What do you guys think...

[Demodulate]

I have a "friend", a girl I use to sleep with on the DL for quite awhile a year or so ago.. It was on the DL because she was living with some other guy.. we never did much socially because of that fact.. they eventually broke up for other reasons, but we never got together.. I told her I could not trust her, and we would never be a couple. she was heartbroken.. I put her in the friend zone, and kept in touch with her.. we would meet up socially here and there till about 2 months ago..

she was leaving her old job and moving to a new one, and asked me to meet her out for drinks.. I loosely committed to it and went out that night.. in my wandering I ran into another friend of mine who she briefly dated after me putting her in the friend zone.. he was going to meet up with her, and I told him to say hello for me.. anyway.. I thought i would go down to the bar they where to alteast say hi to her.. she was super happy to see me, yadda yadda yadda.. anyway.. we had an awesome night together.. all her friends left one by one, we moved bars a few times, and finally ended up at the popular place in the area with just my friends and her. it was honestly the first time we went out like that together.. and we had alot of fun.. and we both went home alone.

the drag is now she has another boyfriend, and I am actually jealous of it. I honestly cant believe it.. I am trying to just be her friend, cause I like hanging out with her.

now here is the rub.. I have gone out with her, and arranged to meet another girl out, and she wigged out and dipped on me.. later she told me she could not stand to see me with some other woman. I was like but you have a man.. whats the big deal..

now whenever she has a few drinks out, she is calling or texting me.. sometimes I will stop in to see her.. other times not..

we rag on her man.. I guess he is 29, lives at home with his mom and is overweight.. I was like so why dont you leave him? she can do better.. she agrees, but she stays with him..

its starting to bother me because I feel like she wouldnt leave this "loser" for me..

and I guess thats what bothers me the most.. am I her excitement, and this loser guy her comfort zone?

we had a spat about a week and a half ago, and I havent contacted her since, but shes sneaking into my subconscious now..

is it cause I cant have her? I never thought a girl I put into the friendzone would come back to haunt me like this...


the sad thing is, I like the girl more now that i know here a little better, and I already know the sex will be great...

anyway.. im driving myself nuts now.. its late and I cant sleep...

 

[wjh]

hm. this is partly of your making. she has a loser (probably afc) bf she trusts won't do what you already have done. make an aggressive move and if she still balks spin more plates. i don't doubt she finds you attractive, fun, etc.

 

[jophil28]

.. am I her excitement, and this loser guy her comfort zone?

Yep !
And worse yet - if she had to choose, she will choose him because that way she is in control.

Hit it and quit it. Women like this are trouble and heartache if you get attached.

 

[Max Power]

we never got together.. I told her I could not trust her, and we would never be a couple. she was heartbroken.. I put her in the friend zone, and kept in touch with her:

Dude, been there done that. Exact same thing. Lived with boyfriend, was my FB, she wanted to get serious, I had other options and told her, "How could I ever trust you, you cheated for months on your boyfriend." She was heartbroken. Told all my friends she wanted to get back with me. She was in love with me, I blew her off.

And I'll tell you this, if you continue seeing this girl be prepared for a world of heartbreak.

You and I essentially scorned the same woman. Here's what will happen. She will lead you on until she feels she promptly has the upper hand and then at that precise moment in time she will take your knees out in the most humiliating way possible and will forever say, "He tried to come back, but he got his comeuppance."

Trust me. I've been in this exact same movie.

 

[Telos]

I've been in the same situation and it's a relatively easy one to correct should you in fact determine that this girl is worth the effort required. Honestly though, if this jealousy is rooted in a perception of your own inadequacy, you have started walking down the wrong path. You should question why exactly you are jealous of something that you explicitly state you don't want. Look at this statement of yours:

the drag is now she has another boyfriend, and I am actually jealous of it. I honestly cant believe it.. I am trying to just be her friend, cause I like hanging out with her.

Do you see the conflict there? In what way does her having a boyfriend conflict with your intent of "just trying to be her friend"?

I think we can all read in between the lines and assume you do in fact have some sort of a relationship-level interest in this woman, so, for starters you can take refuge in the fact that in the long run her comfort AFC will probably make some kind of irreparable mistake resulting with a breakup. This doesn't always happen if both parties are seriously codependent and there is always a chance she may never leave him, but if he relinquishes power and chases after her when she's passed the point of no return, she will become absolutely disgusted by him and that would be the perfect time for you to make a re-entrance into her life.

What you then should do is establish and reinforce a more empathic dynamic between the both of you as to elicit feelings of security and comfort in her that are complimentary to your associations of excitement.

This is best catalyzed immediately after sex. There are many strong chemicals released inside of the brain that diffuse anxiety and sharply increase feelings of well-being right after sex, and there is also a much higher tolerance of intimate conversation without any fear of perceived desperation since she just physically surrendered to you in her most vulnerable state. The bottom line: She won't get over her heartbreak and truly forgive you until you have recreated the emotional conditions and intensity that she experienced when she first fell in love. This sort of intensity can only be equaled through sexual passion.

 

[Demodulate]

She will lead you on until she feels she promptly has the upper hand and then at that precise moment in time she will take your knees out in the most humiliating way possible and will forever say, "He tried to come back, but he got his comeuppance."

Trust me. I've been in this exact same movie.

Man, I didnt see this angle... This definetly helps me put my game face back on.

This doesn't always happen if both parties are seriously codependent and there is always a chance she may never leave him

I am starting to think she might be really codependent..

why jump into a relationship with someone whos almost 30 and lives with his mom.. I cant think of any self respecting guy that would allow that to happen.. its just nuts...

 

[Demodulate]

just a update..

we had plans over the weekend to hit the beach.. I got blown off.. so thats that.

its funny how this game works.. this time last year I couldnt care what she did with her time, and she always seemed available.. last week when I actually wanted to spend some time with her, poof, she was gone.

its too bad you cant take some pill that radiates indiference when you need it most.

 

[speed dawg]

You made your own bed, pal. Now sleep in it and quit whining.

 

[Demodulate]

You made your own bed, pal. Now sleep in it and quit whining.

lol, thanks...

no whining.. just letting everyone know how I crashed and burned.

no biggie..

 

[Nelford]

Dude you are killing me. First you friend her and now you want to be with her. If I am around a girl I want something unless I am just plain not interested.

 

[Max Power]

just a update..

we had plans over the weekend to hit the beach.. I got blown off.. so thats that.

.

Another guy who comes here and doesn't listen to advice. LOL

Well at least you learned this first hand.

She will make you chase her and then will blow your self esteem at the opportune moment. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this. I've been in this exact same movie.

 

[Demodulate]

Another guy who comes here and doesn't listen to advice. LOL

Well at least you learned this first hand.

She will make you chase her and then will blow your self esteem at the opportune moment. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this. I've been in this exact same movie.

its not like I went ahead and made plans..

she txt's me midweek wanting to go to the beach sat, i said sure.. figured there would be tons of ass there as it was a holiday weekend..

we made plans to meet at 11, friday she changes them to 10, cause it will be busy.. saturday she cancels, cause it was "overcast".. it really wasnt though..

but whatever..

im not going to worry about it anymore.. i just thinks its funny to be on the otherside of things for the first time in awhile... just need to clean the pipes out and ill be in a better mindset.

 

[thedeparted]

isaturday she cancels, cause it was "overcast"..

Not to laugh at your pain, bro, but, "I can't see you today b/c it's partly cloudy" is one of the best lines in recent memory.

 

[Brandonc662]

Not to laugh at your pain, bro, but, "I can't see you today b/c it's partly cloudy" is one of the best lines in recent memory.

Im sure it was a reasonable excuse. Maybe she is scared of vampires.

 

[Demodulate]

Not to laugh at your pain, bro, but, "I can't see you today b/c it's partly cloudy" is one of the best lines in recent memory.

lol.. yeah.. I knew it was BS, I just let it go and did the next thing.

just another headache waiting to happen.

 

[Demodulate]

why would you even think about dating a girl who ****ed you while she lived with her bf is beyond me....??

i know.. Ive been down lately and she was the only viable option at the time..

honestly I just wanted to fcuk her now that I think about it.. not worth the headaches though.

 

[Sir-M]

last week when I actually wanted to spend some time with her, poof, she was gone.

.. ya thats cause she actually has a dude and her life to live... get your self a girl please... if she objects.. state your rules..