What do you do when you can't get hard?!

[DJDamage]

I was invited to this chick house for our fourth date (shortest time it got me to lay a chick through dating, thanks sosuave) for a movie in her house but basically I guessed correctly that she wanted to fvck. We basically went at it after less then 10 mins.

So basically we got naked and I got hard and everything but as soon as I put the condom on and tried to put it inside her i went limp. I couldn't feel anything I was thinking maybe it was the condom (Trojan) or it was because it was my first time with her and I was experiencing anxiety. We tried 3 different positions (missionary, her on top and doggy style) and it kept going limp after 10-15 seconds so finally I gave up. I don't know why it happened because I am usually hard but I want to know if this is common and what can you do physically/mentally before hand/or during in order to not have it happen again.

 

[Docs]

She has to get you hard sometimes.

 

[DJDamage]

She has to get you hard sometimes.

She did, she even used her hands and it did get hard but as soon as it went in there, it went limp.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo DJD,



I had this happen to me once when I was with a babe who played the "role" on me. You know the type:

You give HER oral sex, but when it's time for her to reciprocate she plays the "I'm not ready to do that with YOU yet. I'm kind of shy, and I have to work my way up to doing THAT." role.

Forget 69. This girl was a "68 and I'll OWE you one, type chick. LOL

All of that happened the first time I got with her. So anyway, when I got with her a second time, all that was in my head was how she "didn't" do me LAST time. And with this particular girl, there was always something she did, or wouldn't do that would turn me OFF.

Examples:

I like to see a woman's gorgeous body while I'm having sex with her, so I like to leave a little night light on for ambience. Well this girl wanted to be plunged into COMPLETE darkness. This was a turn off to me.

I like to receive oral from a girl, but this chick wouldn't do it, unless it was only for a short period of time, and AGAIN in total darkness. This was a turn off to me.

I actually like a lot of involved and sensual foreplay, but this girl was like a microwave oven---turn her knobs and check down below for her temperature and she's ready to go!

Except for the fact that she REALLY wasn't. I was too big and she was too dry. This was a turn off to me.

But that happened only with THIS chick. Other girls who I felt a stronger connection with, and I was more relaxed around, I never had the same problem with.

So I guess my point is that sometimes the babe, the circumstance, and how you actually feel about yourself AROUND the babe are all factors that can play an important role in how excited you can get---AND stay during the sex act.

The only real solution I've found for this is to ONLY go after babes that are already SUPER sexy to you from the get-go. No substitutes or second-stringers allowed.

Only try to stick your fork in the BEST meat...

 

[realsmoothie]

Let me get this straight... you get hard, put on the condom, stick it in her and THEN go limp?

Yikes. Don't have the foggiest idea... must be a mental thing.

 

[disfunktional]

Mate, know the feeling. Has happened with the last 3 girls I have been with. Haven't really been able to figure out why as with my last LTR I had no problem getting it rock hard and staying hard.

Only conclusion I have come to is that these last 3 girls, I wasn't interested in them for anything other than sex - I had no feelings for them. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a someone who goes around just having random no strings attached sex?

It could either be performance anxiety because you really like this girl, or maybe you are not really that bothered about her at all, or she doesn't turn you on?

 

[DJDamage]

The only real solution I've found for this is to ONLY go after babes that are already SUPER sexy to you from the get-go. No substitutes or second-stringers allowed.

Only try to stick your fork in the BEST meat...

You are somewhat right. This girl has a good body but her face is only average which could have been a factor.

must be a mental thing.

It could be. I was surprised how easy it was to lay this chick due to my improved dating skills and I guess I wanted to hit a home run in bed as well which would have been a perfect text book material, but only it wasn't.

It could either be performance anxiety because you really like this girl, or maybe you are not really that bothered about her at all, or she doesn't turn you on?

I was thinking about that. To be honest she is a great girl personality wise but if she was to leave me and never bother with me again I don't believe I would care so much. I only been out with her 3 times prior to last night plus I have another new girl to see on monday so I am not too worried.

 

[Jariel]

Sounds like a bit of (subconscious) performance anxiety. I've had it myself sometimes and the way I overcome it is by accepting it and getting rid of my sense of urgency.

I used to think along the lines of "If I can just get it in her, it will stay up", but that was urgent thinking and put pressure on me.

If it happens, I am honest and just tell the girl "this usually happens first time with someone new" or "I'm just a bit nervous", then I carry on with the making out and foreplay. Accept that you probably won't be fvcking tonight, but that you can still show her a good time.

Ironically, when you accept that you don't HAVE to get it up, the pressure disappears.

 

[disfunktional]

Sounds like a bit of (subconscious) performance anxiety. I've had it myself sometimes and the way I overcome it is by accepting it and getting rid of my sense of urgency.

I used to think along the lines of "If I can just get it in her, it will stay up", but that was urgent thinking and put pressure on me.

If it happens, I am honest and just tell the girl "this usually happens first time with someone new" or "I'm just a bit nervous", then I carry on with the making out and foreplay. Accept that you probably won't be fvcking tonight, but that you can still show her a good time.

Ironically, when you accept that you don't HAVE to get it up, the pressure disappears.

Some good advice there...

 

[Yachtie]

This has happened to me, and I think it was primarily mental with the girls who I wasn't 100% crazy about. But it also happened with chicks I was psyched to be banging. So I switched to Magnums (standard/large) and I guess the blood flows better. Check your size/fit.

 

[V-men]

try to relax happend to me also when I was nervous

 

[Slickster]

Could be performance anxiety. Not uncommon at all. I used to have a gf who would be very demanding in the bedroom. Same thing would happen to me. Ironically when she wasn't into it I would have no problems.

Next time tell her to do you a favor and "act" like she's not very interested at first. Kind of like you have to talk her into it. Then once you get going she can act however she wants.

Could also be the trojans. Worst condom for sensitivity IMO.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What do you do when you can't get hard?!


Dissolve half a viagra under your tongue.

 

[Mike32ct]

I get the same thing, especially if it's a girl I'm marginally interested in. Here are a few things that can help:

1. Avoid masturbation. I know it's tough because you don't always know when your next hookup will be, but it helps.

2. If you can't peforn for her, get her off manually. Finger her good and curl your fingers to work the gspot. After she cums, cuddle with her and ask her to stay over. When you wake up with morning wood, start messing around with her and have hot morning sex. I've done this with two diffrent girls when I had malfunctions at night.

3. Change the type of condom. Regular Trojans are very safe, but way too thick. They make me loose boners too due to the lack of sensation. I tried Durex Extra Sensitive and it was easier to stay hard. Of course thinner ones might not be as strong so proceed at your own risk.

 

[Mike32ct]

4. Minimize your alcohol intake too.

 

[azanon]

It's no different than pissing. If you start worrying about it, or what the guy in the next stall might think, then get cozy - your piss ain't coming out.

Assume it will happen, and even think if it doesn't, how you're going to laugh at yourself with her because you're not hard yet. Just as soon as you get a carefree plan like that in place, you'll have no need to implement the plan.

I don't have trouble getting hard, but I do sometimes peeing because we used to push each other into urinals back when I was 6. Now, I usually can't pee until I think, if that guy next to me touches me, I'm going to beat the living s*** out of him because he can't possibly be as mean and crazy as i am. Usually I'm peeing by now.

 

[mpimpin]

I'm in a new relationship and having the exact same problem. I'm under a lot of stress from other factors and also am not very interested in this girl, but it is really pissing me off. We have tried sex twice now and as soon as I put the condom on I can't get hard enough to penetrate... Thought it might be the type of condom I'm using but I was able to masturbate with one on...

Does anyone think if I got some viagra or cialis it would help a couple times enough for me to get past any mental blocks?

then I'd have to deal with going to see a doctor and that sucks. I don't even know if I'd get a prescription. I'm 22 this should not be happening to me right now. I am freaking out!

 

[Aenigma]

I take off the condom.

My **** somehow knows that it can't knock up a ***** with a piece of rubber on and it stymies my attempts to **** by getting soft in the rubber. As soon as it comes off it turns to granite.

I don't recommend this if your worried about STDs, not drunk, or actually care about knocking up some random broad that you know nothing about. I only do it with ONS that don't have my contact information or real name.

 

[mpimpin]

Well guys I took the plunge today and went and saw my doctor. We agreed i've just got some sorta mental block with this girl. I've got a few samples of viagra to get me over the hump and I should be straight. Also bought some durex to see if maybe they will be better to me than trojans.