etc?