what do you think about this poem i wrote.

[narcissist]

Oblivion

So utterly enveloped in
the dark of nothingness;
My essence is forgotten, now
enslaved by the abyss.

The black is overbearing me,
exalted far and wide;
subdued perpetuation is,
now where I’ll reside.

To walk, and talk and be again,
Is all I reverie;
A glimpse of such a place of life
emits a strange eerie

To know that black is evermore –
a nihilist dimension.
Lost forever, that’s for sure,
Precludes my dreamed redemption.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Quite depressing man.

 

[( . )( . )]

Quite depressing man.

Agreed.

Was going to say it looks like a poem about mass third world immigration but I see no reference to president purple drank and his chosenite puppet masters.

 

[jimjam]

My friend, some constructive criticism.

Good art should transcend the personal. IE, write about something simple that applies to anyone in your situation. In other words, your poem is too personal.

Also, stay away from rhymes!!

I have been published extensively in the small press-poems, stories, reviews, letters, etc.

Keep at it......

 

[narcissist]

hey thank you all for the constructive criticism! I take it lightheartedly, and will use it to my benefit!

This is my first poem, so i just wanted to experiment with technique and sh*t.

Also yeah it sort of is depressing but this is what i think will happen after death, so its merely just a point of view.

but real appreciation, for those who took the time to check it out and write something. thanks