what do you do when you feel like you're just not wanted or good enough?

[Heman6]

serious question. after taking advice from a few different people, both men and women alike, the dating game has still been an uphill battle. i started dressing better and improving other areas of my life but things have changed very little. i'm liked by a variety people, women as well, some go out of their way to offer me rides and stuff and i have good friendships with them. while i know i'm genuinely liked and i have come a long way it doesn't head into the direction of romance. it seems that once i hit a certain level i can't go above it. i've concluded it's not my looks as i don't think i am so bad. honestly, i think i am pretty decent looking and have been told before by people. i'm not going to make excuses but i think women just don't like me for whatever reason, it's almost as if they can sniff something out. common scenario is something like this i try to make eyes with them so i can say hi and they look right past me or i can tell they don't like me

i just want to know if anyone else feels this way because i am honestly at the point where i don't know what options are there i haven't tried.

 

[perseverance]

A vast majority women probably aren't interested in me, I accept that I'm acquired taste, but it's not about quantity, but quality - give me one woman who is an ideal fit and I'd take her over a thousand women who aren't.

When I started my self-improvement programme, it wasn't about bettering myself for the sake of women, it was about bettering myself for me. I did it for me, I wanted to change, I wanted to become a better man, a better person, I wanted to live a better life and I wanted to have everything in place so I could be truly happy and anything that happens with women is just a sideshow that has no major relevance on my life. Women have slowly gone from being the centre of my universe to being just a little moon in my universe which circles around me.

It sounds like you bettered yourself, not for your benefit, but for the benefit of the women you want to appear attractive to. As soon as you stop trying to attract every single woman you meet, the sooner you stop being outcome dependent, the less you care, the more you'll start to succeed. Don't put women on a pedestal either.

 

[Heman6]

A vast majority women probably aren't interested in me, I accept that I'm acquired taste, but it's not about quantity, but quality - give me one woman who is an ideal fit and I'd take her over a thousand women who aren't.

When I started my self-improvement programme, it wasn't about bettering myself for the sake of women, it was about bettering myself for me. I did it for me, I wanted to change, I wanted to become a better man, a better person, I wanted to live a better life and I wanted to have everything in place so I could be truly happy and anything that happens with women is just a sideshow that has no major relevance on my life. Women have slowly gone from being the centre of my universe to being just a little moon in my universe which circles around me.

It sounds like you bettered yourself, not for your benefit, but for the benefit of the women you want to appear attractive to. As soon as you stop trying to attract every single woman you meet, the sooner you stop being outcome dependent, the less you care, the more you'll start to succeed. Don't put women on a pedestal either.

thanks for your response and for reading.

initially it was all about myself. i was at a point in my life where i was tired of how things were going and i had to move in a different direction. there's still some work to be done but i think i have come a long way. one of the benefits has been i have gotten to know some great people, men and women alike and i continue to do so. the female part, that is an important part of life for us and i don't know i guess i just feel i should be having more luck is all. even though i have been through all this i still have my confidence and i think you know you're a good guy, you're deserving of a lot of these women but it just doesn't happen for me.

 

[perseverance]

thanks for your response and for reading.

initially it was all about myself. i was at a point in my life where i was tired of how things were going and i had to move in a different direction. there's still some work to be done but i think i have come a long way. one of the benefits has been i have gotten to know some great people, men and women alike and i continue to do so. i don't know i guess i just feel i should be having more luck is all. even though i have been through all this i still have my confidence and i think you know you're a good guy, you're deserving of a lot of these women but it just doesn't happen for me.

You make your own luck in this world, bro! You have to make things happen. No one deserves anything, you have to earn it, you have to work for it. You don't deserve a good woman anymore than a good woman deserves you. Also what you deserve and what you get in life are rarely a match. Life doesn't work like that. If you are going for women and getting rejected, then forget about the rejection, just be glad that you are able to approach women. A lot of men cannot even approach a woman and say hello to her, so you're coming along nicely.

You will start attracting women, in fact you probably already do, they are probably the women you feel are beneath you. As I say, the sooner you adopt a care free approach to women, the better you'll do. Women can only be problematic in your life, if you allow them to be problematic.

 

[Heman6]

You make your own luck in this world, bro! You have to make things happen. No one deserves anything, you have to earn it, you have to work for it. You don't deserve a good woman anymore than a good woman deserves you. Also what you deserve and what you get in life are rarely a match. Life doesn't work like that. If you are going for women and getting rejected, then forget about the rejection, just be glad that you are able to approach women. A lot of men cannot even approach a woman and say hello to her, so you're coming along nicely.

You will start attracting women, in fact you probably already do, they are probably the women you feel are beneath you. As I say, the sooner you adopt a care free approach to women, the better you'll do. Women can only be problematic in your life, if you allow them to be problematic.

nah its nothing like that. i have had various types of women some really good looking, some not, like me at some point but in general and as of lately, haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary. an older woman, like 40 years old smiled and said hello out in public if that counts lol but that's it

 

[MrJibbles]

while i know i'm genuinely liked and i have come a long way it doesn't head into the direction of romance. it seems that once i hit a certain level i can't go above it.

I am just curious, Herman, what do you mean by a "certain level"? Your self-limiting beliefs may be holding you back from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone when it comes to dating women who are "one league" higher than usual.

 

[Heman6]

I am just curious, Herman, what do you mean by a "certain level"? Your self-limiting beliefs may be holding you back from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone when it comes to dating women who are "one league" higher than usual.

by that i mean i can talk to them alright and we be friends but it doesn't go further than that. if i try to push it further i get shot down usually, or when i just try talking to girls they don't care. this is the dilemma i face. i don't have women dying to want to meet me like some of the pros that when i read their reports on here.

 

[MrJibbles]

by that i mean i can talk to them alright and we be friends but it doesn't go further than that. if i try to push it further i get shot down usually, or when i just try talking to girls they don't care. this is the dilemma i face. i don't have women dying to want to meet me like some of the pros that when i read their reports on here.

Maybe your attempts to push it further come off as incongruent to the girls you date. In other words, they can sense that you have don't have the confidence to push it to that level. Your lack of confidence in yourself as mentioned in the original post sort of makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Maybe you need to work on kino. Maybe your banter needs to be a little more flirty. Memorize lines/stories/routines if you have to (DHV spikes).

I would say fake it til you make it. It will seem uncomfortable and inauthentic at first, but this is temporary pain and discomfort that comes with any type of change.

 

[pdx1138]

i'm not going to make excuses but i think women just don't like me for whatever reason, it's almost as if they can sniff something out. common scenario is something like this i try to make eyes with them so i can say hi and they look right past me or i can tell they don't like me

i just want to know if anyone else feels this way because i am honestly at the point where i don't know what options are there i haven't tried.

You need to lose the "I can tell, they don't like me" mindset stat.

women can smell that insecurity/lack of confidence a mile away.

Guess what? One of my lady friends who happens to be quite hot, used to think as you do....guess what else?

It wasn't that they didn't like her...they were intimidated by her looks....they were SCARED to approach her, so always looked away.

Realize who you are.

You're the $hit and you know it. You're awesome and a prize.

I used to be like you, but not anymore and thats what I did. An attitude change about my self worth and what others think.
Learn to not care what others think.

oh and make sure your smiling when you do make that eye contact....it's important.

If you feel rejected if they don't return the smile or still look away..GOOD! get used to it....it happens.
The more it happens the less it will matter because there WILL be others that do show interest.

 

[floydb25]

Never forget that you are what you think, and it shows in your behavior and attitude. People can sense fear and insecurity, and run away from it.

So, the first step is to eliminate this mindset. Stop thinking you're not good enough, or only good to a certain point. Nonsense. What people think of you doesn't determine your worth. You don't need their approval or acceptance. There is nothing special about anyone. If someone rejects you - oh well. You don't need them. Don't pine for their approval, go out of your way for them, prove your worth, or any of that.

Never place yourself beneath anyone, or feel unworthy of them. Don't come off this way, either. You have to not let rejection get to you, or you will continue on this path of low confidence and self-esteem. Which, ironically, will just get you rejected again. Or, worse, used and played. They think, he seems unsure of himself, so I'll use him to this extent. Boom... Your fears just became reality, and you caused it to happen by thinking this way. Then you believe that you are only good enough to this point.. And so the cycle continues...

Break out of it. Know that you are good enough, and show it. Don't be afraid of another human being. Don't settle for scraps, friendships, etc. Make passes at people, go on dates, don't let fear overcome you, and create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Don't focus only on those who reject you, either. Surely, there's girls you weren't attracted to that showed interest. Everyone does. It's not all black and white. Focus on those who do or did like you. Don't generalize or think no one likes you. Not at all true. You won't attract or be attracted to everyone. That's life. Eliminate the negative mindset.

 

[metoo]

suicide is always an option.

 

[DarkShade]

Thanks for the nugget of wisdom that no man on this forum has ever thought about, metoo.