what do you do if you get no interest from women, what's the problem?

[13stepscfh]

i have this problem where women seem to ignore me out in public. i read all the accounts on here about how girls are coming up and flirting with all these members and they just literally go up and take them, i never see it. at first i thought maybe it could be my clothing style and so i changed that, admittedly it was time to move on from the punk look. i dressed more fashion conscious but got the same results, ignored. i then considered maybe it was my face but it can't be because i've seen far worse looking with women. so i don't really know whats up all i know is i always seem to approach one's that aren't interested and they turn me down.

edit: approaching is not a problem it's just picking out interested one's. i'd like to point out i am in college and i have kept my eyes open but have not noticed anything out of the ordinary thus far. i have talked to some classmates but nothing promising thus far.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

While we admit that cold approaching works sometimes, it's mostly a sharpening tool for your confidence. Regardless of everything that is said, women fall into your lap when you are not looking for them. I do believe 100% in a man taking control of his destiny, but with women, it really seems to work that way.

 

[13stepscfh]

that might be it because i'm always on the look out but i never notice anything. it would be easy then to just walk over and do what has to be done but it doesn't happen. so often i just take a gamble and the majority of the time am turned down for whatever reason, usually 'i have a boyfriend' or the girl just looks at me and walks away. it's sorta embarresing sometimes and there have been times when some *******s have laughed at me. now i don't mind failing because it comes with the territory but it would be nice to succeed every once in a while too.

 

[SandHawk]

Have you ever considered that it could be related to your body language? If your body language doesn't express that you're a fun guy, noone will approach you.

FYI, I don't get approached by girls either, but I do get girls to smile at me when our eyes meet. Don't worry about being approached or not, just try to have a fun time meeting new people.

 

[13stepscfh]

i have to go in a few so this will be my last post until i check back later. no, it's not related to my body language, i'm no different than anyone else and they can't tell anything about because this is while walking somewhere. they haven't gotten to know me enough to decide whether i am a fun or boring person. i ahve some female friends so i don't think i'm completely boring but i guess i should make it clear that i also dont expect women to approach me as i'm not a celebrity but the simple things like you said, them giving you eye contact or hanging around you in some area this i never get and am always on the look out for so i can do something about it. rather it seems that almost every woman i come across is neutral and just has a blank look on their face whenever i am around they see me, this is without fail almost everytime with women of ALL TYPES. i can't even say the fat ugly ones are any different and i guess to most guys those are the no doubters if you're ever in a rought spot haha. it's for this reason why i think i have such a high rejection rate because i always end up approaching some girl who is not interested. now i actually do feel good knowing that i tried but after a while it sucks hearing no all the time. i don't tell anyone this because i don't want to seem like a whiner but decided this forum would be the right avenue to leave it out on because it's clearly a problem and i can't deny it anymore.

 

[Jonblood]

**** *****es man...what would Phil do?

 

[Ian19]

oops wrong thread

 

[Mr. IC]

Work harder on your looks, if they won't look at you. You need to be on the approach anyway, that's how you really gauge interest.

And I don't mean you approach any or all girls like some sort of potential mate. I just mean be a confident person....

 

[Arrhenius]

What are your stats?

Weight:
Height:

From what you describe it sounds like the same situation I had before I started hitting the gym.

 

[13stepscfh]

I am 5'11 170 lbs...I could put on some muscle but i have seen skinnier than me pull. That's just it. No matter how much I want to blame myself I have seen worse than me so it makes no sense in going oh poor me

 

[Igetit!]

so i don't really know whats up all i know is i always seem to approach one's that aren't interested and they turn me down.

Well,it would sure be a GREAT HELP if you could give an example of how you approach a girl. Like...

What do you say when you first start talking to her...EXACTLY.

What EXACTLY do you say?


How do girls usually respond?


When is it that you start to notice problems? During the approach,afterwards,etc.


One thing is obviously clear to me right off the bat.



You don't understand how attraction works for women.

You're assuming that the way you're attracted to women is the same way they're attracted to us.


It's not.



If you could answer these questions ACCURATELY,maybe we could give you some direction.

 

[13stepscfh]

well i would partially disagree with you there that women don't see attraction the same as we do...it's rare but there has been times where girls have liked me and were all over me brushing their tits up against me and ****....they know they want it but have to play games first because it's required to not look bad. alot of girls i have talked have more or less said the same thing...they had already decided they wanted the guy at first it was just a matter of holding it off for a litle while by playing games to see if the guy knows what he's doing. i don't see this being because attraction works different for them, i see it being because 1) social conditioning to not look like a skank. 2) having more choice and being more picky because of it. lets face it celebrities and rich men have equal power to a beautiful women which is why they have the same criteria and only go for the best looking, they can afford to be picky. if a guy is able to get a certain looking girl he's not goin to settle for less and likewise for the woman.

now here's an update i think i discovered part of my problem. yesterday i went to college dressed better than normal. ni am typically a heavy metal shirt, regular blue jeans and athletic sneaker type of guy. i wore good stylish jeans, some doc marten type boots, polo shirt and a nice urban jacket i bought the other day. i noticed people acted different. it's hard to describe because it's subtle but i'm sure you know what i'm talkin about it, they percieve you differently and i talked to some girls. there are some other things i believe i could work on but i walked away yesterday realizing that clothes play an important role and i even read somewhere that in most cases they make the man so to speak...maybe not literally but it helps a lot, i now believe this to be true

i still did not get any major eye contact/smiles or anything like even though i dressed nice. now maybe it could be me but i don't think so, i do pay attention and don't look away but i never notice anything out of the ordinary, they just look right past me and move on. now i will say the boards suggest when you look at girl you should smile at her but i never do that in passing, i maintain a normal blank look on my face. now this is because there's nothing to really be happy about in most cases and it's my normal routine face. i also don't really like to smile anyway, not because i have ****ed up teeth or anything but i don't like it and i feel weird doing it. i will say i felt the women on a subtle level percieved me differently and the one's i talked to seemed nicer than normal. i just don't get any of the signs you guys commonly talk about on here it's the way it's always been this way. i don't think i'm an ugly person...i've actually had more than a handful of women like me that i either found out through one of their friends or they actually went and told me themselves and i never noticed anythin out of the ordinary. i had no clue of these girls interest. hell if i got all these kinds of open signals this stuff would be a lot more easier.

 

[nismo-4]

The problem is either:

1. You aren't exuding confidence via body language

2. You aren't creating interest

3. Your looks aren't that good

4. You're doing AFC moves

5. The girl has a boyfriend

6. Your game isn't up there

It could be something else, but you gotta find those who are interested.

 

[Igetit!]

well i would partially disagree with you there that women don't see attraction the same as we do...it's rare but there has been times where girls have liked me and were all over me brushing their tits up against me and ****....they know they want it but have to play games first because it's required to not look bad. alot of girls i have talked have more or less said the same thing...they had already decided they wanted the guy at first it was just a matter of holding it off for a litle while by playing games to see if the guy knows what he's doing. i don't see this being because attraction works different for them, i see it being because 1) social conditioning to not look like a skank. 2) having more choice and being more picky because of it. lets face it celebrities and rich men have equal power to a beautiful women which is why they have the same criteria and only go for the best looking, they can afford to be picky. if a guy is able to get a certain looking girl he's not goin to settle for less and likewise for the woman.

I was under the impression that you made this thread because you wanted to find out why you don't get the amount of interest from women that you wanted.

If you disagree with me about how attraction works for women that's fine,but that won't get you any closer to the answer you're seeking.


If a car all the sudden stops running on you,we can go back and forth all day theorizing about what the problem might be,or we could simply look under the hood to find what the problem is.


That's what I was trying to do with the questions I asked you to answer.

now here's an update i think i discovered part of my problem. yesterday i went to college dressed better than normal. ni am typically a heavy metal shirt, regular blue jeans and athletic sneaker type of guy. i wore good stylish jeans, some doc marten type boots, polo shirt and a nice urban jacket i bought the other day. i noticed people acted different. it's hard to describe because it's subtle but i'm sure you know what i'm talkin about it, they percieve you differently and i talked to some girls. there are some other things i believe i could work on but i walked away yesterday realizing that clothes play an important role and i even read somewhere that in most cases they make the man so to speak...maybe not literally but it helps a lot, i now believe this to be true

Clothes don't make the man. Sure,you could wear something that'll cause you to get attention,but if it were that simple,it would be common knowlege.

This thing about men trying to understand women has been going on since the beginning of time. The answer to this riddle CAN'T BE as simple as just changing the clothes you wear.


If that were the case,men would have to keep their clothes on during sex because if not,the second the clothes came off whatever "pull or draw" the clothes had to attract the woman to the man would be lost.

That's just plain ridiculous.

i still did not get any major eye contact/smiles or anything like even though i dressed nice.

Although I do think dressing nice is helpful,I think it's more important to focus on the inside instead of what you're wearing on the outside.

Your clothes CONSTANTLY change,but you're going to be YOU wherever you go.

i just don't get any of the signs you guys commonly talk about on here it's the way it's always been this way.

So it's always been that way. Would you like things to change? Well if you want something different,YOU NEED TO do something different. Again,that's why I asked you those questions in the beginning.



I was trying to find out what it is you normally do,and find out where you could make some helpful changes.



Changing clothes isn't enough. It's YOU who has to change...and it doesn't have to be anything drastic,but it has to be something.

 

[13stepscfh]

yes you asked valid questions. i was not dismissing what you said you said or anything i have seen your posts before and you give good advice. just didn't necessarilly agree with the attraction thing is all.

well, personally for myself i think in interactions i have to be a little more forward. a problem i have is i often waver back and forth and sometimes either don't close or try half hearted. a girl a few years ago i had liked a lot told me i had to be a bit more aggressive. i think i've improved since then but at times i end up not caring either way and so i'll get to know a girl but nothing will happen and will drift apart. that's really all i can think of that i do wrong in interactions sometimes. these are often just cold approaches though so i'm usually unsure going in because i have been rejected a lot. if the women expressed obvious interest in me then i think i would be able to handle it better but this never happens for me. i always feel like what i'm doing is a shot in the dark and it's either hit or miss....obviously i've missed a lot haha. i do what i can, as you can see i try dressing better, having a better attitude but things are relatively the same-i am largely invisible. if i talk to the girls they are usually nice but don't have romantic interest and a lot of times are taken. i'll be honest and say deep down i really don't understand them and feel that i won't be successful. why do i feel this way? i just feel because of the amount of rejection there is something wrong with me that women just don't like. nothing sticks out really if you saw me you'd think i'm normal but for whatever reason girls just ignore me. now i'm not in their heads so i can't say but that's the general feeling based on what i've observed because it seems my prescence doesn't get a reaction out of women. at times i don't approach girls i like because when i do it's usually one of these cases where they don't seem interested and i find out they aren't when they turn me down.

 

[Mofongo]

typically a heavy metal shirt, regular blue jeans and athletic sneaker type of guy>>>>>i do pay attention and don't look away>>>>>>when you look at girl you should smile at her but i never do that in passing, i maintain a normal blank look on my face..

You look like a person that is going to snap and go on a killing spree.
No wonder they don't want to look at you.
You have to change your attitude first and be happy with your self.
The smiling is verry important and it works verry well, try it some times even if you dont feel happy.

Try this right now please:

Take a deep breath and hold it
put on a biiiiiiiig smile
slowly breathe out, keeping the smile,
do this a few times and you will get happy.


Edit: I once read that If you are not comfortable with your self, why would you think that someone else would be. It was something like that, I think you get the point, if you look miserable, another person is not going to be atracted to that and say "ooo I want to take part in his misery" unless they are emo or someone that is atracted to that sort of thing.

 

[13stepscfh]

You look like a person that is going to snap and go on a killing spree.
No wonder they don't want to look at you.
You have to change your attitude first and be happy with your self.
The smiling is verry important and it works verry well, try it some times even if you dont feel happy.

Try this right now please:

Take a deep breath and hold it
put on a biiiiiiiig smile
slowly breathe out, keeping the smile,
do this a few times and you will get happy.


Edit: I once read that If you are not comfortable with your self, why would you think that someone else would be. It was something like that, I think you get the point, if you look miserable, another person is not going to be atracted to that and say "ooo I want to take part in his misery" unless they are emo or someone that is atracted to that sort of thing.

well the thing is i have seen others like me who are successful. the shirts and gear wasn't a problem for them. i am still not ettin anything even if dress nice. as far as my lack of smiling...can't say anything about it. yes a smile is more attractive but i just can't walk around with a smile on my face unless it's legit. i can't pull off a fake one i look retarded. life is okay now adays, could be worse. it's alot better than it used to be anyway.

 

[Mofongo]

well the thing is i have seen others like me who are successful. the shirts and gear wasn't a problem for them. i am still not ettin anything even if dress nice. as far as my lack of smiling...can't say anything about it. yes a smile is more attractive but i just can't walk around with a smile on my face unless it's legit. i can't pull off a fake one i look retarded. life is okay now adays, could be worse. it's alot better than it used to be anyway.

I have seen a handful of others like you that can get the females, one of them I met last summer and his gf was a 9. The thing about him was that when he talked everyone listened and he was very charming and interesting.
Also his posture and body language reflected something that I can't explain.
When he talked all the females eyes where glued on him, he wore a weird necklace and a funny looking hat. Ohhhh, he was doing the peacocking thing.
The peacocking thing is when you have some weird items on you that draw attention, I remember one of the big PUA guys talking about always having a weird item on them or something to make them stand out from the crowd and also be used as a conversation piece. I know that these things sound like gimmicks and tricks but they do work.
I used to always have a straight face, never smile, and look angry, until a few months ago, I started doing the smile thing and females where smiling back and paying attention to me. Some of them go out of their way to say hi to me if have smiled at them previously, some that I tought hated me for some unknown reason now melt when they see me, after I did what now I believe to be my most powerful "move", wich is:
Medium smile/smirk
Say "Hi"
Look at both of her eyes twice
Keep smiling
Say "how are you?" as if you have known her for a long time.
She will cut eye contact,(most of the times), you look somewhere else, still keeping the smile, "acting" a little shy.
Look at her eyes again.
Keep medium smile going.

You can try this with a store clerk, cashier, etc, just to practice but make sure that she is looking when you do this, after a while it will become normal to you, watching them melt in front of you is pretty cool.

 

[13stepscfh]

i guess i can try it. don't see where it can hurt since i'm not doing any business as we speak anyway. i'll make the effort even though i'll probably feel like a putz for smiling without having a reason to,

i can see where dressing wild or having a unique item would draw attention. the key is to stand out from the other guys. that's why being the best you can be is pushed hard on this site. gotta go now though, will check laer again

 

[Jeremymichael]

Its a bit of an enigma how some guys manage to pick up girls these days. I haven't had any indicators of interest for a while now. I haven't had a date in years.

Also you don't really get to meet any quality girls in my town and any of the good ones already have boyfriends. All the bars are full of blokes. I don't see any flirting from girls these days and yet I am told by a number of people that I'm good looking.