What do you do to overcome social anxiety?

[squirrels]

Just curious how people on here overcome social anxiety...particularly when approaching women, but also in general. It's something that's proving difficult for me to do. You can know all the Don Juan skills in the world, but if you get nervous about actually using them, they don't do you much good.

Usually when *I* get opened socially, I have no problem giving back at least what I get, if not more. But sometimes even when people want to communicate with you socially, it takes them a while to open up to you when you project social energy at them. How do you "adjust" to this?

 

[BigWillyStyle]

Social Anxiety is a disorder. If you're 24 years old and still have these sort of problems with women or just in general it's time to see a doctor about this and perhaps a counceller. Social Anxiety is crippling, people with big time social anxiety have few relationships and rarely marry(I read it)

****e if I had Social Anxiety from just "approaching" women I'd turn to amphetamines. No joke. Those uppers make you mack on anyone. Once you get the girl, lay off the speed. How many girls have you dated Squirrels? I read a previous post of yours in Health and Fitness about you having the "blues" See a doctor if you think it's affecting where you want to be in your social life. There is no shame in it. Good luck.

 

[Zoso]

When I want to approach a girl but I start feeling nervous and thinking "maybe next time," I have to rationalize the situation into something that doesn't allow me to back down. Basically this means thinking ahead to five minutes in the future and thinking about how sh*tty I will feel if I walk away compared to how awesome I will feel if I actually talk to her, regardless of how the convo goes. I decide that I have to do it, that backing down isn't even an option.

 

[cannibustacap]

Before you try speed, try coming up with opening lines to say. No no, not pickup lines just opening lines that you feel comfortable with and you can say to every girl every time.

Maybe come up with 2 or 3 and cycle through them.

"Hey I noticed you when you came in and wanted to say 'hi'" And then keep a warm, welcoming vibe to you. Get into a warm conversation and then build up the sexual communication through kino, or whatever.

But start off with a warm opening line, not with your c0ck waving in her face!

 

[Boogalou]

Hi guys, first post Long time lurker.

Hey squirrels, I used to have the exact same problem. I was such a wuss I'd almost lose my voice and blow any approach I'd attempt.

Forget the counsellors, drugs, all that crap.

Here's a sure fire way to kill your social anxiety. Get a part time job where you deal exclusively with women. For me it was a job selling women's shoes at a department store. It was beautiful. In that situation you have no choice but to overcome any problems you might have approaching women because that's your job. You get paid to flirt with women for hours at a time. I didn't give a rats ass about the commissions on the stupid shoes I was selling, I just practiced becoming comfortable chatting with nice looking women.

Seriously, it fixes you.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Xanax. Seriously. 1mg footballs.

www.mexrxonline.com

better living thru chemistry.

Works for me, but it's not for everyone.

haters go home.

 

[cannibustacap]

Originally posted by ER!C L!VE
Xanax. Seriously. 1mg footballs.

www.mexrxonline.com

better living thru chemistry.

Works for me, but it's not for everyone.

haters go home.

With all the sexual side effects, possible weight gain and other things. Its probably better to just force yourself to approach.

If you really do have a problem, a "chemical imbalance" in the brain (which most people don't but pretend they do. 75% of all "disease" is ALL IN YOUR HEAD and after convincing yourself you have the problem, you ACTUALLY do end up having the problem. crazy) then go for it. But I doubt you do. People with this probably are probably too scared to even go on the boards. probably.

Just make a fool of yourself and maybe some HB will want to **** you.

 

[thecraftylefty]

Originally posted by Boogalou
Forget the counsellors, drugs, all that crap.

I agree completely. There was a time when I was absolutely terrified of approaching stangers, let alone a beautiful lady, and I hated it. I was ashamed of myself for not letting myself be who I knew I could be. So I did what John Wayne would do-- I saddled up and did it anyway. And I'm thankful for that turning point in my life because since then I have changed so much and grown as a person. If I never took that chance I'd still be in my cold, dark shell of a mess.

Drugs aren't going to make the problem go away. They're only temporary solutions. Your anxiety will come back and you'll need to take another pill, again, and again, and again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

What anybody who has social anxiety needs to do is just face their fear head on. Balls to the wall. So what if you get embarrassed in front of a crowd of people. So what if you fall down the stairs right next to the hottest girl(s) at school, the mall, or anywhere. Shake it off, get back up, and be a freaking MAN.

Real men don't cower in the corner because they're afraid of making a mistake. Real men do what they need to do regardless of the situation.

You have to get to the root of the problem. Drugs don't do that. Drugs merely mask the problem. I say get rid of it altogether. Be bigger than your problem. Don't make excuses, make opportunities.

thecraftylefty

 

[mj2k4]

I have social anxiety disorder. Actually, I've just been diagnosed with a General Anxiety Disorder. Its not just women I have problems approaching, its being in any social situation where I am unfamiliar with the people there. I also procrastinate, pay bills late, etc. I am 32 years old.
I have always done pretty well with women, mostly meeting them through friends, or going out and drinking (self-medicating) to get the balls to approach women, or settling for women who were aggressive and approached me.
Anyways, I just started Paxil, and it is finally starting to work a little bit. I still have a couple more weeks before it really starts to kick in. We'll see then how it goes. Anyways, it is supposed to kind of flatten out your emotions, so that basically you arent nearly as nervous as you used to be in certain situations, including social.
But you have to make a choice whether or not you want to use meds to help fix your problem or if you want to do it on your own or only with therapy. You could also self-medicate by having a few drinks or using illegal drugs when you go out, but then you run the risk of turning into an alcoholic or an addict.

 

[Ever onward]

A big help for me overcoming social anxiety is taking speech class. If you can get up in front of people and talk and learn not to care what anyone thinks of you, that will help a lot.

Now that I'm overcoming my fear of public speaking, I'm starting to feel like I can accomplish anything.

 

[One on One]

I think your environment has a lot to do with the extent your social anxiety affects you. You go out to bars/clubs and have had some action with women so obviously you're SA isn't completely crippling. However, it seems your computer job is probably lacking social interaction and this can contribute to your SA because you'll lose confidence in your social skills. You might want to try a more social job. I quit my desk job a few weeks ago and now I am working as a waiter with a bunch of outgoing, flirty girls. The first week there I realized how my social skills had deteriorated over the last few months, but now I'm improving drastically every day. You need to put yourself in situations where your practice social skills on a regular basis, otherwise you'll only obsess about women and its an endless cycle.

 

[SealTeamSix]

Please .. do not go changing your job just because its limiting your social interaction with female.

I mean, you admit you have a problem. Thus you need to do something about it.

We can only show you the door, but you are one who has to open it!

I mean I assum you know the game and where to find woman etc .. so .. its you who has to get up and start talking to others.

I find day time conversation is much easier. You do not need to be clever as you do at nightclub. lot of times i get great response just asking girl "hows ur day goin?". Just make sure you smile and provide warm presence ..

 

[FreeStyleZ]

I used to have Social anxiety disorder. Paxil fixed that. Havent taken it in about 3 years now and am fine.

 

[One on One]

Originally posted by FreeStyleZ
I used to have Social anxiety disorder. Paxil fixed that. Havent taken it in about 3 years now and am fine.

Did Paxil **** up your weiner?

 

[Ricky]

Heres my thought on anxiety if anxiety just means the old butterflies in the stomach.

I get butterflies in my stomach before speeches, or before making a call to a girl, or meeting a new girl sometimes, etc

Alcohol does handle it, but it isn't practical for most situations especially while at work!

I have found of all things that powdered ginger capsules curb the stomach upset. Also another trick I stumbled into for speeches was to stay up all night working on the damn thing. By the next day I was so tired, I burnt out all the stress chemicals in my brain.

So I didn't give a ****. Not the best option but for some reason when I'm really tired and I am out, I have no problem talking to anybody about anything. No butterflies in the stomach!

Try ginger capsules to kill the butterflies though!

 

[AnkleBreaker]

hmmm

I got over it like a year ago, i just forced myself to face my problems and eventually i got over it didnt wanna take any dam drugs or counseling it was hard but whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

Now its like i dont care about anything really i do whatever i want say whatever i want, and it has been getting me into alot of trouble lately.

It kinda pisses me off cause im so calm all the time its like nobody is even around me, even if thers like 100 people in the room. Im not aware of my surroundings as much as i used to be as a matter of a fact im kinda permently zoned out its like im day dreaming all the time.

And no im not on any drugs or anything, i think i turned into like a Zen monk or sumthing my friends have to go to the club high or drunk and ther all why dont you get a buzz its boring in ther when your sober.

I sort of wish i had those feelings that i used to cuz i dont get **** done anymore.

 

[lizardfloyd]

Originally posted by Ever onward
A big help for me overcoming social anxiety is taking speech class. If you can get up in front of people and talk and learn not to care what anyone thinks of you, that will help a lot.

i agree. when i took my speech class last semester in college it helped. It was nerve-wrecking at first havin to get up in front of a big class and talk about something, knowing that 3/4 of the people probly didnt know what the hell i was talkin about. By the next to last speech i had to give in class it was a piece of cake. i had SA for a long time. Mainly due to being overweight, but im no longer overweight anymore. I was always worried about what people were saying about me when i walked by, especially women.

I went on an anti-depressant for a while but it did nothing but make me crave carbs and it messed up my d*ck. It felt like i was drunk when i tried to beat off, lol. Then i went on Zoloft. I think Zoloft did help me a lot. I never noticed any side effects while on Zoloft. I was on it approx. 2.5 months. I also went on a diet, and losing the weight helped me become more confident and outgoing. I used to not be able to go around my friends for the fear of wondering what they were thinking about me while i had SA.

I got a job at Best Buy and basically i had to go up to strangers and introduce myself and ask if they needed help with something. At first walkin across hot coals seemed better than having to go up to a total stranger and introduce myself. But i have to say, that did help. It was cool goin up to hot chicks and introducin myself and askin if they needed help with something. They knew i wasnt some stranger on the street and that deffinitely boosted my confidence outside of work with talkin to people.

I have to say that im SA free now. But there are still times that i freeze up around hot chicks and forget what to say or good lines to say that ive read on the forum. But i guess that happens to the best of us.

Im at a university now. i went to a bunch of different frat houses on campus during the 1st week for the free beer. Then i happend to run into a friend of mine that i hadnt seen in forever. I found out later he was in a frat, so i went to all the parties and met all the peopleat his frat house. At first i was nervous cuz i ddint know these guys and i was thinkin they were probly "stuck up frat guys" livin off of mommy and daddys money. I went and introduced myself to all the guys there with no fear and i didnt give a crap if they hated me or not. I didnt consider myself a frat-type guy. I was pretty confident thru all of it. Introducing myself is not a problem now, even with women.

But now its 3 weeks later and i'd take a bullet for every guy there. In a few more hours Bid Day is gonna happen. And my friend said that im 100% in. He wasnt supposed to tell me, but we're real good friends now. And to get in you have to have a vote of 100% by all the brothers. You cant even get a bid to join if one guy dislikes you. It's a strong southern fraternity, KA.

I'm not trying to say that im a bad mofo now or being boastful. But im proud of myself for being able to be myself and free of SA. So, i'd deffinitely take an anti-depressant for a while, not for a whole year, maybe a couple of months. And get out there and start talkin to people. I was in your situation, i know exactly what the bowels of SA is like. Sometimes the SA sorta creeps back when i see a bunch of guys in a group talkin, acting like a clique. But who gives a ****?!?! I go up and introduce myself and start talkin. That is something i never could have done in a million years if i still had SA.

Here's a site that i went to a lot while i was takin Zoloft http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/
Ask some questions on the forum. They give a lot of good advice. It helped me out a lot!! Hoped i could help.

 

[AMF]

Like many problems, you dont "get over it", you "get with it". Its about EXPECTING and ACCEPTING anxiety as a normal response to a normal situation. Same physiological symptoms given a different "cognitive handle"... positive, not negative. Nervousness becomes excitement.

 

[jonny football hero]

I know this probably won't help. But one day i woke up and thought **** this **** man, i'm tired of being a boy, i'm going to be a man. And i did it. Might happn to you someday.