What do you think about this mature woman's judgement?

[MatureDJ]

http://www.doublex.com/section/life/my-mother-married-her-prison-pen-pal

In 1996, my mother met and later married a man incarcerated in a New Mexico state prison, an inmate who began as her pen pal and ended up as her lover.

When Joe ogled the busty blondes in the pages of his biker magazines, she dyed her graying hair a hideous brittle yellow. Oblivious, she would prod me and my sister to take photos of her in the backyard wearing slinky slips from Victoria's Secret.

When my mother did finally marry Joe, her reasons were oddly practical. As his wife, the prison would be legally obligated to inform her if anything happened to him. She would also be allowed conjugal visits, an important rite of passage for two people whose intimacy transpired on pen and paper. She needed to know whether a young man in his 30s could find her aging body attractive; if he could not, then better to find out sooner rather than later. Once they wed, however, troubling details emerged. Joe confessed that he had lied about the reason for his incarceration. He had not been charged with vehicular manslaughter, as he'd said for the last five years; in reality he had been convicted of rape. She vowed to stand by her man. "He was just terrified to tell me, since he knew I'd been raped," she explained serenely. To her, it was evidence of his love and fear of losing her. I saw, on the other hand, a man who could easily lie for years to achieve his goal. And a woman so willfully blind that she never thought to check his record before.

We later discovered that he had another mistress, a member of his extended family. Then came the two additional rape charges, old cases that had been reopened thanks to new DNA evidence. My mother spent a good portion of her retirement savings on his lawyer.

When Joe finally got out of jail in 2006, he moved into my mother's new house in Albuquerque, which she'd bought and fixed up for his arrival. Within four months, everything had fallen apart. Despite his promises, he refused to give up his mistress; my mother would find gas receipts from the days when he'd sneak off to visit her. The other woman she had unhappily tolerated, but his lying was finally too much. She moved out and filed for divorce. Still, I was furious that she should leave her own house, which she loved, into a tiny apartment, so that he could continue living there. She explained wearily that it was too difficult for a person with a prison record to be approved for his own apartment lease. Soon, even that bit of good will was extinguished—once Joe finished his parole, he stopped looking for work and he started doing drugs again.

As I write this, he is back in prison for assaulting his first wife.

 

[Da Realist]

Never confuse age for maturity.

 

[horaholic]

Now THAT is the female equivilent of an AFC.

I just thank the lord they didnt breed!

 

[Son of anarchy]

Half way between an epic fail and a...an other epic fail.

 

[STR8UP]

Why would ANY woman get involved with a guy who is in prison? Yet some of those dudes have more girlfriends while they are in the joint than most guys get in real life.

I saw something on tv awhile back where a chick was friends with a prisoner's mother. Chick saw a picture of the son and started asking about him. Mom told her he was in prison and the two started dating.

Does that sound like something a sane, rational human being would do? Might make the case for women not being very sane or rational creatures.

 

[SXS]

Why would ANY woman get involved with a guy who is in prison? Yet some of those dudes have more girlfriends while they are in the joint than most guys get in real life.

I know chicks who go to "visit" guys they didnt even met previously in prison.

 

[jophil28]

Why would ANY woman get involved with a guy who is in prison? Yet some of those dudes have more girlfriends while they are in the joint than most guys get in real life.

Why indeed ?

The superficial answer would be that she was a woman with few 'options' who had found a way to be intimately connected with a man who had even fewer. Or the old standby explanation," She has low self esteem." There is much more to this story .

In short -
HE was not going anywhere when they met. She knew where he was every moment of every day. His life was predictable, and he had few choices, and little personal power and therefore SHE was the one who was 'in control' in a sense. HE was not in any position to leave her, abandon her, abuse her or cheat on her while ever he was in jail. She could design and shape and steer the relationship HER way and she probably enjoyed his gratitude towards her,even though it may have been somewhat contrived on his part.
She also had that appealing option (that woman love so much ) of having a relationship in fantasy rather that in reality. She can indulge herself in dreaming about "how it will be" when he is paroled .
THis is the sort of woman who ''needs to be needed " and works at extracting love by finding 'wounded birds' to save who will love them out of grateful appreciation for all their devotion....

If you searched her background you would find an alcoholic or drug parent, divorce, parental abuse and violence, cheating and abandonment. Her mother would have been the self sacrificing,controlling martyr type whom this woman imitated because that is what these women do - they duplicate their powerful mother..

This woman's relationship with this jailbird is her way of trying to put right what she could not manage as a child.
However, it just never never works out that way.
What these woman overlook is that the 'wounded' men that they connect with will treat them just the same as their original perp parents. And so, rather than history resolving itself, it repeats .

This is the typical Al Anon story in many ways.

 

[WaterTiger]

These guys in prison have a racket going! They have tons of time and coaching from other convicts to write these long, heart wrenching letters to pull the heartstrings of women.

They tell you how lonely, sad and regretful they are for their "minor" crime. (Like writing bad checks to help pay for his mom's surgery) and if they just had a good hearted woman to write to it would make their time SO much easier...

These guys have internet access now, and can look up single women on line,
the guy who sent me a letter got my name & address when I applied for a business permit. (It's scary what is on public record!) I never answered the letter.

They send out hundreds of these letters, hoping for one woman to be stupid enough to answer, then they play her for all they can get. They even did an episode on 20/20 about this!

This one inmate admitted to having like 6 "Girlfriends" visiting him on certain days, they brought him money, food, home-made cookies, and clothes. He keeps a list of them in his cell with all the peticulars (birthday, kids, likes, dislikes) so he can keep them straight.

Desperate women will do some crazy ass things!

 

[MatureDJ]

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/US/Story?id=1052747&page=1

Bandele and Rashid even had a baby, a little girl named Nisa, conceived on a conjugal visit. The couple is now separated. Despite his near-perfect record, after 20 years in prison, Rashid was denied parole.

Although Bandele found a man she truly loves, she cautions women who might consider marrying an inmate serving a long sentence. She said, "He became my whole life, and you have to consider that. Are you really ready to give your entire life over?"

Wait, this means that some man actually started going with this woman, who had married, and a had a child with, a convict.

Would anyone here date the mother of a convict's child?

 

[Luthor Rex]

oh nevermind...